marlowemuses | The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

There had bee no other options. Someone had to guard the relics the Angel had given them. The Cup and Sword were too powerful to be left in mortal hands even those that had been blessed by the Angel. That power was too tempting no matter how noble Nephilim might be. There would always be someone, some group of someones, who would be seduced by the possibilities that those gifts represented.

Even centuries after the decision had been made, Alec wasn't sure why he had been chosen for this particular duty. His parabatai had been a better warrior. His sister was far more clever. But the Angel had chosen him. Perhaps because he was better able to accept the isolation of his divine task. His siblings would have been driven mad by loneliness after the first few decades.

There were times when Alec wondered if he would eventually succumb to insanity, but he had the books that he eventually became guardian of and the cats that somehow crept between worlds to keep him company. They weren't exactly cats, of course. They were built more like predators than pets, eyes glowing with flames instead of the usual nocturnal glow. No matter how frightening they looked, they were Alec's friends and they helped Alec protect the items the Angel had left in his care.

It was the cats that warned him that something was wrong at the gates. The largest of them howled a warning, hissing as she faced the gate. The rest of the pride ran to her as Alec sprinted for the gates. Something - Someone - was attacking. He felt the temple shiver its warning through him and he knew that no matter how impossible it seemed, someone had crossed the threshold between worlds.

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"I didn't either," Adam said, sheepishly. He ducked his head, wanting badly to take back the magazine and delete all memory of his mistake. "I thought it was a fashion magazine."

Adam hated making stupid mistakes, and this one was searingly painful. The guardian would think that he was an idiot, and a prude, and hopelessly awkward. He didn't know if the positions were possible. He had no practical experience with sex and only a minimal awareness of pornography. Without a private laptop or computer, he'd only ever seen glimpses of things on the phones of his peers or in his father's trashy magazines.

"Sorry," he mumbled, resolving to do better next time.

Nodding absentmindedly, he began flipping through the pages. He was used to glossy paper and bright images, but it felt different when they were from the outside world. It seemed to have more weight when it was something that Adam gave him. "It is. I think." He paused to look at one of the photos. "Do people really wear things like that? How do women walk in those shoes?" Alec knew that they did. He saw pictures and moments from the mortal world but he assumed that the strange clothing he'd seen was for special occasions.

"Why are you sorry?" Alec didn't understand why the subject of the magazine mattered, but it seemed to be important to Adam. Slowly he reached out, brushing his fingers along Adam's hand. "You gave me something from the mortal world. Something I've never seen before. Things appear at the temple, but I haven't had a gift in centuries. I asked about the articles because I want to understand the things I've only read about." Maybe Adam didn't like his questions. Maybe they made him uncomfortable or he didn't like being reminded that Alec wasn't quite human. "I'll stop asking, if you want."

“You can keep asking.” Adam extended his fingertips and brushed against Alec’s arm in return. He liked the light, careful touches and was surprised by the way he wanted more of them. His mind fixated on Alec, noticing even his breaths. “I’m your connection to the outside world. It’s my role to answer your questions.”

Forcing himself to stop staring at Alec, Adam returned his attention to the temple around them, tipping his head up to the sky. “Is it the same sun, here, as on Earth?”

Alec wasn't sure how he should take Adam's answer to the offer to stop asking questions. He'd given Alec gifts but acted like answering the questions was a duty not because of whatever had caused Adam to think of those small kindnesses. Adam touching him added another layer of confusion to something that Alec had thought was simple. He liked it which surprised him since he'd thought he'd been uncomfortable being near someone after so long. Was the contact duty as well or something genuine? Unsure if he should ask more questions or not, he closed the magazine and decided he'd research his questions after the priestess left.

"I don't know. It feels the same and the plants grow the same way as they do in the mortal world." He looked around at the neat rows of vegetables and herbs, wondering if they interested Adam or were a detail that was unimportant to the priestess. "There's day and night here and seasons, but they're never harsh."

"Does it snow?" Adam asked, wandering a little further, to the edges of the garden. He asked a few more questions about the plants, but gardening had never been central to his interests, and his interest quickly drifted back to the rest of the temple. "I have a little more time today. Can I see more of the temple?"

