marlowemuses | My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

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My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

Satoru loved his friends. He loved college, the freedom and connection of it, the knowledge and collaboration. He loved sitting around a lunch table with his friends, chattering on about nonsense and teasing each other.

And he was a little bit in love with his roommate, Suguru, who was seated beside him at the table. The six of them were crammed in to a booth that was only designed for four, so Satoru was basically mashed up against Suguru's side, their thighs sealed together and their shoulders brushing every time one of them moved. It felt electric, and Satoru was trying to ignore the little zings of desire that shot through him every time Suguru moved, or how his arm stretched out along the back of the booth, so close to being draped over Satoru's shoulders.

At the moment, Satoru was regaling them all with the story of some girl who had asked him out, and he hadn't realized that she was asking him out until the fourth(?) attempt when she'd finally gotten exasperated and just demanded are you gay or something?

"What'd you say?" Shoko asked, idly curious but not super invested, spinning her spoon against the bottom of her empty bowl.

"Oh. Just, like, no, I'm just not interested."

"Yeah, same as you've said every time someone has asked you out," Utahime contributed, with a little snort. "More likely you're just ace."

Silence descended around the table, somewhere between shocked and awkward. Satoru stared at her, lips parted, and for a moment he genuinely considered it. Am I asexual?

But then Suguru shifted very slightly, either out of awkwardness or intent to say something, and his arm brushed against the back of Satoru's neck. The bolt of lust that went through him shot straight to his cock. Right. Not asexual.

"I'm not," Satoru insisted, the words spilling indignantly from his mouth before he could think about them. "I have a boyfriend."

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"There's nothing literary to say about this movie," he grouses, immediately switching gears; the movie wasn't among the worst he's seen, nor was it good, which is one of the major issues in his opinion. Something so average as to just be mediocre and nothing else.

He launches into a talk about that, skipping to different scenes to talk about how it could have just been a little better if they had made a change, or leaned into something else.

Satoru settles against Suguru's side again, gaze kind of sleepy and distant, so it might seem at first like he's not paying attention, but he has a question whenever Suguru pauses. Suguru's analysis and commentary is far more interesting than the movie itself had been, so Satoru digs into it, mostly follow up questions to go deeper into Suguru's thoughts, but occasionally a question that challenges his point of view or suggests a different interpretation. Satoru isn't nearly as invested, so it's not the kind of spirited argument or debate he might offer for another topic, but it's enough to keep them both talking for over an hour, until Satoru finally points out that it's near dinner time and they go down to the dorm cafeteria.

Bringing up another movie that they've seen recently that he has more opinions about, Satoru starts chattering about that, pressing Suguru for more of his analysis even though in this case they don't have the movie up in front of them to reference. He's just excited to talk with Suguru about everything and nothing.

They're wrapping up their meal when a girl comes over and interrupts. Satoru blinks at her, surprised, as she talks to Suguru about some shared class, completely ignoring Satoru.

It's not the first time people have hit on Suguru in front of him, but Satoru's flustered today, and annoyed. After he's had Suguru to himself all afternoon, cuddling and talking, the idea that anyone else could have a claim on him seems absurd. Rather than having had his fill of Suguru's company, their lovely afternoon just makes him feel greedy for more, and he's furious about this girl giving Suguru her number and flirtatiously suggesting that they study together sometime.

Satoru glares at her, all the angrier because she doesn't even seem to notice the glare. He might as well not exist.

Edited 2025-08-10 05:18 (UTC)

Talking to Satoru about the movies is incredibly easy. There's a flow to it, and Satoru always seems to have a question or a particularly keen insight on something— and the occasional trolling comment, or joke, which makes Suguru laugh, and appreciate his company even more, balancing his seriousness.

Their friendship is incredibly important to him, and this is just another aspect of that, something deeper and more meaningful. For a little while, Suguru forgets about Satoru's boyfriend, especially as they keep chatting over dinner.

