marlowemuses | The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

There had bee no other options. Someone had to guard the relics the Angel had given them. The Cup and Sword were too powerful to be left in mortal hands even those that had been blessed by the Angel. That power was too tempting no matter how noble Nephilim might be. There would always be someone, some group of someones, who would be seduced by the possibilities that those gifts represented.

Even centuries after the decision had been made, Alec wasn't sure why he had been chosen for this particular duty. His parabatai had been a better warrior. His sister was far more clever. But the Angel had chosen him. Perhaps because he was better able to accept the isolation of his divine task. His siblings would have been driven mad by loneliness after the first few decades.

There were times when Alec wondered if he would eventually succumb to insanity, but he had the books that he eventually became guardian of and the cats that somehow crept between worlds to keep him company. They weren't exactly cats, of course. They were built more like predators than pets, eyes glowing with flames instead of the usual nocturnal glow. No matter how frightening they looked, they were Alec's friends and they helped Alec protect the items the Angel had left in his care.

It was the cats that warned him that something was wrong at the gates. The largest of them howled a warning, hissing as she faced the gate. The rest of the pride ran to her as Alec sprinted for the gates. Something - Someone - was attacking. He felt the temple shiver its warning through him and he knew that no matter how impossible it seemed, someone had crossed the threshold between worlds.

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“I want very much to be courted,” Adam corrected him. “And I don’t think you’re a monster, or decor, or a servant, or any of that. I think you’re an attractive moron with terrible social skills and centuries to get worse and more clumsy with those social skills, and you keep hurting me with them.”

Adam’s hands trembled, but he forced himself to stay. “You might try courting me. It might help.” It would certainly be preferable to the current situation, though Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to be courted when the temple was trying to make sure he didn’t have a choice.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." But he had even if it'd been by accident. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Maybe if Adam set rules he'd understand what the priestess wanted. "Can I ask questions? Not about you." Those seemed to be off limits and he had to stop wanting to know about Adam's life. He wasn't part of it and couldn't be. Maybe if he asked general things. "Like what some of the foods the temple gave you were?" That couldn't be too offensive... Alec hoped.

Letting out a sigh, he stared down at the ground, hating that Adam was trembling when he wasn't sure if it was because of anger or Adam being afraid of him. "I never courted anyone. I don't know how." Adam would want him to be honest. "It wouldn't be fair to you when you think you're a gift. The temple might be pushing you to be here but you have choices. I won't allow it to keep forcing you into things."

“That’s a good start,” Adam murmured, looking up at him and giving him a tiny smile in gratitude. Alec wanted to protect him and make sure he had choices, and Adam felt warmed by that. “Maybe the temple can give you some books on the subject, if it’s something you want to try.”

His thumb brushed gently over Alec’s hand in an uninjured spot. “Asking questions not about me is fine. You might try saying please and only asking a question or two at a time. I don’t normally talk much. You want everything explained. That’s difficult for me. I’m trying. Be patient.”

"I'll try to tell the temple and the cats to stop." He wasn't sure if either would listen but he could try. "I don't think I'm the one who should make decisions about courting." Adam had to decide what he was comfortable with and if he wanted to be courted. He'd said that he didn't mind but it wasn't fair when the magic that surrounded them was shoving Adam at him.

His fingers twitched and Alec had to force himself to stay still when Adam touched his hand. Even the areas that hadn't been as damaged felt sensitive after having so much magic flowing through them. "Sorry. It feels strange. Not painful." He needed to find a way to speak to Adam without offending the priestess. "Thank you." Slowly, he tried to curl his fingers, moving them in different ways to prove to himself that eventually he'd be back to normal. "I'll be careful about questions."

"I already made my decision about courting," Adam said, looking up again and holding Alec's gaze for longer this time. He wanted to be courted, but even with the temple's encouragement he wasn't sure Alec was interested in that. He'd done nothing to show attraction to Adam, and Adam found it hard to imagine anyone finding him attractive anyway.

"Do you want me to pause or keep going?" Adam asked, returning his eyes to Alec's hand. "I didn't know all the foods at that banquet. I can try to identify a few of them."

