marlowemuses | Everything I got, I got working for me

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Everything I got, I got working for me

As she rapped her knuckles against the hotel room door and leaned against the door frame, using her 5'11" height to loom, Satoru felt jubilant with success even though this tour hadn't officially started.

It had taken months of planning already, and Satoru itched with impatience. When she'd first announced a joint tour with Suguru, Satoru already had the plan drafted with her own media team, but they'd mentioned nothing to Suguru's team, only sending over the proposal after Satoru had made an informal teaser announcement about it. She'd half expected that Suguru would refuse the dare and call it out as the prank that it absolutely was (at which point Satoru would be able to make a stink about Suguru being a coward and backing out of an agreement). So she'd been thrilled that Suguru had agreed to the tour.

They'd share the stage--there was simply no other reasonable way to do it. Swapping off songs, providing support vocals, even featuring a few duets. It was a highly unusual arrangement, but that had helped to blow up the publicity around the tour, which had sold out within hours, immediately creating clamor to have more dates added and a social media frenzy of fans thrilled or enraged about the situation.

They'd arrived at the hotel and their first show was tomorrow night, but aside from some agreed-upon arrangements and a set list, negotiated and exchanged through their respective teams, they'd done nothing to prepare for performing together. Satoru wasn't worried about it. She knew every one of Suguru's songs. She'd written the arrangements herself that she'd sent over to propose which ones she wanted to cover with support vocals. Even though she'd never been to any of Suguru's shows, she'd seen recordings of them. As much as Satoru wanted to spend the next three months irritating the shit out of Suguru, she also wanted to uncompromisingly create good music and put on an incredible performance that their fans would be talking about for the rest of their lives. And she knew she could rely on Suguru to do the same.

Finally, though, they'd arrived at the same hotel, and finally Satoru could be face to face again with her best enemy.

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Satoru's eyes linger a little on how Suguru deals with their people. It's smoothly done, better than Satoru's handling, and Satoru hasn't gotten to see quite this side of her, matured from the people skills she had as a teen. Satoru's better with the showy PR of public events. Even though she's good to her people and they like her, she's a little jealous of Suguru's ease at it. Her ... kindness.

She'd forgotten Suguru could be so kind. She'd used to think Suguru was the kindest person she knew. After Suguru had left, none of them thought of her as kind anymore.

Surprised when Suguru drags her off like that, Satoru follows without argument, blinking but quiet as Suguru pulls her into the green room and chatters away, but then she falls into workshopping it easily. "Bass, definitely. Keyboard. Use my keyboardist, let her put just a little bit of synth in there. Not too much, I promise. But I want to lay just a little bit of awe in there. People are going to realize that something incredible is happening, but we want to emphasize that and have them feel it viscerally, too. Little bit of a thrill." Satoru raps her knuckles lightly against Suguru's belly to indicate 'feel it there'. "Can't believe I'm gonna have to stand next to you at the Grammys. Gross."

"Synth," Suguru says, considering that option. "We'll try it on the run-through, but I think I see it." And she trusts Satoru to know her music, and this isn't something Satoru is going to sabotage, if she's talking about Grammy's.

She sucks in her breath when Satoru raps her knuckles against her stomach, going still. Satoru was always so touchy, so clingy, and Suguru had forgotten that. It doesn't bode well for her that just such a simple touch makes her break out in goosebumps.

She pulls her hair out of the bun, the silky strands falling to her waist as she shakes them out. She steps in closer to Satoru, smirking up at her.

"I'll be the best company you could have on stage," she says. "Better than anyone else you've shared it with so far. Or you could share it with in the future." She might not have Satoru's stunning fame, but she's no slouch. "Don't forget, you're sharing a stage with me now. The Grammy's won't be any worse."

She pats Satoru's cheek and blows her a kiss.

"Be back in a few hours."

Satoru's lips part and she blinks in surprise as Suguru steps close. Suguru's just ... so pretty? And she was never flirty like this before. Satoru doesn't know what's going on. Teenage Suguru was always such a good girl. And sure, she'd been closeted at the time, so that probably had put something of a damper on her flirtations, but still.

