The One Secret I Never Told You

[tenebrarius]

Ronan was coming home.

He'd sent ahead, Adam supposed. Letter or telegram. And he'd said... what? Adam had no idea. No one had even bothered to tell him. He'd overheard some of the other servants discussing preparations.

That stung, though it shouldn't. He'd always known that their childhood friendship was temporary. Illusory. He'd been a bauble to Ronan, a friendship that came easily and could be cheaply kept.

And when Ronan had been old enough, he'd left. That made sense, too. His father's death, the upheaval of his life, the culmination of the conflict between Ronan and Declan.

What hurt was that he hadn't needed Adam anymore.

Squeaks and whispers preceded the general bustle of servants toward the main hall. Adam stayed out of the way, stealing toward an upper window to catch a glimpse. He wouldn't be missed among the larger array of servants. He was only an under-footman, after all.

Hidden behind a lace curtain, Adam peeked out to watch as Ronan descended from the coach. He'd grown. Taller than Adam remembered. His charming black curls were gone, shorn to a short bristle. The man he'd become was someone handsome and commanding, drawing attention like a thunderstorm.

Adam's heart thudded, then clenched.

Oh.

He'd hoped, all those years, that ignoring his childhood crush would make it go away. That Ronan's distance would make Adam forget him, so that he could focus once and for all on his career. His career, which was the only thing that mattered. The only thing he had left.

Seeing Ronan brought it all back, with more intensity than ever.

Adam was in love with him. And always had been.

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[weavers]

The cold of Adam's fingers made Ronan shiver. So keenly aware of how they were not his own, how they were Adam's, he gasped quietly into the kiss and came back with more heat than before. Pressing down, wishing he could simply lose himself in Adam Adam Adam.

When the kiss broke Ronan's breathing was shallow, heart thundering against his ribecage as his arousal pitched. Pressed together, tangled as they were, he could feel Adam and no doubt Adam could feel him. Just as wanting.

Adam murmured his name and he said nothing, only turned his head so he could catch Adam's mouth with his once more. Hungry, wanting more, pushing his tongue into the other man's mouth and tasting him again. This time his hands were more curious; they slid down, grasping at Adam's thighs to give them a hard squeeze.

[tenebrarius]

Adam moaned into the kiss, grinding his hips up against Ronan now that he could feel him, now that it was unmistakeable that their yearning was mutual.

He broke the kiss to bite at Ronan's throat. Panting and writhing beneath Ronan, Adam grinned wide. "May I offer some assistance with that, ah, rising situation of yours, sir?" he murmured, all playfulness and flirtation.

[weavers]

The bite at his throat was, very possibly, one of the best things he'd ever felt before. It only helped fan the flames, even if Adam was being a total dork about flirting. Rising situation? Ronan snorted, pulling back only to give the other man a look. Yet it melted quickly into a grin, amusement as he let out a short breath. It wasn't like he could hide his arousal.

"I'd like that," he murmured, leaning up onto his knees. Outside of kissing, he wasn't too sure as to how to proceed—his father died before they ever really had that talk, he was too proud to ask Declan, and he'd never ask anyone else. He wanted, certainly, and his lack of experience was frustrating even if he meant that he'd saved himself for Adam.

Best start simple. Finally, he stripped out of his shirt. Adam had seem him naked before and he'd been pretty aware of that. Now? He was keenly aware of it. The air felt cool against his warmed skin and he stretched his arms over his head, trying to work out a knot from between his shoulders.

[tenebrarius]

Adam's lips parted, mouth watering as he stared. He'd seen Ronan naked plenty of times but it had never been for him before. On display, for him.

Helpful and yearning at the same time, Adam propped himself up on his elbow, reaching out to unfasten the front of Ronan's trousers. He kept his eyes on Ronan as he did so, grinning from ear to ear with the pleasure of being able to do this.

[weavers]

The sight of Adam's grin alone sent a dangerous thrill through his body. Adam wanted him—no matter how many times he repeated that to himself, it still didn't feel quite real. What was one supposed to do, when a dream really came true?

Goosebumps rippled up his arms when the backs of Adam's fingers brushed against his abdomen. Dropping his hands, Ronan combed through thick, dark hair, with quiet appreciation. He'd always left himself in Adam's care before... but not like this. As a lover. Adam was his lover. Another thought that seemed so impossible. Yet looking back, studying Adam's eyes as he unfastened his pants, he was happy.

Pressing his lips together, Ronan exhaled through his nose when the cool air kissed newly revealed flesh. He was undeniably aroused, cock stiff, as his pants hung low.

[tenebrarius]

Adam's cheeks heated at the sight of him, utterly entranced. He'd seen Ronan naked, but he'd never seen Ronan aroused. "Oh," he breathed, drawing a light fingertip up the length of Ronan's cock. He wanted to do everything, all at once, and the hardest possible thing was trying to decide what to do first.

His brain only barely registered that he should probably offer himself in return, and he let go just so that he could squirm out of his shirt, tossing it aside and then struggling impatiently with his trousers. Both were often-patched, with stains that he had to make an effort to hide, and he hated them.

[weavers]

The brush along his cock drew a shaky breath. Light as it was, it sent his heart into a series of sputters. Adam was touching him. Adam was touching him.

But he was distracted from all of that when his lover began to undress. The clothes were of no consequence; Ronan simply pushed them away, noticing not a patch or stain. Not when he was watching Adam hungrily, devouring the sight of him. Dreams couldn't even begin to compare.

"You're beautiful." A murmur, eyes burning bright. Emotional, he closed his mouth, lips pressing into a thin line. It almost hurt to speak, his throat felt so raw.

[tenebrarius]

Adam blushed deeply, speechless in the face of Ronan's adoration. It barely made sense, that Ronan would be so reverent toward him, when Ronan was the most wonderful person he'd ever known and Adam had always been universally acknowledged as worthless.

"Do you want to," Adam said, struggling over the words, when there were so very, very many things he wanted, "... be inside me?"