marlowemuses | I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

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I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

They'd made it sound like a scholarship at first, an honor earned from his intelligence and hard work.

Adam had thought that this was the ticket he'd worked so hard to earn, his entry to the capitol's university. He couldn't imagine what else would summon him--him, Adam Parrish, by name--to the palace.

The reality was baffling and frustrating. He'd spent the past hours being interviewed and tested by an array of officials and tutors who claimed that he was being considered for a position as the prince's companion. It wasn't a position Adam wanted, but everyone so far had emphasized what an honor it was, and Adam's polite, non-confrontational attitude toward authority was deeply ingrained. But he had his pride and his temper, too. He'd refused to open his mouth to let them check his teeth like he was a horse for sale.

After the fifth minister left, evidently satisfied with Adam's intelligence and ambition, Adam paced the room.

This had to stop. Adam didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to play babysitter to the spoiled prince of the kingdom. He had ambitions. He had his place in the university all but guaranteed, as soon as he could save up enough money for his entry. They could take their 'great honor' and stuff it up the prince's ass.

Diatribe ready, Adam whirled on the next person to open the door, ready to tell them just what he thought of their nonsense interviews. He wasn't anticipating a teenage boy his own age. Startled, Adam drew up short, dropping his eyes to the floor. This had to be the prince. And while the kingdom had advanced past the days of public executions, Adam knew that any of the royal family could ruin his prospects permanently if he displeased them.

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"It's okay to be hungry." He says softly against his skin, dragging his lips across Adam's throat. "We've been out for a while and didn't finish dinner." Ronan could use more to eat. He pulls back and looks at Adam. "You got really kinda quiet. Did I say something shitty?"

Adam keeps his face as hidden as he can, arms still hugged around Ronan's head. "I'm," he says, choked with sentiment. "... having a lot of feelings at the thought of anyone wanting to marry me."

Adam is not used to these kinds of feelings, and he doesn't know how to deal with them.

"Why?" Why wouldn't he know how incredible he is? Or how his attitude was very much a turn on? Someone had to have taken notice of him before now. Ronan found it impossible to believe that this was all news to Adam. "You're...there is something about you that I can't figure out and I don't know anything about you but I don't want to spend another day of my life without you in it now that I know you exist."

Adam laughed, disbelieving but overwhelmed with hope. He lifted his head a little, kissing Ronan again in reward and because he couldn't bear to go another moment without kissing Ronan again.

Trembling a little with emotion, Adam shifted against him, wishing they could be closer even though he was already fully lying atop Ronan. He deepened the kiss, not caring if he was being reckless with his desire. His tongue dipped into Ronan's mouth, greedy for these sensations and the taste of him.

He kisses him back, moaning when Adam's tongue slips into his mouth. "You didn't answer." Ronan nips at his mouth.

"Mm," Adam answers, and shifts off of Ronan, because the answer is too painful for the sweet intimacy of their embrace. He sits beside Ronan, tucked against his side but turned away. "I've been told many times that I'm worthless. And only rarely, through my own hard work and determination, that I've accomplished something of value."

Adam curls into himself, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees, closing himself off to protect his heart. "No one's ever suggested that I had intrinsic value."

"Most people are fucking blind. Never see what is right in front of them." Ronan moves closer and wraps himself around Adam. "I want to see you. All of you."

The sweetness of it makes Adam's heart ache. He shifts, curling himself around Ronan in return. Taking one of Ronan's hands, he weaves their fingers together. "What if what you see is dull and worthless, leavened only by a little hard work and determination?"

"Have you ever really let someone see who you are? Really let them see?" Ronan thought that Adam must keep himself very well guarded. That he didn't let anyone get close enough to see anything but the hard work and the determination. "You have to let me see, Adam. And I want to."

"Do I have to?" Adam asks, challenging that choice of words, but he doesn't seem to be objecting. Laying on his side so that they're face to face again, Adam nestles close to him, studying Ronan's eyes.

"No." There wasn't any other answer. Ronan wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want. All he wanted though, was to get to know him. He brushed his thumb under Adam's eye. "I've never seen eyes like yours. You're so beautiful, Adam."