It's supposed to be Satoru ruffling Suguru's feathers, not the other way around. And she's not even sure why Suguru thinks that's going to work? Because she's gay? But Satoru's pan, so why would she be bothered by ... wait, does Suguru even know she's pan? Satoru talks about it occasionally in interviews and has referenced it in some songs, but she's only ever made out with girls, never actually dated one. Even so, why would she be bothered by Suguru flirting? Satoru was always the handsy one, without boundaries, when they were young.

"Wait, where are you going?" Satoru calls after her, though without any great confidence that Suguru will hear or care about the question.

She kinda wants to go after her. She really wants to put her hands in Suguru's hair. She misses playing with it.

Instead, Satoru goes back out to work on learning the stage, and how they're setting up the blocking and effects and everything else she has to check on before she goes into hair and makeup.

Suguru doesn't answer. Instead, she waves her fingers over her shoulder in goodbye. She's not going anywhere specific; she just needed to escape from Satoru and Satoru's everything. She needed some breathing room. Sometimes she wants to punch her. Sometimes she wants to kiss her stupid. Sometimes she wants both. It's too many emotions for the short time she's been in Satoru's presence.

Besides, she needs to hunt down her band members and Satoru's keyboardist, handing them music for the song, requesting they show up for the soundcheck and pre-show run-through. (She knows they'll be there, but confirming never hurts.) Satoru's keyboardist is skittish with her, eyeing her warily, and Suguru has to repress a sigh. She burned her bridges when she left, and she doesn't regret that, but half the people she worked with and so many of her new people seem to think Suguru is some demon lady straight from hell.

She disappears into her dressing room and meditates a little, has lunch, goes through her notes a few more times. And then, unsure where Satoru is but unwilling to let her trepidation get in her way, Suguru finds her way to the stage to study the blocking. They'll run through it, of course, and she has studied the layout and instructions, but seeing it live vs on paper is different.

Of course, Satoru is there. Still with her blindfold on and Ijichi next to her. If Suguru were mean, she could surprise her and spook her. But she dismisses the idea immediately, not liking the idea of using Satoru's vision problems against her. So she walks over, making some noise and making sure Ijichi can see her.

"Do you want to rehearse that song before hair and makeup or after?" she asks.

"Before," Satoru answers, alertness immediately switching back to the topic of that song. She wants to make sure it's as good as it can possibly be. "Hair and makeup can still be happening while the opening band is playing, no problem." The opening band is one Satoru picked--she likes choosing local bands, female-led, high energy and experimental. It's fun, getting to find local talent and give them a boost, and maybe even to collaborate a bit with them if she has the chance. Keeps her fresh and lets her mentor younger musicians. She's found she likes mentoring.

They run through it with the full accompaniment, then Satoru goes to her keyboardist for notes, workshopping the things that the keyboardist tried which she really liked, and then demonstrating a couple of things that Satoru thinks could work. She's flirty and familiar when she does this, having no problem being in the other woman's space, and they collaborate well together. Satoru doesn't like the idea of hooking up with band members, but if she had to pick a girl ... their energy is good together, and the collaboration is there, which is what Satoru seems to need most in anything more than a one night stand (and even, usually, as part of her one night stands). The primary thing that holds her back, aside from her policy on dating band members, is that her relationship with the other woman has a little too much mentorship in it. Few things are more of a turnoff--Satoru never sleeps with groupies or fledgling musicians who idolize her. Even if it's just a makeout session, Satoru needs to feel like there's some equality in the situation. The more that someone matches her energy, challenges her, pushes back against her ...

They run through the song again. Satoru can feel the power in it, this thing they've created. She wonders if Suguru understands that she wouldn't have been able to create this off of just any song. Even aside from the fact that she'd never be able to perform this with anyone else.

"I want it fairly late in the set list," Satoru says, after they've run through it again. They're nailing the harmonies the way Satoru envisioned them, though she feels like she's not quite keeping up with the emotion that Suguru's bringing to this. The best Satoru can do is follow her lead on which emotions to emphasize in which sections of the song, and to give that everything she's got. "Even though it's relatively soft and slow for something late in the show, the charge on it is intense. I want a lot of energy built up already, and they need to have already experienced us interacting on other duets, so that they already know what we can do and it stands out even more that this is something really special."

