I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

[tenebrarius]

They'd made it sound like a scholarship at first, an honor earned from his intelligence and hard work.

Adam had thought that this was the ticket he'd worked so hard to earn, his entry to the capitol's university. He couldn't imagine what else would summon him--him, Adam Parrish, by name--to the palace.

The reality was baffling and frustrating. He'd spent the past hours being interviewed and tested by an array of officials and tutors who claimed that he was being considered for a position as the prince's companion. It wasn't a position Adam wanted, but everyone so far had emphasized what an honor it was, and Adam's polite, non-confrontational attitude toward authority was deeply ingrained. But he had his pride and his temper, too. He'd refused to open his mouth to let them check his teeth like he was a horse for sale.

After the fifth minister left, evidently satisfied with Adam's intelligence and ambition, Adam paced the room.

This had to stop. Adam didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to play babysitter to the spoiled prince of the kingdom. He had ambitions. He had his place in the university all but guaranteed, as soon as he could save up enough money for his entry. They could take their 'great honor' and stuff it up the prince's ass.

Diatribe ready, Adam whirled on the next person to open the door, ready to tell them just what he thought of their nonsense interviews. He wasn't anticipating a teenage boy his own age. Startled, Adam drew up short, dropping his eyes to the floor. This had to be the prince. And while the kingdom had advanced past the days of public executions, Adam knew that any of the royal family could ruin his prospects permanently if he displeased them.

Comments

[the_greywaren]

"If I wasn't such a shithead my dad wouldn't have done this. I can help." Ronan looks down at their hands. He feels guilty and he feels angry. Adam's non-answer was the answer he dreaded. Now because he had wasted his day at the palace he might get hurt. "You could get away if you accepted my father's deal. Be on your own away from anyone that would hurt you. Say yes. Stay."

[tenebrarius]

"I wouldn't be on my own," Adam explains to him. His heart aches. He doesn't want to let go of Ronan's hand. He should hurry home, because every moment of delay will only make his fate worse. But he doesn't want this moment to end, the moment in which someone cares about him and wants him safe. "I'd belong to you, because you'd bought me."

[the_greywaren]

"You're a person. You don't belong to me or anyone else. My father wouldn't consider you property either." Niall had his issues but he wasn't a bad person. Ronan looked saddened. "He's...just trying to fix me. He doesn't know how. I wouldn't let you be that, a thing that someone owns." He looked away and sighed. "It's your choice. I won't force you. Guess I would just ask you to think about that a little more because it kind of seems like you are already property and that master doesn't treat you how you deserve."

[tenebrarius]

Adam tightens his jaw, nostrils flaring with anger and indignation at the comparison. And yet he knows Ronan's not wrong.

He pulls his hand back, but he stands glaring at Ronan for another minute, thinking it through.

He did pass their tests, and he was asked because he's qualified. He got their attention through his merit, and now he has a chance to name his own terms for it. "A scholarship," he agrees. "A real one. With a room in the academy, not the palace. And I'll be your friend for free."

[the_greywaren]

Ronan crosses his arms over his chest and braces for Adam to angrily put him in his place. He's pleasantly surprised when that isn't what happens. Even if the way he's being glared at makes what Adam says still feel a little hostile.

"A scholarship with room and board at the academy. If we become friends, if we don't, that doesn't have any impact on everything else. You have my word." He offers a hand to Adam to seal the deal.

[tenebrarius]

Adam clasps Ronan's hand. He still feels like this is cheating, even though he's earned it.

"We became friends," Adam says, with a little grin, "when you climbed out that window with me."

[the_greywaren]

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile as he curled his hand around Adam's. Ronan was excited. Hopeful even. He really didn't want to go back to the palace now, at least not without Adam.

"What about tonight with your dad?"

[tenebrarius]

"I'll be okay," Adam says, even though he doesn't know that's true. "I've lived there all my life, after all." Ronan's hand is warm against his own. They're holding hands a lot, and it's... thrilling. Adam has a friend. He grins a little bit wider.

[the_greywaren]

That smile is dangerous he thinks. Yet he wants to see more of it. "We'll lie. Tell him my horse got away from me and I got hurt. You helped me. He should be proud his son stopped to help his Prince." He sighs. "Or I'll sleep outside and if I hear anything I don't like I'll be forced to bust the door down."

[tenebrarius]

"I thought you didn't approve of lying," Adam teases, and he thinks he might be flirting. Ronan's earnest sweetness makes Adam's heart feel warm, and he can't help but think of the not-quite-secret Ronan handed him about Ronan's sexuality. "The prince is going to sleep outside my window? I don't believe you."

