marlowemuses | Suddenly, I'm a fiend and you're all I need

There's a flinch there, but it's brief, and only in those hazel eyes. It catches him off-guard for a moment, just enough for it to show, to catch his breath in his throat at the words. He hasn't really seen the sharper side of Declan when it wasn't aimed at Ronan, wasn't some sort of self-defense. He tries not to think about the fact that dangerous isn't a bad look on him; something about the way vulgarity sounds on his voice, he thinks, but he tries to ignore that thought.

Gansey doesn't pull away. He doesn't smile like he's untouchable and let his eyes shift to just this side of imperious as he says something infuriatingly polite. Escalation makes it worse; you can't answer hurt with hurt. So he leaves his walls down, his hazel eyes still soft as he looks over at him.

"That was not what I meant, Declan," he says, his voice soft and slightly conciliatory. He doesn't address the implication in what Declan said- he leaves the subject of Ronan alone. Plans to keep it that way unless he drags it up again, because he knows a minefield when he sees one. Most of the time, at least. And he has the experience to know that the older Lynch brothers are a fraught subject for eachother.

He still thinks of Declan as safer than strangers and casual acquaintances. He's sharp and he understands risk, probably grasps why Gansey has to play by family rules, why quirky adventures after ley lines were character building but this could be dangerous. So Gansey shifts away from the desk and slowly steps in closer. Trying to read him, to not push too fast, step in too close before he was allowed. Honestly most of his friends were a little bit feral, and he just tried not to mind when they bit his hands.

"My family means I have to be somewhat careful. I trust you more than most people, that even if you said no you wouldn't ruin me. And I meant it when I said you were attractive," he admitted. He tilts his head to the side, watching him, his gaze intent but warm. He's hoping this comes off better- means they can at least keep talking. This wasn't about Ronan or who was less breakable, but Gansey didn't feel quite equipped to try and say it in a way that didn't hurt. Not when he was already on edge, needed more than a distraction.

Declan keeps his defenses up and his face blank, watching the way that Gansey backpedals and then tries again. He's surprised, honestly, that Gansey tries again, keeps coming on to him after being brushed off again and again.

This isn't about Ronan, then. Fine. Good. Declan pushes any thought of his brothers far from his mind.

He doesn't retreat as Gansey advances, but neither does he do anything to welcome him any closer. He keeps that sharp gaze on Gansey, all edges ready to cut if Gansey moves too fast. "I'm not safe, Richard. Just because I can keep secrets doesn't make me a good test run for you being bi-curious."

Gansey just happens to think that Declan is worth the attempt. Friends like Ronan and Adam have also trained him into seeing the difference between refusal and a misstep. Or maybe just understanding that he'll try until there's no room for it. Gansey can be a little pushy when faced with something he wants.

He doesn't come too close, lingers at the edge of what seems like it might be more than he's allowed. He meets his eyes, which are still sharp, but not in the same way as they'd been before. But it's still nice.

"Safe as life," he offers in counterpoint. Both because the words are almost reflex, and because they've always been true. For a moment his eyes seem older and the curve of his lips is bittersweet more than seductive. But then he blinks and it's that same easy warmth again, a slight tilt of his head as he watches Declan.

"You haven't told me that you don't want to, Declan," he points out gently. "Just that you're risky." Which is a very important distinction as far as he's concerned. Everything is risky. It's what the shape of it is, how bad the consequences are, and for whom, that make it a bad decision. Consent, desire, those are the pieces he cares about. "I don't mind a little risk. And, I'm not asking you for a test run." He doesn't want someone here hold his hand.

Gansey smiles then, bright and charming, and there's desire in his hazel eyes as he watches Declan, like he wants him to see it. He doesn't want to push too far, but he does want a real answer.

Gansey is warm and flirtatious, all bright and shiny charm and a wry smile to cover over the pain and nerves that are obvious just beneath the surface, the emotional risk that he's taken just to ask for this, and ask again.

Declan's hand lashes out, grabbing Gansey by the front of the shirt and hauling him in enough so that he can glare in his face. It's a mistake. Gansey's so close, those dazzling eyes shining with his natural charm and his damaged vulnerability, all that lonely yearning. He's so Gansey up close, a force of nature, and Declan's already far more fragile than he wanted to show. Up close, his defenses are brittle and wearing thin in so many spots.

His hand quivers, and there's no way to hide that up close. No way to hide the desperate and aroused little flick of his tongue across his lips. The impulsive way his eyes drop to Gansey's mouth.

He staggers back, defenses cracked wide open. He doesn't know how to cope with being wanted, and Gansey's so genuine about it.