The first run-through is fine. The keyboardist is good, and Suguru secretly likes what she brings. She doesn't go over to talk to her with Satoru; instead, she talks to her band about it, making a few adjustments here and there in the music. They should be talking about it as a group, rather than so siloed like this, but Suguru is still wary around Satoru's people—

Though wary is the wrong word. Not that she would admit it, but jealousy burns in her as she watches them talk, the energy between them. Suguru has that with her band members, and she knows, logically, that's what Satoru looks for in musicians (she's mentioned it in interviews that Suguru watches late at night, after drinking, and her defences are down). So it shouldn't be a problem. But they have an easy camaraderie that Suguru and Satoru once had, and now there's just animosity and troubled waters. Suguru wasn't wrong with what she said about being the best Satoru's ever shared the stage with, but it doesn't feel like it's anything special now.

But she can't think about any of that now. She has to keep cool and composed, especially for opening night, and Suguru refuses to let Satoru get to her. She's spent a decade rebuilding everything she lost, and it won't slip out of her hands at the height of her fame just because Satoru wants to prove something.

So she throws herself into the song when Satoru rejoins her, bringing out more emotion than she intends. But it works for the music. Something proud and cruel in Suguru delights when she realizes that Satoru is mostly following her lead on the emotional aspect. She's never been jealous of Satoru's talent, because Satoru's always been as bright as the sun, as all encompassing as the heat of a summer day. It was stupid to be jealous of that, especially when Suguru was wrapped up in her, had her attention and knew the troubles behind that talent. Still, knowing there is something Satoru isn't quite unparalleled at and that Suguru succeeds in feels like an accomplishment.

"Later on...." Suguru flips her set list. "After Infinity. It's the brightest song, we need something to bring everyone back before I transition into Dreamer." She makes a little frown, thinking about that. "Maybe not. They're a little too close in theme to be distinct, and I want this song to stand out."

Satoru comes over and leans her arm on Suguru's shoulder as she looks over the set list with her, playfully using her as furniture. It's the sort of easy contact she would have initiated all the time back when they were teenagers. Right now, with both of them genuinely working on preparing the song and the show, Satoru's forgotten her spite, forgotten that she'd started this all to find ways to make Suguru miserable. This just feels natural and right, the two of them working as seamlessly as ever.

When they've done their best on the song for now (and no doubt they'll polish it for the album version, whenever that happens), they break to do their final prep backstage, getting into hair and makeup and putting on costumes. Satoru's got a couple of costume changes throughout the show, and it's nice to have the buffer of Suguru's songs in order to do that, instead of having the much faster fifteen-second quick changes she's used to doing between songs.

The stage is split visually, all black on Suguru's side and bright white on Satoru's side. Yin and yang. One of the visual effects artists has put together a theme of two betta fish, black and white, swirling past each other on the screens at different points of the show.

Satoru's costumes are all white as well, the first one basically just a rhinestone bra along with low-slung pants, and high-heeled boots to accentuate her height, making her statuesque. The intro starts for her first song as the trap door lifts her up from beneath the stage, power stance ready and mic in her hand, challenging smirk on her lips as she launches into the song. Suguru comes in partway through, like she's 'crashing' the song, set up as a song duel that they'd only lightly rehearsed so it would have the best improv energy, which works when Satoru starts laughing at one point and Suguru has to finish the verse.

"Geto Suguru, everyone," Satoru says, as the song finishes, with a wave of her hand that manages to both display and dismiss Suguru. There's an immediate roar of approval from Suguru's fans, and mixed boos and cheers from Satoru's. "I was charitable enough to let her come on tour with me, so don't be too mean to her, okay? That's my job."

Suguru doesn't go stiff under her arm, but it's a close thing. There's the distraction of the set list to help keep her distracted, and she loosens over time. At least in this, she doesn't expect Satoru to be too mean or too unprofessional.

When Suguru left the group and started performing on her own, she rarely showed off any skin. It would have helped to be sexy and slutty on stage or in photos, gotten her more attention, but she wanted to distance herself from her pop days. She wore all black, heavy jeans and long shirts and chunky boots. While her style has changed over the years, incorporating more color, more revealing and showy pieces, she's returned to solid black for this tour. When she emerges on stage, she's in black jeans and chunky, stappy black boots with all black fittings, and a fitted black top with a corset over that— a heavy contrast to Satoru's clothing, which was part of the intent. Her hair hangs down her back in her usual half-up, half-down style.