It hadn't escaped him how Alec had only shown him the library last time, despite the discussion of a tour. Adam didn't know why that had happened, or what he'd done wrong to displease the guardian. Alec's approach to what Adam was allowed seemed very much at odds with what Alec was willing to show him.

"Sometimes. It's never more than a foot or two and the seasons are never harsh enough that I starve." Alec knew he was lucky that this piece of reality had seasons that never forced him to suffer. He knew that he was immune to time, but he didn't know what else he couldn't harm him. "There's no droughts either."

Alec answered Adam's other questions but he had the feeling that the gardens weren't something that the priestess cared about. He glanced over at the caterpillar, smiling when it seemed content on the plant Adam had chosen. Briefly he wished they could stay out in the gardens, enjoying the sun like they were friends, but he knew that Adam needed to figure out his duties. "Of course. This is your place."

As they headed back inside, Alec tried to decide which rooms would be best to show Adam. The temple would probably let Adam into any area, but Alec wasn't quite ready to show someone else the places that he'd chosen as his own. Eventually Adam might demand to see them, but for now, Alec would try to preserve his privacy. "Are there certain places that you'd prefer? There's art galleries. Another, older branch of the library. The places that were once used for worship."

Adam looked around at everything they saw, trying to absorb every detail to be remembered later.

It stuck out to him that Alec said it was his place, as if it belonged to him alone. That didn't make sense to Adam. He hadn't won or claimed or conquered anything. He'd agreed to a bargain. He'd sacrificed himself. "Isn't it our place?" he asked, wanting to know why Alec disincluded himself from this place even though it had been his for centuries. He was the guardian, and intrinsic to the fabric of the temple.

"You're the priestess." That alone should have been the answer. "You are the magic of this place." At least that was how he'd understood it when he'd been given his duty and studied the roles that would be important to the temple. There were only two duties that were specific to him. The rest had bee an afterthought or had seemed like it.

The priestess was the one the temple would welcome. It had been waiting for Adam. Alec was just here to ensure that the wrong people didn't desecrate the space or steal the relics that mortals weren't supposed to touch. "I'm the guard dog." Thinking of his pets, Alec looked sheepish, knowing they'd hiss over the comparison. "Or guard cat."

You are the magic of this place. Adam flushed, flattered by that. This place was beautiful and powerful beyond his wildest dreams, and Alec spoke as though Adam was the shining star that brought light to it.

"I was told that we're supposed to collaborate," Adam explained. The guard cat was... more than that. There was an entire pride of guard cats, but it was Alec who kept turning up in every single one of Adam's readings. "I still don't know what I'm supposed to do, but it involves some kind of union or accord between us."

They were having a serious discussion. Alec shouldn't be distracted by Adam blushing. Knowing that he should look away, he still couldn't quite bring himself to focus on something that wasn't related to Adam. Or the blush that made Adam seem so real when everything else about the mortal world was reflections and images in books.

"We are?" That surprised him. He knew that he was important to protecting the Cup and Sword but as the temple evolved, he hadn't imagined that his role would evolve as well. He couldn't command the temple the way he assumed the priestess would be able to. If Alec asked or if he needed something, the temple provided it, but when the Angel described the priestess, it had seemed that she would be the one who guided this reality.

"How can I help you? I don't know magic and you..." He really shouldn't say it out loud, but if Adam thought they were supposed to collaborate then he should be honest. Even if that honesty might anger Adam. "Don't like me."

Edited 2019-01-23 17:17 (UTC)

“I don’t know magic either,” Adam pointed out. “All I have is instinct and my tarot cards. You probably have more knowledge than I do, from the library.”

Liking or disliking Alec hadn’t been something that he’d thought about, and it was a surprise that Alec cared about it. Adam wasn’t used to people caring whether he liked them. He knew now that he found Alec very attractive, but wasn’t sure of his feelings beyond that. “I wouldn’t have brought you the gifts if I didn’t like you,” Adam pointed out.

"But you're the priestess. If you found your way to the gate, you have to know magic." It didn't make sense Alec would know more about magic than the being who was supposed to find the temple. All he knew about it was the academics related to the Craft, not how to wield magic. "Knowledge isn't power. My kind can't use magic."