[the_greywaren]

"I approve of you not catching hell over this." Ronan wasn't a liar and he didn't like to do it. Unless he found it absolutely necessary. Now it was necessary. Or Adam would have to let Ronan spew the truth and that would likely end in a fist fight with the man hitting Adam. "If it keeps you safe I will."

[tenebrarius]

“It’s late now,” Adam points out, but he’s grinning a little. “Hardly seems worth the bother of going home at all. Maybe I’ll just sleep on the beach.” His hand tightens on Ronan’s. They’re friends now. He’s not letting go.

[the_greywaren]

His lips are twisted into a half cocked smirk. "We could go back. Start a fire." At no point does he make any attempt to take his hand back. "I could show you around the palace. Private tour. Let you run wild in the library."

[tenebrarius]

“I like both those options.” He likes Ronan. Smiling at him, Adam brushes his thumb along the side of Ronan’s hand. “Let’s go to the beach and build that fire.”

[the_greywaren]

Adam's smile is a dangerous thing. It makes Ronan think about things he shouldn't. None of them have to do with school or duty. Just getting more of that smile. "Fuck yeah." Ronan pauses. He's kind of surprised. "Really? You're sure?"

[tenebrarius]

"I'm sure. Spare you sleeping on the ground outside my window. Might as well just let you sleep inside. My father won't be able to throw the prince out of my room." The prospect is appealing on multiple counts, and Adam can't help but grin. He turns back toward the beach, keeping hold of Ronan's hand.

[the_greywaren]

His grin promises nothing but trouble. The tip of his tongue passes over his lips. "Are you inviting me to sleep over?"

[tenebrarius]

"Well, I was going to go sleep on the beach, but if you want to sleep in my room..." Adam says, all playfulness now. This is a new side to himself. Ronan makes him a different person. Adam's fascinated by it.

[the_greywaren]

Ronan smiles. This boy isn't what he expected when they first started talking. He didn't think he would ever see him as a person and not a prince. That's the truth though, Ronan is just a boy, young and curious and wanting more from life than what it has offered him. Wanting someone.

"Like the way you flirt, Adam Parrish." Ronan tugs on his hand and heads for the beach. "I liked the way you looked at the water. Beach it is."

Time for Adam to overthink everything, must be a day ending in y.

[tenebrarius]

Is this flirting? Adam's not sure if he is flirting, or how he feels about the idea of flirting. But he doesn't think he minds it, so he doesn't bother worrying about it. He likes teasing and spending time with Ronan. Flirting, if that's what this is.

It makes him wonder, further, if he wants what comes after flirting. If Ronan thinks he's flirting, and Ronan wants more than that, is that something Adam would like? He considers, theoretically, the idea of kissing Ronan. He doesn't feel revulsion at the idea. He doesn't feel much of anything, but he doesn't have enough information to know if he'd like it. People like kissing. He likes Ronan.

Walking with Ronan back toward the beach, Adam's eyes linger on his new friend. Their hands stay linked.

[the_greywaren]

Ronan might not think or overthink enough. He just goes with the flow. What he is feeling, what he wants, his anger. Reacting is what he is good at. Like now. He doesn't know this kid. But he likes how he has felt from the moment Adam stared back at him in his room and held his gaze. Most people knew it was bad manners to stare at someone in the royal family like that. Ronan liked it.

He decided to stay away from the subject of flirting for now. Adam had gone quiet again.

"What is it you like so much about school? Something you want to be?"

[tenebrarius]

"Yes. I want to be something," Adam confirms. "Discover something, invent something. Be a reknowned academic, or a professor." Anything, as long as it's out of his father's house and on his own feet, in a position where people look at him in respect for his accomplishments. "And I like knowledge for its own merits. The world is a wondrous place, and I like discovering its secrets."

[the_greywaren]

"Discover? You like to treasure hunt?" There was another kid from court that Ronan sometimes hung out with. Only when he caught him nosing around the library. As they walked he let go of Adam's hand to take off the cape that was hooked to his jacket. Using it as a bag he started to gather wood. "Wouldn't it be the greatest thing to load up a cart and set off with nothing but a horse and a few supplies and see what you can find? Or a boat."

[tenebrarius]

"Let's do it," Adam says. Escaping his life and going to see the world has been his goal for a long time, and Ronan makes him impulsive. Ronan brought him to a horse and he climbed on. If Ronan brought him to a cart or a boat, as suggested, Adam would leave everything behind without looking back.

He helps Ronan gather the wood, carrying an armful of it to a good spot on the beach and starting to build a fire pit.

[the_greywaren]

"Really?" Ronan didn't think he would get that kind of response. The idea of it is exciting. He always thought about going out in the world but he always thought he would do it alone. "Don't tease me, Parrish. If you're in..." He smiled. "We'll do it."