marlowemuses | Lessons

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Lessons

Wei Wuxian had lost hope, but his pride had yet to falter.

The Wen Sect had attacked the Lotus Pier, using Wei Wuxian’s bad attitude as their excuse. He’d lost his home and his foster parents, such as they were, and Jiang Cheng had been bent on revenge. It had ended with them here, branded as traitors to the government. He didn’t know what had happened to Jiang Chen, but he assumed that his fate was much the same.

Time had blurred for him, though the unmarked stretches of time formed a pattern. There was the cold gray cell with the propaganda television upon the wall, proclaiming virtues and sins, and the Wen Sect’s superiority over all. There was the processing room, with the bureaucrat who explained his situation. He was now the property of the state. Because of his youth and his appearance (“Oh, are you saying I’m pretty? You’re not really my type, I don’t really go for lump-faced brown-nosers like you…”), he had the opportunity to be a helpmeet, if he would agree to yield to the training.

Wei Wuxian expressed that he was enjoying their hospitality so very much, he could not possibly wish to leave.

And then there was the torture, which went on for hours, until he wept and screamed. They explained to him that this was still a merciful torture, which left no damage. He still had the opportunity to become a helpmeet. He could serve an honorable clan and be well-treated. (“Oh, are you saying I can be someone’s bitch? I hope they’re prettier than you.”)

After the third round of this, they had informed him that this was his last chance. His last offer. If he would yield to the training and accept his role as a helpmeet, he would be fed and given soft clothes and allowed to rest. If he did not yield, he would suffer far more excruciating torture, and then he would be given the opportunity to enter a work camp or to labor in a mine. The more painful torture would leave him capable of work, but it would leave marks. He would no longer be pretty. (“You really are fixated on me being pretty! I understand that you are in love with me, but really this is no way to go about a courtship!”)

They threw him back in the cell.

Wei Wuxian had some regrets about his insubordination. It would perhaps not be the worst thing to be a helpmeet (especially if he was given to a pretty girl who wanted him as a stud!), but he could not endure yielding his pride and kneeling before some stranger. He did not want to become some mindless, simpering automaton. But the alternative was being tortured until he broke or died. Wei Wuxian was shameless, but he was very proud. He decided that he would be tortured to death before he broke and pleaded for mercy.

The next day, he was brought to a new cell. It was not at all what he expected. It was very large and very white, with a great many lights beaming down from the ceiling. There, they made him kneel in the middle of the floor, and chained his cuffs to a ring in the floor behind him so that he could not slump or stand. Wei Wuxian did not mind this so much. He was accustomed to kneeling.

In front of him was a large mirror that took up the whole wall. He suspected that it was a one-way mirror, so that whoever was on the other side of the glass could watch what happened in the room. Probably Wen Chao, he thought. It would be just like him to want to watch Wei Wuxian’s humiliation and torture, and to not do it himself.

He was left there for a long period of time. At least an hour, but he yet again had no way to tell how much time was passing. This seemed strange to him. Surely this was not the new, worse torture they had promised, and he had not yielded or agreed to cooperate, so there was no reason that they would take mercy on him.

Eventually, the door opened behind him. Wei Wuxian was very curious, so he twisted around to look. It was Lan Zhan!

This was a surprise. Lan Zhan was as flawless as ever, in his white GusuLan Sect clothes that looked like he was in mourning. He looked upright and dignified, so he was certainly not a prisoner here. As far as Wei Wuxian knew, the Lan Sect was still held in esteem by the Wen Sect and the government.

They were not exactly friends. Lan Wangji had never liked him, even though Wei Wuxian was always friendly to him and they had even fought together. Lan Zhan was still too uptight, and Wei Wuxian supposed that Lan Zhan found him inappropriate and annoying. He’d said as much! Almost half the words that Lan Zhan had ever said to him were things like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘pathetic’. Wei Wuxian considered him an ally, and would even have trusted Lan Zhan in most situations, but this was not a good situation. He couldn’t think of any good reason why Lan Zhan would be here, unless he had come to take part in Wei Wuxian’s humiliation.

“Do you work for the Department of Re-Education now, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked, making his voice light and flippant, as though he had not been exhausted, starved, and tortured for days.

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Lan Zhan heard the child. "...I see."