Meeting Adam's gaze, he reminded himself that he had to speak. He couldn't make assumptions or decisions for both of them. "I want to try courting you." Then they could see if they liked each other at least. Courting didn't mean they were going to be forced into a relationship. "But I wanted you to be sure that it's your choice and not the temple's. I didn't like it when my parents arranged for me to marry. I don't want you to feel the way I did."

Returning his attention to his hand, he gave Adam a small smile when he realized that most of damage was gone. "Keep going. If you don't finish, it may take a long time for it to get better." As he spoke, he tried to ignore how loudly his stomach growled at the mention of food. More than just exhaustion had been wearing him down over the past few days. "It was a silly question. I can look up the answer in the library. The banquet is probably still waiting for you. The magic here usually preserves food."

Adam's smile reappeared when Alec said that he wanted to court him. Shy but hopeful, he blushed at Alec's earnest gaze and his words. "It's my choice. I don't have to be won over if you court me."

Renewing the magic pouring into Alec's hands, Adam's fingertips roamed a bit more boldly, guiding the magic into the places he could tell were tight or blocked. "It's up to you what questions you want most to ask." His lips quirked a little at Alec's audible stomach grumbling, but he kept his eyes on Alec's hands while he worked. "You... married?"

"Then I won't feel guilty for trying." Now that he knew it wasn't something being forced on Adam, he could think of it without doubting the reasons that the priestess said yes. Being able to work together didn't mean that Adam had to be interested in him in that way.

As more magic moved through his hand, Alec stopped trying to stop the odd nervous twitches that it sometimes caused. Adam was doing something different but it must be something he felt was needed to fix the damage. "Then I'm not going to waste it on weird looking fruit or those sweets I saw." They both would probably make him sick since he wasn't used to those things. "I was engaged before I came here. I was supposed to carry on the family line, but it wouldn't have been a true marriage."

"And it didn't go through?" Adam confirmed, worried and jealous to think of Alec married just after they'd agreed upon courtship, even though he knew that any wife--or husband?--would be hundreds of years gone, unless he'd missed some understanding of Alec's life.

He finished his healing work on Alec's hands, checking them over to make sure they were flawless. He couldn't help himself from lingering, enjoying being able to touch, and Alec's hands were so strong and elegant.

"The Angel asked for someone from my family and I volunteered. It was better for everyone that it was me." He'd learned a few things about what happened to her. "We never married and she probably had a better life without me. I wouldn't have been a good husband for her." Not when he had little interest in women. Hopefully she'd married someone who truly made her happy.

Watching Adam as he checked for any signs of the injuries, he curled his fingers around the priestesses. It felt strange touching someone after so long. Especially someone who he couldn't seem to stop fighting with. "Thank you. I was afraid they'd never be right again."

“You were injured for me,” Adam said, looking at Alec holding his hand as a blush spread over his cheeks. “It was right that I should heal you.”

He was still sick with terror that the temple might again prevent him from leaving, but he tried to push that thought aside, tried not to think about the shift at work that he was missing right now, without having called in, which might itself be grounds for dismissal.

"We can go eat," he said, figuring that he might as well make sure they both ate, as long as he was already missing work.

"You were angry because of me." The punishment may have been harsh, but Alec should have known that what could happen when Angels were involved. "It being the right thing to do or not, I still want to thank you."

Brushing his thumb along Adam's hand, he grinned when there was no pain accompanying the movement. He began to speak when his stomach growled again. "I - uh - haven't eaten much lately." It'd been too difficult to eat most things and after awhile he'd been too tired and hurt to worry about food. "We could see if the temple will surprise you with food again."

“Us,” Adam corrected. It was hard to think while Alec was holding his hand. Caressing his hand. Alec, who wanted to court him. “It had better lay a spread for us both.”

He let go with one hand but left the other one connected, loosely holding hands with Alec.

“It’s this way,” Adam said, certain, though he still hadn’t gotten a complete tour of the temple. He could just feel the way they were meant to go.

Even after talking about courting, Alec hadn't been sure that Adam would want to be around him after everything that had happened. Adam had been tricked into returning. That had been Persephone's scheme, but the priestess could have still been angry over it. He could have wanted to finish healing Alec and leave.

