marlowemuses | My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

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My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

Satoru loved his friends. He loved college, the freedom and connection of it, the knowledge and collaboration. He loved sitting around a lunch table with his friends, chattering on about nonsense and teasing each other.

And he was a little bit in love with his roommate, Suguru, who was seated beside him at the table. The six of them were crammed in to a booth that was only designed for four, so Satoru was basically mashed up against Suguru's side, their thighs sealed together and their shoulders brushing every time one of them moved. It felt electric, and Satoru was trying to ignore the little zings of desire that shot through him every time Suguru moved, or how his arm stretched out along the back of the booth, so close to being draped over Satoru's shoulders.

At the moment, Satoru was regaling them all with the story of some girl who had asked him out, and he hadn't realized that she was asking him out until the fourth(?) attempt when she'd finally gotten exasperated and just demanded are you gay or something?

"What'd you say?" Shoko asked, idly curious but not super invested, spinning her spoon against the bottom of her empty bowl.

"Oh. Just, like, no, I'm just not interested."

"Yeah, same as you've said every time someone has asked you out," Utahime contributed, with a little snort. "More likely you're just ace."

Silence descended around the table, somewhere between shocked and awkward. Satoru stared at her, lips parted, and for a moment he genuinely considered it. Am I asexual?

But then Suguru shifted very slightly, either out of awkwardness or intent to say something, and his arm brushed against the back of Satoru's neck. The bolt of lust that went through him shot straight to his cock. Right. Not asexual.

"I'm not," Satoru insisted, the words spilling indignantly from his mouth before he could think about them. "I have a boyfriend."

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Satoru blinks, completely mystified about what conclusion Suguru just came to and not sure whether he should ask. Was there some kind of implication? Some kind of normal dating thing that Satoru doesn't know about? He feels so vastly out of his depth. Maybe he should look up a manual. 'How to Date: for Disaster Virgins.'

Blinking in confusion for a few more seconds, Satoru gives up on wondering and just sighs, sagging against Suguru's side again, wanting to put it all out of his mind. He's bad at this, so it's just as well that it's not relevant to him. Hopefully Suguru will lose interest and forget about the whole topic soon, and then Satoru will never have to deal with it again.

The movie continues, but Suguru is only half paying attention to it, mostly focusing on Satoru, and the warm, pleasant weight of him against Suguru's side. He shouldn't be thinking about that, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying how his friend feels against him, is there?

Eventually he loops his arm around Satoru to get comfortable, arm over his shoulder.

"This movie really is boring," he comments. "Not even scary."

Satoru makes a contented noise as Suguru's arm drops around him. He feels so warm and safe like that, cuddling with his best friend. Even if that's all he ever gets, he feels so lucky to have Suguru as his friend, and to be tucked by his side now, under the warmth of Suguru's arm.

"Mhm. We can watch something else, if you want? Or do something else." Satoru doesn't really want to do anything else if it means detaching from Suguru's side, but as long as they're still hanging out he's happy.

"Nah, this is fine. But I might start mocking the movie and subject you to comments about it." He gestures to the screen. "Like this. Even by the internal logic of the movie and understanding that none of these people have seen a horror movie before, this girl is acting stupid. She locked herself in the house with the killer, and she knows he's there!"

He shakes his head, despairing, but makes no move to untangle himself from Satoru.

Satoru laughs happily, wiggling against Suguru and cheering up immediately upon hearing Suguru grousing. He sits up more, immediately more engaged now that he gets to listen to Suguru complaining about the movie, which makes every part of the movie more interesting. "Please. You're not subjecting me to comments, you're bestowing your kernels of wisdom upon me. I just didn't have anything funny to say because it's so dumb, but I will listen to you complain all day long."

He's a little surprised that Suguru didn't know that. They've laughed and joked about movies before, but Satoru isn't the type to complain about a movie unless he has a joke to make. He wonders if he's missed out on Suguru's comments before, because Suguru didn't want to be disruptive if a movie wasn't terrible enough. "You know, I always want to hear your comments. Even if it's an actually good movie. I'd rather pause a dozen times and hear your thoughts even if it takes five hours to get through a movie."

