marlowemuses | Lessons

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Lessons

Wei Wuxian had lost hope, but his pride had yet to falter.

The Wen Sect had attacked the Lotus Pier, using Wei Wuxian’s bad attitude as their excuse. He’d lost his home and his foster parents, such as they were, and Jiang Cheng had been bent on revenge. It had ended with them here, branded as traitors to the government. He didn’t know what had happened to Jiang Chen, but he assumed that his fate was much the same.

Time had blurred for him, though the unmarked stretches of time formed a pattern. There was the cold gray cell with the propaganda television upon the wall, proclaiming virtues and sins, and the Wen Sect’s superiority over all. There was the processing room, with the bureaucrat who explained his situation. He was now the property of the state. Because of his youth and his appearance (“Oh, are you saying I’m pretty? You’re not really my type, I don’t really go for lump-faced brown-nosers like you…”), he had the opportunity to be a helpmeet, if he would agree to yield to the training.

Wei Wuxian expressed that he was enjoying their hospitality so very much, he could not possibly wish to leave.

And then there was the torture, which went on for hours, until he wept and screamed. They explained to him that this was still a merciful torture, which left no damage. He still had the opportunity to become a helpmeet. He could serve an honorable clan and be well-treated. (“Oh, are you saying I can be someone’s bitch? I hope they’re prettier than you.”)

After the third round of this, they had informed him that this was his last chance. His last offer. If he would yield to the training and accept his role as a helpmeet, he would be fed and given soft clothes and allowed to rest. If he did not yield, he would suffer far more excruciating torture, and then he would be given the opportunity to enter a work camp or to labor in a mine. The more painful torture would leave him capable of work, but it would leave marks. He would no longer be pretty. (“You really are fixated on me being pretty! I understand that you are in love with me, but really this is no way to go about a courtship!”)

They threw him back in the cell.

Wei Wuxian had some regrets about his insubordination. It would perhaps not be the worst thing to be a helpmeet (especially if he was given to a pretty girl who wanted him as a stud!), but he could not endure yielding his pride and kneeling before some stranger. He did not want to become some mindless, simpering automaton. But the alternative was being tortured until he broke or died. Wei Wuxian was shameless, but he was very proud. He decided that he would be tortured to death before he broke and pleaded for mercy.

The next day, he was brought to a new cell. It was not at all what he expected. It was very large and very white, with a great many lights beaming down from the ceiling. There, they made him kneel in the middle of the floor, and chained his cuffs to a ring in the floor behind him so that he could not slump or stand. Wei Wuxian did not mind this so much. He was accustomed to kneeling.

In front of him was a large mirror that took up the whole wall. He suspected that it was a one-way mirror, so that whoever was on the other side of the glass could watch what happened in the room. Probably Wen Chao, he thought. It would be just like him to want to watch Wei Wuxian’s humiliation and torture, and to not do it himself.

He was left there for a long period of time. At least an hour, but he yet again had no way to tell how much time was passing. This seemed strange to him. Surely this was not the new, worse torture they had promised, and he had not yielded or agreed to cooperate, so there was no reason that they would take mercy on him.

Eventually, the door opened behind him. Wei Wuxian was very curious, so he twisted around to look. It was Lan Zhan!

This was a surprise. Lan Zhan was as flawless as ever, in his white GusuLan Sect clothes that looked like he was in mourning. He looked upright and dignified, so he was certainly not a prisoner here. As far as Wei Wuxian knew, the Lan Sect was still held in esteem by the Wen Sect and the government.

They were not exactly friends. Lan Wangji had never liked him, even though Wei Wuxian was always friendly to him and they had even fought together. Lan Zhan was still too uptight, and Wei Wuxian supposed that Lan Zhan found him inappropriate and annoying. He’d said as much! Almost half the words that Lan Zhan had ever said to him were things like ‘ridiculous’ and ‘pathetic’. Wei Wuxian considered him an ally, and would even have trusted Lan Zhan in most situations, but this was not a good situation. He couldn’t think of any good reason why Lan Zhan would be here, unless he had come to take part in Wei Wuxian’s humiliation.

“Do you work for the Department of Re-Education now, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked, making his voice light and flippant, as though he had not been exhausted, starved, and tortured for days.

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Lan Zhan feels for his head and realized his forehead ribbon is gone and finally took notice. He remains calm and slowly sighs. Having just woke up, it's too early for a fight and Lan Zhan only thinks of schedules and routines.

Reaching for the headband in an attempt to snatch it back. "...Wei Ying. Give me my headband back."

Wei Ying quickly pulls the headband away and gets up off the bed so he'll be out of reach. "I won't." He's annoyed by Lan Zhan's patience, and wants to goad him until he can get his temper to appear. "You'll have to take it from me."

