Wei YIng | Wei Wuxian | Yiling Patriarch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
diditmywei) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
marlowemuses2019-09-30 06:39 pm
diditmywei) wrote in marlowemuses2019-09-30 06:39 pm
Entry tags:
Lessons
Wei Wuxian had lost hope, but his pride had yet to falter.
The Wen Sect had attacked the Lotus Pier, using Wei Wuxian’s bad attitude as their excuse. He’d lost his home and his foster parents, such as they were, and Jiang Cheng had been bent on revenge. It had ended with them here, branded as traitors to the government. He didn’t know what had happened to Jiang Chen, but he assumed that his fate was much the same.
Time had blurred for him, though the unmarked stretches of time formed a pattern. There was the cold gray cell with the propaganda television upon the wall, proclaiming virtues and sins, and the Wen Sect’s superiority over all. There was the processing room, with the bureaucrat who explained his situation. He was now the property of the state. Because of his youth and his appearance (“Oh, are you saying I’m pretty? You’re not really my type, I don’t really go for lump-faced brown-nosers like you…”), he had the opportunity to be a helpmeet, if he would agree to yield to the training.
Wei Wuxian expressed that he was enjoying their hospitality so very much, he could not possibly wish to leave.
And then there was the torture, which went on for hours, until he wept and screamed. They explained to him that this was still a merciful torture, which left no damage. He still had the opportunity to become a helpmeet. He could serve an honorable clan and be well-treated. (“Oh, are you saying I can be someone’s bitch? I hope they’re prettier than you.”)
After the third round of this, they had informed him that this was his last chance. His last offer. If he would yield to the training and accept his role as a helpmeet, he would be fed and given soft clothes and allowed to rest. If he did not yield, he would suffer far more excruciating torture, and then he would be given the opportunity to enter a work camp or to labor in a mine. The more painful torture would leave him capable of work, but it would leave marks. He would no longer be pretty. (“You really are fixated on me being pretty! I understand that you are in love with me, but really this is no way to go about a courtship!”)
They threw him back in the cell.
Wei Wuxian had some regrets about his insubordination. It would perhaps not be the worst thing to be a helpmeet (especially if he was given to a pretty girl who wanted him as a stud!), but he could not endure yielding his pride and kneeling before some stranger. He did not want to become some mindless, simpering automaton. But the alternative was being tortured until he broke or died. Wei Wuxian was shameless, but he was very proud. He decided that he would be tortured to death before he broke and pleaded for mercy.
The next day, he was brought to a new cell. It was not at all what he expected. It was very large and very white, with a great many lights beaming down from the ceiling. There, they made him kneel in the middle of the floor, and chained his cuffs to a ring in the floor behind him so that he could not slump or stand. Wei Wuxian did not mind this so much. He was accustomed to kneeling.
In front of him was a large mirror that took up the whole wall. He suspected that it was a one-way mirror, so that whoever was on the other side of the glass could watch what happened in the room. Probably Wen Chao, he thought. It would be just like him to want to watch Wei Wuxian’s humiliation and torture, and to not do it himself.
He was left there for a long period of time. At least an hour, but he yet again had no way to tell how much time was passing. This seemed strange to him. Surely this was not the new, worse torture they had promised, and he had not yielded or agreed to cooperate, so there was no reason that they would take mercy on him.
Eventually, the door opened behind him. Wei Wuxian was very curious, so he twisted around to look. It was Lan Zhan!
This was a surprise. Lan Zhan was as flawless as ever, in his white GusuLan Sect clothes that looked like he was in mourning. He looked upright and dignified, so he was certainly not a prisoner here. As far as Wei Wuxian knew, the Lan Sect was still held in esteem by the Wen Sect and the government.
They were not exactly friends. Lan Wangji had never liked him, even though Wei Wuxian was always friendly to him and they had even fought together. Lan Zhan was still too uptight, and Wei Wuxian supposed that Lan Zhan found him inappropriate and annoying. He’d said as much! Almost half the words that Lan Zhan had ever said to him were things like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘pathetic’. Wei Wuxian considered him an ally, and would even have trusted Lan Zhan in most situations, but this was not a good situation. He couldn’t think of any good reason why Lan Zhan would be here, unless he had come to take part in Wei Wuxian’s humiliation.