Smiling when it became obvious that Adam really did mean 'us' he let the priestess lead them into the temple. "It is." Gently squeezing Adam's hand, he thought about their earlier tours and how they might seem to someone who hadn't lived at the temple for centuries. "I haven't been trying to hide anything from you, except my quarters and the relics that I'm supposed to keep safe. The temple is a strange place. It changes sometimes without warning. I can show you the rooms that rarely change, but you might be able to find things I've never seen."

Edited 2019-01-29 17:57 (UTC)

Adam glanced over shyly and blushed when Alec squeezed his hand. He'd never held hands with someone before, and he wasn't completely sure how he'd ended up holding hands with Alec now.

It caught his attention when Alec mentioned relics he was supposed to keep safe. Adam hadn't previously thought of this place as anything other than temple and library, but now he realized that Alec had another role. He was guarding something of value, though it was difficult to know from 'relics' alone what value they held to whom. They might be priceless treasures or they might simply be artifacts of value to Alec and the angel that he obeyed or worshiped.

He tried not to think about the shift he was missing at work. Part of his mind was busy calculating the lost income, the adjustments he'd need to make, how he'd cope if he lost the job, what he'd have to give up to compensate. But his stomach still growled hungrily when he stepped through the door into the banquet hall, spread with a smaller feast filled with similar wonders. It seemed absurdly ostentatious, as though the temple itself was trying to court Adam with flamboyant gifts.

As he led Adam through the temple to the room the temple had determined to be a banquet hall, he tried not to be too hopeful about the truce that had developed between them. Adam might have said that he wanted to be courted, but that didn't mean that he'd want that in a few days. That decision might have been based on guilt or Adam would realize that he was being courted by someone who wasn't part of the mortal world. That might change his thoughts on Alec courting him.

That thought darkened his mood briefly, but Alec told himself that he couldn't worry about the future. If he did, he'd be thrown into another depression. That wasn't something that he wanted Adam to see.

When Adam's stomach growled, he fought back a smile. "The temple knew we were both hungry." Looking around, he noticed that only Emily and Persephone had followed them. "We'd better hurry before the rest of the pride gets here or there'll be nothing left for us." The cats looked offended by his teasing, but they paced along the floor beside the temple, eyeing the plates for a treat. "Emily usually only begs but Persephone will steal from your plate."

"Get your own plate," he told the cat. Letting go of Alec's hand, Adam gathered up a plate of his own and warily took a few things. He remembered how badly his last meal with Alec had ended and was nervous about another fight, so he limited the things that he picked up, preferring to go back for seconds rather than leave his plate unfinished.

Settling into a chair, Adam picked at his food, giving the cats warning looks when they came close but not bothering to shove either of them off the table as long as they left his plate alone.

He kept one eye constantly on Alec, wary and admiring. Unsure how to offer any kind of conversation, Adam kept quiet, hoping that Alec could ask his questions without Adam needing to provide an opening for him.

Glancing down at Persephone, he gave her a look that asked her to have better manners than she usually did with Alec. Knowing how much she liked to scavenge from his meals, he took a plate and placed enough meat on it to keep the two guard cats occupied. Setting it down, he looked over the choices that the temple had given them this time.

The feast wasn't as elaborate as before but there were things that Alec barely recognized and ones that he'd never seen before. He selected about the same amount of food as Adam, trying not to be too obvious about how hungry he was. Giving a plate of pastries a wistful look, he turned away from the treats to take a seat near Adam.

Remembering how wary the priestess had been before, Alec placed a hand on the chair in front of Adam and asked, "May I sit here?"

Adam nodded, glad to have Alec nearby, even though he still felt wary and defensive, and the dread of not being able to leave again hung over him, souring every bite. He still kept one arm curled protectively around his plate, unable to believe that this feast was for him and wouldn't just vanish.

He ate hungrily, realizing just how hungry he was the more that he ate, and he tentatively got up to fill another plate once the first was done. "You can ask your questions," he suggested, keeping an eye on Alec partly out of wariness and partly because he just wanted to look at him.

