marlowemuses | My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

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My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

Satoru loved his friends. He loved college, the freedom and connection of it, the knowledge and collaboration. He loved sitting around a lunch table with his friends, chattering on about nonsense and teasing each other.

And he was a little bit in love with his roommate, Suguru, who was seated beside him at the table. The six of them were crammed in to a booth that was only designed for four, so Satoru was basically mashed up against Suguru's side, their thighs sealed together and their shoulders brushing every time one of them moved. It felt electric, and Satoru was trying to ignore the little zings of desire that shot through him every time Suguru moved, or how his arm stretched out along the back of the booth, so close to being draped over Satoru's shoulders.

At the moment, Satoru was regaling them all with the story of some girl who had asked him out, and he hadn't realized that she was asking him out until the fourth(?) attempt when she'd finally gotten exasperated and just demanded are you gay or something?

"What'd you say?" Shoko asked, idly curious but not super invested, spinning her spoon against the bottom of her empty bowl.

"Oh. Just, like, no, I'm just not interested."

"Yeah, same as you've said every time someone has asked you out," Utahime contributed, with a little snort. "More likely you're just ace."

Silence descended around the table, somewhere between shocked and awkward. Satoru stared at her, lips parted, and for a moment he genuinely considered it. Am I asexual?

But then Suguru shifted very slightly, either out of awkwardness or intent to say something, and his arm brushed against the back of Satoru's neck. The bolt of lust that went through him shot straight to his cock. Right. Not asexual.

"I'm not," Satoru insisted, the words spilling indignantly from his mouth before he could think about them. "I have a boyfriend."

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"Satoru?" Suguru asks, frowning at the silence and the focus on the pillows. He knows sometimes Satoru gets focused on certain things, or gets overstimulated and shuts down, but he didn't think pillows were something to focus on, nor was a simple question about his boyfriend worth shutting down over.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," he begins, "but you know you can tell me anything, right? If there's an issue or something."

Satoru's hands slow on his arranging the pillows, then stop entirely, but his gaze stays on them even once he's stilled. He can feel Suguru watching him.

Thinking up another lie feels exhausting, and he knows that if he does, Suguru will just keep asking. Not because he doesn't believe Satoru or doesn't trust Satoru, but because he wants Satoru to be able to tell him anything.

His best friend, who is trying so hard to be caring and supportive.

And Satoru has done nothing but lie to him all afternoon.

"I ..."

His voice comes out hoarse. Throat dry. Satoru's hand curls tight around one of the pillows. His eyes stay down.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

He pulls one of the meticulously over-arranged pillows free, hugging it tight to his chest, head hanging as his brow furrows with sorrow and guilt.

"I made it up."

"Huh?" Suguru stares at Satoru, lips slightly parted in bewilderment and surprise. He made it up? Which explains... a lot, considering that Suguru had never heard of this boyfriend before that day, nor had Satoru given any indication that he was dating.

(So maybe Suguru wasn't his type, after all. Which is a shameful thought, and he shakes it out of his head. It's not the thing to focus on now.)

"Okay..." Suguru says, eventually. He nibbles at his lower lip, considering what to say next. "Why did you make up a fake boyfriend?"

Satoru shrugs, keeping his eyes down because he feels guilty and apologetic. "Because I was on the spot. Because I'm not asexual but I didn't want to have to talk about that. Because I want a boyfriend, even though I know I complain every time someone asks me out because I get flustered and uncomfortable and I'm so exhausted of people being interested in me because I'm pretty only to immediately regret it as soon as they get a glimpse of my personality."

His shoulders lift, then sag heavily, and Satoru gives a miserably unhappy whimper, weighed down by his own loneliness on top of the guilt. "I'm sorry I've been lying to you all afternoon, Suguru. I don't think anyone else at the table even believed me. Well, probably Haibara did. He's too good and trusting."

Suguru shifts closer to him, throwing an arm around Satoru's shoulder and pulling him in for an awkward, one-armed hug, mostly so Satoru can lean against him.

"It's okay. I probably should have been more suspicious, and it's not like you carried this on and invented a name or anything. I came on kinda strong with my questions, which certainly didn't help. Though, you know, you don't need to lie to me. Any of us but especially me. Tell everyone to fuck off if we're getting too personal; no one will be offended."

He does nudge Satoru with his shoulder. "Huh. I guess that's why you were so confused about my questions. At least I don't have to think some dude is being a terrible boyfriend."