"Oh, nothing funny? So you'd say something if you had something funny to say about it, huh? I'm going to have to find a movie for you to mock," he says, focusing on that for a moment. They have commented about movies before, but he's mostly been quiet, not wanting to interrupt, and never had lingering conversations during them, or anything after the movie.

The rest of Satoru's words make him flush, feeling something flutter in his stomach that feels close to butterflies. Which is ridiculous, getting butterflies over his best friend saying something like that. "I can easily talk about movies all day," he says, "even if they're good. Maybe especially if they're good. There's a lot to be said about scenes. I don't want to ruin the flow, though."

"I don't mind if you ruin the flow. I just wanna hear you talk." Satoru hugs his arms tighter around Suguru's waist, hoping his stupid, hopeless crush isn't too embarrassingly obvious. He feels so incredibly happy just hearing Suguru talk. Just being here with him. "Figures you'd have all kinds of narrative opinions, all your smart lit crit stuff. If you really care about ruining the flow, you can just tell me everything afterward. Or we can just watch movies multiple times, once for the flow and then once with you picking them apart and telling me all the things they did right and wrong."

"I can tell you after, but we should watch twice. Sometimes you have to actually see the scene to understand, or I can point out something technical, you know?" He grins at Satoru, still feeling a little flustered and shy about it, but pleased he can actually talk about that. "I might keep you up for hours doing that, though. I can talk a lot about films."

"Good, do it." Satoru rolls his eyes, amused at how Suguru seems shy about this. It's really cute. "I wanna hear all of it, Suguru."

Returning his attention to the screen so that he can watch and understand Suguru's complaints, Satoru nestles comfortably against him, then sighs deeply. It comes out sounding dramatic enough to surprise him, and he hopes that Suguru doesn't think anything about it. He just ... needed to sigh. He's got a lot of emotions in his chest right now. All tangled up together so he can't make sense of them.

"You okay?" Suguru asks, when he hears that sigh. It doesn't seem like it's much of anything, and he doesn't think it's about talking while a movie is playing, considering that he just said he wanted to hear everything, so Suguru isn't sure. Maybe he's just missing his boyfriend? Routine? Something?

On the screen, the final girl ends up stabbing the killer, and, predictably, ends with an ominous note for a potential sequel, but Suguru doesn't pay much attention to it, focusing on Satoru instead.

"Mhm," Satoru agrees, not wanting to think about it or disturb the movie, but he's grateful for Suguru for asking, for caring.

He yawns when the movie finishes, sitting up and stretching. "Mkay, now do I get to hear all of Suguru's wise insights and commentary? I've been very patient. I want all your literary criticisms now. Give them to me."

"There's nothing literary to say about this movie," he grouses, immediately switching gears; the movie wasn't among the worst he's seen, nor was it good, which is one of the major issues in his opinion. Something so average as to just be mediocre and nothing else.

He launches into a talk about that, skipping to different scenes to talk about how it could have just been a little better if they had made a change, or leaned into something else.

Satoru settles against Suguru's side again, gaze kind of sleepy and distant, so it might seem at first like he's not paying attention, but he has a question whenever Suguru pauses. Suguru's analysis and commentary is far more interesting than the movie itself had been, so Satoru digs into it, mostly follow up questions to go deeper into Suguru's thoughts, but occasionally a question that challenges his point of view or suggests a different interpretation. Satoru isn't nearly as invested, so it's not the kind of spirited argument or debate he might offer for another topic, but it's enough to keep them both talking for over an hour, until Satoru finally points out that it's near dinner time and they go down to the dorm cafeteria.

Bringing up another movie that they've seen recently that he has more opinions about, Satoru starts chattering about that, pressing Suguru for more of his analysis even though in this case they don't have the movie up in front of them to reference. He's just excited to talk with Suguru about everything and nothing.