Gansey gasps as fingers grabs the front of his shirt and pull him in, closing the distance between them. It feels like a good thing, even as Declan glares at him. The proximity makes his skin flush, lets him feel something for a moment, enough to make his pulse skip. He wants to reach out, trace fingertip up against the sharp lines of his face and curl them in his hair, hold on to someone just for a breath or two.

He doesn't, but he wants it dearly, and settles instead for just softly pressing fingers to his shirt.

He feels the hand that pulled him in shake, and Gansey swallows, lips parting slightly as his eyes watch that flick of Declan's tongue, the way it looks like desire. His breath is heated as he exhales on the air, hazel eyes catching the way that he's looking at him and it makes him shiver. That sense, just for a moment, of being wanted, and Gansey aches to touch him. To lean into him and pull him down and let the distance evaporate.

Instead Declan flinches back, but he's not as closed off as before, his expression not so cold. There's at least some comfort to that. Gansey doesn't follow this time more than a step, not wanting it to feel like a threat, to try and give him space, a moment to settle.

He can't say please, ask to be let in again, because this isn't easy for him either- reaching out and failing- but the edge of it shines in his eyes. Gansey chases after people so often and rarely feels like any of them would do the same. It makes the moment cut into something raw, makes him feel exposed in ways he hadn't planned for. But he takes a breath, despite how his smile slips a little, uneven on just-parted lips.

"Declan?" He doesn't know what else he can say. Warmth that comes out far needier than Gansey would have liked in the way his voice wraps around his name.

Declan flinches back another step when Gansey advances one, but he hasn't been looking where he's going. Gansey's bed hits his calves and he sits down hard on the edge. The liquor in the glass he's still holding sloshes with the sudden movement, wetting his fingers, and he knocks it back so that the scotch won't be risked and lost.

Then he lets it fall from his fingers, knowing that there's a risk the glass will shatter when it hits the floor. It's a heavy glass and the distance from his fingertips to floor is only two feet. He does it without thinking, and yet a part of him knows the roll of the dice that he's making. If the glass smashes, he'll get up and leave Gansey with the ruins. See what happens when you take risks?

It hits with a thud, rolling onto its side and dripping a faint trickle of liquor across the floor. Declan's eyes remain on Gansey, still that sharp-edged guard in his gaze, and yet he knows from the sound what his gambit has decided.

Lifting his wet fingers to his lips, he lets the edge in his gaze soften into a hooded challenge, almost a hint of seduction. Holding Gansey's eyes, he licks the stray droplets from each finger in turn.

Gansey watches him, the way that he sits hard on the edge of his bed, the liquor in his glass moving with the motion. The way he knocks it back and his eyes linger against his throat for an indulgent moment. The glass falls, hits the floor, and Gansey doesn't quite breathe until it rolls in a wobbly circle. Some sort of implicit understanding that it's a choice, a chance.

It doesn't break. But he's still looking at Declan, his pulse rabbit-fast, and watching as that sharp gaze shifts, softens into something softer. Heated with a touch of challenge, holding his eyes there and Gansey feels almost captive to it, watching as he licks the alcohol from his fingers. He gasps, flushed and his eyes a little glassy, pupils dilated as he slowly steps in closer. His skin prickles with heat, with the way desire thrums in his veins, and he wants.

He's not quite so careful, because this feels more like invitation and less like courting a tiger. So soft steps close the distance, and he's a mess of want and desire, insecurities under his skin that precious few people see under his smiles. But Declan isn't the only one here whose defenses are cracked. He brushes fingertips against the strands of his dark hair, and lets his touch trail down the line of his jaw like more than a caress, like awe.

He couldn't explain why this is so captivating, but there's something about the scotch on the other's fingers and Declan on the edge of Gansey's rumpled bed that hits a chord in him, makes it feel illicit in a hundred different ways and he aches as he watches his eyes. Incapable of looking away even if he'd wanted to, and he doesn't. Easier than he could have imagined to surrender, to fall into the moment.

He wants so much it overwhelms him, wants to kiss him, pull him down to the mattress with him, wants hands on his skin and to feel him peel away all the broken pieces. He wants him inside his skin, wants so much it burns, makes him all flushed and seem a little less perfect.

"Why don't you ever command your subjects?" Declan asks.

He's already lost. His defenses are gone. He's helpless, tumbled onto Gansey's bed and gazing up at him, with Gansey's hand on his jaw like a blessing.