"She wants me here," Suguru says, as soon as the crowd settles down. "Don't let her fool you." More laughter and cheers from her fans, and mixed reactions from Satoru's. "She needs someone to keep her on her toes. She's getting up there in age."

Suguru is 58 days younger than Satoru. Suguru isn't generally that immature, but it's sometimes fun teasing her about that.

Suguru winks at the crowd and launches into the next song, one of hers.

The whole show is a high like Satoru's never felt before. She loves working the crowd, keeping their energy up, and she loves the challenge of pitting herself against Suguru. On the songs where she's serving as support, she does it genuinely, showing off what she can do specifically by using her skill to make Suguru shine, because she is here to make sure that it's the best show it can be. Most of their duets she treats as duels, trying to outdo Suguru in skill or energy, and she throws plenty of curve balls during Suguru's solo songs, slipping in a playful interruption or stealing a couple lines, but always with very careful attention to keeping the energy playfully competitive, never mean and never doing anything to sabotage a performance, just a constant mischievous effort to steal a little more than her share of the spotlight and to draw laughter from the audience.

The only duet she doesn't treat as a duel is Contact, because that belongs to them both now, and it's the only time where she intentionally pulls back a little, letting more of the focus fall on Suguru and letting her carry a little more of the strength of the song.

The curveballs Satoru throws her way are things Suguru expects. Had been expecting this entire time. Satoru is professional enough that she won't fuck everything up, Suguru knows, but she thrives on challenge. Suguru went into this knowing that, expecting that, and doing her best to rise to the challenge. No one's ever challenged her like Satoru, which is fine, and not something she needs, but it's a thrill to have that drive back. Suguru isn't as pointed about interruptions or stealing lines, and doesn't often push back when she has a line stolen; Suguru's never cared much about the spotlight and understands better than most people the performance aspect of shows. And she knows how Satoru thrives on the attention, the spotlight, the thrill of everything, and she's happy to let that happen. It makes some of the performance easier, in fact.

There's always an energy present in her shows, she'd never not deliver that, but sharing the stage with Satoru is vastly different, and she feeds off the energy the same way Satoru's fans do. Neither of them slow down.

The first performance of Contact is emotional. More emotional than Suguru expected, even after running through it with Satoru, and she feels strangely vulnerable on stage while singing it. They switched sides for it, Satoru in her all white against Suguru's black stage. Suguru sings her heart out, looking at Satoru, and it occurs to her that Satoru doesn't know the song is about her, and the melancholy she feels is evident in her voice.

The rest of the concert goes off smoothly, the two coming back out for encores, to the delight of their fans, a song each and a final duet, and to Suguru it feels like she's in a daze, the adrenaline still pumping through her veins after.

Satoru's buzzing with energy by the end of the show. She always gets worked up on stage, the high of it better than any drug. (She'd tried some drugs, back in her teens, and hated it. Her emotions were already too much, most of the time, and her energy was already so high, that uppers only made her paranoid and manic, and downers--including alcohol--numbed her brain and made her illogical in a way that she hated. It had been the one way in which Satoru had been the boring one: she had been vigilantly sober after needing only a very tiny handful of experiences to convince her that no, the first miserable experience had not been a fluke.)

But this, a challenge like she's never had before, the energy and skill that Suguru brings, the intensity of performing with her. It's so many of the best parts of performing with Suguru from back then, and this time--finally--it's their music, their creative freedom.

Satoru's so wet by the end of it, she's genuinely worried she's going to start soaking through her tight little hot pants. Her skin is tingling and she's so worked up that she's pretty sure she's going to go masturbate for a couple of hours before she can get even half of this out of her system. As the two of them stumble backstage after the show, Satoru feels feral, barely human, and she only just keeps that cheery onstage persona up until the darkness of the hallway closes around them. There's only the turn of a corner and a few steps in that little access hallway to keep the bright light of backstage separated from the carefully crafted environment of the stage. On the other side of that door, they'll be swamped by aides offering water, candy, a change of clothes, everything that Satoru needs after a concert. But she can't even make it that far.