Lan Zhan quietly drinks his tea, contemplating. His expression remains stony and cold as ever as he felt something begin to pummel when Wei Ying wanted to speak to him. Taking a deep breath

"Little one, please go outside and play. I need to speak to Wei Ying and talk to him."

A-Yuan looked from one to the other, worried about them and not wanting to leave them alone, but he trusted Lan Zhan, so he went.

Wei Ying watched him go, and then looked over at Lan Zhan. He wasn't quite sure whether Lan Zhan was creating the space he had asked for, when Wei Ying had asked to talk, or if Lan Zhan had something else he wanted to say. Wei Ying felt like he was in trouble somehow.

He didn't say anything, waiting to see what Lan Zhan wanted to say.

Lan Zhan waited for the child to obediently leave. Now he has Wei Ying all to himself, a space to talk without the child present and worrying him. It's simply grown-up matters that shouldn't worry someone that young.

Sensing Wei Ying's anxiety and sadness since the beginning, especially when he's gone for days, working for weeks to make ends meet, he sensed the trouble and distance grown between them and he knew he's being unfair to him.

Gently, "...Wei Ying. Do you wish to talk about it? What's on your mind?"

Wei Ying smiles a tiny bit, grateful that Lan Zhan wants to listen and has created this opportunity for them to talk at last.

"I miss you so much when you're away," Wei Ying says, which isn't at all what he had planned to say, but the words aren't as easy as they are in dreams.

He gets up, not looking at Lan Zhan, and goes to a cupboard in the wall. From it, he draws out a large bundle wrapped in white cloth, cradling it his arms with the same affection and care that he used with A-Yuan. He brings it back over and lays it on the floor in front of Lan Zhan.

The technique is something that he had to develop by himself. Nothing like it has ever been done before. Every night, he read for hours, studying the properties of woodgrain, and then he set to work. He had pieced the broken guqin together like a puzzle, and then he had poured spiritual energy into it to coax the wood to heal. He knew already how to use spiritual energy to heal other humans, and there were certain techniques like that which could revive and even repair dead flesh, but no one had ever tried to use it on wood.

Some of the pieces were missing entirely. They had been smashed into a dust that was too small for Wei Ying to have found when he gathered all the fragments, or the fragment had been lost. He filled in the gaps with clear resin, which strung like spiderwebs through the flesh of the instrument.

When it had been finished, and all the wood had been healed as best as he could manage, Wei Ying had strung the instrument, and learned from books how to tune it. The basic musical tuning of it was easy enough for him, but the sound of the instrument was permanently altered. It sounded strange and unearthly, even in the few testing plucks Wei Ying had done. He doesn't know if Lan Zhan will reject it again as a failure, and cast it into the fire as he had promised to do.

Lan Zhan swallowed hard as he felt emotions that he buried deep within. Emotions of his guilt and shame. When the broken pieces being mended, Lan Zhan can't help but to stare at him hopelessly as the instrument is being pieced back together again.

"Wei Ying, no...you shouldn't have. I told you to throw it away as firewood. I already found another one. I even learn to play the erhu for my shows." But it's too late, he couldn't stop him. For once, Lan Zhan sat in place hopelessly as he watches Wei Ying so meticulously put the pieces together. He didn't expect this, not at all, hence his surprise and shock.

Softly again, "Wei Ying, please. Even like that, it won't..." But he was defeated. Why Wei Ying was so kind and thoughtful to him?

Lan Zhan picks up the guqin and examined it. It was whole again, but he felt different even though he reluntantly pluck a tune and it almost sounds as good as it was before. But he felt detached from it and his initial reaction is to reject it. Yet in a few moments, he decides out of practicality to keep it because guqins are expensive instruments and thought about the value of it and because Wei Ying put so much thought and energy into putting it back together again for him.

Gingerly he lifted the instrument to put on the table, but he has no will to play it and Lan Zhan stare at it with a hollow look. Since the first one, he sold it, and this second one, he broke it out of rage, which he regret it later.

"Thank you, Wei Ying. It's beautiful..." The thought and care he puts it together counts, but Lan Zhan's expression reveals it doesn't get to the heart of the issue of why he's distant.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?"

Wei Ying's heart aches as he watches him, and he feels that he should not speak. He has already done enough damage. He has already caused enough pain.

