marlowemuses | I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

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I want to feel my heart pounding in my chest

They'd made it sound like a scholarship at first, an honor earned from his intelligence and hard work.

Adam had thought that this was the ticket he'd worked so hard to earn, his entry to the capitol's university. He couldn't imagine what else would summon him--him, Adam Parrish, by name--to the palace.

The reality was baffling and frustrating. He'd spent the past hours being interviewed and tested by an array of officials and tutors who claimed that he was being considered for a position as the prince's companion. It wasn't a position Adam wanted, but everyone so far had emphasized what an honor it was, and Adam's polite, non-confrontational attitude toward authority was deeply ingrained. But he had his pride and his temper, too. He'd refused to open his mouth to let them check his teeth like he was a horse for sale.

After the fifth minister left, evidently satisfied with Adam's intelligence and ambition, Adam paced the room.

This had to stop. Adam didn't want to be here, and he didn't want to play babysitter to the spoiled prince of the kingdom. He had ambitions. He had his place in the university all but guaranteed, as soon as he could save up enough money for his entry. They could take their 'great honor' and stuff it up the prince's ass.

Diatribe ready, Adam whirled on the next person to open the door, ready to tell them just what he thought of their nonsense interviews. He wasn't anticipating a teenage boy his own age. Startled, Adam drew up short, dropping his eyes to the floor. This had to be the prince. And while the kingdom had advanced past the days of public executions, Adam knew that any of the royal family could ruin his prospects permanently if he displeased them.

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Adam thought they were just taking a short cut through the stables until Ronan stopped in front of an enormous horse. "Oh, no," he whispered, feeling a spike of nerves that this was part of Ronan's plan. "I've never been on a horse. I can't ride."

"You just have to hold on." Ronan had been riding for as long as he could remember. His mother loved it and had started taking him out at a very young age. He was as comfortable on the back of this horse as he was his own two legs.

He made quick work of getting the horse ready for travel. When he was ready Ronan hauled himself up into the saddle. Looking down at Adam he held out a hand. "You comin'?"

Adam was deeply nervous, because the horse seemed huge to him, but he wasn't about to say no just because of fear. He took Ronan's hand, letting the prince haul him up onto the horse.

Expecting a spoiled, soft prince, Adam was surprised by the strength of him. Adam knew he was light, but it still surprised him how easily Ronan pulled him up, and how solid the prince's body was against his own.

Settling into place, Adam hugged his arms loosely around Ronan's waist.

Ronan worked hard even though Declan always reminded him that they didn't have to. He enjoyed being out in the stables with the horses. To the point that he didn't just ride them. Ronan helped haul their feed and groom them, trim down their hooves and take off the metal shoes. He enjoyed the ache that came from a day out in the barns working hard. That work had sculpted him and made him strong.

With Adam settled in behind him Ronan looked back over his shoulder. "Hang on tight." He had no intentions of taking it slow.

Dipping his head closer to the animals ear he whispered something as his elegant fingers combed through the long, black mane.

Adam tightened his grip, finding himself half distracted with terror at being up off the ground on a wild creature, and half distracted by the way Ronan smelled. It was a nice smell, and it made Adam's cheeks heat. He liked being pressed close against another boy like this, as they disobeyed expectations and headed off in search of trouble.

His heart raced and his lips broke into a devilish smile. Ronan didn't care about school or duty, he cared about how he felt right now. Wild, reckless and free. And something else he didn't know how to explain.

He clicked his tongue and the horse charged ahead down a dark path. Ronan and the beast seemed to have some sort of connection. Not once did he dig his heels into the animals side or strain on the rein in his hand. The horse just seemed to know exactly where Ronan wanted to go. They sprinted along the path like the wind, the roar of the ocean getting louder and louder as they went.

As soon as they got going, Adam held on tight, heart pounding against Ronan's back as they rode. He didn't dare look down, forced to trust that Ronan would keep them both safe.

He'd never gone this fast before. Even in terms of what he understood about horses, this was fast. Adam's blood raced with adrenaline, pressing his cheek harder against Ronan's back.

Ronan went this fast whenever he possibly could. This made him feel alive. Like he couldn't be touched by anything. He left the demands of the life his family name forced on him behind and there was nothing but the horse, the wind, the ground churning under the powerful hooves. Faster. Faster. The word echoed in his head with every beat of his heart.

This time he wasn't alone. The arms around his waist and the heat of another body against his back changed the usual dynamic. He couldn't help but to think about what not feeling lonely might feel like. What having this other boy around day in and day out might feel like. Would it feel like it felt right now?

Maybe he did need a friend. Maybe.

The horse slowed as they reached the end of the path. The trees around them opened up and faded into a sandy beach. He slipped from the horse and looked up at Adam, offering a hand to help him down.

Adam felt shaky with nerves, but he did his best to hide it. He accepted the hand down only because stumbling would be worse, and he didn't want to start fighting with Ronan again just yet.

His knees wobbled slightly when he was on the soft sand.

Slipping off his shoes, Adam set them tidily to one side and walked to the edge of the waves.

Before following Adam he gave the horse two sugar cubes from the satchel on his hip. He rubbed the horse between the ears and spoke to him softly. The large beast snorted and bumped Ronan's head with his snout, then turned and trotted back the way they had come. Obviously Ronan had no intentions of going home any time soon.

