Alec Lightwood (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
angelic_archer) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
marlowemuses2019-01-10 07:11 pm
angelic_archer) wrote in marlowemuses2019-01-10 07:11 pm
The lonely become either thoughtful or empty
There had bee no other options. Someone had to guard the relics the Angel had given them. The Cup and Sword were too powerful to be left in mortal hands even those that had been blessed by the Angel. That power was too tempting no matter how noble Nephilim might be. There would always be someone, some group of someones, who would be seduced by the possibilities that those gifts represented.
Even centuries after the decision had been made, Alec wasn't sure why he had been chosen for this particular duty. His parabatai had been a better warrior. His sister was far more clever. But the Angel had chosen him. Perhaps because he was better able to accept the isolation of his divine task. His siblings would have been driven mad by loneliness after the first few decades.
There were times when Alec wondered if he would eventually succumb to insanity, but he had the books that he eventually became guardian of and the cats that somehow crept between worlds to keep him company. They weren't exactly cats, of course. They were built more like predators than pets, eyes glowing with flames instead of the usual nocturnal glow. No matter how frightening they looked, they were Alec's friends and they helped Alec protect the items the Angel had left in his care.
It was the cats that warned him that something was wrong at the gates. The largest of them howled a warning, hissing as she faced the gate. The rest of the pride ran to her as Alec sprinted for the gates. Something - Someone - was attacking. He felt the temple shiver its warning through him and he knew that no matter how impossible it seemed, someone had crossed the threshold between worlds.
Even centuries after the decision had been made, Alec wasn't sure why he had been chosen for this particular duty. His parabatai had been a better warrior. His sister was far more clever. But the Angel had chosen him. Perhaps because he was better able to accept the isolation of his divine task. His siblings would have been driven mad by loneliness after the first few decades.
There were times when Alec wondered if he would eventually succumb to insanity, but he had the books that he eventually became guardian of and the cats that somehow crept between worlds to keep him company. They weren't exactly cats, of course. They were built more like predators than pets, eyes glowing with flames instead of the usual nocturnal glow. No matter how frightening they looked, they were Alec's friends and they helped Alec protect the items the Angel had left in his care.
It was the cats that warned him that something was wrong at the gates. The largest of them howled a warning, hissing as she faced the gate. The rest of the pride ran to her as Alec sprinted for the gates. Something - Someone - was attacking. He felt the temple shiver its warning through him and he knew that no matter how impossible it seemed, someone had crossed the threshold between worlds.
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Still shivering, Alec started toweling himself off as best he could. "Do you realize how reckless it was to bring Gansey here? I know that people don't believe like they used to but I promised one of God's Angels that I would protect the relics here." He paused, wiping the rain from his face, wondering if Adam would believe him. Or care about his duties. "If your protection hadn't worked, I would have been forced to kill him. I would have had to live with that guilt forever."
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He'd trusted that Alec would talk before shooting, that he'd listen to Adam, that the temple would favor Gansey the way everything seemed to favor Gansey, and that the temple would allow Adam to bring Gansey through under his protection the way he'd brought the caterpillar through. He'd been certain of all of that, and it proved out, but it hadn't mattered because Alec hadn't trusted Adam in return and hadn't wanted his gesture.
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Folding the wet towel, he put it aside where it wouldn't hurt any of the furniture. Shaking out another, Alec tried to dry off his shoulders. It was probably a lost cause. "Even my family was forbidden to come here after I agreed to stay."
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Dropping his spoon, Adam got up and pushed his chair away from the table, continuing to avoid looking at Alec. "I thought you would trust me. It's clear now you never will. The temple won't let me not be here, but I'll try to stay out of your way."
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Shivering, he wrapped the towel around himself, trying to get warm. Nothing he said would fix this. Nothing would make Adam realize he couldn't do whatever he wanted. Adam didn't even acknowledge that Alec had never been able to see his siblings again. That hurt more than Alec wanted to think about. "It's not about trust. It's about respect. You don't respect my vows and you don't respect what I sacrificed so that someone else wouldn't be forced to be here."
His voice trailed off as he realized that Adam wouldn't listen. He was too stubborn to see the consequences of his actions. If Alec or Gansey got hurt... Why should Adam care if he got hurt? All their conversations about partnerships and courting were based on lies. All Adam wanted was a guard cat.
Which Alec could give him. Tossing the towel onto the floor, he muttered a few words of Latin, imagining dark, sleek fur and eyes that could see in the dark. As that form became more detailed in his mind, the feeling of sodden fabric against his skin faded. When his clothes slipped away, he thought of soft, black paws and sharp fangs. Shaking himself to make sure that all the water had disappeared with his clothes and didn't mar his fur, he sat down. Curling his tail around his front paws in a pose that was similar to one that Persephone favored, he looked up at Adam, waiting to see if the priestess would continue their argument now that he could only yowl.
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After everything Adam had seen and experienced, he hadn't thought that anything could surprise him anymore, but he'd never imagined that Alec meant guard cat literally.
He'd never been to a zoo, and had never seen a big cat outside of TV. He wasn't sure if they were naturally this big or not, because Alec had lost none of his mass in the shift and the cat seemed intimidatingly enormous.
Staring in bewildered awe for a long moment, it took a few more seconds of silence for Adam's head to tilt as he started to think.
No, he supposed, he didn't respect Alec's vows. Adam needed to be able to pit his will against something, to work in partnership with something, give and take, but even though the temple gave, whenever Adam tried to take, Alec got in the way, stopping Adam and taking the backlash on his behalf, even when the backlash was only hypothetical. Alec told Adam what he couldn't do on the temple or the Angel's behalf, and took Adam's punishments accordingly, but that only made Adam more stubborn and furious, because he couldn't argue, negotiate, or persuade with some ancient tenets that Alec had made a thousand years before.
The problem was unacceptable. Adam needed to fix it. He pressed against the desire to demand that the temple take him to the angel or some avatar of the temple. He considered demanding that the temple give some sign as to whether or not Adam was allowed to permit guests.
Continuing to stare at Alec as he processed, Adam finally rose to his feet, head high and eyes dark with inhuman determination. "No," he decided at last. "I do not accept that your vows are static and unchanging. Your angel gave you your duty, but I am your Messiah. With me, through me, the rules change. If the angel disagrees, he can and will communicate it to me." Adam pulled the tarot cards from his pocket and threw them down upon the table where they splayed out. "He will punish me if I defy what he communicates to me as his will. There is no conflict between your duty and my will. There is no conflict between your vows and my permissions." He reached his hand out, intending to lay it on Alec's head. "Te absolvo."
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Cocking his head to one side when Adam stood, he watched the priestess, noticing the strange color of his eyes. If Alec had been out in the mortal world, still a Shadowhunter, he might have been afraid. But this was his place even if the temple responded more to Adam now than him. The temple would not let him be harmed if he was attempting his duties. If Alec wished to hide or slink through the shadows, the temple would let him.
His ears flipped down for a moment before Alec let out an annoyed huff. Messiah? By the Angel, Adam was more disrespectful that he'd thought. Or the priestess was insane. Whichever possibility was true, he hadn't agreed to his vows being changed or to having a messiah. Slowly standing, he waited until Adam finished his speech before rolling his eyes and avoided Adam's outstretched hand. Padding over to the spot that he assumed would be the warmest in the room, he curled up and placed his head on his paws, making sure that he could watch Adam. He doubted that the priestess could seriously injure him but he still wanted to be careful until he was sure of Adam's sanity.