The guqin alone cannot communicate what he means, and he knows that. If he doesn't speak, then the guqin is only a reminder of Lan Zhan's pain, and there is a certain cruelty in such a gift.

"I love you," Wei Ying says. He watches Lan Zhan with desperate hope, wanting to be able to mend both their hearts and frightened that Lan Zhan will not want him back. "I want to make love with you every day for the rest of our lives."

"..." Upon hearing that, Lan Zhan trembles with emotion and he is in tears. Does he love him? He finds it hard to believe, even though he already knows, he had been waiting for so long to hear those words from him.

It was then the truth spilled out as to why he's behaving distant and enforce this loneliness. Lan Zhan fingers slide over the strings and pluck a note. His voice a whisper, "But I...I force myself upon you. So I ran away." Ran away to towns, get lost in people, get lost in the wildest places, get distracted to find purpose. "I was thinking you'll forget about it. You don't have to love me. It wasn't..." With difficulty to finish. "Necessary. We can live side by side like this. It's fine."

Wei Ying moves to his side and puts his arms around Lan Zhan's neck, hugging close to him because he cannot bear to be apart from him any longer. "You saved me, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying corrects, replacing Lan Zhan's version with his own. "You loved me. You protected me. But I couldn't love you while I still had no choice about it. You gave me a choice." He kisses softly at the side of Lan Zhan's neck and cheek, trying to comfort him and to assure him that this is true. "I choose you. I've wanted you every day. I love you, Lan Zhan. I want to marry you. Please. I want to be yours."

Lan Zhan never allows himself to cry, having long raised believing it to be a weakness. His love and passion for Wei Ying is what gives him strength since the war began as passionate as sacrificing everything.

When Wei Ying wraps his arms around him his love is really getting through his heart. He's starting to believe it. "I really miss this, Wei Ying." He said, sniffing as he hugs him back and he becomes warm again. In his mind, he finally hears him, cannot enforce himself to be deaf and mute and withdrawn. He's coming back to him.

He repeats after him. Each word slowly, "Mn....love you...Want you...marry you...being yours. Everyday. It's you who I love. Only you!"

His heart races and seize by his desire last night, he pounces on Wei Ying to the floor, greeting him with a crushing embrace chest to chest, heart pounding, as his lips pressed on his cheek and neck, with a rain of kisses.

"Love you..." Kiss. "Can't be anyone but you..." Kiss kiss. "Want you!"

Wei Ying laughs with delight as Lan Zhan suddenly pounces him, hugging him tight. "Lan Zhan, Er-Gege, my husband," he replies, giggling at the rain of kisses and returning them as best he can. He tangles his legs around Lan Zhan's waist, embracing him with legs and arms so that Lan Zhan cannot leave him again.

Finally he feels forgiven, and loved, and truly safe. Lan Zhan loves him, and Lan Zhan has proven that he will give anything, even breaking his own heart, to make Wei Ying happy. "Lan Zhan, I love you, I need you, please, please fuck me."

"...Not married yet. Soon. I want to marry you." He murmured dreamily.

Lan Zhan's breath becomes rapid and hot. His body feeling hot with want as his hands search him, groping him greedily, and not holding back. His hands are hot as slides beneath his tunic, rolling them up to see Wei Ying's pale body and pair of nipples.

Pressing his hips against him, slowly grinding. He descended on his nipples to suck on him wetly, licking at him. "Mm. Wei Ying." He moans deeply, his eyes hazed over with lust. This body and soul of his, it's like a dream. "So warm..."

Wei Ying feels like he is home at last as Lan Zhan's hands, and he's no longer afraid. He trusts Lan Zhan, and he's freed without the pressure of needing to be obedient to him. If he obeys Lan Zhan, it is from pleasure and love, and Wei Ying likes the thought of that.

"Gege," Wei Ying moans, tugging on Lan Zhan's clothing as best he can, though he is distracted by the strength of Lan Zhan's hands and the wet heat of his mouth. "Kiss me," he begs.

He stops for a moment, with a nod, and Lan Zhan undresses. The cold in the jingshi made him hiss softly. He craves that body heat and closes, wanting to be close as much as he can.