The interruption is jarring, although he hides it well, smiling and chatting with her briefly. He takes her number, as usual, since the girl does share one of his lectures, and study partners are always valuable, but he's a little more composed than normal, not flirting in response. He can tell it surprises her when he doesn't return her flirting, but it doesn't stop her from trying, and Suguru has to be the one to end the conversation.

"Sorry," he says, gesturing to Satoru, and glancing at him. He frowns at the glare on his face, puzzled, but puts it down to being upset at being ignored. "Satoru and I need to get back to our evening," he tells the girl, rising from his chair. "Have a movie to catch. I'll text you and we'll plan a study group another time."

She looks crestfallen and pouts at him, and it occurs to him that the pout is nowhere near as cute as Satoru's, but says her goodbyes, still ignoring Satoru.

"Bye," Satoru says to her, exaggerating it because he's angry about being ignored and angry about her trying to come between him and Suguru. He only barely resists the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Hopping up promptly, Satoru keeps close to Suguru's side as they leave the dining hall, heading back toward their room. "Ugh," Satoru says, still bristling with unhappy anger. He impatiently wants to grab Suguru's hand or arm, to tuck against his side again, but he knows that would be weird while they're still in public. Suguru lets him get away with those things in their dorm room, especially if they're doing something together like watching a movie or playing a game, but it would give people the wrong idea in public. So he fidgets as they walk, bouncing restlessly on his toes every few steps, even though this makes his pace erratic. "Don't text her. She's so rude. And obviously she doesn't have any interest in studying with you."

Suguru frowns at Satoru, puzzled at the response. Satoru isn't always friendly towards people, but he doesn't usually get that rude.

"She was very rude," he agrees, still watching Satoru and not paying too much attention to where he's going, confident that he knows the route and that Satoru is heading in the right direction. "She didn't acknowledge you at all, and I don't like it when people do that. Even if you're going to flirt, you should be polite to everyone. Why don't you think she was serious about studying? We do have general biology together, and you know that's a hard subject for some of us."

"Oh, I definitely think she wants to study your biology, Suguru. I just don't think it has anything to do with the class. But fine, whatever. Just don't bring her back to our room, if she's gonna be shitty like that. And I still think you deserve better. Even if it's just for ..." Realizing how much he doesn't want to finish that sentence, Satoru waves his hand vaguely, starting to blush. Even though he's agonizingly jealous of everyone Suguru sleeps with, he knows it's going to happen no matter what. Satoru just doesn't want to have to think about it. He jams his hands under his armpits in an effort to stop himself from continuing to wave his hand vaguely, though he's still all-over fidgety. "Anyway. Um. Um--are we watching the same movie again or a different one that you wanna have commentary about?"

"Study my biology—" Suguru laughs, glancing at Satoru from the corner of his eyes. "Spicy, coming from you," he teases, his gaze a little curious as he studies Satoru. He's seen Satoru fidget like that before, but not so openly emotional, and he wonders what's going on in his head.

"The movie was just an excuse to get away from her quicker. We don't have to watch nothing, if you don't want to." He pauses, tilting his head, thinking about what Satoru said. He's tempted to push at some of that, although maybe not right away. "You don't have anyone to talk to?" he asks, as they walk back to their room. "I know you're usually head down in your computer by now, or close to it."

Satoru brightens and relaxes at hearing that Suguru had wanted to get rid of her enough that he'd been willing to lie. Relief easing his tension at once, Satoru smiles gratefully, then blinks in surprise when he finds Suguru already looking at him, watching him. Blushing, he looks away, fumbling to find his keys so that he can open the door.

Anyone to talk to. This damn fake boyfriend again. He doesn't want to have to think about what he should or shouldn't be pretending to do, and so he just shrugs. Maybe Suguru's tired of entertaining him for the afternoon. Satoru doesn't usually demand quite so much of his attention.