He pulled his shoes off and followed the imprints Adam had left in the sand. Ronan kept going until his feet were in the water. Glancing back he found himself staring at Adam again.

"Well?"

Adam noticed the moment of softness between the prince and his horse. He was kinder to the animal than he was to the servants.

Staring back at him, Adam curled his toes into the wet sand.

He ought to have gone home. He had chores to do. He'd neglected to show up entirely for his evening's shift at the wagonwright's. He'd never expected his visit to the palace to last the entire day.

Things are so easy for the prince, and he has so little fear of consequences. Adam's heart burns with jealousy and longing.

"You coming?" Ronan asks as he starts to strip off his clothing. There isn't a neat pile, just a scattered heap of black and gold as he gets undressed.

He wants to know what the other boy is thinking. His silence and that far away look in his eyes have him curious.

Stripped down he trudges out into the water.

The prince is even more beautiful without his clothing. Flawless. Healthy. Strong.

Adam's belly aches with jealousy. He's so inadequate by comparison. It's only his hard work and determination that have gotten him as far as he has, and that's all he'll ever have. He'll never be privileged like this. He'll never be beautiful and strong the way the prince is.

But he strips down, too stubborn to be fearful. He leaves his plain, poor clothing in a careful little pile out of the water's reach, and then wades in after the prince, still keeping his mouth shut because he doesn't trust himself to speak.

Edited 2018-02-19 20:16 (UTC)

He lifts his legs and floats on his back. The tide is gentle and doesn't jostle him around too much. When he feels himself drifting he reaches out and grabs Adam's arm to reel himself in with.

"The fuck is your problem? Didn't hit your head did you?"

"No," Adam confirms, glancing down uncertainly at the hand on his arm. "I've never done anything like this before."

He doesn't know how to behave. He doesn't have any idea what people do with friends, but it seems that he now, somehow, has one.

"Well do you like it? Or are you going to jump out of a window again?" Ronan let his legs sink down and once they found the soft ground he stood up. Which put him dangerously close to Adam.

"I mean you came today for a reason, right? You don't have to like me. It's fine if you don't. Most people don't." He shrugs. "You can just do your time and get whatever was promised to you out of this deal. I can see it. You're hungry and it's not the kind of hungry that has anything to do with food."

"I thought it was a scholarship. That was how they made it seem. And then I couldn't get out of it without giving outright offense."

Ronan's very close, and Adam tilts his chin up, meeting the prince's eyes boldly. "I just want to be allowed to continue my studies. But I'd be willing to come and visit you from time to time. If that's what you're asking."

"Kind of the point in finding a smart kid who likes to study. Trying to get me to do the same."

He bobs in the water next to Adam the water gently lapping against him.

"I'll tell my father to give you the scholarship. Or whatever the fuck he's calling it."

Ronan lets out a breath and starts to wander out further into the water.

"Nice meeting you, Parrish."

"No," Adam refuses, eyes fierce with pride. He stands waist-deep in the water, not admitting to himself that he's too nervous to go deeper. "I don't need your charity, and your father can stuff whatever payment he had in mind. I'm not going to fucking babysit you. I'm getting an actual scholarship, because I will earn it. I was offering to visit you for free."

"How have you not earned it?" Ronan snapped back. "How else do people earn this kind of shit? Prove you're smart. You did that. Pass their tests. You did that."

His eyes were dark and a little hurt. "Fuck, man. Do whatever you want. I don't need a babysitter. Or someone looking at me like I'm poison just because I was born into this fucking family." He looks away back out at the water, wondering where it ends.

"And I was offering to say what needs to be said to my father so you can have what you have earned, no strings attached. No having to deal with me. Just go get your fucking education. Fine, do it your way. No skin off my back."

He storms back to the beach and starts to get dressed. "I'll get you home. Get dressed."

Adam lingers a moment longer and then follows him to shore, getting dressed again and following Ronan up the beach. He carries his shoes. Quiet again, his eyes linger on Ronan. He made his offer and Ronan... dodged it? Adam's not sure. He thinks that Ronan's proud, and he understands pride. Adam's not going to argue for his place, especially not when Ronan thinks he's only doing it for the rewards.

But he thinks it's possible he might be allowed to walk into the palace again, if he decided he wanted to see Ronan again.

"Why do you do that?" He gestures at Adam. "Say nothing?"

"You didn't like what I had to say," Adam points out, taking his place at Ronan's side as they walk, as if they're equals. "Why waste my breath arguing the point? I thought you were decided."

"You haven't liked anything I've had to say. I'm still talking." He's so unsure of what to do or say right now. He can tell Adam has opinions about him about all of this that he isn't saying. Not that he wanted a fight but a real conversation would be nice.

"I'm surrounded by people always saying what they think they should say. What they think my father would approve of. I don't have friends because people are fake. They lie."

"I lie sometimes," Adam tells him, and shrugs, continuing to walk alongside him. "I think you want me to stay and be your friend, but you want me to prove it somehow. Say the right thing, whatever that is. But you don't tell me what you want, and if I say the wrong thing, you storm off, like you did before. I don't know you. How was I supposed to know you'd take offense at me thinking they'd set this up for me to date you? I don't know what to think, and you've lashed out at me when I've gotten it wrong. So I'd rather keep my mouth shut, thanks."

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