marlowemuses | I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

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I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

They'd made it sound like a scholarship at first, an honor earned from his intelligence and hard work.

Adam had thought that this was the ticket he'd worked so hard to earn, his entry to the capitol's university. He couldn't imagine what else would summon him--him, Adam Parrish, by name--to the palace.

The reality was baffling and frustrating. He'd spent the past hours being interviewed and tested by an array of officials and tutors who claimed that he was being considered for a position as the prince's companion. It wasn't a position Adam wanted, but everyone so far had emphasized what an honor it was, and Adam's polite, non-confrontational attitude toward authority was deeply ingrained. But he had his pride and his temper, too. He'd refused to open his mouth to let them check his teeth like he was a horse for sale.

After the fifth minister left, evidently satisfied with Adam's intelligence and ambition, Adam paced the room.

This had to stop. Adam didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to play babysitter to the spoiled prince of the kingdom. He had ambitions. He had his place in the university all but guaranteed, as soon as he could save up enough money for his entry. They could take their 'great honor' and stuff it up the prince's ass.

Diatribe ready, Adam whirled on the next person to open the door, ready to tell them just what he thought of their nonsense interviews. He wasn't anticipating a teenage boy his own age. Startled, Adam drew up short, dropping his eyes to the floor. This had to be the prince. And while the kingdom had advanced past the days of public executions, Adam knew that any of the royal family could ruin his prospects permanently if he displeased them.

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His hand slides from Adam's face into his thick, long hair. Fingers scraping lighting over his scalp. When Adam shifts, he does the same. Ronan didn't want to scare him away by being too aggressive, so he tries to pay attention to those signals.

Ronan parts his lips and moans softly into Adam's mouth, tongue teasing. Now that they had started kissing he couldn't imagine it stopping, so he didn't.

Adam gives a surprised little moan at the feeling of Ronan's tongue. It makes his belly and groin tighten with lust, deepening the feeling from sweetness into yearning. He'd heard that kissing was nice, but he hadn't imagined that it would be anywhere near this addictive.

Meeting Ronan's tongue with his own, Adam chases the feelings that the kiss gives him. He wants more. He wants everything.

That moan sends a shiver through him. His hand tightens in Adam's hair and he shifts even closer, one long leg sneaking between the others to tangle them together.

"Keep kissing me like that and I'll never go home." He panted lightly against his soft lips before brushing his tongue lightly over the plump pout.

"You're never going home," Adam confirms, grinning with pleasure at the feeling of Ronan's tongue. He shifts with him, laying full-length on top of Ronan with their legs tangled together, so that they can both feel each other's arousal. "We're running away together, remember?"

As... lovers, it seems. The shift from hesitant acquaintances into lovers was sudden, but Adam can't imagine going back. He doesn't want to be anywhere but here, tangled up with Ronan.

"How could I forget?" Ronan felt hopeful and excited. Adam was serious. This wasn't a joke. He worried it might be something else. He holds Adam's face in his hands and looks in his eyes. "This isn't a dream is it?"

"Is this what your dreams are like?" It's a serious question. Adam would believe it, after what he's seen tonight. "Shall I pinch you?"

He turns his head, instead, and kisses Ronan's palm, and then dips his head to kiss Ronan's mouth again, murmuring against his lips. "I like kissing you."

"You're better then any dream I've ever had." Felt better then a dream. Warm. Soft. Fuck, he smelled good. Lips. All Ronan could think about was how his lips felt. How his lashes looked against his cheek when he closed them to kiss him. Ronan didn't know how Adam would react to all of this. His response had Ronan soaring.

A soft gasp slips through his lips. "I like kissing you too." He mumbles before his lips are caught between Adam's. There is a soft tug on his long hair. "You're fucking gorgeous. I like your hair."

Adam grins and lets down his hair so that it tumbles around them as he kisses Ronan again, and then again.

Brushing the tip of his nose against Ronan's, Adam grins wide at him, like he's never grinned in his life. All this time he'd been trying to make a place for himself in the world, but it turns out that the place he belongs is a person, instead. For Ronan, even though they've only known each other a day, Adam will let everything else go.

"You really gonna run away with me?"

Ronan sighs and lets his fingers sink into his thick, dark hair. It didn't matter if a day or a year had passed. There was no denying how Adam made him feel. He felt free. He also felt like he could easily become obsessed. Especially when he grins like that.