As soon as they're around the curve of the curtain wall separating them from the stage, Satoru shoves Suguru up against the wall, crowding into her space with a growl that turns into a whine at the end. She's quivering with energy and overstimulation, and there's not a single logical thought in her mind as she drops her head to Suguru's shoulder and bites.

It's not enough to break skin, but Satoru's too hyped up to restrain herself, and there's absolutely going to be a huge and vivid bruise there later for Suguru to explain away. ("Yeah, my co-star assaulted me like a feral raccoon.")

When Satoru grabs her and pushes her against that wall, Suguru is sure she's going to start something. Say something rude and demeaning and try to get under Suguru's skin. She doesn't expect anything that actually happens.

The bite hurts in exactly the way Suguru likes things to hurt, and she moans. She's still running on the energy from the show, arousal high, and she desires Satoru in her very bones, and now? Saoru pressed against her, biting her like that?

She slides fingers into Satoru's hair, yanking her head away from her shoulder, and pulls her in for a messy kiss. There's no tenderness in it, just a rough meeting of lips, frantic with energy and tension and desire. It's everything she's wanted, and nothing like what she wants, better and worse for it.

Something bangs against the door, probably one of their aides, and Suguru jerks back from the kiss. Something vulnerable and tender flashes across her face, and then she looks at Satoru, and pushes her back.

"Don't touch me," she says, trying to wriggle past her to get to the door.

The sound of that moan rumbles through Satoru's mind, soothing and revving it up all at once, convincing the feral animal part of her brain that yes, this is right, this was good.

Suguru's rough hand in her hair draws an incoherent sound of arousal from her, and she yields to it automatically, tipping her head into it and then moaning into Suguru's mouth. She presses harder up against Suguru, hands curling more possessively around Suguru's hips, kissing her back with savage hunger.

Disoriented as she's just as suddenly shoved back, Satoru blinks in confusion. A little of the feral energy recedes, though her conscious mind doesn't yet reassert itself. Suguru disappears through the door, and a moment later some of their band members are entering the hallway, confused to find Satoru just standing there.

Pliant now, Satoru lets herself be herded through to backstage, given water and electrolytes, and then further helped into her dressing room where her accessories are taken from her. Satoru somehow manages to communicate that she needs a minute--or twenty--and shoos them all away so that she can masturbate, fingers sliding up inside of her body as she thinks of the ferocious way that Suguru kissed her, even though it's about three orgasms later and she's limp from the pleasure of it before she starts to wonder what the hell?

She showers and gets dressed in the soft, loose black pants that they've left for her (something far too expensive and fashionable to be called sweatpants, the fabric swishing loosely around her as she walks) and a soft black top (similarly far too expensive and fashionable to be called a 'peasant' top). Satoru's full breasts are too large for her to go braless, but the embroidered detailing on the revealed bra straps makes them look like they're a feature of the outfit. (Satoru's entire wardrobe is designed like this. Even her loungewear is red carpet-ready.) Her shoes are black espadrilles with bows at the toe, completing the impression that she's just been lounging around a villa in Corsica rather than completing an intense stage performance. Then she wanders back out, willing to be herded wherever her aides tell her to go, wherever her manager (Nanami, who had been one of her bandmates in the original group and then ended up lured back after securing a business degree) has decided she should be at the moment.

Suguru lets the energy linger. She knows if she touches herself, she's going to think about Satoru, and she can't do that immediately, with the taste of Satoru on her lips, the feel of her body pressed against hers. It's not even that it would be improper (which was what tormented her when she was a teenager, how improper it was to think about her best friend and her group mate like that, while her fingers were buried inside her and she was going for climax number three) but that it's too close to what she wants and so far from everything, and makes this entire tour messier than what it already is.

She lets her manager talk at her about the show, accepting her notes and when her manager finally leaves, she stands under the shower for a good thirty minutes, letting the water wash away the tension in her bones. She pins her hair up, and dresses in something less slouchy than her typical backstage outfit. She'd opted for cute lounge pants with a flared cut, and a soft cotton shirt in a deep red that slides off one shoulder. The shoulder that Satoru bit, unfortunately, which means when she heads out of her dressing room, the bruise is visible.

