marlowemuses | Written in the Stars

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Written in the Stars

It still felt incredible to Adam that he was here, on this starship, in a navigator's uniform. He tried not to gape openly as he made his way through the ship, following the map on his communicator to find the quarters that he'd been assigned.

He'd been born in the colonies, and had known want all his life. Testing into the navigator program--on a full scholarship--was a dream come true. Years of hard work and training and it still seemed surreal. But he was here. He'd made it. He was a navigator.

The door to his quarters opened with a touch, already coded to his fingerprint. The room was simple and utilitarian, but it had a private bathroom and there was plenty of space. In terms of what Adam was accustomed to in the colonies, this was luxurious.

Dropping his bag on the lower bunk, Adam sank down to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning back and closing his eyes for a moment. He drifted off almost immediately, chronically sleep-deprived by the level of training and study he required of himself in order to stay at the top of his class.

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Ronan ran his hand over his head to keep himself from shaking. He paced to release the excess of energy now that he had no reason to use it. God, he was never going to be able to sleep tonight.

"That you weren't going to be in our room, asshole," he snapped but his voice was returning back to normal, at least in volume.

It took a couple of extra seconds--had Ronan wanted the room alone for some reason--before everything clicked. Ronan hadn't known where he was, and had been worried for him.

"I've been here," he said, logging out of his station with a couple of keystrokes and then standing up. He stayed where he was, careful. He'd never had Ronan's temper turned toward him before, though he had some idea of what Ronan's temper could do. So he just stayed quiet, careful not to provoke.

"Yeah, I can see that." Ronan finally stopped pacing. The anger was contained once more although it still waited to bubble up to the surface before spilling over. It'd have to wait for another time.

He took a heavy breath to release whatever tension he could. "If you're done, let's get the hell out of here."

Adam nodded and went to him, walking by Ronan's side back into the hall and toward their room. He could almost palpably feel the tension still in Ronan as they walked, but when it had come down to it, Ronan had been careful. He'd blunted the edge of his anger for Adam. All the impulsiveness Adam had seen in him, all the hot temper easily pricked by other fighters, and yet when it came to Adam, he was careful.

He'd been angry out of worry for Adam, and then the anger had either faded or been turned inward when he'd found Adam safe. He'd protected Adam. From the fighter, from the threat of whatever had kept Adam from their room, and then from himself. Adam stole a couple of glances over at him as they walked, trust deepening. He was safe with Ronan. He knew that now.

His knuckles brushed Ronan's arm, once, as they turned a corner. Adam couldn't quite decide whether he'd done it because he wasn't paying attention or because he wanted to touch Ronan, and because he couldn't decide he was careful not to let it happen again.

Ronan tensed instinctively but soon relaxed, knowing it was just Adam. His mouth twitched but he didn't smile. He was, however, much calmer the rest of the way back. And after he'd stripped off his clothes and showered, he spent the rest of the night quietly talking to Adam or sitting in comfortable silence while Adam studied and Ronan daydreamed.

Their peace only lasted for a few more days before the lines of the war shifted. Their ship's patrol on the edges of Alliance space had been a remote and safe outpost for trainees still getting used to their starfighters and each other. But suddenly the Colteron lines shifted.

The first time, Adam thought the alarms were just another drill, until they were in the ship and there were targets, real targets, Colteron targets. It was just like a simulation, except that everything was different. The real velocity and recoil of their starfighter in battle was nothing like the stable simulations, and nothing like their test flights.

It went on and on, unlike any of the simulations except a few of the endurance ones. They were in the battle for hours, and finally withdrawn from battle only so that the next shift could go in. Nine hours to rest, and then they were up again, in a battle that went on for days. They got breaks in one hour for lunch and then nine hours to rest, with seven hour shifts in between, so that by the third day everyone was exhausted, but the Colteron waves let up, and they rested again, until a few days later it all started up again.

