marlowemuses | who could ever learn to love a...

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who could ever learn to love a...

39 Excelsior Place was the oldest house on the road.

In fact, 39 Excelsior Place was the oldest house in the neighborhood. Through the years Henrietta, Virginia had mostly kept up with the times. Old, decrepit homes were replaced with bright white houses and wooden fences. The convenience store went from locally owned to a chain. The schools got better. Wifi was available in almost every pubic place.

39 Excelsior Place did not keep up with the times. Crouching darkly at the end of the road, squatting fiercely in its dead end, the house was every bit the past it came from. Tall with gothic architecture, unwelcoming pointed gates, and black bricks the hollow eyes on its gray and white face. Huge windows were long covered with sheets, as had been most of the furniture. Once upon a time the house had been beautiful. Once upon a time, however, was a long time ago. In 2016, most people stayed away from 39 Excelsior Place. Smartly so. Its resident monster hated everyone.

Everyone except for its sole resident, elderly Mr. Greerish. Greerish said he had a family. Nobody ever game to visit so the monster called him a liar. Greerish placidly made excuses, such as They’re very busy and It’s been a while since we’ve caught up. Apparently Greerish had a favorite nephew: a baby when they last met. It had smiled at him once. No one else in the family smiled at him.

The monster called him an idiot. Greerish laughed and returned to his books. That was how they found the old man dead. With a pleasant smile and a book in his lap.

Fine. The monster didn’t care about Greerish anyway. It had only just begun to tolerate him. With his death, 39 Excelsior Place would be free of pests and the monster could hide away from the rest of the world until it eventually died. That was what happened to monsters. He’d read the old books Greerish kept so neat in the bookcase. They all ended the same. The monster was killed, burned, staked. The handsome prince got the princess. Or, in the monster’s personal interests, prince. Not that it mattered.

What the monster did not know was that there was a Will. A thing that had been executed by the local priest out of pity for old man Greerish. There was only one stipulation.

Everything I own, including 39 Excelsior Place, will be so inherited by my nephew, Adam Parrish.

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"I can," he answered, grinning still and helping himself to some more of the cold cuts, "if you want. I haven't used it in decades. The old man never used it either." Which probably meant that there was some seriously scary stuff living up in that chimney. Maybe a bat. Ronan wouldn't mind adopting a bat.

He was very distracted from the thought of having a bat child when Adam tugged him sharply by the belt. Fuck. His heart jumped into his throat and his cheeks and ears reddened, surprised by the gesture and—turned on. Really turned on. He liked it when Adam was aggressive.

The words murmured against his lips were even more damning. Warmth flooded through his body and his cock twitched in his pants, much to his deep embarrassment. Shit. He hoped Adam didn't feel it, even though their bodies were very, very close to each other. Thinking about Adam getting hot was making Ronan even hotter.

"Yeah?" he finally managed to say, eyebrow arching and a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Snaking his arm around Adam's waist, he closed the distance between them briefly by giving Adam a short kiss. "I've known that I have a thing for stubborn assholes for a while."

"Yeah?" Adam murmured, smiling happily at the kiss and watching Ronan's eyes. He loved being held. Loved being touched. He'd never known that before, either. "There some other stubborn assholes out there I'm going to have to kill? Because I kind of want you all to myself."

He brushed the tip of his nose against Ronan's cheek, following it with a kiss. "I'm completely addicted to you," he murmured, kissing Ronan's cheek again and again, trailing down from there to kiss at his jaw and throat, lingering on a kiss behind his ear. "Ronan."

A breathless laugh escaped his lips. "Nah. You're the only stubborn asshole I want." His body was focusing in on every touch Adam offered him. Every kiss sent a shiver through his system, a twinge of arousal, stacking on top of each other every time Adam's lips pressed against his skin.

When Adam reached his throat Ronan lifted his chin just slightly, eyes closing as his other arm wrapped around Adam's waist to hold him close. God, Jesus Christ, fuck—the sound of his own name at his ear had him near trembling.

A low moan escaped him, a soft, almost keening noise. Adam was fucking hot. So, so, so fucking hot. "Fuck," he groaned, fingers curling into Adam's back possessively. Pulling Adam flush against his body, he turned his head so he could meet Adam's lips again, desperate for him.

Adam moaned into his mouth, control slipping as he reached for Ronan. His hands curled around the back of Ronan's head, caressing the short, soft fuzz of his hair. Arms tight against either side of Ronan's neck, Adam held him close, reverent of this wonderful, magical being in his arms. He kissed him again and again, whimpering with desire. "Ronan," he murmured between kisses.

