Wei YIng | Wei Wuxian | Yiling Patriarch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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marlowemuses2019-09-30 06:39 pm
diditmywei) wrote in marlowemuses2019-09-30 06:39 pm
Entry tags:
Lessons
Wei Wuxian had lost hope, but his pride had yet to falter.
The Wen Sect had attacked the Lotus Pier, using Wei Wuxian’s bad attitude as their excuse. He’d lost his home and his foster parents, such as they were, and Jiang Cheng had been bent on revenge. It had ended with them here, branded as traitors to the government. He didn’t know what had happened to Jiang Chen, but he assumed that his fate was much the same.
Time had blurred for him, though the unmarked stretches of time formed a pattern. There was the cold gray cell with the propaganda television upon the wall, proclaiming virtues and sins, and the Wen Sect’s superiority over all. There was the processing room, with the bureaucrat who explained his situation. He was now the property of the state. Because of his youth and his appearance (“Oh, are you saying I’m pretty? You’re not really my type, I don’t really go for lump-faced brown-nosers like you…”), he had the opportunity to be a helpmeet, if he would agree to yield to the training.
Wei Wuxian expressed that he was enjoying their hospitality so very much, he could not possibly wish to leave.
And then there was the torture, which went on for hours, until he wept and screamed. They explained to him that this was still a merciful torture, which left no damage. He still had the opportunity to become a helpmeet. He could serve an honorable clan and be well-treated. (“Oh, are you saying I can be someone’s bitch? I hope they’re prettier than you.”)
After the third round of this, they had informed him that this was his last chance. His last offer. If he would yield to the training and accept his role as a helpmeet, he would be fed and given soft clothes and allowed to rest. If he did not yield, he would suffer far more excruciating torture, and then he would be given the opportunity to enter a work camp or to labor in a mine. The more painful torture would leave him capable of work, but it would leave marks. He would no longer be pretty. (“You really are fixated on me being pretty! I understand that you are in love with me, but really this is no way to go about a courtship!”)
They threw him back in the cell.
Wei Wuxian had some regrets about his insubordination. It would perhaps not be the worst thing to be a helpmeet (especially if he was given to a pretty girl who wanted him as a stud!), but he could not endure yielding his pride and kneeling before some stranger. He did not want to become some mindless, simpering automaton. But the alternative was being tortured until he broke or died. Wei Wuxian was shameless, but he was very proud. He decided that he would be tortured to death before he broke and pleaded for mercy.
The next day, he was brought to a new cell. It was not at all what he expected. It was very large and very white, with a great many lights beaming down from the ceiling. There, they made him kneel in the middle of the floor, and chained his cuffs to a ring in the floor behind him so that he could not slump or stand. Wei Wuxian did not mind this so much. He was accustomed to kneeling.
In front of him was a large mirror that took up the whole wall. He suspected that it was a one-way mirror, so that whoever was on the other side of the glass could watch what happened in the room. Probably Wen Chao, he thought. It would be just like him to want to watch Wei Wuxian’s humiliation and torture, and to not do it himself.
He was left there for a long period of time. At least an hour, but he yet again had no way to tell how much time was passing. This seemed strange to him. Surely this was not the new, worse torture they had promised, and he had not yielded or agreed to cooperate, so there was no reason that they would take mercy on him.
Eventually, the door opened behind him. Wei Wuxian was very curious, so he twisted around to look. It was Lan Zhan!
This was a surprise. Lan Zhan was as flawless as ever, in his white GusuLan Sect clothes that looked like he was in mourning. He looked upright and dignified, so he was certainly not a prisoner here. As far as Wei Wuxian knew, the Lan Sect was still held in esteem by the Wen Sect and the government.
They were not exactly friends. Lan Wangji had never liked him, even though Wei Wuxian was always friendly to him and they had even fought together. Lan Zhan was still too uptight, and Wei Wuxian supposed that Lan Zhan found him inappropriate and annoying. He’d said as much! Almost half the words that Lan Zhan had ever said to him were things like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘pathetic’. Wei Wuxian considered him an ally, and would even have trusted Lan Zhan in most situations, but this was not a good situation. He couldn’t think of any good reason why Lan Zhan would be here, unless he had come to take part in Wei Wuxian’s humiliation.