Adam barely talked anymore outside of practicalities. They didn't train, aside from the half hour of physical exercise that was required of them every day. He touched more frequently, however, and that made up for the lack of words. Every time they entered or exited their fighter, he touched his knuckles to Ronan's. When they ate, he sat close enough to Ronan that their legs touched. When they left their room each day, he bumped his shoulder against Ronan's, and when they returned, he brushed his fingers against Ronan's wrist.

There was no back-up coming, and they knew it. There were no ships to spare: they had been the spares. It was simply a matter of holding the line.

The exhaustion was familiar. Even on the days when the waves were lessened and the line could be held with fewer soldiers, there was still a sense that at any moment, the emergency routine could start again, to have as many soldiers in ships as possible, while the techs and doctors repaired ships and healed soldiers as quickly as possible to get them back in the fight.

It was a thrill, though, despite the fear and the exhaustion. Adam's trust in Ronan deepened every day, every flight. They kept each other alive, and their kill count was one of the best on the ship.

But there was a battle where they got overwhelmed, where they were both tired and in hour six of a seven hour shift. Pinned between two Colteron ships, Adam couldn't dodge it fast enough and they took a hit. The hull shattered, and even though the emergency force field went up within seconds, they were badly damaged.

"Ronan?" Adam asked, trying not to panic as he reversed fast, dodging through the oncoming ships while he retreated, babbling a quick report to their fellow ships--we're hit, we're retreating--"Ronan, talk to me, give me something."

Ronan thought, as he saw one of the Colteron ships moving in front of them, that this was what he wanted. Throwing himself headlong into a fight he could never hope to win and didn't care if he proved everyone wrong or not. In practice, he found the sight of his death speeding toward him terrifying, but he didn't think that fear was for himself.

He knew that Adam was on it. They were turning so fast he couldn't aim. But he still opened his mouth to say something. And then the shield between him and space cracked and the ship around him shattered. The impact jolted his body and either his eyes shut or his vision cut out for the few seconds it took for pieces of the ship to embed themselves in his body. A sharp pain in his chest told him where the largest lay, and when he raised his hand to it, he cut his palm on the beam that had impaled him.

He pulled his trembling hand away and stared at the stars. The other ships faded and he hoped that was from distance and not his vision shutting down.

"Yeah," he said weakly. It hurt to breathe and it hurt even more to talk. "Get us-- back."

Maybe he should tell Adam how bad it was but what would be the point then? As cool as Adam as, if he panicked, they could both end up dead. Ronan clamped down on the anxiety growing inside him, or he tried to. There was no way to channel it into anger and even if there were, he felt too weak to hit something.

Ronan sounded... wrong, and he wasn't taking any shots, not even warning shots to keep off pursuit. Adam didn't let himself think or worry about it, not while Ronan was depending on him to pick up the slack and get them back safely.

He skidded into the hangar and into their spot, slamming the distress button to alert the techs that they needed help. Dropping the emergency shield, Adam yanked off his seatbelt and twisted around to see Ronan covered in blood, with several pieces of shrapnel stabbed into his body. "Ronan," he said, breathless with terror at the thought of losing his partner.

Edited 2018-09-03 02:09 (UTC)

They were safe. No, Adam was safe. Ronan was filled with a level of dread he'd never experienced. He kept thinking of his home and how he'd never see it again. The last thing he'd see would be this: his body pierced and broken. For some reason, he focused on how strange the blood looked on his all black uniform.

"O--kay. Yeah. That's a lot of blood. That's a lot--" His voice began to go from panicked to hysterical but that wasn't the reason why he was sweating. "Yeah, I'm gonna die."

He was really hoping it'd be a lot faster than this.

Unthinking, he reached to try and open the door. He didn't know what he was supposed to do next but get out seemed like a good start. The stabbing pain in his chest left him screaming instead, pinned to his seat.

