marlowemuses | This will be happily ever after...

Laurent was twisting the knife in, and Damen had to curl his hand tightly around the reins to find a measure of deliberation. His horse was sensing his agitation, stamping and tossing its head as the other beast came closer. Damen held him steady, chin raised proudly.

"I still do not know you well," Damen said, feeling the truth of that all too keenly. "I didn't know what you were planning to do with all these conquests. Surely not to betray me before my very eyes - I did not believe that you capable of that."

He could see that Laurent was still hung up on the word he'd bitterly jested with. Damen was not so very far from the feelings that had drawn it out of him in the first place. The coldness, the distance ever since they'd made love. And now this favor bestowed on everybody but himself. Damen looked troubled. "These were not the actions I expected from my newly wedded husband. I did not think I would need to fight for his affections anew."

Damen's stony determination not to rise to the bait helped blunt the edges of Laurent's temper a little. Damen was trying, at least, even if he was an idiot.

"You might try not fighting for my affections," Laurent snapped, though at least his tone was only vinegar, not venom. "And you clearly did believe such betrayal. Am I to suffer this indignation every time I dare to speak warmly to anyone other than yourself? If I smile at a peasant girl, which one of us will you have whipped?"

"Would you prefer that I do not care to fight for them?" Damen could feel the blood pounding hotly in his veins, straining for a release of some kind. It took all his considerable control to remain still and upright in the saddle, when all his instincts were to fight for exactly that. "That I care nothing for whom you speak to, what you say to them? I am not trying to curtail your freedom in these things, Laurent. I am trying to understand why you show my generals and councillors more courtesy than you show your husband. If you can explain that to me, I will beg your forgiveness and interfere no longer with your plans."

He was trying. The feelings of betrayal were hard ones to overcome; they left him reluctant to take the blame for his actions under the circumstances. But he was trying to understand Laurent's perspective, what little of it he could perceive. That he saw Damen as having power over him, willing to believe the worst of him and punish him for it. It was so far-fetched, Damen could scarcely know how Laurent could truly believe such a thing, but then Laurent didn't know him very well yet either.

"I should show them more courtesy than I show you," Laurent said, glaring, though his willingness to explain rather than exchange barbed words was increasing, because Damen was trying to understand and trying to rein his temper. "And you should want that. I'll always give your courtiers and nobles more honeyed words than I give you. I thought I'd made that clear. I've promised you my honesty, and you've learned well that isn't a pleasant thing."

Sighing with frustration, Laurent pulled up alongside, willing to be Damen's ally once again. "You remember what I told you about being suspicious of people who only ever have honeyed words for you? So you oughtn't be jealous when I am sweet to others. I'm trying to make friends, to gain sway in the court, to learn the strengths and weaknesses of the people who will be close to us, the people who ensure our safety and govern our kingdom."

That...wasn't how things were done in Akielos, Damen wanted to protest. The King deserved the most honor of all men. He forced himself to consider the implications of what Laurent was saying. That Laurent's favor - what he called honeyed words - would be spent on others; that the true courtesy was the honesty that he had asked for from Laurent. It seemed simple when put thus, but Damen knew from this morning that watching it first-hand was going to be a much different story.

He watched Laurent draw near, next to him. Symbolic? Something in Damen's face registered the struggle that he was going through, weighing the admirable goals Laurent named with the concerns that they both still held. It was one of the final words that tipped the balance towards a softening of the stoic features, the shadow of a smile. "The way you say our is the best thing I've heard all day."

Damen toyed with the reins in his hands. There was so much he still had to say to Laurent. He did not know if this was the time or the place for it. A small confession, at least. "It is very easy to tell me not to be jealous," he said quietly. "Harder to tell the heart to be at ease when it longs to enjoy its new-found happiness, and instead another does so." His eyes were wistful on Laurent's. He waited, waited to see whether this vulnerability would be treated gently or not, before he would reveal any other layers to it.

Laurent blushed at Damen's comment about saying "our". Surprise flickered openly over his face before he schooled his features back under guard. "You might remember where I'll be spending the nights, in regards to who will be 'enjoying' me."