When she wanders into the green room, she sees Nanami almost immediately. She hasn't talked to Nanami or Shoko yet, letting her staff deal with her old friends. And now, she's too tired to do anything, so she nods at her former groupmate, avoids looking at Satoru, and finds her own manager.

It's late, and she wants to return to the hotel room and sleep. There's no VIP after party, at least, but there are a few press handshakes they need to do, some soundbites they need to give. Nothing major, but enough to keep her from thinking too deeply about what she did.

Satoru's eyes widen as she sees what Suguru's wearing and the blossoming bruise on her shoulder. It looks brutal, still fresh and deep pink now but inevitably going to darken to black soon. Satoru turns bright red, looking distinctly guilty and even flinching slightly each time someone asks Suguru what happened. She half expects Suguru to sell her out and reveal that Satoru savaged her, and Satoru doesn't think she can actually refute or deny that.

She manages to put on a smile and play her role in front of the press, but she's quiet again in the car back to the hotel, all her initial hyperactive energy drained out of her.

Lying awake in bed, Satoru thinks about the success of the show, but she thinks more about those moments after the show, Suguru's hand gripping her by the hair and hauling her into a kiss, and then the unhappy look on Suguru's face a moment later. Why had any of that happened? Satoru shouldn't have gone feral like that, obviously, but Suguru was much better about self control usually. It was shocking that the energy of the show would have gotten to Suguru to the point where she'd be willing to kiss just anyone like that. No wonder she was upset afterward, then, that she'd kissed her rival and enemy in a moment of folly.

It isn't until the next day, as they're preparing for that night's show, that Satoru realizes they have a new problem. Satoru's been subdued and guilty all day, and Suguru's been avoiding her. It's terrible energy to bring onto the stage, so Satoru has to figure out a solution to that, fast.

Getting Suguru angry seems like the most efficient approach. Suguru performs great when she's angry.

So Satoru strolls up from behind her and claps a heavy hand over Suguru's bruised shoulder, leaning on it as she gets up in Suguru's space. "Hey, who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? You've been avoiding me all day, 'Guru. I didn't think you were that easy to rattle you, but it turns out a little bite is all it takes? Guess I'll have to do that more often."

Her tone has a goading sneer in it, eyes cold and mocking.

At four in the morning, when she couldn't sleep between the coursing energy in her body and the restless, pent up desire, Suguru had gotten off, thinking about her former friend and now... what was Satoru to her? She didn't know. Thinking about her on stage, the matching energy, the playfulness and casual demonstrations of sublime talent, the way she shined so brightly. The bite, after, and the way it had made every pleasure point in Suguru light up. It was, perhaps, the best orgasm she'd had in weeks, and she fell into a deep sleep after that.

So, in addition to feeling annoyed at Satoru, and quietly furious, she had guilt to add to that. It meant she did her best to avoid Satoru, although it was inevitable she'd be found. Because of course it was.

The way Satoru leans on her, putting pressure on her shoulder, makes Suguru squirm. Not entirely out of discomfort, either. But it gives her a reason to jerk away, trying to get away from Satoru's firm grip.

"I told you," she says, enunciating carefully, "don't touch me. I know you think you can get away with touching everyone just because it's you, but I have standards." And you don't fit them is heavily implied. She smiles at Satoru, bright and polite, the sort of smile she used on the executives back in the day. "You're worse than a dog. At least they can be trained. How long has it been since we were together? Ten years now, and you're still incapable of controlling yourself." She clicks her tongue in disappointment and pats Satoru's cheek, all condescending sweetness. "If you need it, we can get you a muzzle. I know just where to get one, I've trained girls like you before."

In reality, she hasn't done such a thing. For all the entwining sadism and masochism she enjoys, she doesn't like petplay much, and certainly not muzzling anyone. She wants backtalk and verbal play and has better ways of silencing people. But she doesn't know the extent of Satoru's knowledge of kink, so it's easy enough to do this.

She drops her hand, and looks around. "Now, if you're done being a rabid dog, I wanted to talk about Control."