Adam reached out to catch that reaching hand to prevent it from reaching again. He was mostly out of his seat, bent awkwardly over the bar between them as he reached for Ronan. "Don't you dare die," he said, reaching his other hand for Ronan's cheek, lifting his head just enough to make sure that Ronan's eyes were locked on his. He just had to take on faith that the doctors were coming, they'd help, they'd save Ronan. "Don't you dare leave me."

With effort, Ronan finally managed to focus his eyes on Adam. The look on his face shocked him, enough that he said something it'd quite possibly been years since he said and meant. "Sorry."

He thought back to finding his father and knew he couldn't leave just yet. Even if every breath hurt, even if it took forever to say a single word. "I know this sucks. Don't-- don't look when they-- get me out. Should--" His vision began to blur again. He struggled to remember what he was saying. It was important. Wasn't it? "Save you-- nightmares."

Ronan couldn't see anymore. He barely felt Adam's hands on him, then he felt nothing at all.

The next minutes passed in a blur. Adam obeyed mindlessly as the technicians herded him out of the cockpit and checked him over, as other technicians extracted Ronan and carried him away. Adam followed after him the instant that they confirmed that he wasn't injured.

He had to wait outside during the surgery, as the doctors removed the shrapnel from Ronan's body and set up transfusions to restore his blood and fluids. Adam paced outside the door, agonized with worry, until the surgery was done and finally Adam could be inside without being in the way.

Taking a seat by Ronan's side, Adam clasped his hand, settling in to watch over Ronan and wait.

After only a few minutes, he clasped his other hand over Ronan's, then shifted both hands so that he had one hand clasped around the inside of Ronan's forearm and the other curled around Ronan's palm, resting his forehead against Ronan's knuckles.

Ronan's eyes fluttered before he finally opened them. He stared up first at the med bay ceiling: sterile and cold, unlike the hands on his arm. His brow furrowed before he looked down to see Adam pressed against him.

He moved his fingers so it wasn't that much of a shock when he spoke. "Hey." His voice was crackly and his throat sore when he spoke. They hadn't exactly been gentle with the breathing tube. "Guess I'm not dead."

Adam's hands tightened around Ronan's arm, possessive and massively relieved. "Ronan." He wanted so badly to touch and to reassure himself that Ronan was alive. Standing, he moved Ronan's good arm up so that he could sit in the spot where it had been, hip tucked against Ronan's side. "You're not allowed to die," he murmured, squeezing his hand. He wasn't quite sure where to put Ronan's hand, since he was holding it and sitting in the spot where it had been, so he placed it lightly over his thighs, holding Ronan's hand in his lap. He leaned over Ronan, curling the other hand around his cheek again. "Don't you dare leave me."

"No promises," Ronan said. "But I'll try." He curled his fingers around Adam's hand. He was too weak to grip them. The feeling of helplessness would have been unbearable if it weren't for Adam leaning over him.

Ronan stared at Adam, taking comfort in his eyes as he often did. They hadn't known each other long. When it came down to it, they knew nothing about each other's lives before here. But Ronan thought they'd at least got the essentials. When you kept running from your past, what mattered was the present most of all. Who a person was now-- that was the important part. And he knew Adam.

He pushed himself off the bed just enough to kiss Adam's lips. His chest hurt the muscles in his stomach strained and sent a clear message that they were going to split apart if he did this much longer, but when his lips were on Adam's, he thought that it'd all been worth it. Surviving to this moment had sucked beyond measure, but if he had this one moment? It wasn't so bad.

Adam's mind was split between the thrill of Ronan kissing him and the horror of Ronan leaning up, straining his stitches. He solved the problem quickly by pushing Ronan down and following him, not letting their lips break for more than a moment before he was kissing Ronan again. His Ronan, his partner, and Adam could barely think over the surge of gratitude and longing.