He wanted. Urgently, desperately. The plan to take things slow was dissolving by the minute. He wanted Ronan. He wanted Ronan to be his first. He wanted to lose himself utterly in Ronan's mouth, Ronan's arms. "Ronan."

Adam was the magical, wonderful being. Who else could hold a monster, kiss a monster, whisper his goddamn name like a prayer? Ronan's eyes stung and he closed them as they shared kisses, forgetting himself in the heat of Adam's mouth. Beautiful, perfect hands pressed against the back of his head and smooth, strong arms hooked around his neck. There was nothing but Adam.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Ronan was stepping forward, pushing Adam's back up against the kitchen wall. Hands wandering down, he slid them over Adam's ass, cupping and grabbing as he jerked the other boy's groin against his own. His body ached for Adam. Longed for him. Clothes felt like an uncomfortable barrier between them.

Opening his mouth, he deepened the kiss, wanting to taste Adam more fully. He was so involved that again, he didn't notice when his control slipped away and his talons began to form again. Glossy black feathers trailed along his forearms, a few smoothing out from his temples. Nothing he noticed because he was too lost in Adam, rolling his tongue, swallowing all of those delightful whimpers.

Adam gasped as he felt claws growing on the fingers that cupped his ass, feathers rippling up strong arms. He broke the kiss, panting, eyes dilated with pleasure. Utterly riveted, his head tilted slightly as he looked at the feathers on Ronan's head, intrigued by them. "You're all feathers and claws, aren't you?" he murmured, attention flicking back and forth between Ronan's eyes. "My monster."

Catching Ronan's lower lip between his teeth, he gave it a brief tug. "Desperately want to drop to my knees right now and suck you off," he murmured.

Panic and self-hatred began to mix with his intense arousal, almost making him dizzy. Yet, despite his talons and feathers, Adam didn't seem disgusted or put off. It was confusing. Panting, Ronan's pupils dilated as well as he focused on Adam's handsome face.

When Adam spoke, Ronan tensed, still breathing heavily. But being called my monster and having his lip bitten made him gasp, eyelids fluttering. Desperately he tried to get his form under control but it wasn't working; he wasn't used to forcing himself into shape when he was so aroused. It was something he never even thought he'd need to practice.

God. Fuck. Just the thought of Adam dropping to his knees and giving him head had Ronan half hard, pants feeling vastly uncomfortable.

"Can't, I won't be able to—..."

Ronan gasped as he felt feathers begin to ripple out of his spine, and the familiar ache in his shoulder-blades was a warning that if he wasn't careful, he'd be sporting his wings. "Adam," he gasped again, shaking his head, panic beginning to rise again. He was scared, pale with the struggle of his erection and fighting to keep his human shape.

"Breathe," Adam said, backing off and just resting his hand against Ronan's cheek, wanting to ground him and help him focus. "Relax. I'm right here. You're okay. Stay with me, Ronan."

Calm and steady, Adam smiled gently at his boyfriend, hoping that his calm would help Ronan to regain his control. There were more feathers, and it was now undeniable that arousal made Ronan start to shift. If they were going to have sex, it seemed, it would be with Ronan as the monster. Adam was going to have to start taking that into consideration. "I'm with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Ronan did as Adam bid, breathing and bringing his arms back up around his boyfriend's waist. Heart thundering in his chest, he relaxed, finding comfort in being close to Adam. In his scent. As he calmed he managed to get himself more under control. The ache in his back went away and he banished the feathers, leaving only the sharpness of his nails, which refused to go away. He could only assume it was because he was so turned on, cock aching in his pants still.

"I'll practice," he swore, "getting better control. You won't have to see it. I promise." Already churning ideas in his head, Ronan was thinking about how to channel his feelings for Adam into a way to school his form. Masturbating while thinking about Adam and forcing himself to keep his human shape would be a good start. Pushing himself to his limits. Forcing that disgusting, clawed, nightmareish part of himself away.

"I just need time."

"Ronan," Adam said, gently scolding and yet very fond. "I'm not asking you to get better control. The only thing I've asked of you is for you to show me the truth. You asked me to wait until you open the chest, so I will. I'm sorry, I told you I'd take things slow. I didn't realize I was making you lose control."

Kissing him softly, Adam watched Ronan's eyes for a moment more, then let go so that he could get the pizza. It was slightly burned, but still good, and he set it on the counter, reaching for Ronan to kiss him again in order to reassure his boyfriend.

He felt terribly bereft when Adam stepped away from him. Cold. Lonely.

The only thing I've asked of you is for you to show me the truth. Those words made his heart sink. Still, he didn't want to show Adam the truth. Adam liked his human form. He knew it was his own fault for bringing it up in the first place, but Ronan wasn't dishonest. Romance was something special, something sacred to him. It felt wrong not to tell Adam that he was a monster. To pretend like he was something he wasn't.