"Mn...kiss you." He whispered and slowly, wanting to feel him, his mouth travels up, placing kisses on his collarbone, on his the hollow of his throat, and then on his lips, his tongue slides inside to kiss him wetly.

Wei Ying watches hungrily as Lan Zhan undresses for him. He's so beautiful, and Wei Ying aches for him. Lan Zhan is his, and Wei Ying is so grateful to have him.

Lan Zhan settles atop him again, and Wei Ying winds his arms and legs around him, welcoming him back. He whines needily at the other kisses, even as they move upward to his mouth, and finally he has what he needs. Moaning shamelessly as Lan Zhan's tongue claims his mouth, Wei Ying slides his hands down Lan Zhan's back, blunt nails digging into Lan Zhan's skin as he clings possessively to him.

Lan Zhan continues to kiss him hungrily, craving his kisses while touching him, groping him greedily, feeling skin and warmth while he was away on those long weeks, trying to forget. He aches for him, wanting to connect to him.

"Wei Ying..." He moans, panting in the kisses, whining as he felt his own cock begin to harden and throb and ache against the fabric of his pants.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying begs in return, grinding up against Lan Zhan's hard length. He's so desperate for him, feeling like he might die if he has to go without kisses for even a moment, if he doesn't have Lan Zhan inside of him in seconds. "Please, Lan Zhan, I need you to fuck me. Please, get the oil. Please fuck me."

He doesn't want to let go, but this is a higher priority, so he untangles his arms and legs so that they can attend to the basic practicalities of preparing his body. After weeks of being apart, Wei Ying knows that he's going to be tight.

While Lan Zhan fetches oil, Wei Ying scrambles out of the rest of his clothes, shivering in the cold air of the jingshi as he follows after Lan Zhan to the bedroom, where the bottle of oil is still in the same place in the table by the bed. "Lan Er-Gege," Wei Ying murmurs, flirtatious as he stands naked in the doorway.

Lan Zhan made a noise of arousal when his hard length is being grinded. "Wei Ying, wait for me..." Lan Zhan was so pent up with sexual frustration, hearing the sound of his voice begging for his cock after dreaming about it in his long treks through the villages, thinking it's nothing more than a fantasy, it's becoming real.

There's a rustle of clothing being removed, Lan Zhan joins his beloved in the bedroom and found his cock begin to weep with pre-cum. He's not sure if they have oil left, but he took a moment to check the table and drawer for any. Thankfully he didn't throw the bottles out at that moment when he thought he doesn't need them anymore. He has a few lefts and completely forgot all about it, and left it alone.

With the bottle of oil on hand. "Wei Ying, get on the bed." He sighed. It was tormenting for him. Wei Ying is lean and finely muscled and well-toned from the hard work of chopping wood. He won't be shivering from cold as soon Lan Zhan wraps his arms around him, and kisses him fervently on his neck and shoulders, and bites him playfully. "Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Yuandao~." He murmured flirtatiously. There's no distant look, as his golden eyes become warm and enamored and it shows he has been in love with him and only him for all of these years.

Wei Ying lays down beneath him, shivering once as his bare skin stretches across the cool surface of the bed. All smiles, Wei Ying gazes up at his beloved, warmed by the molten gold of his eyes.

"I love you," Wei Ying murmurs to him, happy.

Embracing Lan Zhan again, he laughs at the kisses and bites, squirming playfully beneath him. "Lan Zhan! Are you still hungry? Didn't I feed you enough?"

He spreads his legs for Lan Zhan, lifting his hips with impatient invitation. "Please, Lan Zhan, please fill me. Fuck me. I need you."

"You been good to me. Don't want food now. Want you. Only you." Lan Zhan doesn't need food now. He has other needs. Such as sex and affection. Which he has been starving for because he only wanted from one.

"I love you too." The more Wei Ying said it, the more he becomes enliven with passion. "Forgive me."

With the oil, with Wei Ying's leg spread, he slickens his fingers with the oil and touches the soft pink entrance where he pushes one finger inside, preparing him, slicking up his inner walls. Wei Ying feels exquisitely tight.

Wei Ying moans for him. He loves this, and he has missed this so much. He's masturbated a few times while Lan Zhan was away, but only with a hand on his cock. Twice he let his hand stray between his legs, considering fingering himself and thinking of Lan Zhan, but the thought hurt too much and left him aching with sorrow. He pulled his hand away, no longer in the mood.