The reason for the gifts made sense, in a way, but Alec had seen gifts like that used before by less honorable beings. "You could have given them to me to get favors or to make me more agreeable." As soon as he spoke, he knew that it was rude. "I didn't think that was why, but you also made it obvious that you thought..." Flushing, he finally managed to look away, staring at the patterns in the stone floor. "I don't know what you think of me," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I know you don't think I'm human. Real."

"So you know magic theory and I can wield magic," Adam summarized, which only made more sense to him that they were supposed to work together. Even though neither of them knew what they were supposed to do.

"I did give the first ones to you to make you more agreeable," Adam agreed. "I needed you agreeable enough to talk to me without shooting me." He didn't have that excuse for today's gifts. He already knew that Alec would allow him here, and yet he'd still brought offerings and waited at the threshold.

Thinking over Alec's words about what Adam thought of him, Adam paused, leaning back against a nearby column and watching Alec for a few moments. "I don't remember what I said," he admitted. "I thought you said you weren't human. You just said that your kind can't use magic, like your kind is different from mine. I can use magic and I'm human."

"I guess so?" Alec hadn't really thought about it. He'd read up on the subject. He wasn't an expert on it. "I don't know if I could explain it. I assumed I was your librarian or guide." Adam was the one who could do magic. How could Alec help except to point him toward the right texts?

"I figured you did." It should annoy him, but it'd been a good strategy. One that Alec would have used if their situations had been reversed and Alec actually could figure out what someone might like as a peace offering. "Shooting at most people is my job. I'm the guard cat.

"You asked if I was the avatar of the temple and acted like I didn't choose to be here." Adam probably didn't know how the guardian had been chosen but it'd still stung when it had sounded like Adam thought he wasn't human. "I'm part angel and part human. My kind are mortal. The angel blood gives us special traits, but we're still human." Shifting from one foot to the other, he wasn't sure how to explain what had happened to him since he'd stepped through the gates. "I don't know what I am now. I don't age." The floor became fascinating again as he thought of some of his darker times during the past centuries. "I can still get hurt, but I don't think I can die."

"I don't know anything about you and this place but what you've told me or shown me," Adam pointed out, watching Alec steadily as they talked. He liked Alec calling himself the guard cat. It was applicable. And cute. "I don't know if you chose to be here. If I don't know something you think I should, tell me."

Part angel, which explained the alliance with the angel. Adam couldn't help but wonder how many generations that was removed, and what the circumstances had been. My kind implied there were others like Alec, which meant more than one angel mating with more than one human, or that the one angel's descendants had been fruitful.

"Angel blood," he said, thoughtful. "Explains why you look like you belong in a Renaissance painting."

"I don't know if I want to talk about who I was before I came here," Alec said slowly, trying to decide what was a safe topic and what wasn't. "Some things still hurt to think about." Like his siblings and the life he might have had if he hadn't accepted the Angel's offer. "General things are all right."

Those things Adam needed to know if he was going to be able to interact with Alec and the temple. "The Angel asked for a volunteer. My family was chosen. I accepted so that they wouldn't have to stay here. It's my duty to protect the knowledge and relics that have been placed here. I don't know if I've seen all of the temple. I don't think I have since things appear for you."

He would have tried to explain that quirk of the temple in more detail more when he realized what Adam had said. "I look like... what?"

"You don't have to tell me anything about who you are or were. But don't get angry at me for getting the wrong idea if you haven't told me enough to get the right idea."

Art history wasn't Adam's forte, but he knew enough to be sure of what role Alec would play in a Renaissance painting. Saint or angel. "Do you not have Renaissance paintings in your library? The traditional depiction of angels is as stern beings of exceptional beauty." Which is to say, exactly like Alec. Adam didn't mean to flirt with him, but he couldn't imagine that Alec wouldn't know that he was stunning.

"You should know some of it, but some subjects are hard to deal with." Maybe eventually he would tell Adam about them, if he continued to visit.

