Wei Wuxian keeps hold of the leash for a moment, though it pulls taut when Lan Zhan goes to get his robes. He considers pulling him back, refusing to let him dress. Keeping Lan Wangji vulnerable in nudity helps to protect Wei Wuxian a little from his own vulnerability. Instead, he lets go.
He wants to crumple to the floor, overwhelmed by his own emotions. Love isn't something he knows how to endure, and it certainly isn't something he's capable of returning. He wants to be gathered up in Lan Zhan's arms again, kissed again, even though he doesn't deserve this affection and can't reciprocate it. Kissing him back would be an empty lie, and there is enough empathy remaining in him to hate that thought. He can tolerate Lan Zhan believing he is this man, but he cannot truly be him. Wei Wuxian is no longer a person, only a determined force of survival. There is nothing left to love.
Sooner or later, Lan Wangji is going to realize that. He'll accept that his lover is only a hollow shell, a heartless demon incapable of genuine emotion. And then he'll leave.
The thought is wrenching, and it combines with all the other thoughts and facts that Wei Wuxian can't even begin to cope with. He can't bear for Lan Wangji to lose this faith, this love, and yet he knows for a certainty that he will.
Defenses already badly cracked, Wei Wuxian turns toward the door, intending to try and leave. He needs to find a way to hide his vulnerability, and he can't do that in Lan Wangji's presence.
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He wants to crumple to the floor, overwhelmed by his own emotions. Love isn't something he knows how to endure, and it certainly isn't something he's capable of returning. He wants to be gathered up in Lan Zhan's arms again, kissed again, even though he doesn't deserve this affection and can't reciprocate it. Kissing him back would be an empty lie, and there is enough empathy remaining in him to hate that thought. He can tolerate Lan Zhan believing he is this man, but he cannot truly be him. Wei Wuxian is no longer a person, only a determined force of survival. There is nothing left to love.
Sooner or later, Lan Wangji is going to realize that. He'll accept that his lover is only a hollow shell, a heartless demon incapable of genuine emotion. And then he'll leave.
The thought is wrenching, and it combines with all the other thoughts and facts that Wei Wuxian can't even begin to cope with. He can't bear for Lan Wangji to lose this faith, this love, and yet he knows for a certainty that he will.
Defenses already badly cracked, Wei Wuxian turns toward the door, intending to try and leave. He needs to find a way to hide his vulnerability, and he can't do that in Lan Wangji's presence.