marlowemuses | The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

There had bee no other options. Someone had to guard the relics the Angel had given them. The Cup and Sword were too powerful to be left in mortal hands even those that had been blessed by the Angel. That power was too tempting no matter how noble Nephilim might be. There would always be someone, some group of someones, who would be seduced by the possibilities that those gifts represented.

Even centuries after the decision had been made, Alec wasn't sure why he had been chosen for this particular duty. His parabatai had been a better warrior. His sister was far more clever. But the Angel had chosen him. Perhaps because he was better able to accept the isolation of his divine task. His siblings would have been driven mad by loneliness after the first few decades.

There were times when Alec wondered if he would eventually succumb to insanity, but he had the books that he eventually became guardian of and the cats that somehow crept between worlds to keep him company. They weren't exactly cats, of course. They were built more like predators than pets, eyes glowing with flames instead of the usual nocturnal glow. No matter how frightening they looked, they were Alec's friends and they helped Alec protect the items the Angel had left in his care.

It was the cats that warned him that something was wrong at the gates. The largest of them howled a warning, hissing as she faced the gate. The rest of the pride ran to her as Alec sprinted for the gates. Something - Someone - was attacking. He felt the temple shiver its warning through him and he knew that no matter how impossible it seemed, someone had crossed the threshold between worlds.

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"Nothing about me is worth telling," Adam said, accent still thick and not looking at Alec. He kept Emily cradled in his arms, holding her as tight as he dared while being careful not to crush her. "I don't know anything about magic. I don't have any angel blood. I'm just stubborn."

He opened a door at random and stopped short in surprise at the sumptuous banquet spread laid out across an enormous table. It was enough food to feed Adam for a year, and it was all hot and fresh, like it had just been laid. His stomach rumbled loudly at the smell of it, and all Adam could do was stare.

Alec gave Adam a variation of the look he used to give Jace that silently stated that he thought his best friend was an idiot. "Worth telling depends on who you're telling." Letting out a sigh, he tried not to be frustrated or hurt by Adam's comment. It sounded like evasion or it could be that Adam really didn't think he was interesting, not realizing that Alec would be interested. "You can do magic and I can't. Angel blood doesn't make me better than anyone else and I know you're stubborn."

Persephone dug her claws into his arm but he wasn't sure if that was a warning or encouragement. "You want to be partners but you won't tell me anything about you. You'll probably get mad if I ask you questions." Or if he said anything that was meant as a compliment since Adam usually walked away whenever Alec tried to be nice.

Stepping into the room, he stared at the table and all the food that had appeared. "The temple really likes you. It's only done that for me a few times."

"Not worth telling to someone who doesn't like me," Adam amended. The temple and the ley line liked him, and the cats liked him, but Alec very obviously didn't, so Adam threw it at him the way Alec had done earlier. Let Alec answer it this time.

He approached the spread of food tentatively, unable to believe it was really for him. He didn't know where to start. "This is all for me?" he asked, bewildered. He was hungry, though, so he couldn't resist approaching. Emily squirmed, so he set her down carefully on the table, and she went straight over to an enormous platter of chicken and started helping herself. "Won't it all go to waste?"

"I like you." At least Alec thought he could like Adam. He wasn't sure if he could trust his impressions and feelings when it'd been so long since he'd spoken to anyone. But the potential was there. Adam probably wouldn't believe that but at least Alec had tried to be civil.

Setting Persephone down, Alec walked along the table, taking in all the different kinds of food that had been offered to the priestess. Some of them Alec had never seen before or had only seen in books. He scowled at Emily, picking her up and setting her down on the table. Deciding the chicken was a lost cause, he set the plate down for his pets. "It is." Alec doubted that whatever magic had caused the feast to appear would mind if he ate some of it, but it obviously wasn't for him. "I don't think it will. Food doesn't usually spoil here, but this is different than anything that happened before."

Adam was surprised to hear that Alec liked him, at least enough to want to spend more time in his company. "So we both want to be friends but we're not any good at it," he concluded. Taking up a plate, Adam started to fill it with slices of pies, meat, and vegetables. He wanted to try everything, but he limited himself to what he thought his stomach could take without rejecting it.