Satoru's feeling so triumphant, so smug, having successfully needled Suguru out of her sulking and into a fit of glorious fury, the kind of dressing-down that Satoru always enjoyed seeing her dish out (even when it was against herself--she hadn't used to like that, but now that it made up most of her interactions with Suguru, Satoru had developed a taste for it). Until Suguru gets to the end and her entire brain stutters.

I've trained girls like you before.

It isn't even the idea of the muzzle itself--Satoru's pretty sure that was just metaphor. But the rest of the sentiment rings true. Suguru always was good at taking charge. When she said to do something, Satoru did it without thinking. Sometimes the others had needed clarification, and Nanami especially had tended to push back against casual commands, but Satoru almost always understood immediately what Suguru meant, and had learned from experience that Suguru always had the best ideas.

(Until she hadn't.)

It's the thought of a beautiful woman on her knees in front of Suguru, receiving that sweetly patronizing pat to her cheek.

Had she really? What would that be like? Trained them how?

She's just staring at Suguru, who ... maybe had said something? Seemed to expect some sort of response?

Satoru blinks, cheeks flushed. "What?"

Oh. Oh. Suguru watches Satoru's face, the pretty flush, the dazed look, and she knows she has Satoru curious.

When they had been in the group together, Suguru had been the one to step up and take on the mantle of leadership. She'd been the mom of the group, Haibara too much of a puppy and Nanami too moody despite pushing back, and neither Shoko nor Satoru wanting to take charge, for all that Satoru was undeniably the star. She had taken charge, taken care of all of them until she needed help and none of them had been there for her, and she'd known where to dig when she left because they'd all been so open with her. Especially Satoru, before the fame got her, but even after that. Even after everything.

She still knows how to read Satoru.

Maybe not exactly, not fully, but it's there. Something in her words intrigued Satoru, and Suguru will take advantage of that.

Suguru's lips curl into a wicked, wicked grin. She doesn't mention it, and moves on to the actual question she has, but the knowledge is there.

"Contact. The song?" She raises an eyebrow. "The duet. The emotions in it." She frowns, her lips twisting into a pout, and contemplates her words. Despite the annoyance and the dressing down, she is serious about the song, and she doesn't want to set Satoru off, so she picks her next words carefully. She tries to think about what she would have said to Satoru when they were younger. She was kinder then, especially to Satoru. A bitch, but it didn't have the same force, or the same push, and Satoru would rise to it in a vastly different way. "I'm not sure the emotions in it are resonating. Do you want to try to pick up something different, take it from another angle? You were mirroring my emotions, but it doesn't need to be mirrored, despite what the lyrics are doing."

Edited 2025-05-19 14:23 (UTC)

"I know," Satoru agrees, brow furrowing. Suguru had been bringing such nuanced emotion to the song, and Satoru had just been following her lead on it, which sections needed more intensity or softness. Satoru had brought complexity and innovation to the music, understanding instinctively how to best accentuate the emotions already layered into the lyrics. But in terms of how to add emotions in the performance, Satoru's at a loss and she knows it. Especially when she doesn't really understand the song. She could see the possibilities of it, appreciate lyrics and narrative, could feel the resonance of it, but what to ... do with it? Emotionally?

She rubs a hand against the back of her head, sheepish, and then shrugs. They'd workshopped so many aspects of the song yesterday, and this one makes sense as the next priority, but Satoru doesn't have anything to offer. "What do you want me to do?"

"Read— no, listen to the song without thinking of the music or how to improve it," Suguru says. That would resonate more than having her just read the lyrics. "I have a recording of it, if you need." Her manager sent it to last night, and she's listened it a few times already.

"I know the topic is something unusual for you, so I don't expect it to resonate the same way it does for me, but I know you're capable of feeling it when you understand." Once something clicks for her, Satoru had been stunning and capable of depth and greatness, but the emotions just took a different approach and longer lead up time. "I think, emotionally, you should be counterpoint to me; instead of a struggle, you're resolution. And vice versa."

She pulls out her phone to play the song for her.

Satoru frowns with uncertainty about this, unconvinced that listening alone is going to make sense of it for her, but she at least understands the suggestion of being the resolution for Suguru's emotional beats. Call and response, and Satoru's the answer.