“Do you work for the Department of Re-Education now, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked, making his voice light and flippant, as though he had not been exhausted, starved, and tortured for days.
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It was peaceful. For a while. Until protests breaks out, break-outs from camps becomes an increasing occurrence, and several events lead one thing to another starting with an assassination of a notable clan leader, and the country plunge into chaos and civil war. After which, the government lost power as new clans and groups and partys rose to form their own armies and wage an all out gruella warfare to seize control of the country to overthrow the government and the war is becoming out of control. There's no safe place for people who lives in remote villages, and many people become homeless and set up refugee camps in safe places.
The uncle fell ill and Lan Zhan's brother took control of the clan. As a political power, the Gusu clan and their territory remain neutral and their people were known as peaceful diplomats as they refused to fight and participate in the civil war. In the territory of Gusu's forests near the towns and around Cloud recesses, refugee camps and tents of broken clans where the injured, women, and children took residence for a temporary place of safety away from the fighting.
By then, the re-education classes and whatever they learn in the re-education centers is now meaningless since the government fell and lost power, and so is their laws.
Lan Zhan grew distant as food and jobs remains scarce, and his relationship and friendship with Wei Ying becomes strained and distant. Wei Ying's family of brother and sister is found, and even the sister is being arranged to marry one of the sect's leaders sons soon. With the civil war, life becomes hard again.
In the meanwhile, Lan Zhan hardly stays home as he goes town to town travelling across the province as a musician to make ends meet, playing any zither instrument where he's needed and makes his living by reciting epic poems and singing operas from an ancient era completely from memory. Puppet shows and travelling troupe, he likes to call it.
He often returns back to Cloud Recesses at the end of the week to stay in his jingshi for a day or two to rest with the food and money he earned. Of course, the real reason for him to find work, as there's an orphan, a former wen sect child waiting for him when he returns.
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Wei Ying was restless at first, but grateful. Quiet days of studying didn't suit him well, but he was able to find some tasks around the jingshi that he liked. Chopping wood was one task that he liked, and since the trees immediately around Cloud Recesses couldn't be cut for a variety reasons, wood had to be chopped in the mountains nearby and then carried back in bundles or on sleds. Once Wei Ying learned how to chop wood and walk with snow shoes, he took to the task readily, and spent long days out cutting trees and hauling the wood back for fuel.
Each night he slept beside Lan Zhan, but their friendship remained strained, and they talked little. Wei Ying felt lonely and regretful, but he also felt more calm and stable than he ever had before, and he knew that he had done the right thing. He could not live as Lan Zhan's possession. But a part of him still wanted that, and missed the kisses and affection that Lan Zhan had given him. He knew that he couldn't have any of that unless he was sure. He could take no chance at breaking Lan Zhan's heart a second time. If he desired Lan Zhan, he had to be sure that he wanted it to be a life-long relationship. He couldn't inflict the pain of anything else on Lan Zhan.
As the political situation changed, Lan Zhan became more distant, and often disappeared for a week at a time. The first time, Wei Ying was deeply concerned and mourned for his disappearance, but Lan Zhan came back at the end of the week, and brought food with him. Wei Ying would have liked to go with him, since traveling and playing music suited him well, but he felt that Lan Zhan didn't want him along. So he stayed, tending to chores for the Cloud Recesses. When the refugee camps settled and expanded, Wei Ying spent even more time there, bringing as much wood as he could carry and helping to watch out for the orphan children.
One of the children was particularly fond of Wei Ying, and would follow him around on his chores. Eventually, Wei Ying had to make a small pair of snowshoes for him so that A-Yuan could come with him into the forest. He slowed Wei Ying down, but he never complained, and he pulled his own sled of chopped wood with tireless determination. After two weeks of this, Wei Ying felt too guilty with the stern and threatening talk he had to give each time to make A-Yuan stay in the refugee camp, so he let the boy come home to the jingshi with him and sleep in the big empty bed.