Satoru hesitates at first, still tense with unhappiness and curled into himself, but then he leans into the embrace, arms slipping around Suguru's torso and knees tipping to rest against Suguru's thigh. "I know. It was so stupid, and I'm really sorry, Suguru. I should have confessed earlier, as soon as you started asking for details. I guess I just ..."

Questioning himself and his own stupid decision, Satoru rests his cheek on Suguru's shoulder. "I think that it wasn't about lying to you. I just kind of wanted to indulge in the fantasy of it. I think I liked that you believed it. That you thought it was plausible. I'm just ... I'm just really lonely, Suguru."

It takes Suguru a moment to respond to that, thinking about his comment. The movie is long forgotten, and he's tempted to turn to look at Satoru, so they can have this conversation face to face. Although, on second thought, that might not be the right approach if Satoru is feeling particularly vulnerable.

"I am a little hurt you lied, but I get it. I'd probably make up something in a situation like that, too." He's never had to make up a partner, but he has been in situations where he has needed to tell lies to keep things from going south. "And hey, if you're lonely, we can fix that. I'm a great wingman, and you're incredibly funny, witty, and intelligent. We'll find you a guy who likes you for you."

Satoru can think of a whole host of reasons why Suguru as a wingman is a terrible idea, and the only point in favor is that he likes having an excuse to spend more time with his best friend. But there's no chance at all of him noticing any other guy while Suguru's in his immediate vicinity.

"In what world are you a great wingman?" Satoru asks him, elbowing him, and at least managing a smile in order to tease his friend. "You're way too hot. And charming. Even if we give me enough credit to say that half the people who come over to talk to us are hoping to talk to me, you're still going to end up with five times as many numbers, no matter where we go. Don't you ... don't you realize that happens? The girl today ignored me from the start, but ... people come up to us all the time, and it always ends with them asking for your number. Not mine."

By the end of this, Satoru's smile has faded into something pained, and he looks away again, stinging with jealousy.

"Hey, I can be one! You just haven't experienced my hype skills." He grins at Satoru, nudging him in return. "I never bothered to introduce you to people trying to flirt because I thought you weren't interested."

Maybe it's just Suguru he's not interested in. Which he can handle; he doesn't need everyone to find him attractive and want to be with him, Suguru doesn't have that huge of an ego. The fact that Satoru is the most gorgeous man he knows, and his best friend... well, that's Satoru's choice. It's fine.

"You also glower at everyone, or refuse to talk to them. You just need someone who gets that is all. And usually the people who approach me aren't looking for anything serious, which is fine. But you don't seem the casual type."

Satoru withers away farther at having it pointed out that he absolutely does close off or get defensive toward people trying to flirt with him. He ducks his head, trying to disappear, but he does at least feel trusting enough that he only curls tighter against Suguru's side. "No. You're right. I don't think I am. Like with the issue where it bothers me so much when people are only interested in me for my looks, not my, uh, difficult personality. That'd only be worse if I tried to hook up with someone casually. And I think ..."

Tentatively lifting his head, Satoru meets Suguru's eyes shyly. "I think I'm pretty clingy. Loyal, I guess, would be the kinder way to put it. But when I've got a crush on someone, how could I ..." His cheeks flush, heart aching with yearning as he studies Suguru's face. "How could I ever, ever look at someone else?"

There's a lot he could say to that, Suguru thinks, especially when Satoru keeps ducking away from things. But the important thing in all of this, the thing that Suguru latches on to, is the mention of a crush. Satoru's never mentioned a crush before, but he seems fixated on the concept. Does he have a crush?

"Just because you have a crush doesn't mean everyone else disappears," Suguru says, words catching in his throat for a moment. "Though I understand what you mean. It's hard to focus on anyone else when you want someone specific. Do you have a crush on someone right now?" He smiles, as gently as possible. "We can figure out a strategy to get them to notice you." He holds up a hand. "And before you say anything, I won't even attempt to play wingman. I'll just give you tips or something."

Satoru's smile returns, heart giving an extra couple of thuds at Suguru's earnest kindness. He really is the best of all possible friends.

He's aware of how dangerous this topic is, but he also knows that he's already in too deep. It was Suguru stating that he was hurt about Satoru's lies that trapped him, and wanting Satoru to be able to tell him everything. He can't lie or even evade again.

Right now, Satoru feels like he's slowly painting himself into a corner. It feels inevitable. There's probably no way out. But he's a little bit resigned to that. As long as Suguru takes it as a compliment and it doesn't wreck their friendship ...

But even if it does, Satoru knows that he owes Suguru the truth.

Eventually.

