I carry you with me

[hondoyota]

When Adam heard Ronan's voice, he thought at first that he'd imagined it. The voice had changed, after all. It was deeper and rougher, not like he remembered, but there was still an intrinsic Ronan-ness to it. Helped along by the swearing. It echoed from the front hall of the manor, up to the second-floor study where Adam was industriously cleaning and polishing a set of book shelves.

He set down the rag he was working with and went to the door so that he could hear better. Other servants scurried about, hurrying to carry luggage and prepare rooms. If Ronan had sent word he was coming, the notice hadn't reached Adam. He hovered out of sight, heart aching as it slammed against his ribs. Ronan was home. Adam wasn't even sure that Ronan would remember him anymore. It had been years, and Ronan had never really needed Adam in his life. Adam had only ever been the convenient friend, the pet project that Ronan's father had allowed because Ronan was better behaved at his lessons while Adam was sitting beside him. Gansey had stolen Ronan away, and Ronan had gone, never once thinking of Adam, never writing to him. He'd ceased to exist.

Clenching his hands into fists, Adam went back into the room and resumed his task. There was no point lingering at the doorframe and hoping. Ronan wouldn't remember him.

Comments

[somnioergosum]

Ronan hadn't even stepped through the door before he and Declan started arguing. Actually "started" wasn't the most accurate word. This was just picking up where they'd left off except they hadn't come to blows yet. In the end, after one last burst of yelling, Matthew intervened and Ronan stormed off.

He had no direction in mind. His body or rather his memories knew where to take him. Up the stairs, past this room and that one. Every space, every speck of dust stirred more feelings in him than he'd experienced in the past few years. There was nothing to mask it now, no escape waiting for him. He felt so raw.

He stopped outside the study. He used to go there sometimes, when he was a different person. "Gentler" Gansey might have put it. Ronan preferred to tell it like it was. He'd been a better person.

Ronan opened the door, curious if his old Latin texts were still there. He stared.

He'd hoped that Adam had moved away and just never received his letters. He figured it wasn't the case. It still hurt to have confirmation.

"You're still here?" He finally managed to say.