"All your adoring followers caught up in your gravity," he goes on, careful not to include himself in the phrasing. "Enrapt by your kingliness, and yet you never take up that authority."

Declan's brows furl, the last walls in his defense, the last feigned skepticism to protect his heart. "Don't you understand that command is a gift? Anything you tell them"--me--"to do, it frees them of the responsibility for it."

"Because--" He swallows, and these are questions he's never really had to answer. Not outloud, not like this, where it's too specific and clear for it to be something he can brush aside. His voice is soft and hushed with the vulnerability of it. The answers aren't pretty things, not the Richard Gansey III he sells to the rest of the world.

He's not actually oblivious to the image, the veneer of a King and his Court. But it isn't that simple, never has been, not really. He lets his fingertips slide against Declan's skin, because it's easier than putting voice to those truths.

"It's not that easy. Most of the time I don't know what I'm doing and it's-- It eats me alive," he admits, whispers it like a bloody sort of secret. Because it is, it's the worst sort of truth. One of those things that only Adam really knows about him. Only in the dead of night when he crumbles under the weight of it. Sometimes he feels like nothing more than tin painted gold.

There are two images of him, one the very boy that Declan describes: golden and perfect, with command in his fingertips. And then this- uncertain and plagued with anxiety that leaves him shaking at night, who ached with the wanting, guileless and fragile.

He frames Declan's face in trembling hands, can't quite look him in the eyes with so much truth on the air. Even when there's still shadows he can't say.

"The only other kind of king is called a tyrant," Declan points out, with a little smirk because Gansey's such an idiot, so filled with self-doubt when everyone else believes in him so much, and it gives Declan an easy loophole, an easy way to be glib and careless, because it's easy to let his honesty slip through those trembling fingers.

"You still have to choose. You have to command. And you'll never know what you're doing." Declan shrugs with a little arch of his eyebrow, cold-edged challenge even while Gansey holds his head in his hands, has him vulnerable and aching. "You want me to rule you, Gansey? To be your reprieve from responsibility? I might slip from your fingers while you're making up your mind."

Declan isn't wrong about Gansey, but hardly anyone sees the doubt, sees how much it torments him, how deep under his skin it goes. It makes the moment feel almost confessional.

But then there's that challenge, the insistence that he still has to choose, to command. And that he'll never know what he's doing. He sighs, and his lips thin. Because he doesn't think that he's wrong, not in the context of the world outside the walls of Monmouth, at least. But there's a small piece of comfort in that his struggles, fraught as they may be, at least make him better than a tyrant.

"Yes," he answers, a flush to his face as he says it, meeting his eyes despite the urge to hide from it. No hesitation or caveats or excuses, even if it would be easier. He's never talked about this. Never admitted to these things- but anything else feels like it would be a lie. There's still that edge of control in how he touches him, though. The way his fingers curl in his hair and pulls a little, like he's unwilling to let go when Declan makes that threat about slipping through his fingers.

"I'm not indecisive, I know what I want. Stay." It should be a question, a request, but it isn't. He's never actually had to let go. He wants so badly to give it all up for a while, but he's never had the luxury.

Declan rumbles with approval at that tug in his hair and Gansey's command for him to stay. It's what he wanted, demanded, and it gives Declan a feeling of stability. Gansey's choosing him. Wants him.

Grabbing Gansey by the front of his shirt, Declan pulls him down, leaning up so that their mouths meet. It's not a gentle kiss. Declan's needy and desperate, tongue pushing through into Gansey's mouth to claim him. He needs so much to be desired, to matter to someone, and he doesn't want Gansey to be willing to let him slip away.

He gasps as Declan grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him down, pressing their mouths together. It's harder than he expects, but that just makes him melt into it; his eyelashes fluttering and a low murmur as he lets his tongue push into his mouth, as he leans into the contact. There's a heat to how he kisses him, aching and needy- that way that he craves for contact, how he feels so alone.

He wants him to take all Gansey can give, and his hands cling to his shoulders, reaching for the contact, the closeness, as much as he can. He craves the feeling so much, the heat and the desire, and he can't cling to him quite tight enough. He moans hot against his mouth, ends up crawling into his lap just to be closer.

He wants so much, and like this it's impossible to hide the depth of it.

Declan drops back against the bed, savoring the feeling of being caught between Gansey and the mattress, trapped and desired, with Gansey holding him so possessively tight.

Tangling their tongues together, Declan lets himself get lost in it, sweetness and arousal shared without any thought of consequences or tomorrow. Gansey wants him, and Declan has never been with anyone who wanted him. Him, not his name, not his status, not the bragging rights.