Feeling wicked and rebellious, Wei Ying lifts his hair and then ties the ribbon around his own throat, putting a pretty bow at the back of his neck.

It's too early for this. Lan Zhan is not in the mood to fight. The moment Wei Ying decides not to return his headband and evades him out of his reach, Lan Zhan pulls back and retreated

With slight annoyance at his rebelliousness, "All right. Fine. Keep it. You're ridiculous looking like that." He lets him wear his headband ribbon and accept his defeat.

Grumbling, Lan Zhan ties up his robe, searched for his slippers, and then heads toward the kitchen to make a quick breakfast.

Edited 2019-10-28 17:04 (UTC)

Angry and frustrated, Wei Ying glared after him as he headed for the kitchen. He returned to the bed, curling up and tugging off the ribbon again. Still naked, he sulked in the bed.

Lan Zhan still wouldn't punish him, even when he was being actively rebellious. This should have been a relief, but instead Wei Ying just felt more annoyed.

He scowled more when Lan Zhan returned with the food. There had to be a way to get him to quarrel, and Wei Ying had been sure that the forehead ribbon would do it. He tried again. "Won't you be shamed if you go to morning classes without your headband?"

By Lan Zhan's willpower, he dutifully ignores him. There's the sound of him making breakfast by the stove, flipping over the pan, and then assembled breakfast on two plates on the table. A simple meal of eggs, sausages, and buttered toasts served with hot coffee from their rations.

Whether Wei Ying decides to join and eat with him, it's up to him. But Lan Zhan will not order him.

"No. If you decided not to eat or come with me to class, then you can stay here."

"I don't want to stay here, master," Wei Ying says. He narrows his eyes, feeling very wicked. He doesn't like being mean with his teasing like this, but he is angry at Lan Zhan and determined to find a way to prick his temper.

His stomach rumbles, but he ignores the food. He doesn't want to cooperate in any way right now. "I think I will go into town while you're in class and see who I can find to flirt with me. Maybe if I'm in the mood I'll let them fuck me in an alleyway."

With that remark, Lan Zhan's serene, saint-like calm vanished, revealing a cold, controlled fury. Colder than the winters of Gusu.

He simply glares and summons his energy to put the silencing spell on him to effectively shut him up. Wei Wuxian should know better than to challenge his authority and worst of all, his jealousy.

"Do not speak such blapsehmy, Wei Wuxian. Be silent. I do not raise you to be a common whore. What an ungrateful helpmeet."

If he does not want to eat his food or cooperate with him, fine. "For your punishment, you're coming with me to class."

Silenced, Wei Ying glared at him, breathing heavily through his nose with helpless fury. There was nothing to be done, and being called a common whore and an ungrateful helpmeet stung.

He turned his back on Lan Wangji, pulling the covers up over his head and curling into a little ball. He couldn't say anything more, but he wasn't going to cooperate, and he didn't think Lan Wangji would actually be able to get him to class if he didn't cooperate with putting on clothes.

The forehead ribbon remained clutched tight in his fist.

Wei Wuxian summoned the hidden tiger beneath. Lan Zhan lost his temper, but kept it under control. Eyes furrowed downward, frowning, and in his fury, his words stung like a discipline whip.

"Who risk his life to save you? I did. Who fed you, clothed you, and bathe you? I did. Who cares for you and defended you when you're branded a criminal, a lunatic, and nobody? I did. Did you forget who saved your life? I brought you back to Gusu so you can start over anew. Not so you can have the freedom and liberty to sleep and play with whoever you please while your siblings are out there, dying with their lives on the line while they are waiting to be rescued as the other clan searches for them. You're alive because of me."

Just like that, Lan Zhan finished eating, trembling in his own vulnerability.

"Fine. If you do not want to eat or come to class with me, then stay here and sulk. However, let it be known I forbid you to leave the house. Remain silent and mark your foolish words."

One would think a punishment will come. A spanking, a paddle, a bamboo stick, or a caning using one of those feather dusters to discipline a child. But Lan Zhan doesn't want to discipline him. He has no desire to.

"...Wei Ying, I'm sorry."

Instead of going to class, Lan Zhan quietly washes up, dresses up properly. He then gathered his tea set, his scrolls, brushes, and guqin. Instead of going to class, he made up his mind to sit at the entrance door, guarding it while playing music and writing poetry as he's drinking sweet tea to calm his fury with the calm of morning. He's going to sit to sulk and brood, and purposely block the door to guard Wei Ying from escaping.

The worst punishment in not going to those dull re-education classes is a lecture and scolding from his uncle who teaches it, but won't lead to a paddle punishment. The Gusu people are normally gentle. The excuse he can give is that he's sick and doesn't feel like going.