"Welcome home, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying greeted him. He had a thin bone broth on the stove which he had planned to share with A-Yuan, since they had found no meat while they were out cutting wood, and he looked with interest to see if Lan Zhan had brought any food that could be added to the broth. "This is Wen Yuan, he is my new assistant."
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Therefore wood-cutting and staying home best suited for him. With the distance and space between them, much of the emotional distance, Lan Zhan chose to throw himself into work by necessity. He has no time for relationships and friendships, yet he has learn to appreciate his friendship quietly. Not once his learned "persona" from the reeducation camp that Wei Ying detest showed up and resurface. Playing in those shows, an aspect of Lan Zhan emerges and shows through his work in the travelling theatre, but Lan Zhan reserves it for the stage and audience and not in his personal life.
"..." Therefore, his lack of speaking is coming from his throat is often hoarse and overused. When he noticed the thin bone soup broth, there's an appreciative because Wei Ying makes it. "Mn."
Lan Zhan brought food from the towns he travelled around. Rice, flour to make bread, fruits and vegetables, and meats and placed it on the table, leaving it for Wei Ying to make of it, and allowing him cook for once since Lan Zhan is too exhausted to do the cooking. He brought extra food as he figured Wei Ying brings them to share with the refugees he befriended. Alas, there's no liquor as there's not enough money to afford a single jar as liquors become scarce and prices rose.
He noticed the child on the bed. "..." He nods in approval and even picked him up briefly from the bed, and then slowly puts him back down with a soft expression and approval.
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Wei Ying was relieved to see all the food. He sorted it quickly, storing away the things that would last longer, and filling the soup with meat and vegetables. He made more than they could eat that night, knowing they’d be glad for the leftovers in the morning. It was easy to store things in the cold weather, at least.
While the soup cooked, Wei Ying made a weak tea for Lan Zhan and brought it over to him. “The tea will warm you, Lan Zhan. I’m glad you’re home safe.”
Wen Yuan sat up, curious, and scooted a little closer to Lan Zhan. “Hanguang-Jun?”
“Yes, A-Yuan,” Wei Ying answered him. “This is Hanguang-Jun, who I told you about. This is his house. He keeps us safe.”
“Safe,” A-Yuan agreed, hugging his arms around Lan Zhan’s upper arm, which made Wei Ying laugh.
“There, see, he likes you, Lan Zhan. He has good taste.”
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Lan Zhan, "A-Yuan." He holds the child, playing with him up and down, and lets him sit on his lap while drinking the weak tea as he silently waits on his dinner. In the past, he never lets Wei Ying cooks for him, but now he allows him and he didn't find his cooking all that bad.
"..." Lan Zhan has no complaints since he reached the conclusion that Wei Ying wanted a child and keep him. Perhaps adopting a child and having a family is what he wished.
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"I chop the wood," Wen Yuan brags.
"No you don't," Wei Ying quickly amended. "You just pull the sled."
Wen Yuan mimicked the action of an ax like he'd seen Wei Ying do. "Chop. Chop."
"I promise I have not given him any sharp objects," Wei Ying insists, looking worriedly at Lan Zhan like he's going to get in trouble. "Come on, I know at least that much about kids."
Wen Yuan continued his tree-chopping pantomime.
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Lan Zhan rearranges his priorities to help what he deems as his family, which is what is left of his clan, and then there's Wei Ying and now this child, to help survive in a war-torn country. Any memory of them or desire of them being lovers was simply set aside. He is satisfied just by simply giving what Wei Ying wants, what makes him happy. He makes no effort to make decisions to try to control him. Only giving him what he needs such as a place to stay, food to eat, money for necessities, unconditionally without any expectation in return. Emotionally, he set them aside, as he sees the error of his ways, and see to their wants, and not his own.
"Mn." He sips his tea quietly. They don't have much, but if this is the family that he has. It's better than an empty house to coming back home to. When he was a teenager, he lives alone, and now he has Wei Ying and the child. If a child adds more warmth than the fires itself...
