I carry you with me

[hondoyota]

When Adam heard Ronan's voice, he thought at first that he'd imagined it. The voice had changed, after all. It was deeper and rougher, not like he remembered, but there was still an intrinsic Ronan-ness to it. Helped along by the swearing. It echoed from the front hall of the manor, up to the second-floor study where Adam was industriously cleaning and polishing a set of book shelves.

He set down the rag he was working with and went to the door so that he could hear better. Other servants scurried about, hurrying to carry luggage and prepare rooms. If Ronan had sent word he was coming, the notice hadn't reached Adam. He hovered out of sight, heart aching as it slammed against his ribs. Ronan was home. Adam wasn't even sure that Ronan would remember him anymore. It had been years, and Ronan had never really needed Adam in his life. Adam had only ever been the convenient friend, the pet project that Ronan's father had allowed because Ronan was better behaved at his lessons while Adam was sitting beside him. Gansey had stolen Ronan away, and Ronan had gone, never once thinking of Adam, never writing to him. He'd ceased to exist.

Clenching his hands into fists, Adam went back into the room and resumed his task. There was no point lingering at the doorframe and hoping. Ronan wouldn't remember him.

Comments

[hondoyota]

Realizing his mistake, Adam dropped his chin quickly, even though hiding his bruises meant turning his deaf ear toward Ronan. “What do you think happened?”

No one cared if Adam got hit, and the bruises made Declan even less inclined to give Adam any tasks that required being in the presence of guests, which meant Adam’s chances to get a better position and leave here with a good reference were compromised. “It’s nothing you need to bother yourself with.”

[somnioergosum]

Ronan ignored him. He used to be more inclined to listen to Adam but that was before he ignored all his letters. "Why is your father still here?" he hissed. The man should have been dismissed. He'd told Declan--

Oh. Damn, that must have backfired.

[hondoyota]

"He has a job here," Adam hissed back at him, angry and defensive because he couldn't understand what Ronan was missing about what seemed to Adam to be an obvious and straightforward situation. "Like he's had for my entire life. I have a job here. And unlike you, I don't have the leisure of leaving whenever the whim strikes me."

He doesn't want to fight with Ronan about this. He doesn't want to hold a grudge over Ronan leaving him, especially not when he knows that Ronan doesn't care, and if Adam keeps nursing his broken heart it's just going to ruin any chance he has of a civil friendship with Ronan.