His hands slide greedily up the back of Gansey's shirt, exploring warm skin and muscle, health and strength. Declan's ribs, by contrast, are as sharp-edged as the rest of him. He doesn't let himself indulge, doesn't want to draw attention or take up too much space.

Gansey had decided not to worry about the consequences when he'd settled on actually doing something about this. He'd tried to tell himself it could be easy, but that had been a lie, but he can deal with that later.

Right now he just wants Declan. Wants the way that he kisses him with their bodies pressed together against his mattress. The way that he feels wanted, even when he sees the imperfect pieces of him, that he exists beyond the smiles and charisma.

The way their tongues slide together, all heat and want, arousal that sings in his veins. He murmurs into the seal of their mouths, his eyes closed tight as his hand push up the back of his shirt, skin on skin, which is enough to make him ache for more. One of his hands slipping between their bodies, tugging at the buttons to Declan's shirt. It feels almost greedy, but he just wants more. Wants to touch and feel as much as he's allowed.

Breaking the kiss so that they can focus on the important priority of getting their shirts off, Declan pauses to admire the sight of Gansey's bare chest, all that warm, summery skin. "You done this before, Richard?" Declan asks, with a challenging drawl in his voice that says he was only barely too polite to point-blank ask if Gansey is a virgin, but he already suspects the answer to that. Plus, he's allowing for the possibility that Gansey may have fingered some girl in the back seat of the Camaro. That's worlds different from this, no matter how far they go.

There's a quiver to Declan's breath when his own shirt comes off. He's almost translucently pale, genetically predisposed to burn and never tan, and there's too much hollow in his ribs, not enough muscle anywhere. The flat plane of his belly trembles with short, anxious breaths, betraying the nerves that don't make it onto his face.

He flushes a little at the question, that way he can hear that curl to the words that's almost a challenge. The way he almost asks if he's a virgin. He'd tried to obscure the answer earlier, less out of bravado and more out of a desire to not be treated like something breakable, like he didn't know what he wanted. But he isn't going to lie about it. Especially because he thinks that Declan's a bit too sharp to not notice, and Gansey isn't good at lying- it feels rather like the answer is already on the air.

"Oh, ah- no. But I want to." A little bit sheepish as he shrugs his shoulders, and if he wasn't already flushed with arousal and desire, the slight flush of his cheeks might have been more obvious. His gaze fastened on pale skin, and he can't help reaching out, tracing fingertips against the lines of his ribs and his hand trembles- like not being in physical contact is painful. There's less muscle on him than he'd assumed, having watched him go rounds with Ronan, but he's still lovely.

Even if it makes him want to do stupid things like bring dinner by on nights when he's busy. But that's a dangerous sort of desire.

Declan's smirk is wide and wild and dangerous at Gansey's response. The power in the situation suddenly tilts wildly in his favor, in a way that lets him feel free and playful. He flips them, using leverage and speed rather than solid strength, the same way he does in his fights with Ronan, and he pins Gansey down with a smirk that is predatory and mocking and yet not at all cruel.

"Is that so, Dick? Came to me for your virginity, did you?" His eyes sparkle with wickedness, suddenly seeming so much younger and playful, like the Declan who had been Gansey's friend years ago.

Dipping his head, Declan nuzzles innocently at Gansey's throat for just a moment before he latches on, suckling hard at the side of Gansey's neck with every intention of driving him wild and leaving him marked.

The way that smirk curls across his face, wild and dangerous, and it's a gorgeous look on him. He doesn't expect the way that Declan flips them, catching him off-guards and gasping with the surprise as he pins him down to the mattress. His breath catching, racing with the thrill of it. He's flushed with the way that he looks at him, predatory and mocking, but there's no cruelty to it, so it pulls a slightly shy smile from Gansey, looking up at him and letting him keep him pinned like this.

And he seems younger, playful, and it makes his heart ache for the nostalgia, the memory of it. Back when Gansey had been able to navigate between the both of them, and if anything it just makes him ache for it more. "I told you I wanted you," he gasps, as if that was the same as what he was offering.

Words shift into heated breath and a low moan as his mouth presses to the side of his neck. He doesn't even seem to mind, just trembles and tilts into it, baring his throat for him. Gansey's sensitive to touch there, and the way that he sucks at his skin sparks his body with desire. His hands palming against his shoulders as he gasps to try and catch his breath. He's not thinking about consequences, just about the way that it feels as his mouth presses a bruise into his skin.

"--Declan," he whimpers his name, but it's far from a protest.