Then he took a seat, eating hungrily and curling an arm defensively around his plate without realizing he was doing it. "I'm eighteen. I go to a prestigious private school on scholarship." And that was the end of the facts about himself that Adam was comfortable with.

"I never really had friends before." Mentally wincing at how that sounded, he tried not to think of Adam pitying him over what had happened in the past. "Unless you count family." Izzy and Jace had always included him and they had made sure that their friends were polite. It had still been awkward for him since he was the outsider instead of part of the group.

Alec stared at a piece of fruit that was furry on the outside and bright green on the inside, trying to figure out what exactly it was. He was about to ask when Adam gave him a bare minimum of information about himself. "Thank you for sharing." He couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice as he got a plate and picked items that he'd never seen before. Whatever they were couldn't be dangerous to him and this might be the only time that he might be able to eat them.

Turning back to Adam, he noticed how he was hunched over his plate. Like he expected to be attacked. Suddenly he wasn't hungry, not even for the rare things the temple had offered Adam. Setting his food aside, he began picking things for the cats, giving them bits of meat while staying as far away from Adam as he could. Maybe if he was far enough away Adam could enjoy the gift the temple had given him.

When Adam finally offered something about himself, Alec responded scathingly and then backed away. Adam didn't understand what he'd done wrong or how he'd given offense, but it seemed clearer than ever that Alec didn't want to be near him.

Hurting, Adam's appetite faded. He felt hated and unwelcome, and the ley line's insistence that he be here felt like nothing in comparison to that rejection. The only good things about himself, and Alec had acted like they were trash.

He pushed his plate away and got up. He had work to do and places to be. If the temple wanted something from him, it could provide clearer instructions next time. Adam just wanted out.

As he fed the cats, he covertly watched Adam, hating that he seemed so afraid of him. He hadn't helped with that but every time he offered some information about himself, Adam ignored him or gave him only enough to prove that he was sharing something about his life. Distracted by that thought, he didn't notice Persephone's shift in mood until she hissed, swiping at his hand and biting him.

Jerking away, Alec yelped and stumbled backwards, ending up on the floor with the cats glaring at him. As a group, they turned away from him, leaving him alone with the priestess. First Adam and now his pets had decided they didn't want to be around him. Staring at the blood welling up from the scratches, he waited for Adam to follow the cats. They could show the priestess around the temple and Alec would go find somewhere out of the way to wait until Adam returned home.

Heading for the door, Adam looked over at the hiss and the yelp. His eyes narrowed, bothered by it and concerned that it had happened. Alec's cats had seemed tame and affectionate, and Alec had been gentle with them.

He couldn't rule out that it hadn't been his own temper that had caused it. Alec insisted that Adam had power in this place, that the cats and the temple both wanted to please him. In that moment, he had felt angry and hurt, and now Alec was bleeding.

"Did I do that?" he asked, voice very quiet and eyes dark and defensive. Didn't it just figure that as soon as he had power, someone would be hurt from it, and then they'd have all the more reason to hate Adam.

"No. It was my fault." Swiping at the blood, he knew he should heal the scratches but it seemed right to have the sting of the wound to remind him of his mistakes. "They're making their annoyance with me known the only way they can." They didn't normally react that way, but there had been times when Alec had been foolish and reckless and they'd had made their opinions of his actions clear.

"Persephone is the most outspoken of them. She'll forgive me in a couple of hours." The rest of the pride wouldn't come near him until she did, but Alec probably needed that solitude. "She's done it before when I did things she didn't approve of so it's not something you should worry about."

“Good,” Adam snapped, ill-tempered but relieved. “I didn’t want you hurt, but I share her opinion that you’re a fucking asshole.”

Reassured that Persephone hadn’t hurt Alec because of him, Adam continued on his trajectory out the door, planning to find the quickest way out of the temple that he could manage. Alec thought he was as worthless as everyone else did. Adam was a fool to have hoped otherwise.

"I'm a - " Digging his nails into the cuts, he tried to focus on that pain instead of the anger that was starting to break through his self control. For once that tactic didn't work and his temper worked its way free. "You're the one that treats me like I'm less than the decorations in the temple. You're the one who talks about cooperation and unions and then dismisses me whenever I try to have a conversation with you."