Now, with his lover back in his arms, Wei Ying feels so fulfilled as Lan Zhan's finger thrusts inside of him. It won't be right until it's Lan Zhan's cock filling him, but he's so tight after going untouched for weeks.

"Forgive me," Wei Ying echoes, reaching up to touch Lan Zhan's face. He crests his thumb over Lan Zhan's eyebrow, smiling with adoration. "There's no need for forgiveness between us two."

Lan Zhan adds a second finger, and then carefully a third, stretching him out with loving care as he slicks him up with the oil, pumping his fingers inside of him to rub that sensitive spot inside. How he longs Wei Ying to speak to him again as he becomes withdrawn and didn't think he's worthy of his love, that he is unable to find the right words to speak.

"...mn. But I want to say it. I hurt you, and I'm sorry." And Lan Zhan is the type who should say that, but Wei Ying makes it better.

He kisses him on the lips, with a longing to kiss him. He removes his fingers after he prepared him, and then stroke his cock lovingly, touching him, and then guides his cock toward the pink entrance that is begging to be filled.

He waits for a few moments, seeking permission. "I'm going to put this in. Are you ready?" Lan Zhan is not going to hold himself back.

"I hurt you, too," Wei Ying points out. He can't take his eyes from Lan Zhan's face. He gives every gasp and moan to Lan Zhan as those fingers move inside him, stroking that sensitive spot and urging his muscle to open. "And I'm sorry."

His hole clenches, empty, once Lan Zhan removes his fingers.

"Please, Lan Zhan. Fill me. Make me yours. I need you." Wei Ying clings to him, tugging at Lan Zhan's shoulders to pull him closer. "Please. I can't bear to live without you."

Living these past weeks has been hard enough. Wei Ying aches with love and need, longing to be united with Lan Zhan. "Please fuck me, Gege."

Lan Zhan feels worthy, worthy of his love. He really loves Wei Ying for all of these years. He remembered him since the first day they met, this laughing, teasing boy who breaks all the rules and play shameless pranks on him to see his reactions from his stoic demeanor. He didn't like him at first but tolerated him.

Lan Zhan is full of love for him. So much love, it's a type of love where the sun follows the moon, the oceans greet the shore and follow him into darkness. He really grasps his desperation for him that Lan Zhan prays this is truly real.

With a sharp inhale of breath, "Wei Ying, I don't want you to get hurt again. Never again. Can't bear it. Not without you."

Slowly, he wants it to be gentle for him, to prove himself. He slides himself inside of him, all the way in. He's very hard as he hasn't felt his connection to him for a long time, having lived in denial. The feeling of being inside his tight heat serves quite a shock to him, that Lan Zhan gasps with pleasure, and Wei Ying feels incredible to him.

"Wei Ying, I want to feel your hidden depths."

Wei Ying gasps as his lover slides inside. He's so big, and so hard, and Wei Ying is tight again now that they haven't been doing this every day. But it feels so right to have Lan Zhan back inside of him.

"You're feeling my hidden depths," Wei Ying teases. He hugs tight to Lan Zhan, one arm wound jealously around his shoulders and the other cradling his head. His legs trap Lan Zhan's hips, preventing him from doing anything but grinding. "You're all the way inside them."

Nuzzling at him, Wei Ying sighs with contentment. "I love you, Lan Zhan."

Lan Zhan feels himself lost within him, and yet being with him and inside of him, being one with him, he felt connected and found himself in him. Ever since he laid eyes on him, Wei Ying is his answer, always drawn to him like a light in the dark. Wei Ying is his purpose, that he knows for certain. Everything his heart does, it's always connected to Wei Ying.

Lan Zhan rocks inside of him, feeling his tight heat around his member. As he kisses him with reverence where his lips can land, making love to him. "Mm, I want to feel you, everything of you. I love you, Wei Ying. I always love you." His voice feels of emotion, as he feels himself gradually feeling the pleasure build higher, higher closer to climax. He presses his lips on his skin, on the pulse of his throat, kissing him everywhere as his cock melts inside of his body in that heat. "Lost in you...want to marry you. Make love to you every day." He murmured dreamily, as for he speaks with so much certainty.

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