Wei Ying remains hiding under the covers at Lan Zhan's angry words, and the apology not long afterward.

When their house is quiet again, Wei Ying rises and puts on a robe. It's cold in the house, but Wei Ying ignores that. He can suffer being cold for a little while.

Going to where Lan Zhan is guarding the door, Wei Ying kneels close beside him. He doesn't make a sound and he doesn't look at him, waiting to be acknowledged or embraced.

The silence spell should have lifted on it's own by now that Wei Ying should be able to speak or at least move his jaws and mouth.

It's a calm morning as Lan Zhan drinks his tea to calm his nerves. His fingers plucked on the guqin at times, and then writing poetry and thoughts on paper.

No words are spoken when they sit side by side. But at last, Lan Zhan spoken and relented. "We're not going to do anything today."

Reaching out, Wei Ying pushed the guqin out of the way and then climbed into Lan Zhan’s lap in its place. He curls close, feeling hurt and unhappy and wanting comfort and warmth from Lan Wangii. “I didn’t mean those things, Lan Zhan. I do not wish anyone to touch me.”

He feels sick at the thought that Lan Zhan might have really believed that he meant it. Wei Ying had wanted to bring out Lan Zhan’s temper, but he hated the thought that Lan Zhan thought him capable of whoring himself to a stranger. “Please don’t say those things again. Did you really hate me so much as I was before?”

Of all the hearts Wei Ying captured, he captured the second Jade of Lan, one of the heirs to the clan. And it's not an easy heart to capture. Forge by years of being taught righteously, years of rules and discipline, of law and order. Lan Zhan is a man govern by righteousness, but deep down he's madly in love with him.

Lan Zhan was writing on the parchment when Wei Ying pushed his guqin away. It's hard for him to write when his arms become full of him in his embrace, so whatever he's writing, the characters now become sloppy and unimportant.

He holds him in his arms and rocks him back and forth. "Wei Ying. I do not hate you. I do not like disciplining you. When I went searching for you, I really only wanted you. But when you said something so flippant like that, it just makes me think you're reckless and unhappy and didn't think of the consequences, and the sacrifices made to rescue you."

Wei Ying is unhappy, but he swallows it down. He was ungrateful, and he is only a helpmeet. Trying to struggle against that has only made them both miserable. "I'm sorry, master," he says numbly. "They were only words. I only wished to anger you. I would not risk anything that would bring outside punishment upon either of us."

He thought Lan Zhan had known that. It had been the one thing that had kept him in line at the center. He'd been willing to endure torture for his own sake, but he could not bear to have Lan Zhan punished because of him.

With a heavy sigh, punishing him will means he's equally responsible at blaming the victim.

Lan Zhan held him tightly, rocking him back and forth to comfort him.

"Wei Ying, I'm not angry now. But do you have any idea how much I love you? The foolish things you said, it is a sin of unfaithfulness. If you're unfaithful behind my back while I'm away, then you committed cheating. With cheating, you become untrustworthy. Do you follow? And for a helpmeet to commit adultery and breaking the law...if you ever get caught, then they'll punish you by putting you in a pig's cage."

Edited 2019-10-28 21:18 (UTC)

"I wouldn't do that," Wei Ying insists, miserable. He feels worthless. Pressing his face into Lan Zhan's neck, he hugs tighter to him. "I wouldn't ever let anyone else touch me. Please, master. I understand. That's not what it was about. I belong to you alone. I saved myself all my life, never even kissing anyone before you. I wanted you to be angry and jealous at me for saying those things to you, but I thought you... I thought you knew I would never do such a thing."

Wei Ying will have to do better. His master doesn't trust him, so he can't say things just to rile him. He is only a common whore to Lan Zhan, nothing more.

Lan Zhan regrets punishing him and didn't want to, but he came from a stance that discipline is necessary to teach a lesson.

"Wei Ying, you shouldn't joke around so flippantly like that. We live in dangerous times. And I am angry and jealous when you said those things because I'm really proud of you. I trust you to be faithful and loyal if I ever leave the house. I want a better life for you, to keep you safe, and give you freedom."

Lan Zhan didn't intend to treat him like a common whore. He intended to rescue his classmate. Yet the lessons at the re-education center, he too becomes conditioned. He become merged with his persona as his master and dominant. This is a side of Lan Zhan that is a part of him. Going back to the way they are before is becoming near impossible. And by law, he is his legal property, so Lan Zhan can do as he will.

"...I'll wait to see if my uncle or brother comes later in the afternoon for lunch. Then we need a lesson in loyalty."

After some thought, with a look of guilt. "I think that was it."