He had to make a choice. Either he showed Adam what he was really like, or he broke up with him. And breaking up would Adam would break Ronan.

The kiss did make him feel better. Silently, he nodded before grabbing a slice of pizza, quickly finishing it off.

"I'm going to head up. I have—something I need to take care of." He still had an erection despite stopping their fooling around. It was annoying, and he needed to go jerk off.

"Good night." Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss against Adam's cheek.

"Ronan," Adam said, reaching for him and winding their fingers together. "Are we okay? You're not upset or mad? I like you just the way you are, okay? However you are. I like what's in here." He tapped a knuckle against Ronan's chest, hating the thought of saying goodbye, even if it was only for the night. After the intimacies of the day and all they'd been through emotionally, parting from Ronan's side felt impossible. "I'll miss you. Even though I know you're just upstairs."

Ronan shook his head.

"Don't be stupid," he said, studying their joined hands. "I'm not mad." Not at Adam, anyway. He was pissed off at himself for being so damn indecisive, for being scared. Glancing up, he searched Adam's eyes, a little amazed that he could say something like that with such confidence. But he didn't sense any lies there.

"I'll miss you too," Ronan admitted, catching Adam's wrist so he could kiss that knuckle. From the other room Chansaw cawed, and Ronan's mouth tilted with a smirk. "Keep Chainsaw tonight. She's good company." Much as he wanted to cuddle up to Adam and sleep with him, that wasn't something he was willing to risk.

Then he let Adam go. Eyes lingering, he finally turned and headed upstairs before he could change his mind. When he reached his room he closed the door quietly and locked it, already fiercely missing Adam. Dropping into his bedding, he pushed his pants down around his thighs and began to jerk off, thinking about Adam the whole while and wishing it was his hand, or his mouth. Groaning when he came, Ronan felt empty as he looked at his come covered fingers and licked them clean. It wasn't any good without Adam. He hadn't even begun to change when masturbating, even when thinking about the other boy. There was just something about being with him that made Ronan lose his control so easily.

It was like his body was betraying him. Trying to force showing Adam his true self. It was like a subconscious desire, to be fully loved as he truly was, even though he didn't know how Adam would react. Plus, being able to look at and tolerate a monster was one thing. But fucking a monster? That was something else altogether. Ronan didn't think Adam would be able to get it up for a nightmare.

When Ronan fell asleep, it was to thoughts of Adam. Wanting him. Missing him.

And the promise he'd made.

In his dream he was in a forest. Tall, tall trees that whispered too low for him to hear. There was a girl hiding among them—small, very small, with choppy blond hair and big vibrant eyes. She watched him warily and he watched her in turn. He'd... seen her in his dreams, before. They regarded each other for a while and, when Ronan sat down on the ground, she approached.

"What are you looking for?" she asked, a little nervous, but mostly calm. He shrugged. "I made a promise. I'm looking for something that can unlock a lock that can't be unlocked. What opens something that can't be opened?"

The girl blinked at him. "Have you tried asking it to open?"

He stared at her. "What? It's not alive. I can't ask it something like that."

She shrugged at him. "Isn't that true, though? You can try and force something. You can steal. You can trick. But isn't the best way to make something open up to ask it to?"

Ronan didn't have an answer. When he woke up, he was aching for Adam, and wondering if he was crazy for considering asking the trunk to open.

Adam felt better saying goodbye with that reassurance. He went to bed with a book, reading late because he felt too restless to sleep.

He finally laid down, but restlessness still itched at him. He wanted Ronan. He ached for him, skin oversensitive and cock throbbing, yearning for Ronan, his Ronan.

After tossing and turning for a couple hours, he got up to pace.

The door at the bottom of the stairs was unlocked. He crept up it, wanting, but knowing that he shouldn't intrude, that he shouldn't violate Ronan's privacy. Torn between want and respect, Adam sat down on the stairs, resting his head on his arms and feeling miserable with longing for a moment, resolving to only let himself indulge in the feeling for a minute before he went back to bed.

He fell asleep like that.

Getting up after that dream was a slow process for Ronan. Exhausted even though he had slept, when he finally opened his door and went to go down the stairs, he thought he was hallucinating. Adam? Crouching, Ronan gently brushed some stray hair away from the other boy's cheek. How long has he been here?

With the utmost care so he wouldn't wake his boyfriend, Ronan cradled him in his arms. Taking slow and steady steps, he brought Adam back to his old bedroom. Sleeping on the stairs was no good. Rather than tuck him in, Ronan slipped into the bed beside him, keeping his arms fast around Adam and burying his nose in the crook of his shoulder.