"Nothing urgent. I do stuff on my computer a lot because I usually get bored if I'm not multitasking. But I don't usually get bored talking to you. I liked the movie talk. We can talk more, if you want. But it's okay if you'd rather do something else for a while." Satoru shrugs again, avoiding Suguru's eyes and going to sit down on his bed. He wishes he didn't feel so needy.

"I don't have anything in mind, no plans for the evening, and I don't even need to catch up on my reading." There are things he could be reading, of course, because his classes are a unending stream of books he has to read. "As long as you don't mind watching a movie, or chatting, we should do that. We've got momentum going, shouldn't waste it."

Suguru knows he should let Satoru go, because he's probably just being nice to Suguru, but he wants to enjoy his time with Satoru while he has it. And Satoru has been acting weird at dinner, especially with that girl, so he wants to keep an eye on him.

"You sure you don't want to talk to your boyfriend?" he asks, even as he sits down next to Satoru on his bed. He gets up after a moment, grabbing more pillows from his bed, as well as a throw blanket, and settles down on the bed once again.

Grinning gratefully as Suguru sits by him, Satoru's nearly panicked when Suguru stands right back up, but when he comes back with more pillows Satoru's practically ecstatic, bouncing in place a couple of times. He settles close with his knees bent up and leaning against Suguru's thigh again, then fluffs the pillows and twists around to arrange them properly.

Suguru rephrases the question, more explicitly about the boyfriend this time, and Satoru's incapable of even attempting a response this time. These pillows just really need his entire focus right now. He has to get them exactly right. It's very important.

"Satoru?" Suguru asks, frowning at the silence and the focus on the pillows. He knows sometimes Satoru gets focused on certain things, or gets overstimulated and shuts down, but he didn't think pillows were something to focus on, nor was a simple question about his boyfriend worth shutting down over.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," he begins, "but you know you can tell me anything, right? If there's an issue or something."

Satoru's hands slow on his arranging the pillows, then stop entirely, but his gaze stays on them even once he's stilled. He can feel Suguru watching him.

Thinking up another lie feels exhausting, and he knows that if he does, Suguru will just keep asking. Not because he doesn't believe Satoru or doesn't trust Satoru, but because he wants Satoru to be able to tell him anything.

His best friend, who is trying so hard to be caring and supportive.

And Satoru has done nothing but lie to him all afternoon.

"I ..."

His voice comes out hoarse. Throat dry. Satoru's hand curls tight around one of the pillows. His eyes stay down.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

He pulls one of the meticulously over-arranged pillows free, hugging it tight to his chest, head hanging as his brow furrows with sorrow and guilt.

"I made it up."

"Huh?" Suguru stares at Satoru, lips slightly parted in bewilderment and surprise. He made it up? Which explains... a lot, considering that Suguru had never heard of this boyfriend before that day, nor had Satoru given any indication that he was dating.

(So maybe Suguru wasn't his type, after all. Which is a shameful thought, and he shakes it out of his head. It's not the thing to focus on now.)

"Okay..." Suguru says, eventually. He nibbles at his lower lip, considering what to say next. "Why did you make up a fake boyfriend?"

Satoru shrugs, keeping his eyes down because he feels guilty and apologetic. "Because I was on the spot. Because I'm not asexual but I didn't want to have to talk about that. Because I want a boyfriend, even though I know I complain every time someone asks me out because I get flustered and uncomfortable and I'm so exhausted of people being interested in me because I'm pretty only to immediately regret it as soon as they get a glimpse of my personality."

His shoulders lift, then sag heavily, and Satoru gives a miserably unhappy whimper, weighed down by his own loneliness on top of the guilt. "I'm sorry I've been lying to you all afternoon, Suguru. I don't think anyone else at the table even believed me. Well, probably Haibara did. He's too good and trusting."

Suguru shifts closer to him, throwing an arm around Satoru's shoulder and pulling him in for an awkward, one-armed hug, mostly so Satoru can lean against him.