As he ate, he tried not to make his curiosity too obvious, forcing himself to keep his attention mostly on his meal instead of Adam. Slowly, he began to realize that Adam wasn't wary of him. He didn't act like he was expecting Alec to attack him. It still seemed strange that Adam was on guard, but he could ignore that.

"I'm not sure what to ask," he admitted, surprised that his plate was empty. It seemed foolish to ask questions about things he could look up later, but Adam said that he wouldn't answer questions about himself. "I did look up America, but I didn't read about Virginia. It seemed..." He shrugged and got up to select some of the more exotic fruit that rarely appeared at the temple. His voice grew softer as he thought about how curious he'd been about where Adam lived. And how Adam hadn't seemed to want to share any details of his life. "Wrong so I read about other places."

"It's just a state," Adam said, picking at his food a little slower as he talked and keeping his eyes on his plate. "There's West Virginia, too, but that's different. I live where it's deep rural, woods and hills." His accent thickened as he spoke, both from the emotional knots building in his chest and the unconscious association when he thought about where he'd come from. "Most folks that way are poor, but there's a rich school built. My friends and I go there, except Blue. Gansey's all determination and nobility, and Ronan's all ferocity and imagination. There's Noah, too, but he's been dead for as long as I've known him." Adam, more than the others, found Noah to be unnerving and inhuman, and they both knew that the feeling was mutual, which made for a strange sort of truce.

"It still seemed wrong to read about it." About things that were important to Adam when he'd seemed to dislike Alec. "That seems like a strange place to build a school if everyone else is poor." Maybe that would be a safer topic than the ones he wanted to ask about. Did that mean that Adam was poor and that was the scholarship he'd mentioned before? That was probably one of those 'don't ask' questions.

Alec wanted to know more about Gansey and Ronan, but it would be unfair to ask when he didn't want to talk about Izzy, Jace, or Max. That rule should have included Noah but Adam describing him as 'dead' was too strange for Alec to ignore. "Is Noah a vampire?"

"A ghost," Adam corrected. Vampires only seemed slightly stranger than ghosts to him, and since he'd spent the last few months getting used to the idea of ghosts and ley lines as real things that he had undeniably experienced, Alec's question seemed completely reasonable. "Gansey's my best friend. He's the one looking for the Welsh king. You'd probably like Gansey. He's much better at answering questions."

Scuffing his toe against the floor, Adam watched Alec shyly. He was still achingly handsome, but there was a nervous awkwardness to him that was cute. Adam couldn't quite believe that he would actually want to court him, but Alec had been starved for company for hundreds of years, and Adam was his only option, so it made sense that his standards would lower accordingly.

"The ghosts I knew could only stay at certain sites." Maybe Noah was confined to the school and that's how he went there with Adam and his other friends. Alec almost asked if Adam was searching for something that would let him cross over, but that seemed rude. If Noah wanted to move on, Adam would help him.

"You answer questions. I just have to figure out the right ones to ask." Which sometimes was a struggle since hearing about the mortal world was completely different than reading about it. As long as he kept his curiosity under control, they should be all right. "And I might like Gansey but I like you too.

"If he's looking for a Welsh king, shouldn't he be looking in Wales?" His knowledge of the world was limited in some ways, but Alec knew that America was not close to Wales. "Are you looking for the king too?"

"Noah can only manifest along the ley line, since he was killed on the ley line and his bones are there."

Adam fidgeted a little, because he was aware of how many restrictions he'd already put on Alec's questions, and how hard Alec was trying to operate within those restrictions. He appreciated the assertion that Alec would like him even if there were other options, but he didn't feel confident in it.

"He's found evidence to suggest that the king's body was carried to Virginia along a ley line," Adam explained. He knew how it sounded. He'd been so skeptical at first, but Gansey's passion was enough to convince anyone.

Alec's question about whether Adam was looking for the king surprised him. It was Gansey's quest, and though Adam had thought about what he would ask, if he were granted a favor, Adam had only just settled into believing it when he had instead forged his bargain with the ley line. He was part of it, now, an extension of the ley line the same way that it was an extension of him, and Adam was no longer sure what favor he would ask of Glendower. "It's Gansey's quest. I'm only helping."

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