Actually sleeping was too dangerous but closing his eyes was less risky. Ronan could spend hours just listening to Adam breathe. Chainsaw plopped onto the foot of the bed and watched them fondly.

Adam murmured sleepily as he was shifted, nuzzling instinctively into Ronan's warmth and making a futile grasp for him as he was set down. Sighing once as Ronan hugged up against him, Adam slipped into a deeper sleep, knowing on a primal level that he was safe.

He woke up from a pleasant dream to a feeling of warmth and safety. This was a very new sensation, so he simply assumed that he was still dreaming. As he woke, he became aware of Ronan's breath on his skin, of Ronan's arms encircling him, and he realized it wasn't a dream at all.

"Ronan," he breathed, deeply pleased by finding that his dream was in fact his reality.

When Adam began to stir, Ronan shifted back about an inch, to give his boyfriend some room to wake up comfortably. The sound of his name warmed him as it always did when Adam said it.

"Adam," he replied, nuzzling his face against the slope of the other boy's neck. "Stupid, you fell asleep on the stairs. You'll get sick that way." He knew he was partially to blame; Adam hadn't wanted to part from him any more than he wanted to part from Adam. But he'd been to embarrassed to take care of himself in front of the other boy—that, and he didn't trust himself not to show something he wasn't ready to.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah," Adam said, yawning and shifting so that he could nuzzle at his lover. "No nightmares." He said it like it was news, because he'd gotten used to nightmares as his normal state of being.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on the stairs," Adam said, embarrassed by it. "I was restless and pacing. And then I woke up here. With you." He smiled, warm and happy because he'd expected to wake up lonely. "You came."

Hearing Adam say you came gave him a very embarrassing thought, considering what he had just done the night before. God, Adam was ruining him. Even if it was a thought no hot-blooded man could deny.

Grunting, Ronan tightened his hug.

"Shit, I almost tripped over you. Just knock next time." He didn't want Adam to sit on the stairs, lonely. It was too sad a thought.

Smoothing away some of Adam's hair, Ronan pressed a soft kiss against the back of his neck.

Adam shook his head in response. "You needed your space. And I'm not allowed in your attic yet. I didn't mean to fall asleep on the stairs. I shouldn't have been lurking there."

Yawning and sitting up, Adam gave him a brief kiss and a smile. "I want coffee. And more pancakes."

"That sounds good," Ronan agreed with a small grunt, sitting up as well and cracking his neck.

"Coffee, pancakes, strawberries... fuck it, might as well add ice cream." Chainsaw cawed in agreement, already flapping and headed out and down the hall. Ronan swung his legs over the side of the bed and pressed the flats of his feet against the floor. Pausing.

"I think," he said, "I had an idea. For the lock."

"Yeah?" Adam pounced, hugging his arms around Ronan's waist and kissing the side of his throat. "What's your idea?"

Getting up, Adam pulled on a clean shirt, briefly flashing a too-skinny chest with wiry, hungry musculature. Then he kissed Ronan's cheek and ducked past him, darting down the stairs.

He felt exuberant with energy for the first time in years. Well-rested and happy, a sense of playfulness had emerged that only Gansey had ever been able to bring out before, with his reliable ability to make Adam laugh. He reached the kitchen and hid against the wall just inside the doorframe, overflowing with happiness and playfulness.

"It's stupid." That was all he said as he watched Adam dress. The flash of belly and chest was ... tantalizing. Adam was beautiful. There was very little about the boy that Ronan didn't like. Maybe he wasn't perfect, but Ronan was attracted to those imperfections. Perfect wasn't real.

Then Adam darted out as foolhardy as Chainsaw and Ronan grinned a wicked grin.

"Where do you think you're going?" he growled, playful. Following along, Ronan crept down the stairs as quietly as he could, sliding along the wall and peeking around.

Adam laughed at the sight of Ronan, pouncing him for another kiss. He slid his arms around Ronan's neck, hugging close to him, and then tightening his arms and pressing closer, clinging to his boyfriend. "Is this what happiness feels like?" he murmured, swallowing hard. He felt overwhelmed with his emotions, with his affection and need for Ronan. His Ronan. His boyfriend.

"Ronan," he murmured, heart thudding, breath ragged. "Ronan."

"You dork."

Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam's waist, tight. Was this what happiness felt like? That wasn't something Ronan could really answer, but if he had to guess, he would say that it was.

From her perch in the kitchen, Chainsaw clicked her beak, watching them. Ronan nuzzled against the side of Adam's head before shooting her a look, "Voyeur." She cawed in agreement.

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