“Do you work for the Department of Re-Education now, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked, making his voice light and flippant, as though he had not been exhausted, starved, and tortured for days.
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He simply glares and summons his energy to put the silencing spell on him to effectively shut him up. Wei Wuxian should know better than to challenge his authority and worst of all, his jealousy.
"Do not speak such blapsehmy, Wei Wuxian. Be silent. I do not raise you to be a common whore. What an ungrateful helpmeet."
If he does not want to eat his food or cooperate with him, fine. "For your punishment, you're coming with me to class."
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He turned his back on Lan Wangji, pulling the covers up over his head and curling into a little ball. He couldn't say anything more, but he wasn't going to cooperate, and he didn't think Lan Wangji would actually be able to get him to class if he didn't cooperate with putting on clothes.
The forehead ribbon remained clutched tight in his fist.
1/2
"Who risk his life to save you? I did. Who fed you, clothed you, and bathe you? I did. Who cares for you and defended you when you're branded a criminal, a lunatic, and nobody? I did. Did you forget who saved your life? I brought you back to Gusu so you can start over anew. Not so you can have the freedom and liberty to sleep and play with whoever you please while your siblings are out there, dying with their lives on the line while they are waiting to be rescued as the other clan searches for them. You're alive because of me."
Just like that, Lan Zhan finished eating, trembling in his own vulnerability.
"Fine. If you do not want to eat or come to class with me, then stay here and sulk. However, let it be known I forbid you to leave the house. Remain silent and mark your foolish words."
2/2
"...Wei Ying, I'm sorry."
Instead of going to class, Lan Zhan quietly washes up, dresses up properly. He then gathered his tea set, his scrolls, brushes, and guqin. Instead of going to class, he made up his mind to sit at the entrance door, guarding it while playing music and writing poetry as he's drinking sweet tea to calm his fury with the calm of morning. He's going to sit to sulk and brood, and purposely block the door to guard Wei Ying from escaping.
The worst punishment in not going to those dull re-education classes is a lecture and scolding from his uncle who teaches it, but won't lead to a paddle punishment. The Gusu people are normally gentle. The excuse he can give is that he's sick and doesn't feel like going.
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When their house is quiet again, Wei Ying rises and puts on a robe. It's cold in the house, but Wei Ying ignores that. He can suffer being cold for a little while.
Going to where Lan Zhan is guarding the door, Wei Ying kneels close beside him. He doesn't make a sound and he doesn't look at him, waiting to be acknowledged or embraced.
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It's a calm morning as Lan Zhan drinks his tea to calm his nerves. His fingers plucked on the guqin at times, and then writing poetry and thoughts on paper.
No words are spoken when they sit side by side. But at last, Lan Zhan spoken and relented. "We're not going to do anything today."
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He feels sick at the thought that Lan Zhan might have really believed that he meant it. Wei Ying had wanted to bring out Lan Zhan’s temper, but he hated the thought that Lan Zhan thought him capable of whoring himself to a stranger. “Please don’t say those things again. Did you really hate me so much as I was before?”
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Lan Zhan was writing on the parchment when Wei Ying pushed his guqin away. It's hard for him to write when his arms become full of him in his embrace, so whatever he's writing, the characters now become sloppy and unimportant.
He holds him in his arms and rocks him back and forth. "Wei Ying. I do not hate you. I do not like disciplining you. When I went searching for you, I really only wanted you. But when you said something so flippant like that, it just makes me think you're reckless and unhappy and didn't think of the consequences, and the sacrifices made to rescue you."
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He thought Lan Zhan had known that. It had been the one thing that had kept him in line at the center. He'd been willing to endure torture for his own sake, but he could not bear to have Lan Zhan punished because of him.
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Lan Zhan held him tightly, rocking him back and forth to comfort him.
"Wei Ying, I'm not angry now. But do you have any idea how much I love you? The foolish things you said, it is a sin of unfaithfulness. If you're unfaithful behind my back while I'm away, then you committed cheating. With cheating, you become untrustworthy. Do you follow? And for a helpmeet to commit adultery and breaking the law...if you ever get caught, then they'll punish you by putting you in a pig's cage."