His hand curled around the side of Ronan's neck, protective, and his thumb brushed the side of Ronan's neck, just along the pulse point. When the kiss broke, he panted softly against Ronan's lips, resting their foreheads together. "I will not leave your side," he vowed.

For a moment, Ronan was afraid Adam was pushing him away. He'd made the wrong move although he couldn't say he'd regret it. He'd always wanted his first kiss to be perfect or maybe just with the perfect someone. He didn't expect it would happen like this, but he had no complaints, even if Adam hated it. But he didn't. Instead, he prolonged the kiss until Ronan felt light headed. At least, more so than he already had.

Ronan kept his eyes closed for a few seconds longer. He focused on Adam's touch and his warm breath mingling with his own. Those sweet, whispered words that Ronan would've teased if he had the energy to do so.

"That'd mess with our schedules." He whispered back.

Alright, maybe he did have a little energy for it, but he was saving the rest for another kiss. Just to show that he knew what Adam meant and loved it.

"Fuck our schedules," Adam murmurs, smiling against his lips. He takes another kiss, more heated this time. He's been thinking about Ronan for weeks now. It's hard not to think of Ronan. Every time he touches himself in the shower, thoughts of Ronan stray into his mind. Ronan sweaty and half-dressed from his workouts, Ronan in the role of any of the variety of amorous acts they've walked into in the various nooks of the ship. So this seems like a foregone conclusion, natural and right, and the only part Adam hadn't yet been certain of is that Ronan wants him.

He settles his chest lightly atop Ronan's, moving Ronan's hand from his lap to his hip and then curling both his hands around Ronan's head, cradling him and keeping him in place as the kiss deepens.

Ronan rested his hand on Adam's hip. He would have liked to bring Adam closer or turn the kiss from heated to searing. Exhaustion and pain stopped him. He knew that if Adam did more than brush against his chest, he'd pay for it. God, it was so tempting to do just that.

He didn't pull away until it felt like he was about to pass out. "You'd better want to finish this when I'm out of here."

This wasn't a passing fancy for Ronan and he hoped Adam felt the same.

"I'm glad we're agreed that I'm not blowing you in the middle of the med bay," Adam retorted, voice warm and teasing. Though there was a curtain separating them from the rest of the facility, there wasn't much more privacy than that, and Adam wasn't comfortable with the idea of offering affection as publicly as some of their fellow soldiers.

He then realized that he should probably not make Ronan laugh, and quickly kissed him again in order to distract Ronan from any of the humor of his statement.

Ronan's energy reserves were running lower, but he still returned the kiss. He tried to move his hand but only his fingertips moved along Adam's-- uniform.

Damn it.

"Can you smuggle me out of here?" Ronan joked.

"Try and get some rest," Adam answered instead, worrying over Ronan for a moment. As affectionate as Ronan was, it was still clear that he was in pain, and exhausted.

Shifting carefully, Adam settled against Ronan's good side, head on Ronan's unwounded shoulder and hand resting very lightly over Ronan's heart. "I'm not going anywhere."

"That's--" Ronan was about to say boring but then Adam rested his head on his shoulder and curled around him. He paused, breathing steadily in spite of the flares of pain. He looked down at Adam and the hand that lay over his own heart. "Not a bad idea."

"Sooner you get better, sooner we can go back to our room," Adam said, sighing sleepily. He'd never cuddled with anyone like this, but with Ronan it felt easy and natural. Even wounded as Ronan was, Adam felt safe beside him, and Ronan was warm. Adam felt reassured, also, that he could keep Ronan warm, so that his system could focus on healing.

Ronan slept for some time. If he dreamed, he couldn't recall them when he woke. Still sore but still warm, too. He knew that when he opened his eyes Adam would be there although he didn't completely believe it until he opened his eyes, even then it was a struggle. But he was tired of fighting just now and so he surrendered himself to it.

"That can't be comfortable." His lifted his hand up to touch Adam's cheek. He had dared to dream about this once and it could not compare to the reality of it.

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