Pleased with his work, Declan moves a little farther down, popping open Gansey's pants and grabbing them by the waistband, pulling down trousers and underwear all together. He strips off Gansey's clothes without any mercy or shame, then straddles Gansey's thighs in his own perfectly pressed slacks.

Enjoying being able to tease the virgin beneath him, Declan curls long fingers around Gansey's cock, stroking firmly from base to tip and squeezing his warm palm around the head.

Gansey murmurs, a rough gasp on his lips as Declan pulls away from the mark on his neck. He's not thinking about explanations he'll have to come up with, right now he's just thinking about the lingering heat of it, the way he can feel it on his skin like a brand. He flushes a little, but lifts his hips so that he can pull his pants and underwear down all at once. He's flushed and still trying to catch his breath at being stripped down, naked as Declan straddles his thighs.

It almost makes him dizzy, the way that slender fingers curl around his cock, his eyes fluttering at the heat of it, the way that pleasure cuts through him. He strokes his fingers from the base up to the tip, squeezing his palm against the tip, and he moans, feels almost helpless as he touches him. It's different than when he touches himself. His hands feel different and like he knows how to pull the pleasure from his body, to have him gasping for him.

His eyes fluttering, hazel looking up at him with a look that's all want, and he feels a little bit like Declan is going to ruin him. But he thinks he wants him to.

Declan has every intention of ruining him, and he still hasn't decided whether he intends to leave him in ruins. His hand strokes up the length of Gansey's cock with smooth, steady strokes, each time squeezing the head. There's some of the same movement in his wrist as when he let the glass roll from his fingers, and the metaphor of the glass still hangs in the air, falling again with every second, but not yet smashing (not yet).

Letting Declan have control is dangerous, because he's skittish and feral, but he's slipped the noose for now. Still half dressed as he sits astride Gansey's thighs, Declan continues his merciless handjob, waiting to see Gansey fall apart. (And then he can leave, then they'll be done, and he hasn't needed to be vulnerable at all. How convenient.)

Gansey makes a helpless, strangled sort of sound at the way that he touches him. That thrill of how it feels to have someone else's touch on him, and how he squeezes against the head at the apex of the stroke. He can feel it on the air, that the suggestion of the glass is still there, and even if it hadn't broken, it still somehow feels like it could.

His face is flushed, and he can't help reaching up, palming fingers against Declan's skin, the slight scrape of trimmed-short nails just against his stomach. "Declan-" his name a heated gasp on his mouth, somewhere between a demand and a plea. Because he wants more, doesn't want Declan to wreck him this easy, despite how pleasure makes his hips twitch.

He doesn't want to make it this simple for him, either.

"I want you," he breathes, earnest and debauched all at once.

Declan's eyes are on Gansey's cock as his hand works. He's hypnotized by the motion of it, by the sight of another boy's cock in his hand. Gansey's thicker than he is, not quite as long, ruddy bronze where Declan's is ivory and rose, not that he's yet offered Gansey the chance to make the comparison in turn.

At Gansey's words, his eyes lift, locked on Gansey's face again, remembering once more that this is Gansey and that there's wrecking to be done.

His hand slips away and his weight lifts from Gansey's thighs. He's moving back--but not far.

Hands gripping tight to Gansey's hips, Declan settles on his knees by the side of the bed, not pausing for a moment before he angles Gansey's cock down and takes it into his mouth, sliding far enough for it to nudge against the back of his throat.

There's something about the way that Declan looks at him when his eyes lift, about his hand still curled around his cock. It makes his lightly tanned skin flush and pulls a whimper of protest from his mouth in that moment where it seems like he's moving away from him. But hands move to Gansey's hips, holding tight.

Declan doesn't really give him enough time to process the change before his mouth is around his cock, and it knocks the breath from him as surely as a punch to the chest. It's all slick wet heat, and he tries to keep his eyes open, but he can't help being overwhelmed by the sensation. The way that the head of his cock brushes against the back of his throat and it feels a little like having his breath choked from him, but in the sweetest, hottest sort of way that he could imagine. His eyelashes fluttering as his hazel eyes narrow to slits.

He doesn't remember moving his hands, but somehow one ends up clinging tight to Declan's shoulder like that point of contact is the only thing keeping him together. The other is soft fingers that brush against the dark of his hair, a sweet caress, carelessly affectionate. It takes him a bit to get his breath back. "God," is all he can gasp even then, the word soft on his tongue. No, no one had ever done this to him before.

Gansey feels almost ruined; teeth biting at his bottom lip, just trying to not immediately go to pieces. "Declan--" He can't even string words together at the moment.

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