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Wei Ying will have to do better. His master doesn't trust him, so he can't say things just to rile him. He is only a common whore to Lan Zhan, nothing more.
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"Wei Ying, you shouldn't joke around so flippantly like that. We live in dangerous times. And I am angry and jealous when you said those things because I'm really proud of you. I trust you to be faithful and loyal if I ever leave the house. I want a better life for you, to keep you safe, and give you freedom."
Lan Zhan didn't intend to treat him like a common whore. He intended to rescue his classmate. Yet the lessons at the re-education center, he too becomes conditioned. He become merged with his persona as his master and dominant. This is a side of Lan Zhan that is a part of him. Going back to the way they are before is becoming near impossible. And by law, he is his legal property, so Lan Zhan can do as he will.
"...I'll wait to see if my uncle or brother comes later in the afternoon for lunch. Then we need a lesson in loyalty."
After some thought, with a look of guilt. "I think that was it."
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Wei Ying sat up a little, but his head drooped. A few tears spilled down his cheeks. They were a weakness, but that was all he was anymore. He was no longer permitted to be headstrong and proud.
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"That wasn't necessary. I only have eyes for you. I love you more than that." Lan Zhan trails off because he wanted to stop scolding him. He realized Wei Ying misunderstood, and it's becoming hopeless as Wei Ying tears pulls at his heartstrings. "My guqin isn't...don't be ridiculous...you are far more important."
Lan Zhan can only kiss his tears away and tries to shush him.
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The lips on his cheeks are sweet and gentle, and it tugs at Wei Ying's heart, coaxing him to let go of this fight and allow himself to be cared for, but at the same time it makes him want to fight all the harder. "You don't understand, Lan Zhan."
Lifting his head, Wei Ying cupped Lan Zhan's cheek in one hand, studying his eyes. "A possession cannot love you. You may love your guqin, but it cannot love you. How can I?"
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Softly, looking to the side. "...Wei Ying. No." After he let the words sink in. Lan Zhan sagged and mumbled, "Damn it, Wei Ying. But I really do, I do love you. Tell me what is it that I don't understand, because I don't understand the things you feel and do."
Answering honestly, he realize maybe he needs to let go to make changes. "I don't know. What makes you happy? Tell me. Perhaps no lessons then? A trip to a tavern in Caiyi town? I can get you Emperor's smiles. Let you dance with a pretty girl and let you forget me for a while? You can't go back to Lotus Pier because it was burned down. Yunmeng isn't safe to go because it was taken over by the Wen clan."
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Carefully, he extricates himself from Lan Zhan's lap. He kneels again beside him, calmer now, because he believes that he can actually ask for what he wants and Lan Zhan will give it to him.
"Let me live beside you as a friend," Wei Ying says. He lays the forehead ribbon on the floor between them, smoothing it carefully for how he crumpled it in his hand. "I do not wish you to touch me."
In apology for these words and as a plea, Wei Ying bows fully before him, pressing his forehead to the floor in a full kowtow.
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Just friends. "Okay, but I need to get an extra bed, a futon for you." After all, Wei Ying still lives with him.
He picks up the headband and wraps it around his head. "Wei Ying, please don't worry. We're friends now."
And make a note to himself, that he's going to need to spend a long time to meditate in the cold spring where it's said it's cold waters can help clean sins and rid of desire.
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"Thank you, Lan Zhan," he says quietly. He gets up and walks from the room, expecting that Lan Zhan will want to be alone while he copes with what Wei Ying has asked.
Returning to the bedroom, Wei Ying dresses fully, and then busies himself with tidying up. He has never been a tidy person, but right now he needs to keep busy, and he needs to do something to at least partly make up for what he has just done.
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In his mind, he can never hurt Wei Ying or trapped him. He loves Wei Ying above everything else. But he can be angry and hurt himself for his sake.
After a while, what it seems like he's silent for a long time as Wei Ying becomes busy, Lan Zhan stand on the spot at the doorway for a few long moments. Without saying a word as if he's stuck in a dream and unable to wake up, something inside of him snapped.
It started from everything. His parents. His upbringing. His ideas. His dreams. Love. Hate. Everything.