"Wei Ying, do you wish to keep him?"
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Getting up to check on the soup, Wei Ying ruffles A-Yuan's hair again, which results in another indignant cry and some determined hair-tidying. Wei Ying comes back with a couple of bowls, giving one to A-Yuan and one to Lan Zhan, and then sitting down to help A-Yuan eat. He'll feed himself in a little while, after he's made sure that both of the men in his life have been fed.
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"...Then keep him. Share the bed. I'm not jealous. He adopted me too. I guess that can't be helped." He meant that seriously, despite Wei Ying's concerns. "The child has nowhere else to go, so I would rather he stays with us. He seeks a warmth from you and me. So...let's share this warmth."
That's Lan Zhan decision on the matter. And he noticed Wei Ying took a liking to the child also.
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“Share the warmth,” Wei Ying agrees. He’s pleased that Lan Zhan doesn’t mind. Once he gets a bowl for himself, he comes to sit on the bed near them both, teasing A-Yuan as they eat. “You hear that, A-Yuan? You can stay. We won’t throw you out in the snow.”
“I can stay with Wei Ying and Lan-papa?” A-Yuan asks, looking big-eyed and hopeful at them both.
“Well, yes, but what do you mean by calling him Lan-papa?! You’ve only just met him.”
“Mm,” said A-Yuan, quickly focusing on eating his soup.
“You’ve never called me Wei-papa,” Wei Ying went on.
A-Yuan stirred his soup instead of looking at Wei Ying.
“Already he likes you better than me,” Wei Ying complains to Lan Zhan, and pouts.
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Lan Zhan felt guilty that Wei Ying is lonely every week, but ever since that argument, he never brought it up and said a single word. So seeing Wei Ying caring for a child, perhaps the topic of them being together won't be brought up ever again, and he's fine with Wei Ying just being a roommate and friend, and they could forget about it. Lan Zhan had the wish to be together with Wei Ying again, but throwing himself into work, he started to forget his original intention, and learn to will himself to forget.
Being called the father of a child, "Mm. That's fine." If anything, Lan Zhan had always liked children and entertained them in his travels.
Dinner came and gone as Lan Zhan washed it down with tea. "Finished..." He announced. He rose to head straight to bed to rest, not minding A-Yuan if he wished to curl up since night in the jingshi tends to get cold even with whatever warmth they have.
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"No eat me!!" A-Yuan objected, wiggling indignantly.
"I am still hungry..." Wei Ying teased, pretending to chomp at A-Yuan. "There wasn't enough meat in the soup!"
"No eating!!!!" A-Yuan squealed, giggling.
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"Mm. I'm staying home tomorrow. I can certainly arrange that. A ceremony to adopt A-Yuan into the Lan clan and then he can play with the other children and start school."
The classes are not the same lessons when his uncle taught them ever since the old man fell ill. But perhaps A-Yuan will learn basics like writing calligraphy and math for a start. Lan Zhan felt guilty again when the child cries. Not enough meat, vegetables, or food or much of anything as the war strains resources.
Listening to his family talking and laughing, Lan Zhan quietly watches Wei Ying is actually being himself. It gives him much joy to see him being playful with a child. Tired and exhausted, this is his world, a child and his best friend that he secretly loves sharing this home with him.
Lan Zhan finds himself heavy with sleep. "Wei Ying, would you tell us a bedtime story?"
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Wei Ying laughs at this, but he leaves off the hair ruffling. "Very wicked."
"Yes," A-Yuan agrees. "Wicked. Now story."
"Now story," Wei Ying repeats. "A very very long time ago, there was an emperor who was afraid of the dark."
He tells a story that his shijie once told to him to help him sleep, and he smiles as he watches Lan Zhan and A-Yuan. Wei Ying is a good storyteller, with different voices for all the characters and dramatic facial expressions. At the end, when everyone lives happily ever after, he laughs and kisses the top of A-Yuan's head. "And that is why we have stars."
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Lan Zhan was very captivated by his story about the emperor as Wei Ying becomes animated with each character, giving them life. This is a side of Wei Ying he has never seen before...and Lan Zhan realized one day, he has to show him a side of himself also.