Taking a deep breath, he kept his gaze away from Adam, ignoring the wistful pang that the sight of so many new, real things that the temple had given Adam. Even when he first arrived, he hadn't been treated that way.

None of that mattered. The priestess was dismissing him. He'd warned Adam that he was just the guard cat. Alec shouldn't have believed the hints of friendship. Loneliness had clouded his reason.

Forcing his attention to a spot beyond Adam's shoulder, he locked his hands behind his back, taking up the old pose he'd used while still a mortal. The one that he'd used whenever Maryse had given her lectures. "I'll make sure that you never see me during your visits. If you need anything, the temple or Persephone will be able to help you."

Adam stopped on the threshold of the room, glaring back at him with rage. “You asked me for information about myself, and when I offered it, you treated it like trash.” It had been the best Adam had to offer, the only things that made it seem like he had value.

“Don’t worry,” he said, cold and bitter with pain, voice sharp and with very little of the soft syrup of his accent. “I’m not coming back.”

Adam stepped through the door. Alec would have to chase him.

"All you told me is that you go to school. I learned more about you the day we were in the library and when we were in the garden." He'd thought he'd learned something about Adam. He'd given him a caterpillar and worried about something most people would see as a nuisance would survive going through the gate. Alec had thought that Adam was someone who would be kind, but that thoughtfulness didn't seem to extend to him once he had the temple had shown that it welcomed the priestess.

Alec knew that it was his duty to apologize and beg Adam to stay but he couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat. It hurt too much to keep trying and having the distance between them become more obvious. The temple wanted Adam here, not Alec. The cats preferred Adam. He wasn't sure what the Angel would do when Adam didn't return, but he doubted that he'd be punished too harshly. If he was, then someone else would have to replace him.

Slowly he stood, walking out the door and watching Adam as he stormed away. The cats hissed at Alec again and he shook his head. Even Emily was leaving with Adam. Heading back toward the gardens, he frowned when the door refused to open. All the doors refused to open except the ones that would lead to the gate.

When Adam reached the gate, it was closed. He'd never seen it closed before, since it had always been open. A standing invitation.

His cheeks flamed at the sight of it, and he tried the knob even though he already knew. The temple would not let him leave while it knew he wouldn't return. Adam knew that he would, probably, after a few weeks to cool his temper, or when the ley line and the temple insisted strongly enough. But being forbidden to leave enraged him.

He shouted threats at the door for a minute, fingers sparkling with power as he tried to tear it open, willing to tear a hole in reality to do so, but Adam's magic was weak without the ley line to back it, and he didn't have enough magic of his own to combat the power of an angel, especially when he knew so little about controlling his power.

When Alec appeared, along with most of the pack of cats, Adam whirled on him. There was a darkness in his eyes, all that power and fury making him seem inhuman, and his rage crackled in the air around him in little sparks.

"I brought you gifts," Adam snapped. He didn't think that Alec had anything to do with trapping him here, and thought that Alec probably wanted to be rid of him as quickly as possible. "I spent time and effort to please you, and then you say I think of you as less than the decor? I didn't bring gifts to the cats, though they've been more civil to me than you have. I tried to please you."

Someone was using magic near the temple. He had the feeling that it might be Adam but he'd said that he didn't know how to use his power. Conjuring one of his blades, Alec jogged toward the gate, hoping that it was Adam and not someone trying to force their way into the temple.

He slowed when he saw Adam struggling with the gate, power sparking from his hands. Freezing when Adam turned toward him, he felt a shiver run down his spine before he forced aside his apprehension. He'd fought demons before he'd been brought to the temple. The world had been filled with horrors that most people thought only belonged in storybooks. He wouldn't allow himself to back away from a human who was having a magical tantrum.

"You brought me gifts, but as soon as you saw the temple, I was nothing." Alec knew that he should keep his temper. If Adam ended up attacking, he needed to be the one who remained calm. He couldn't hurt Adam even if he seemed ready to turn his magic on him. Alec could survive whatever wounds that Adam inflicted. Adam wasn't as resilient as he could be.