Folding her arms, Satoru chews on her lip as she listens. Her mind keeps wanting to focus on the technical aspects of the song, how the harmonies mesh, how they could improve the accompaniment. It's a constant struggle to keep her mind focused on the emotional flow.

When it finishes, Satoru bites down harder on her lip and looks guilty. "I think ... we can amplify that swell in the accompaniment after the break, really let it come surging back--I know, I'm trying." Satoru rubs at her face, sighing with frustration, then flaps her hand at the phone. "I'll keep trying. Send me a copy. I'll go through it a few more times and try to focus."

"You're going for the music, aren't you?" Suguru grins at her, rolling her eyes. It feels like old times. "Slow down. Get out of your head and feel it, don't try to analyze it. I'll send you a copy, but why don't we try an acapella version. Let me sing my portion, so it'll be awkward, but don't jump in yet."

They're in the green room, and other than the occasional aide coming in and setting something up, they're mostly alone. Suguru hums a few bars, then launches into the song, singing only her portion of the lyrics. When Satoru looks like she might try to sing, she lifts a finger to her lips.

She keeps her gaze on Satoru's face, watching to see if anything resonates. She puts in all the emotions she's felt about this song, including the new trepidation and the underlying insecurities that have come up because of this tour. It's the most intimate thing she's done, and when she's done, she looks away from Satoru, trying to hide the vulnerability on her face.

Satoru sits, paying attention and trying to not think about the music and the technical details. Having just Suguru's side of it does help, especially because it's discordant without the harmonies of Satoru's part laid through it. It forces her to just focus on Suguru and what she's bringing to the song.

By the end of it, Satoru has made some sense of the emotional beats, though the conclusion she's come to is probably not the one Suguru was hoping for.

"Okay. Yeah. I think I see the problem." Satoru gives her a bit of a reprimanding glower. “I think the problem is that this song means something to you, so you’re putting actual emotions into it, because you know what it’s about and it’s significant. But I’m not matching you, and you want me to just make some up?” Satoru rolls her eyes. “You’re such a moron. Okay. You wanna tell me the story behind the song now, so I can find something appropriate or, I guess, fake it better?”

Suguru breathes in sharply, pursing her lips and glaring at Satoru. She's partially right— it definitely means something to her, and she's putting actual emotions into it because it's not just a song she thought up on the fly— but the way Satoru approaches it is galling, and really digs under her skin.

"Glad to see you haven't changed, you're still as emotionally stunted as you were when I left. I thought you were smart," she says, icy cold, eyes as frosty as her voice. She's hurt, deep down beneath everything, and annoyed at herself for letting Satoru get beneath her skin, but she won't let Satoru see that, and covers it up with sharp disappointment. "An actress, aren't you? You were in movies. But clearly they just wanted you for your name, and maybe your tits. No wonder why your songs lack substance."

She hastily sends off an email to Satoru, attaching the song, and then turns to leave.

"Bring whatever you want to the song, I don't care. Think whatever story you want about it." She stops and turns to look at Satoru again. Satoru is taller than her by an inch and a half, and better at looming, but Suguru knows how to glare, how to pitch her gaze so even the tallest people around her feel like she's looking down on them. "You aren't as subtle as you think, Gojo. I'm not going to play your stupid games."

She strides off after that, slamming the door after her.

Satoru rolls her eyes at this fit of drama. Clearly she hit a nerve in there somewhere, which isn't surprising. It's been clear this whole time that this song is personal to Suguru, and the song's strength has to do with the emotional conflict at the core of it. An emotional conflict that ... doesn't make much sense to Satoru.

Surely you're either in love with someone or you're not, and you either want to leave them or you don't, right? But Satoru's never been in love with someone romantically, so she doesn't really get it. The closest she ever came was Suguru, and that had always been clear. Suguru was her best friend and Satoru wanted to stay with her forever. Easy. Straightforward.

Suguru wanted to be weird and selfish and leave. Incomprehensible. But she got what she wanted, and now she got to deal with Satoru being annoying to her.

Satoru had liked the suggestion about being the emotional counterpoint. She could do that. So she mulled that over, and put the rest of it out of her mind.

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