Adam smiles back at him, eyes soft with yearning and affection, an expression he’s never worn before. “I’ve never been held like this before.”

Nestling closer, he tucks his face against Ronan’s throat. He presses a single soft kiss to his skin and then rests his head on Ronan’s shoulder. Warm and comfortable in a way that he’s never been and exhausted from weeks of working too hard and sleeping too little, he closes his eyes for only a moment and he’s gone, fast asleep in Ronan’s arms.

"Get use to it." Ronan liked this a lot. Adam was warm and he smelled good. More importantly he made Ronan feel human. Less like something to be scared of.

When Adam drifted to sleep Ronan didn't move. He stayed right there, watching him. Holding him, stroking his hair. "Sleep well, my prince."

Adam slept deeply, feeling warm and safe in Ronan's arms. He was exhausted, and without his usual stress over needing to wake early, he slept late.

Waking suddenly, Adam found himself not in his own bed but in a stranger's arms, almost pinned by a strong grip. Panicking, he scrambled backward, breath coming in quick little gasps. He woke fully as soon as he saw Ronan's face and remembered where he was and what had happened. "Ronan."

Feeling like an idiot, Adam gave him an apologetic little smile and tucked close to him again, pressing a soft kiss to Ronan's cheek.

Ronan was not awake at all. He was so comfortable and comforted that he slept without dreaming. Just deep, restful sleep. The sudden movement from Adam wakes him up quickly and he shifts when Adam scrambles and gasps.

"Adam..." He says softly. Eye blinking slowly as he comes to. "Are you.." Then there was a kiss. His entire body felt like it melted. "Are you okay?" His still sleepy body wrapped back around Adam like a blanket. "I haven't slept like that in years."

Adam melted in turn at the sweetness of him, and how affectionately Ronan held him. “Nor I.”

Smiling, he nuzzled close, pressing a few more soft kisses to Ronan’s cheek and then tugging gently at Ronan’s earlobe. “I’ve never woken up in someone’s arms before.”

Ronan sighs and closes his eyes, his body melting. He really like how Adam touches him. "This should be a thing that happens all the time then."

"Preferably every night." Adam grins, amazed by how much he trusts Ronan and how easy it is to be relaxed in his arms. "I've always hated being touched." He traces his fingers along Ronan's jaw as he says it. Clearly he doesn't mind the contact now.

Ronan couldn't help but wonder if Adam had only been shown that being touched hurt. He hated thinking of someone hitting him. Softly he kisses his lips. "No matter what happens you will always be safe here. Okay? With me."

Adam nodded, smiling and studying Ronan's eyes. In just one day, his heart had been won by this boy. "I know."

Pressing close, Adam took another kiss, wanting to linger in the feeling of Ronan's lips moving against his own.

There was something magical about waking up in a tent on the beach with this boy in his arms. Someone he had shown his secret too. All of them. No one knew these things about him but Adam. That was freeing and a little scary.

This was the best way wake up. Ronan kissed him back, tunneling his fingers into his hair.

"Good morning." He smiled against his lips. "God you're beautiful."

"You're pretty breathtakingly handsome yourself," Adam flirted, grinning. He traced his thumb along the edge of Ronan's cheekbone. "Forget the boat, we can just stay here in this tent forever, kissing."

"God. Yes. Please." Ronan would stay here forever if he could. Though the appeal of running away with Adam was just as strong. No responsibility. Just them. "I'm glad it's you that showed up."

“We would have crossed paths eventually,” Adam says, grin still wide and content, as he continues tracing the lines of Ronan’s face with his finger. “One way or another. Your father just sped up the process. Or do you think you would have settled for someone else, if they’d been inflicted on you?”

"Tell me. If my father didn't force it, how would we have met?" Ronan is crushing on this boy hard. You can't look at him and not see it. He stares at Adam as if it's the first time he has ever seen the sun rise.

"Settled?" Ronan shakes his head. "THe heart wants what it wants. What it needs. I would never settle. I would have waited."

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