"I have them. I've looked at them for hours." Which was part of the reason why he couldn't understand the comparison that Adam had made. Those works of art were stunning. Alec couldn't be compared to something so profoundly beautiful. He tried to deny any truth to that compliment but only managed to stutter and blush. Finally he managed to find his voice. "Stern fits me but not the rest!"

Adam was puzzled by how much his words flustered Alec. What seemed self-evident to him had completely undone the guardian, and he realized that Alec didn't know or didn't believe that he was exquisitely attractive. Adam didn't know how to prove it to him, and it didn't really matter whether or not Alec believed him.

His lips twitched the tiniest bit, showing a hint of a smile. "You don't have mirrors here?" he asked, teasing.

"Yes, there are mirrors here!" He was blushing worse and he couldn't seem to stop the heat that was crawling across his skin. The more he tried to control the reaction, the worse it seemed to become. "That's how I know that I'm not - " It almost seemed blasphemous to compare himself to those works of art.

Then he noticed the beginning of a smile, and he quit stuttering. "You're joking. You don't really think I look like one of those paintings."

Adam felt defensive at the suggestion that he was mocking Alec. His smile faded and his chin tucked down. Though Adam lied easily, he only ever did so when he knew there would be consequences for the truth.

"I'm teasing you for not knowing that you do," Adam corrected. Maybe they were looking at different paintings, but it was the 'ethereally beautiful' part that Adam had meant to apply to Alec.

Either way, if Alec didn't believe him, Adam wasn't going to insist. He picked a direction to explore so that he could get this tour started. He'd just take himself on a tour if necessary.

"But I don't. My siblings were the ones who were beautiful." Confusion kept him from feeling the usual pang of sorrow that accompanied thoughts of Izzy and Jace. "They were the ones who were brilliant." Both mentally and physically. They had been like the sun while Alec had been... There was a reason why his parents hadn't protested Alec being chosen instead of the rest of their children.

Silently he trailed behind Adam, barely paying attention to Emily as she wound around his legs. He'd done something wrong, but he wasn't sure what. Jace and Izzy would have known. Max probably would have understood it too. "I'm not special, Adam." Maybe admitting that would help correct whatever he'd done wrong. "Not like they were or like you."

"It was just an opinion," Adam insisted, accent coming through thick and syrupy now that he was doubting himself and feeling rejected. "I don't know much about art history."

He was glad that Alec was coming with him, at least. He didn't want to wander this place alone, and he didn't want Alec to be displeased with him.

It was interesting to learn that Alec had siblings, and that he at least acknowledged that they were beautiful. Adam thought it was critically inaccurate that Alec wasn't special, when he had the patience and strength to guard this place for centuries, but Alec didn't want to hear his opinions.

Noticing that Adam's accent had come back, Alec wanted to ask if everyone Adam knew sounded like that or if it was something else that made him special. But Adam hadn't acknowledged what he's said about that and he seemed to be getting frustrated with him again.

When he was mortal, Alec would have walked away from the situation, letting Izzy smooth things over while he tried to figure out what he'd done wrong. Or he would have slipped into his role as a Lightwood and been coldly polite to whoever he was speaking to. Now he couldn't use any of those defenses. Maybe he shouldn't try to use them. Maybe he should use some of the advice that Izzy had told him long ago when they'd thought Alec would have a normal life.

"I don't know how to talk to people. Even before... I didn't know. I tried." His parents had always lectured him about that no matter how much he'd struggled to be the ideal son. "It was never good enough and I haven't had a chance to practice since I was brought here." It was a poor attempt at a joke, but Alec needed to say something to stop thinking about Maryse. "Emily's conversation skills are worse than mine."

Adam hesitated, drawn to Alec's evident desire to make Adam like him again. He glanced over, noticing the cat. "Is that one Emily?" he asked. He couldn't tell them apart yet, aside from Persephone. The rest of them just looked like demon cats.

Squatting down, Adam offered his knuckles to the cat, because it was easier to make peace with the cat than with Alec. Emily rubbed her head against his knuckles, purring, so Adam tentatively picked her up and pressed his face into his fur. "I meant what I said and I don't care if you don't believe me," he said, resuming walking, though he definitely did care whether Alec believed him.

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