"Yeah?" he asks, voice soft, gazing at Suguru with affection. Maybe he can just stay here a little longer. Being held by Suguru like this. "Tell me your strategy. What would you do if the guy you liked didn't seem interested in you like that?"

Suguru hums, arm tightening around Satoru for a moment, thinking about that question. It's really hypocritical of him to talk about that, considering that he has retreated and just been a friend to Satoru, rather than trying to flirt and get him interested.

And he's not helping himself here, trying to help Satoru hookup with someone else. But if he wants to date, and Suguru isn't his type, then there's nothing he can do about it.

"Well, I guess it would depend on who they were and what they wanted," he says, eventually. "Kind of a fine line. If someone has said they aren't interested, it might be worth backing off and not pushing them, you know? Don't come across creepy. But if there's some lingering tension there, or maybe some miscommunication, then getting to know them a little deeper, flirting, spending time with them.... It can lead to people reconsidering that initial rejection."

His eyes narrow. "Wait, we weren't talking about people not interested in you like that. Did you have someone in mind who rejected you at first?"

Satoru's heart gives a warm, happy leap when Suguru squeezes him like that. There's absolutely no way he can let Suguru 'wingman' for him. Satoru can't consider anyone else while he feels like this. He's so in love.

This is good advice, and Satoru takes it in curiously. He has gotten to know Suguru deeper, and they spend lots of time together. They do flirt, in their own way. Suguru certainly never said he wasn't interested. It's never come up, aside from pretty general comments and observations, like Suguru's belief during this conversation that Satoru is attractive and interesting.

"Not rejected me," Satoru says, tucking his head back down with his cheek against Suguru's shoulder. "I think he just doesn't see me like that, and I don't want to make things weird. And I think he's way out of my league anyway. And he doesn't do relationships, so we want different things. So if I pursued him, it's unlikely that it would result in anything other than maybe making our friendship uncomfortable. But it's hard for me to be interested in anyone else. No one else compares."

"Oh, if it's that you want to make sure he knows you're interested, you can just tell him," he points out. "If it's someone decent, and they aren't interested, which would be bizarre, they won't make it awkward." At least, Suguru likes to think they wouldn't, but he's always been good about friendships and relationships, handling rejection gently. "Or if you really don't want to risk anything, start flirting. Show off your muscles, make him aware that you're not straight or asexual." He holds up a hand. "And before you say anything about not wanting him to just like you because of your looks, it is a factor, and if you're concerned about hurting your friendship, he probably already likes you."

Whoever this mystery person is, Suguru is deeply curious now, because he thought he knew all of Satoru's friends.

"What do you mean, he doesn't do relationships?"

This is turning really interesting, as Satoru takes in all of this advice and turns it over curiously in his head. His gaze is drawn back up to Suguru, a little more open and trusting. "Of course he wouldn't just like me because of my looks. If we're already friends. He likes hanging out with me. I know that."

You can just tell him, Suguru advised, and Satoru thinks that maybe he will.

He went into this tangent of the conversation feeling dread about confessing, but now he's starting to enjoy the conversation, scattering a few more bread crumbs and waiting for Suguru to connect the dots.

"What do you mean, what do I mean? He doesn't really date. Not seriously, anyway. Just hookups, mostly. He's mega hot, though. Everyone's into him. And he's super charming. That's why I feel like he's out of my league, right? He can have anyone he wants."

Who else does Satoru know that's charming? When he first brought this up, Suguru was leaning toward it being Nanami or Haibara or possibly someone in one of his classes, but that sounds too specific. Nanami and Haibara are not all that charming. Suguru knows that being into someone can make them the most charming person imaginable, or hotter than sin—after all, that's how he feels about Satoru, and he knows that Satoru is usually an asshole and not super charming— he doesn't think all of those things apply to their mutual friends. He doesn't spend much time with his classmates, from what Suguru can tell, so it's unlikely to be that.

Which leaves a few possibilities—or maybe just one.

"You're gorgeous and hilarious and smart," he points out, considering his options. Does he call out Satoru and potentially end up in an awkward situation with his roommate if this hot, charming mystery guy isn't Suguru? Does he ignore it? Can he flirt? Should he flirt? He looks at Satoru again, trying to keep his expression neutral, but there's definitely a complicated look on his face.

"And he already likes your personality, apparently. Maybe he only does hookups because the guy he's interested in isn't interested in him, and he doesn't want to seriously date anyone else."

Satoru grins tentatively at the compliments, pleased by them, especially from Suguru. He likes that Suguru finds him that attractive.

