Adam felt warm and safe as Alec's arms went around him, but at the same time his heart started thudding, filling with an aching vulnerability that made Adam feel desperate for more contact and yet terrified of being shoved away. The flood of emotions was more than he knew how to deal with--satisfaction, affection, joy, fear, nerves, arousal, insecurity--combined with the confusing physical and mental relaxation at being held.
Little tremors went through him, overwhelmed by sorrow and longing, and he slid his arms further up, hugging them around Alec's neck and clinging to him for a minute, soaking in the human contact.
Blue had touched him, held his hand, hugged him, even cuddled a bit, but it hadn't been like this. There had always been an impatience and a discomfort to their touches, one of them always fidgety or insecure, never quite fitting together.
Alec holding him felt like submerging into an ocean, and Adam didn't know if he'd ever be able to surface again, or if he ever wanted to.
All at once it became too much, and Adam pulled back suddenly, face red and heart pounding.
His skin felt electric with stimulation, and he felt dizzy. He wanted desperately to cling to Alec again, but he also needed a respite to deal with everything that he felt.
"Sorry," he stammered, rubbing at his hair and feeling irreparably broken. But he didn't want his damage to hurt Alec, which meant he had to offer some kind of explanation. "I'm not used to being touched gently," he said at last, accent thick as molasses. Head down and too shy to look at Alec in anything more than glances, Adam stuck out his hand tentatively, since he was pretty sure he could endure holding hands.
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Little tremors went through him, overwhelmed by sorrow and longing, and he slid his arms further up, hugging them around Alec's neck and clinging to him for a minute, soaking in the human contact.
Blue had touched him, held his hand, hugged him, even cuddled a bit, but it hadn't been like this. There had always been an impatience and a discomfort to their touches, one of them always fidgety or insecure, never quite fitting together.
Alec holding him felt like submerging into an ocean, and Adam didn't know if he'd ever be able to surface again, or if he ever wanted to.
All at once it became too much, and Adam pulled back suddenly, face red and heart pounding.
His skin felt electric with stimulation, and he felt dizzy. He wanted desperately to cling to Alec again, but he also needed a respite to deal with everything that he felt.
"Sorry," he stammered, rubbing at his hair and feeling irreparably broken. But he didn't want his damage to hurt Alec, which meant he had to offer some kind of explanation. "I'm not used to being touched gently," he said at last, accent thick as molasses. Head down and too shy to look at Alec in anything more than glances, Adam stuck out his hand tentatively, since he was pretty sure he could endure holding hands.