"Of fucking course I am." He combs his fingers through Adam's hair. "Ever felt like....like you're lost? Like you're trying to find a place and you never do?" Ronan draws back so he can really look at Adam. "I've felt like that for so long. And then we kissed."

Adam nods, keeping his arms curled around Ronan's head on either side, holding himself up and keeping the rest of the world barricaded out. "I feel like I belong with you. I'm yours. You're mine."

The feeling is so intense that he's overwhelmed with it. Adam presses his forehead against Ronan's, closing his eyes.

"Promise?" He says softly as they sit there holding each other. Ronan never thought he could ever feel like this. It didn't matter to him if years had passed or only hours. This felt right.

"As soon as I saw you that's what I thought. I thought, this one belong with me." It wasn't a matter of possession. Just understanding. Ronan saw him and he knew. He knew that this boy was something more to him. More important than any other person who had ever come into his life.

"I'm yours."

"That's bullshit," Adam argues, but he laughs anyway. "As soon as you saw me you thought, who's this scrawny loser being foisted upon me?"

Doubting himself, Adam ducks his head, softly kissing Ronan's cheek to try and hide his insecurity.

His stomach chooses that moment to rumble loudly, which only makes Adam all the more mortified.

"Nope." He chuckles. "I thought this guy is an asshole. And hates me. I hope he'll marry me." Ronan kisses his neck and runs his hand down his back. "I knew you needed more to eat. Ass."

"I'm fine," Adam lies, and nuzzles at Ronan. He wants to lose himself in Ronan; the way Ronan handles him, the way Ronan sees him, the way Ronan makes him feel like he's something special. The thought of marrying Ronan makes his heart give a little lurch. It seems impossible that anyone would want to marry him, and Ronan is so wondrous that it seems like he could have anyone at all.

"It's okay to be hungry." He says softly against his skin, dragging his lips across Adam's throat. "We've been out for a while and didn't finish dinner." Ronan could use more to eat. He pulls back and looks at Adam. "You got really kinda quiet. Did I say something shitty?"

Adam keeps his face as hidden as he can, arms still hugged around Ronan's head. "I'm," he says, choked with sentiment. "... having a lot of feelings at the thought of anyone wanting to marry me."

Adam is not used to these kinds of feelings, and he doesn't know how to deal with them.

"Why?" Why wouldn't he know how incredible he is? Or how his attitude was very much a turn on? Someone had to have taken notice of him before now. Ronan found it impossible to believe that this was all news to Adam. "You're...there is something about you that I can't figure out and I don't know anything about you but I don't want to spend another day of my life without you in it now that I know you exist."

Adam laughed, disbelieving but overwhelmed with hope. He lifted his head a little, kissing Ronan again in reward and because he couldn't bear to go another moment without kissing Ronan again.

Trembling a little with emotion, Adam shifted against him, wishing they could be closer even though he was already fully lying atop Ronan. He deepened the kiss, not caring if he was being reckless with his desire. His tongue dipped into Ronan's mouth, greedy for these sensations and the taste of him.

He kisses him back, moaning when Adam's tongue slips into his mouth. "You didn't answer." Ronan nips at his mouth.

"Mm," Adam answers, and shifts off of Ronan, because the answer is too painful for the sweet intimacy of their embrace. He sits beside Ronan, tucked against his side but turned away. "I've been told many times that I'm worthless. And only rarely, through my own hard work and determination, that I've accomplished something of value."

Adam curls into himself, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees, closing himself off to protect his heart. "No one's ever suggested that I had intrinsic value."

"Most people are fucking blind. Never see what is right in front of them." Ronan moves closer and wraps himself around Adam. "I want to see you. All of you."

The sweetness of it makes Adam's heart ache. He shifts, curling himself around Ronan in return. Taking one of Ronan's hands, he weaves their fingers together. "What if what you see is dull and worthless, leavened only by a little hard work and determination?"

"Have you ever really let someone see who you are? Really let them see?" Ronan thought that Adam must keep himself very well guarded. That he didn't let anyone get close enough to see anything but the hard work and the determination. "You have to let me see, Adam. And I want to."

"Do I have to?" Adam asks, challenging that choice of words, but he doesn't seem to be objecting. Laying on his side so that they're face to face again, Adam nestles close to him, studying Ronan's eyes.

"No." There wasn't any other answer. Ronan wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want. All he wanted though, was to get to know him. He brushed his thumb under Adam's eye. "I've never seen eyes like yours. You're so beautiful, Adam."

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