When Suguru turns it back on him, a hypothetical that seems a little too specific, Satoru's eyes widen. Is it possible that his crush is reciprocated? It might be. They are best friends. They obviously like spending time together. They like each other, and they're both interested in guys.

He blinks once, eyes still wide, and blushes, but he doesn't look away. He's already decided on his course of action. Maybe Suguru has connected those dots, or he's getting closer. Not enough to be sure yet.

"He's smart, too," Satoru says, his weight still leaning comfortably against Suguru's side, body relaxed. "Really clever and interesting. Super muscular. Tall. Not as tall as me, but nobody's as tall as me." People exist who are taller than you, Satoru. "He's really kind, too, even though he's sort of a bad boy. He's got the look, all piercings and tattoos. It's really hot. And long hair." Satoru grins, cheeky and playful, knowing that there's no question at all by now that he's describing Suguru. "I'm really into guys with long hair."

"There are people taller than you, Satoru," Suguru helpfully points out, picking that out of everything else to focus on. "Go spend time in the locker room of the basketball team or something, you'll find a bunch of guys you can fit right in with." For his height, at least. Not so much his interests.

"Sounds like this bad boy of yours is pretty hot." There really is no question that Satoru is talking about him now, as he's the only person in their social circle with any visible tattoos and piercings. Suguru knows he's hot, and he's not ashamed to say that. "Tell me, what do you like about guys with long hair?"

"He's so hot," Satoru agrees, heart fluttering happily because Suguru has to know now, but he's just flirting back instead of backing off. Satoru snuggles a little closer, happy to be held and daring to hope that this might actually be happening. "I don't think I ever really thought about it before him. I guess he gave me a long hair kink." Satoru brushes Suguru's stray bangs back, grinning as they immediately fall into his face again. "He takes really good care of his hair, so it's soft and shiny. Sometimes I think about his hair falling around us in a curtain while we kiss. That seems pretty hot, right?"

Satoru squirms a little, excited and flirty but still nervous. "You don't think he'd mind that I'm, uh ... not experienced? At all?"

"If he's as good as you say he is, I doubt he'd care." Suguru doesn't care much if Satoru's inexperienced; he has enough experience for them both, and can guide Satoru through whatever he wants to do with Suguru.

"Hair falling in a curtain, huh?" Suguru smirks, sly and mischievous, and flips them so he's leaning over Satoru, sprawled out on the bed beneath him. He reaches up to let down his hair, the strands falling around them. His hair is long and gorgeous, down past his shoulder blades, and thick enough that it can fall around them. He leans down, until he can rub his nose against Satoru's. "Like this?"

Satoru's breath catches as his dream comes true all at once and Suguru presses him down against the bed.

"Like that," Satoru whispers, awed. His heart thumps in his chest as he reaches up to comb a gentle hand through Suguru's hair, feeling how it slips between his fingers and then falls loose to tumble down against Satoru's cheek. His cock fills, body heating up, even as Satoru feels unable to believe his good luck. "Just like that."

"Yeah?" Suguru rubs his nose against Satoru's. "But it has to be while you kiss, doesn't it? So...."

He angles his head, dipping a little lower, and letting his lips brush against Satoru's in a gentle kiss. He lowers his hips at the same time, pressing fully against Satoru. "Like that?"

Satoru makes a soft, surprised little sound when Suguru kisses him, even though it was obvious that it was coming. Suguru's body pressing down on his is less expected, and Satoru gasps against his lips. He bends one knee up alongside Suguru's thigh, letting Suguru settle a little more comfortably between his legs and atop his other thigh, their hips aligned. It has to be immediately obvious that Satoru's half-hard, but he can't find it in him to be the slightest bit embarrassed. Not when Suguru's whispering against his lips.

"Suguru," he whispers, in reply, awed. "Just like that. Fuck ... really? You ..." He can't put it into words. They've just discussed all of it, but somehow it feels like too much to believe that Suguru's agreeing to half of what Satoru just said that he wanted.

It is obvious that Satoru's half-hard, just like Suguru was, but Suguru ignores that for the moment. He leans up enough so he can stare down at Satoru, disbelief in his eyes.

"Satoru, I hit on you the first day," Suguru mentions. "It was shallow then, but it wasn't just your looks. You were a rude brat, and I thought it was delightful. But you didn't respond at all, so I thought you weren't interested."

More like, he first thought Satoru was straight, and then asexual, and then wasn't interested in Suguru because he had a boyfriend, and then because he wasn't Satoru's type.

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