His tone was cool and aloof, but at least the venom had gone from it. "You're the only person in all of Akielos who enjoys the honor of my honesty, Damen. We're both public figures. Everything we do is studied, analyzed, gossiped over. We must play our roles in public, no matter our personal affections or quarrels. I must be the social and charming consort, with half the court in love with me and almost all of them thinking that I can be a trusted ear for their troubles. Occasionally I may even disdani you in public, to draw traitors into thinking that I may be swayed or that there's a fracture between us to be exploited."

Studying Damen's eyes, Laurent moves a little closer, close enough to touch. "That is a consort's role, Damen. Not simply to be pretty and doting. I need you to understand that and to trust that whatever games I play are for the safety of the kingdom. If you want to question me, then you can do it when we're alone."

Damen's gaze lingered on the red that bloomed beneath Laurent's pale cheeks, and the surprise at his rather tender confession. A spark of hope fluttered in his chest, well-buried. Damen's lips parted, and then closed. There was an answering glow in his own face, thinking of the nights behind them, the night ahead of him. If he didn't completely ruin it now. "It never hurts to remind me."

What Laurent had to say wasn't easy to hear. But it was honest, and it was a clear picture into Laurent's purposes. Damen's logical side was grateful for that, for Laurent could just have easily kept his intentions to himself and left Damen to wonder what he was really up to. It occurred to the Akielon King that Laurent really was treating this as a partnership, and him as a partner. It wouldn't work if they weren't honest with each other.

Damen steadied his horse with one hand as he reached out, very gently, to touch his fingers to Laurent's forearm. "I begin to understand. I will make the effort. I - would like to tell you, when we are alone, what makes it hard for me to trust." He stroked Laurent's sleeve the way he would a skittish horse, only making contact when his movements weren't rebuffed. "Perhaps you will understand me more too." And why there was still a flicker of hurt behind Damen's eyes to watch his husband make free with others at the neglect of his own newly-wedded attention.

Laurent twitched his arm away, wary of the touch. Damen wasn't forgiven, all the more so because he hadn't asked for forgiveness.

"You might all the more remember that you have no right to my affections, regardless of how charming I may or may not be towards others. My behavior in public will always be a matter of diplomacy and courtly negotiation. My behavior toward you in private is my own choice. You want to be reminded of my affections three times an hour, with me simpering upon you like one of your bedslaves, and any less you'll take as evidence that I'm unfaithful?" Laurent's lip curled, irritated that his need for space and his attempts to make allies had led to such an acutely unpleasant scene as the one Damen had caused. "Get used to sleeping alone."

The pull away from him struck Damen hard and where it hurt. The words that followed were little surprise after that, but they still had the power to hurt more. Damen's temper couldn't take it any longer. He sat bolt upright and yanked his horse to backup from Laurent's, facing him head on. His poor mount felt the tension in him and prepared for some warlike action that didn't come. The effort for them to both keep still was tremendous.

"No right. No right? Did I sign a different contract than you?" Damen was almost helpless with impotent anger, the worst of it because he knew he had only himself to blame for seeking a man with this cold approach to their union. "Do you want word getting back to Arlas that the new Prince of Akielos openly scorns his husband and favors other men instead? That he's banned the King from his bed not a week into the marriage? Is this your statecraft?"

His voice grew as his frustrated passions led him to a perilous brink. "I do not ask much of you, Laurent. Only that you treat me as a husband and not a - a King on your chessboard to shove away until convenient."

Laurent watched him coldly, heart aching at the insults. There was evidently no use speaking passionately toward Damen. If this was nothing but a contract between them, that would be easier. "If I had any choice in my husband, I would have chosen a kind and honorable man, not one who treats me like his paid whore."

Eyes cold and voice flat, Laurent tightened his grip on the reins. "You need have no worries about my duty, sir. I will obey the terms of the contract and serve the interests of Akielos as its Consort. Let the world think it's a marriage of convenience. I find I've lost my taste for pretending otherwise."

Damen's face turned stony. He would not show Laurent how pointedly those words found their mark, how much he dreamed of being that kind and honorable husband, to love and to be loved, and how deeply it cut to be branded everything Laurent didn't want. He'd already offered too much of his heart this day, only to be met by coldness and rejection.

So. This was how it was to be, then. There would be no joyful reunions in their tent tonight, or any night. A marriage of convenience, a pretense. Damen had never felt so trapped. "If that is how you wish it to be," he said, and the flicker of hope was gone from his eyes and voice alike. If Laurent thought his affections not worth keeping, there seemed little point trying to pursue it further.