"What did I do that was so uncivilized? I told you about my past and what I am, just as you requested. You told me nothing about yourself. I tried to show you the temple, but you were interested in the library. When you sat down to eat, you acted like you though I'd hurt you. So I stayed away. I tried to please you." And obviously failed. Shaking his head, he dismissed the sword, holding his hands out wide so that Adam didn't think he was about to attack. "I can try to force open the gate. Would that please you?"

"I brought you gifts after I saw the temple, after you granted me passage, for no other reason than I wanted to please you."

The sharp, dark expression remained in Adam's eyes, but the air around him eased when Alec dismissed his weapon and offered to force the gate for him. The offer intrigued him, because it meant Alec trying to defy the temple itself in order to please Adam, and that was a risk that made Adam feel like he mattered.

"Yes," he said, eyes locked on Alec. He stepped to one side to grant Alec passage to the gate. "Force open the gate. If you'll do it for me."

Alec noticed that Adam hadn't specified how he could have been more civil. He hadn't denied that Alec had tried. His efforts hadn't been enough and now he had to act like a servant to please Adam.

Walking past the priestess, he kept his eyes averted, trying not to think about what he was about to do. He'd never tried to leave or even thought of trying to get close to the gates. The powers that protected this reality might not like the guardian ordering the gates to open when he was supposed to stay within the grounds. This might not end well, but this was now his duty.

Standing in front of them, he called all the power that he had been given to protect the temple and focused it on the gate. "The priestess wants to leave."

As Alec expected, the gates didn't budge. The priestess had told him to force open the gates so that might be the only way to open them. The cats milled around, obviously picking up on his unease. Alec wasn't sure what would happen if he touched the gate.

But he'd been given an order. He had to follow it. Wrapping his hands around two of the bars, he ignored the energy he felt humming beneath his palms. He'd be all right as long as he didn't try to leave.

It wasn't until he tried to push them open that the hum turned to something more unpleasant. The more he attempted to force the doors open, the stronger it became. The hum turning to something sharper, like hooks sinking into his flesh. The sword had the same power, but it'd never been this intense when he'd touched that relic. Biting his lip to remain silent as pain worsened, he kept pushing against the force keeping the them closed until his hands slipped and he almost stumbled into the gates.

Taking an unsteady breath, Alec backed away from the gate, and then fell into the old soldier posture that had always been safe when he had been criticized. Keeping his hands behind him, he waited for Adam to decide if his effort had been good enough.

Adam watched in silence, feeling sick as it started to look as though Alec was in pain. Alec really was trapped here, and this place was hurting him for defying it. That made Adam want to tear it open all the more, to break those chains.

"What did you think?" Adam asked, anger fading and leaving behind fractures. "That I was keeping back some wonders of my life beyond the gates? You know everything about me that's worth anything. All that's left to tell is just a hundred different words for worthless."

And now this place was going to steal even that from him. If he couldn't leave, he'd lose his job and his shitty apartment, then another job, then his scholarship...

"Why should I tell you anything more, when you think the few things I value are worthless?"

Adam sank to the ground near the doors, crossing his legs and staring at the floor. He'd wait. He'd starve, if he had to. He didn't think the temple would risk letting him die.

"Did you ever think that your life is a wonder to someone who lives in a cage?" His voice only cracked slightly as he spoke. His hands throbbed hotly as he carefully kept them where Adam couldn't see. He thought he felt something wet sliding from his palms but the damage wouldn't be permanent. The guardian had to be kept whole no matter what happened. "Every day you see things that I only dream of. How can you be worthless when you're free?"

He wanted to relax. Maybe sit beside Adam but he knew that he wouldn't be able to hide his injuries if he did. And, technically, he had been given orders by the priestess that he'd failed to complete. Sitting idle didn't seem appropriate after that. "If they matter so much to you, why did you hate telling me anything about them? I wanted to ask you so many questions but you barely spoke to me. So I didn't."

"My life isn't some entertainment for you to paw over," Adam snapped, curling into himself more with every word that Alec spoke. He hunched over, arms on his knees and head tucked, trying to curl into a ball and hide, or just to make himself small enough to disappear. "I was willing to give you what I could from the outside world. I'm not willing to give of myself to someone who will scorn me."