On the ground, there's his scrolls, his pot of ink, his brushes, and his guqin. Some poems becomes unfinished, incomplete, and not legible because the persona that was built-up from the months prior, in one last act of despair that quickly becomes rage, he smudges the characters over because it's meaningless now, and then in a quiet fit, unable to let go, as if a pot of vineagar was set on fire, he ripped up the scrolls angrily into shreds, knocked the ink pot over of spilled ink over the ground.
With all the emotions contained and bubbled inside, emotions that has no words to expression, the self-control snapped. In one last fit of frustration and rage, of anger against everything, he picked up his guqin and smashed it against the tree. The instrument was splintered into a thousand pieces, strings torn asunder, a broken melody.
His words and mind says one thing, but his heart said something else entirely as it shown in the epic mess of rage that he made as he tear up everything with his strength, like a hurricane of emotions becomes unraveled and Lan Zhan's rationality cannot make sense of the chaos he's feeling.
Therefore Wei Ying has the house to himself. The door is open so nothing blocks him from leaving if he wished. Lan Zhan went to the waterfall to take a long, cold shower for the night and won't return home.
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When it is quiet again, Wei Ying goes out into the front room and sees the devastation. He brings in the pieces of the guqin, spending hours combing the ground to gather every little shard of it. Bringing them inside, he puts the pieces into a chest and shuts it, leaving no sign of the guqin. Then, as it is growing dark, he lights a lamp and cleans up the front room.
He burns most of the ruined poems, but everything else he cleans and puts away neatly.
Scrubbing up the ink stains took him the longest, but at last it was done, almost at dawn.
With the last of the ink and a clean page, Wei Ying wrote out a few lines from a classic poem about two cultivators of legend who had traveled together. They were devoted friends, and when they had died they had been buried together. Wei Ying hoped that the poem would communicate what he intended: devotion and cherished friendship. Lan Zhan was the dearest person in the world to him, and it hurt Wei Ying to know that he had caused him pain.
Then, exhausted, Wei Ying curled up on a mat beside the stove to sleep, because he knew he would be too cold if he tried to sleep anywhere else without Lan Zhan to keep him warm.
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By the time the morning sun rose and warms up over the village of Cloud Recesses, Lan Zhan's mind was clear and he felt like himself again. He felt a weight left him and after hours of meditation, he has an idea. He left the village to go to a nearby town to the morning market.
He didn't return to the jingshi until close to the mid-morning. When the door slides open and he returned home.
"..." He didn't say a word or good morning or hello. Silent as usual. In his hands were four red jars of Emperor Smiles, a bag of fresh fruits and vegetables, and in the other hand, two large raw whole chicken tied together by a string.
He laid the jars of Emperor's smiles respectfully at Wei Ying's feet while heading straight to the kitchen to start wordlessly cooking.
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“Good morning, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying greets him with a hesitant smile, which warms when he sees the liquor. He sets the jars aside to enjoy later. As much as he likes liquor, he’s more worried about Lan Zhan right now. He made tea in the morning, and made a little bit of food which he thinks is perfectly edible but might be difficult for anyone else to eat.
Still, he’s glad to see Lan Zhan with real food, since Lan Zhan makes delicious food. He’s also glad to see Lan Zhan seemingly unharmed. After Lan Zhan’s outburst last night, Wei Ying was very worried about his safety. “Welcome home. I made some tea. It’s a little oversteeped. Thank you for the liquor, Lan Zhan.” He’s not usually this careful or cordial, but he’s worried about Lan Zhan and wants to be careful with him. “I’m glad you’re safe.”
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"You did?" He might as well helped himself to the tea and the food Wei Ying makes. "It's good. Thank you." It's slightly bland, but it's all right.
Lan Zhan guiltily looks over at the spot where he sat last night. "The guqin...? Where is it?" Since he remembered he smashed it the other night. He shouldn't have done that since it was an expensive instrument and he now has to borrow another clan member's guqin or string instrument and not his own to play.
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Sitting quietly as he sips at his tea and watches Lan Zhan, Wei Ying worries more. He's not entirely sure how to behave now or what is expected of him. He knows that he's safe and that Lan Zhan won't demand anything of him other than reasonable adherence to the Lan clan rules whenever he's outside of the jingshi.
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