By the time Wei Ying finished and the story ended, he drifted off to sleep with the warmth of his family huddled close on the bed. This feeling is the most comforting thing to him in the world in his jingshi, that he wouldn't have it any other way.
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"Lan Zhan," he murmured in his sleep, as he dreamed of saying the words that he kept thinking, that he couldn't seem to stop thinking. "I love you, Lan Zhan."
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In the middle of the night, golden eyes open sleepily, a blurred vision. He sees Wei Ying sleeping. He reaches out to him, but the child is between them. He caressed his soft cheeks, trailed his soft pink lips, twirling his fingers in his black hair.
"..." Grumbling, he can't reach to kiss him. The child will get a bed of his own immediately tomorrow morning and he went back to sleep until the Gusu rooster's crows in the morning.
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Yawning, Wei Ying got up and mussed A-Yuan's hair in revenge, accepting some tea and helping to get A-Yuan ready for the day. The soup he'd made last night was still good, and Wei Ying had more of it for breakfast. They couldn't afford to be picky about such things while food was still so scarce.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said, as he bundled up and prepared to head out for the day. "I'll come back for lunch. Will you... I want to tell you about something."
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"Mn? If you want to talk, it has to wait later." As usual, Lan Zhan now developed this tendency to push back and distract himself with work in the same usual distant expression, putting a distance between him and Wei Ying purposely.
And out the door he goes, being gone for a while, leaving Wei Ying with the child.
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Picking Wen Yuan up quickly, Wei Ying buries his face in Wen Yuan's shoulder so that he won't feel so painfully alone.
"Wei Ying," A-Yuan says, patting worriedly at him.
"Come on, lazybones," Wei Ying says, putting A-Yuan back down on his feet. "We have to go to work. We can come home for lunch."
"Wei Ying, when does Lan-papa come home?" A-Yuan asks.
"Lunch," Wei Ying lies, hoping. "He'll come and join us for lunch."
He make sure to get back early, heating food for the three of them and trying not to ache with loneliness. He'd managed without Lan Zhan for weeks, barely seeing him for a few days here and there. But he couldn't bear all of that anymore, especially not with Lan Zhan keeping him distant.
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Wordless as usual, he gives a nod to Wei Ying. "...Wei Ying." He's true to his word that he has the entire day to stay with them. While he leaves abruptly, he usually notifies Wei Ying how long he'll be gone and when he returns. "A-Yuan you'll start class tomorrow morning and join the other children."
Part of him is aware of the issue, but he is reluctant to speak about it. This normal routine of just existing and tolerating, eating together, and working. He's fine with it. Being friends and being together by necessity and surviving, but no passion for being together.
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He feels uncertain and adrift in a way that he hasn't since Lan Zhan first brought him home as a helpmeet. It makes him think that maybe that empty feeling isn't something that can ever be fixed, and maybe it's just something that's a part of him.
"Wei Ying," A-Yuan says, grabbing Wei Ying's knee and shaking it.
Wei Ying doesn't answer him.
A-Yuan turns to Lan Zhan for help, confused and scared by a situation where Wei Ying isn't confident and teasing. "He's sad."
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Lan Zhan quietly drinks his tea, contemplating. His expression remains stony and cold as ever as he felt something begin to pummel when Wei Ying wanted to speak to him. Taking a deep breath
"Little one, please go outside and play. I need to speak to Wei Ying and talk to him."
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Wei Ying watched him go, and then looked over at Lan Zhan. He wasn't quite sure whether Lan Zhan was creating the space he had asked for, when Wei Ying had asked to talk, or if Lan Zhan had something else he wanted to say. Wei Ying felt like he was in trouble somehow.
He didn't say anything, waiting to see what Lan Zhan wanted to say.
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Sensing Wei Ying's anxiety and sadness since the beginning, especially when he's gone for days, working for weeks to make ends meet, he sensed the trouble and distance grown between them and he knew he's being unfair to him.
Gently, "...Wei Ying. Do you wish to talk about it? What's on your mind?"
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