"I was wrong, master," Wei Ying says, quiet and dull. He feels spooked after everything that happened, and can't bear to pull away from the safety and warmth of his master's arms. "I had a foolish idea in my head that I could make you jealous as a lover, but that was wrong. I am only your property. You would be as angry if your guqin spoke harshly to you and tried to make you jealous."

Wei Ying sat up a little, but his head drooped. A few tears spilled down his cheeks. They were a weakness, but that was all he was anymore. He was no longer permitted to be headstrong and proud.

"Wei Ying...aiyah. Wei Ying you'll be the death of me. If you want to flirt and tease, I permit you to do so." Too late. Lan Zhan realized he's too harsh on him and made him cry. Was he a tiger before? Now he wanted to tuck his tail between his legs. "I was jealous, but..." But Lan Zhan he's a poor lover.

"That wasn't necessary. I only have eyes for you. I love you more than that." Lan Zhan trails off because he wanted to stop scolding him. He realized Wei Ying misunderstood, and it's becoming hopeless as Wei Ying tears pulls at his heartstrings. "My guqin isn't...don't be ridiculous...you are far more important."

Lan Zhan can only kiss his tears away and tries to shush him.

"You don't love me," Wei Ying insisted. He tried to stop his crying, but the effort only seemed to make the spill of tears even worse. He kept his eyes closed, refusing to look at Lan Zhan. If he did, the guilt and the betrayal both would crush him, he was sure of it.

The lips on his cheeks are sweet and gentle, and it tugs at Wei Ying's heart, coaxing him to let go of this fight and allow himself to be cared for, but at the same time it makes him want to fight all the harder. "You don't understand, Lan Zhan."

Lifting his head, Wei Ying cupped Lan Zhan's cheek in one hand, studying his eyes. "A possession cannot love you. You may love your guqin, but it cannot love you. How can I?"

He was already crushed by guilt and betrayal, but he forgave him for his weakness. Hearing the words, Lan Zhan pride crumbles again. Wei Ying may believe he's powerless, but the truth is, he has power over him too. For one thing, he makes Lan Zhan listen to him.

Softly, looking to the side. "...Wei Ying. No." After he let the words sink in. Lan Zhan sagged and mumbled, "Damn it, Wei Ying. But I really do, I do love you. Tell me what is it that I don't understand, because I don't understand the things you feel and do."

Answering honestly, he realize maybe he needs to let go to make changes. "I don't know. What makes you happy? Tell me. Perhaps no lessons then? A trip to a tavern in Caiyi town? I can get you Emperor's smiles. Let you dance with a pretty girl and let you forget me for a while? You can't go back to Lotus Pier because it was burned down. Yunmeng isn't safe to go because it was taken over by the Wen clan."

Wei Ying gives a tiny, sad smile at some of the suggestions. Lan Zhan did listen, and Lan Zhan does want him to be happy. "No pretty girls," Wei Ying says, smiling a tiny bit more, because he does not want any pretty girls or to forget Lan Zhan. "Not ever."

Carefully, he extricates himself from Lan Zhan's lap. He kneels again beside him, calmer now, because he believes that he can actually ask for what he wants and Lan Zhan will give it to him.

"Let me live beside you as a friend," Wei Ying says. He lays the forehead ribbon on the floor between them, smoothing it carefully for how he crumpled it in his hand. "I do not wish you to touch me."

In apology for these words and as a plea, Wei Ying bows fully before him, pressing his forehead to the floor in a full kowtow.

Something within Lan Zhan's started to crumble, but it's nothing more than his pride and ego that he learns in the center from the brainwashing programs. The base survival instinct that he clings on. He finds he needs to learn humility in his request and he's going to meditate on it.

Just friends. "Okay, but I need to get an extra bed, a futon for you." After all, Wei Ying still lives with him.

He picks up the headband and wraps it around his head. "Wei Ying, please don't worry. We're friends now."

And make a note to himself, that he's going to need to spend a long time to meditate in the cold spring where it's said it's cold waters can help clean sins and rid of desire.

Wei Ying rises from his bow, but he keeps his eyes down. He feels almost sick with guilt, because he understands the severity of the rejection that he has just delivered. He still remembers all the sweet and possessive things Lan Zhan said to him. Wei Ying understands how much Lan Zhan desires him, strongly enough that he's willing to violate nearly every one of the three thousand rules of the Lan clan in order to have him.

"Thank you, Lan Zhan," he says quietly. He gets up and walks from the room, expecting that Lan Zhan will want to be alone while he copes with what Wei Ying has asked.

Returning to the bedroom, Wei Ying dresses fully, and then busies himself with tidying up. He has never been a tidy person, but right now he needs to keep busy, and he needs to do something to at least partly make up for what he has just done.

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