He turned back to camp, and informed them he'd be going on a hard ride up ahead with two of his guards. He needed to work off some of the pent-up turmoil, and since stopping to drill midday simply wasn't in the cards, Damen rode his frustrations out.

He didn't see Laurent again until nightfall when they made camp. Servants drew up the royal tent, and Damen watched from across the fires to see if Laurent would give an order for another tent to be drawn up for himself. How far would Laurent take this?

Laurent kept to himself for the rest of the day, speaking to no one unless he was directly addressed. He told himself a dozen times that he was a fool for being hurt, or for wanting Damen's respect. It was no surprise at all to discover that he was desirable but not lovable.

Damen probably deserved someone sweet and yielding. Laurent couldn't find it in himself to care. Akielos would be better served by him as he was. If Damen was stupid enough to want a trinket in place of a diplomat, then Laurent wanted nothing to do with him.

He entered the royal tent as soon as it was up, summoning his usual servant to aid him with his laces as he changed into his sleepwear. He tensed as Damen entered, but did not look up. "I thought I might exchange my Veretian clothing for Akielon, tomorrow, as a symbolic gesture. Unless you would prefer I keep the Veretian."

If he made the decision without Damen, he was sure that Damen would fly into another jealous rage over his showing too much skin.

Veretian sleepwear was just as covered as their daywear, Damen's eyes took it in with one sweeping glance over Laurent's body, knowing he would not be taking it off him. But they would share a tent at least, and Damen was considerably calmer now than he had been earlier in the day.

"I think they would like it," he said simply. It was wise of Laurent to prepare him for it, for Damen began mentally steeling himself for the sight of Laurent bare-thighed and bright-haired laughing and flirting with half of Akielon. It wouldn't be so bad, if Laurent would also stoop to laugh and flirt with him too.

Those days were over. Laurent had caught his prize, his kingdom, and now there were other prizes to be sought with his favors.

"It is your choice, of course," Damen added in a low voice, not looking at Laurent as he moved to pour a flagon of wine. There were two of them; he poured the second as well, and offered it to Laurent. Then he sank down on the pallet - two overlong ones that had been laid out side-by-side to form something near to the size of an Akielon bed that could accommodate the King and his partner - and stared at his wine. "I'm guessing this is not your only plan for tomorrow?"

Laurent ignored the wine, considering it to be too much of a risk. Too much of a temptation. If he started drinking, he wasn't sure he'd ever stop.

"No need for you to worry," Laurent said, hollow. "The other plans involve keeping my head down and not speaking to anyone."

He crossed to the bed, giving the coverlet a yank. It didn't move, caught under Damen's weight. Laurent fixed him with an icy glare. "Move."

Damen shrugged and set the wine aside. He'd poured it from a single decanter, if Laurent was worried about it being poisoned - as if Damen would ever resort to something as cowardly and underhanded as poison to kill someone - but...it didn't matter.

Still angry then. Laurent's idea of acceptable behavior in Damen's eyes was such utter nonsense, Damen would have laughed if things hadn't been so dire between them. "That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

He stared up at his husband. "Fresh out of civility for the day?" Damen didn't move.

"Yes," Laurent snapped. He gave up on the coverlet, taking one of the pillows, and going to the far corner of the tent to curl up. There was a rug, at least. He'd slept in rougher conditions, after having spent a year as a foot soldier serving a term of guard duty at a fortress. He'd been kept well away from potential battles, but it had still been the life of a soldier, with no comforts added.

Back turned to Damen, Laurent closed his eyes, hoping that his husband would have the simple sense to let him sleep.

"Laurent..."

Sighing, Damen rose, drew the covers into his arms, and padded over to where the slight figure was curled in on himself. He draped the blanket over his husband without a word, then lowered himself onto his side a chaste distance from him on the rug. It was far from the worst he'd ever slept on. The air had never been more chilly, though.

"The bed's more comfortable," Damen commented mildly. With anybody else, he'd be stroking their shoulder, their hair. With Laurent, he was offering comfort (or attempting to) by respecting his physical boundaries. That, at least, Damen was learning.

Edited 2017-05-26 23:15 (UTC)

Laurent's heart quickened as Damen approached and covered him with the blanket. It was a kind gesture, the sort that Laurent desperately needed. He was acutely aware of Damen's presence near him, and it made him feel both safe and spooked.