Persephone came over and rubbed her head against Adam's elbow. He uncurled very slightly, letting her onto his lap and winding his arms lightly around her. "I want out of here," he mumbled, mostly to her. She headbutted him, then hopped out of his arms, looking back at him like she expected him to follow.

Regarding Alec warily, Adam got to his feet.

"No, it's not." It might have been wrong to ask about Adam's life because he craved any scrap of information about the mortal world, but that hadn't been exactly what Adam had said. "You asked if there were wonders in your life and there are." Closing his eyes, he tried focus on something other than how weary he was and the pain from his hands. "At least to someone who can never be part of that life."

That was where Alec had made his mistake. Adam had said that they could be partners while working together and he had known that couldn't be true. He'd thought that at least indirectly he could be part of Adam's life. He'd let hope cloud his reasoning. He was a resource, a weapon, nothing more.

He knew that nothing he could say would make Adam believe him or want to befriend him. Everything he did was treated as hatred. He'd followed Adam's orders and it still wasn't enough. Adam had watched him get hurt and it hadn't been good enough for the priestess. But he'd followed the order so that meant he could try something else.

Turning away from the priestess, he stood in front of the gate. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself not to look at his hands. He'd tend to that later after the priestess was gone. The feeling of hooks dug in deeper this time. He kept his hands loosely curled around the metal, whispering a plea to the Angel to open the gate and allow the priestess to leave. He repeated the request over and over until he felt almost dizzy, closing his eyes when the view outside the gates started turning to strange things that always reminded him that this was a realm of magic.

Eventually, he felt something shift, his hands burning in warning. Backpedaling away from the gate before he accidentally crossed into the lands beyond the gate, he kept moving until he was safely off the path leading out of the garden. Now Adam could leave and hopefully Alec wouldn't be visited by a priestess for another few centuries.

Adam didn't initially realize what was happening, because he didn't imagine that Alec would try again after failing the first time, and his attention was still on Persephone in hopes that she might lead him out through whatever path the cats used to come and go. But when Persephone's attention moved toward the gate again, Adam's did too, and he frowned as he realized what Alec was doing.

"Don't, it'll hurt you," Adam argued, not willing to let Alec batter himself against the gate uselessly. He reached out to stop him, laying a hand on Alec's upper arm, but then the gates released and Alec scrambled backward.

Adam stared at the gate, open and glowing, and he could see his car through the trees on the other side. But he saw also that there was blood on the door handles, and he turned back to look at Alec, disturbed and concerned. "Why would you pay in blood for me?" he asked, brow furrowed because the cost was so high and Alec had given it to him and defied his duty just because Adam asked.

It had already hurt him and it hadn't been enough. Alec wanted to say those words aloud or something worse but instead he kept moving away, giving Adam a clear way through the gate. Part of him wanted to look through the opening and see if he could glimpse part of the mortal world, but he wasn't sure if he'd be punished for that. For now it was best if he stayed as far from the gate as possible. Once Adam left, he'd go to the orchards, the farthest area from the temple and the path so that the magic wouldn't react as if he was trying to leave.

"You told me to do it." That should be answer enough. Adam had said the words. He'd watched Alec try to open the gate. Alec didn't have to try a second time, but Adam wanted to leave so what choice did he have? "You wanted to leave and now you can." Looking down, he focused on one of the flowers that lined the path that he'd accidentally trampled. "You should go before it closes again."

Adam nodded. He couldn't risk the door closing again, especially not now that blood had been paid to open it for him. Whatever had compelled Alec to pay that price, Adam wouldn't let it go to waste. "Thank you," he murmured, and slipped through the door.

-

He stayed well away from the ley line for a few days after that, skittish about being trapped, but he thought about the guardian and the blood on the door. It still bothered him that Alec had been willing to pay that price for him when they had been so angry and harsh to each other. Alec had said he liked Adam, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Persephone came to visit him, though Adam insisted to her that he wasn’t going back and didn’t care. But after a few days, her insistence became more urgent, combined with dramatic collapses and sprawls.

Persuaded that Alec was badly ill, Adam finally softened and went to the ley line, deeply skittish as he crossed the threshold. He didn’t trust any of this, but he couldn’t let Alec die for him.

Edited 2019-01-26 00:18 (UTC)

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