"It's okay. I probably should have been more suspicious, and it's not like you carried this on and invented a name or anything. I came on kinda strong with my questions, which certainly didn't help. Though, you know, you don't need to lie to me. Any of us but especially me. Tell everyone to fuck off if we're getting too personal; no one will be offended."

He does nudge Satoru with his shoulder. "Huh. I guess that's why you were so confused about my questions. At least I don't have to think some dude is being a terrible boyfriend."

Satoru hesitates at first, still tense with unhappiness and curled into himself, but then he leans into the embrace, arms slipping around Suguru's torso and knees tipping to rest against Suguru's thigh. "I know. It was so stupid, and I'm really sorry, Suguru. I should have confessed earlier, as soon as you started asking for details. I guess I just ..."

Questioning himself and his own stupid decision, Satoru rests his cheek on Suguru's shoulder. "I think that it wasn't about lying to you. I just kind of wanted to indulge in the fantasy of it. I think I liked that you believed it. That you thought it was plausible. I'm just ... I'm just really lonely, Suguru."

It takes Suguru a moment to respond to that, thinking about his comment. The movie is long forgotten, and he's tempted to turn to look at Satoru, so they can have this conversation face to face. Although, on second thought, that might not be the right approach if Satoru is feeling particularly vulnerable.

"I am a little hurt you lied, but I get it. I'd probably make up something in a situation like that, too." He's never had to make up a partner, but he has been in situations where he has needed to tell lies to keep things from going south. "And hey, if you're lonely, we can fix that. I'm a great wingman, and you're incredibly funny, witty, and intelligent. We'll find you a guy who likes you for you."

Satoru can think of a whole host of reasons why Suguru as a wingman is a terrible idea, and the only point in favor is that he likes having an excuse to spend more time with his best friend. But there's no chance at all of him noticing any other guy while Suguru's in his immediate vicinity.

"In what world are you a great wingman?" Satoru asks him, elbowing him, and at least managing a smile in order to tease his friend. "You're way too hot. And charming. Even if we give me enough credit to say that half the people who come over to talk to us are hoping to talk to me, you're still going to end up with five times as many numbers, no matter where we go. Don't you ... don't you realize that happens? The girl today ignored me from the start, but ... people come up to us all the time, and it always ends with them asking for your number. Not mine."

By the end of this, Satoru's smile has faded into something pained, and he looks away again, stinging with jealousy.

"Hey, I can be one! You just haven't experienced my hype skills." He grins at Satoru, nudging him in return. "I never bothered to introduce you to people trying to flirt because I thought you weren't interested."

Maybe it's just Suguru he's not interested in. Which he can handle; he doesn't need everyone to find him attractive and want to be with him, Suguru doesn't have that huge of an ego. The fact that Satoru is the most gorgeous man he knows, and his best friend... well, that's Satoru's choice. It's fine.

"You also glower at everyone, or refuse to talk to them. You just need someone who gets that is all. And usually the people who approach me aren't looking for anything serious, which is fine. But you don't seem the casual type."

Satoru withers away farther at having it pointed out that he absolutely does close off or get defensive toward people trying to flirt with him. He ducks his head, trying to disappear, but he does at least feel trusting enough that he only curls tighter against Suguru's side. "No. You're right. I don't think I am. Like with the issue where it bothers me so much when people are only interested in me for my looks, not my, uh, difficult personality. That'd only be worse if I tried to hook up with someone casually. And I think ..."

Tentatively lifting his head, Satoru meets Suguru's eyes shyly. "I think I'm pretty clingy. Loyal, I guess, would be the kinder way to put it. But when I've got a crush on someone, how could I ..." His cheeks flush, heart aching with yearning as he studies Suguru's face. "How could I ever, ever look at someone else?"