"So go sleep in it," Laurent said, tugging the blanket a little closer.

Damen was quiet behind him. Here in the low lamplight, Laurent looked so boyish and young, peeking from beneath the coverlet. Had Damen moved too fast, too afraid of the chances of a long courtship? His own feelings had not changed, in spite of his anger and hurt. He could not be sorry for his choice. He could only wish they'd had more accord in their union. It would make things so much easier now.

He tucked a corner of blanket around Laurent's shoulders. "I'd rather be a little uncomfortable." And near you. The sound of his low, steady breathing combined with the drone of night insects beyond the thin walls of their tent.

"You are weary." Damen had been part of that wearing out, and Laurent had had a hard ride after their consummation. "Can I - do you need anything?"

Laurent was quiet, thinking over the request and Damen's apparent desire to make peace with him. It was an alluring prospect, but Laurent couldn't bear to play this out again the next day, or whenever Damen next flew into a jealous fit for no reason.

"I won't share a bed with a man who calls me a whore," Laurent said, but rather than it being a sharp dismissal, there was a slight hesitation in his intonation, as though Laurent was expecting something specific to be offered in response.

"Laurent." Damen let out a long, low breath. The word had cut Laurent, deeply. It had lingered with him throughout the day. It was with honest regret that Damen bent his head closer and said, as if only for Laurent's ears. "Forgive me. I should not have spoken thus, even in anger. I - that's not how I think of you."

He was close to the huddled figure, not touching, but feeling the proximity and the distance keenly. "I hurt you, and I did not want to." Damen wished to do so much more than simply not bring continual hurt to Laurent, but the words caught in his throat and he stared at the line of Laurent's back beneath the covers, aching to curve around it and hold him.

Laurent hesitated over it for a few moments longer, struggling with his pride and his desire for affection. Finally, he sat up.

"We can move to the bed," he said, taking the coverlet and the pillow and moving back to the bed. It was a measure of forgiveness, and as much as he could offer at the moment. Damen's belief that a little bit of charm and flirtation would indicate a deep disloyalty in him was more than he could easily forgive, particularly when it was so much of how he negotiated and held power in a court. Particularly when Laurent was still so skittish over having allowed Damen to possess him physically.

It was perhaps more than Damen had been expecting. He followed Laurent silently, watching him keenly. There was so much that he still didn't understand about his husband. It seemed that for every one thing he learned, five more popped up, more important than the last

Carefully, Damen settled next to him, unclasping the shoulder of his chiton so that the metal wouldn't rub in the night, but not moving to untie the belt around his waist. Normally he would remove more of his clothing for bed, but if Laurent tensed at his very approach, his husband's naked body beside him couldn't improve matters. As it was, the lamplight glinted off of long bare stretches of bronzed skin, illuminating the sculpted paths his limbs made in repose, and he seemed to occupy so much of the bed without even trying to.

Damen's eyes were all for Laurent. "How do you imagine I think of you?" he asked, never one to avoid the subject at hand.

"As some petty, fickle, stupid thing," Laurent answered, knowing that the image of himself was one that he carefully cultivated. He'd thought that Damen had seen past it, and was horrified that Damen had let himself believe it after Laurent had given so much of himself to Damen. "Who does things lightly and without purpose. And who would give himself cheaply. And, simultaneously, as some cruel and vile tempter who toys with your heart for amusement."

Laurent felt sick as he described the impression Damen seemed to have gotten. His stomach clenched. Keeping his back turned, Laurent curled a little tighter into himself.

Damen too felt a twisting in his stomach, cringing to think Laurent would believe him capable of such cruel and insulting views of his own husband. He exhaled audibly behind Laurent. This was worse than he'd even realized. Where did he even start to repair the damage?

"You are no more any of those things than I'm an unfeeling, punishing brute," Damen said quietly. He ran a hand over his face. "I'll tell you what I see. A young, brave, brilliant man who's alone in a strange land, uncertain and fighting the way he's always fought. Who acts in ways his husband doesn't understand and doesn't always agree with, but who is nonetheless a man worthy of all pride and honor." His tone much warmer, Damen moved closer and offered a quiet hand on Laurent's shoulder. "That's the man I married. I am sorry I lost sight of him today."

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