There's a lot he could say to that, Suguru thinks, especially when Satoru keeps ducking away from things. But the important thing in all of this, the thing that Suguru latches on to, is the mention of a crush. Satoru's never mentioned a crush before, but he seems fixated on the concept. Does he have a crush?

"Just because you have a crush doesn't mean everyone else disappears," Suguru says, words catching in his throat for a moment. "Though I understand what you mean. It's hard to focus on anyone else when you want someone specific. Do you have a crush on someone right now?" He smiles, as gently as possible. "We can figure out a strategy to get them to notice you." He holds up a hand. "And before you say anything, I won't even attempt to play wingman. I'll just give you tips or something."

Satoru's smile returns, heart giving an extra couple of thuds at Suguru's earnest kindness. He really is the best of all possible friends.

He's aware of how dangerous this topic is, but he also knows that he's already in too deep. It was Suguru stating that he was hurt about Satoru's lies that trapped him, and wanting Satoru to be able to tell him everything. He can't lie or even evade again.

Right now, Satoru feels like he's slowly painting himself into a corner. It feels inevitable. There's probably no way out. But he's a little bit resigned to that. As long as Suguru takes it as a compliment and it doesn't wreck their friendship ...

But even if it does, Satoru knows that he owes Suguru the truth.

Eventually.

"Yeah?" he asks, voice soft, gazing at Suguru with affection. Maybe he can just stay here a little longer. Being held by Suguru like this. "Tell me your strategy. What would you do if the guy you liked didn't seem interested in you like that?"

Suguru hums, arm tightening around Satoru for a moment, thinking about that question. It's really hypocritical of him to talk about that, considering that he has retreated and just been a friend to Satoru, rather than trying to flirt and get him interested.

And he's not helping himself here, trying to help Satoru hookup with someone else. But if he wants to date, and Suguru isn't his type, then there's nothing he can do about it.

"Well, I guess it would depend on who they were and what they wanted," he says, eventually. "Kind of a fine line. If someone has said they aren't interested, it might be worth backing off and not pushing them, you know? Don't come across creepy. But if there's some lingering tension there, or maybe some miscommunication, then getting to know them a little deeper, flirting, spending time with them.... It can lead to people reconsidering that initial rejection."

His eyes narrow. "Wait, we weren't talking about people not interested in you like that. Did you have someone in mind who rejected you at first?"

Satoru's heart gives a warm, happy leap when Suguru squeezes him like that. There's absolutely no way he can let Suguru 'wingman' for him. Satoru can't consider anyone else while he feels like this. He's so in love.

This is good advice, and Satoru takes it in curiously. He has gotten to know Suguru deeper, and they spend lots of time together. They do flirt, in their own way. Suguru certainly never said he wasn't interested. It's never come up, aside from pretty general comments and observations, like Suguru's belief during this conversation that Satoru is attractive and interesting.

"Not rejected me," Satoru says, tucking his head back down with his cheek against Suguru's shoulder. "I think he just doesn't see me like that, and I don't want to make things weird. And I think he's way out of my league anyway. And he doesn't do relationships, so we want different things. So if I pursued him, it's unlikely that it would result in anything other than maybe making our friendship uncomfortable. But it's hard for me to be interested in anyone else. No one else compares."

"Oh, if it's that you want to make sure he knows you're interested, you can just tell him," he points out. "If it's someone decent, and they aren't interested, which would be bizarre, they won't make it awkward." At least, Suguru likes to think they wouldn't, but he's always been good about friendships and relationships, handling rejection gently. "Or if you really don't want to risk anything, start flirting. Show off your muscles, make him aware that you're not straight or asexual." He holds up a hand. "And before you say anything about not wanting him to just like you because of your looks, it is a factor, and if you're concerned about hurting your friendship, he probably already likes you."

Whoever this mystery person is, Suguru is deeply curious now, because he thought he knew all of Satoru's friends.

"What do you mean, he doesn't do relationships?"

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