They're wrapping up their meal when a girl comes over and interrupts. Satoru blinks at her, surprised, as she talks to Suguru about some shared class, completely ignoring Satoru.

It's not the first time people have hit on Suguru in front of him, but Satoru's flustered today, and annoyed. After he's had Suguru to himself all afternoon, cuddling and talking, the idea that anyone else could have a claim on him seems absurd. Rather than having had his fill of Suguru's company, their lovely afternoon just makes him feel greedy for more, and he's furious about this girl giving Suguru her number and flirtatiously suggesting that they study together sometime.

Satoru glares at her, all the angrier because she doesn't even seem to notice the glare. He might as well not exist.

Edited 2025-08-10 05:18 (UTC)

Talking to Satoru about the movies is incredibly easy. There's a flow to it, and Satoru always seems to have a question or a particularly keen insight on something— and the occasional trolling comment, or joke, which makes Suguru laugh, and appreciate his company even more, balancing his seriousness.

Their friendship is incredibly important to him, and this is just another aspect of that, something deeper and more meaningful. For a little while, Suguru forgets about Satoru's boyfriend, especially as they keep chatting over dinner.

The interruption is jarring, although he hides it well, smiling and chatting with her briefly. He takes her number, as usual, since the girl does share one of his lectures, and study partners are always valuable, but he's a little more composed than normal, not flirting in response. He can tell it surprises her when he doesn't return her flirting, but it doesn't stop her from trying, and Suguru has to be the one to end the conversation.

"Sorry," he says, gesturing to Satoru, and glancing at him. He frowns at the glare on his face, puzzled, but puts it down to being upset at being ignored. "Satoru and I need to get back to our evening," he tells the girl, rising from his chair. "Have a movie to catch. I'll text you and we'll plan a study group another time."

She looks crestfallen and pouts at him, and it occurs to him that the pout is nowhere near as cute as Satoru's, but says her goodbyes, still ignoring Satoru.

"Bye," Satoru says to her, exaggerating it because he's angry about being ignored and angry about her trying to come between him and Suguru. He only barely resists the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Hopping up promptly, Satoru keeps close to Suguru's side as they leave the dining hall, heading back toward their room. "Ugh," Satoru says, still bristling with unhappy anger. He impatiently wants to grab Suguru's hand or arm, to tuck against his side again, but he knows that would be weird while they're still in public. Suguru lets him get away with those things in their dorm room, especially if they're doing something together like watching a movie or playing a game, but it would give people the wrong idea in public. So he fidgets as they walk, bouncing restlessly on his toes every few steps, even though this makes his pace erratic. "Don't text her. She's so rude. And obviously she doesn't have any interest in studying with you."

Suguru frowns at Satoru, puzzled at the response. Satoru isn't always friendly towards people, but he doesn't usually get that rude.

"She was very rude," he agrees, still watching Satoru and not paying too much attention to where he's going, confident that he knows the route and that Satoru is heading in the right direction. "She didn't acknowledge you at all, and I don't like it when people do that. Even if you're going to flirt, you should be polite to everyone. Why don't you think she was serious about studying? We do have general biology together, and you know that's a hard subject for some of us."

"Oh, I definitely think she wants to study your biology, Suguru. I just don't think it has anything to do with the class. But fine, whatever. Just don't bring her back to our room, if she's gonna be shitty like that. And I still think you deserve better. Even if it's just for ..." Realizing how much he doesn't want to finish that sentence, Satoru waves his hand vaguely, starting to blush. Even though he's agonizingly jealous of everyone Suguru sleeps with, he knows it's going to happen no matter what. Satoru just doesn't want to have to think about it. He jams his hands under his armpits in an effort to stop himself from continuing to wave his hand vaguely, though he's still all-over fidgety. "Anyway. Um. Um--are we watching the same movie again or a different one that you wanna have commentary about?"

"Study my biology—" Suguru laughs, glancing at Satoru from the corner of his eyes. "Spicy, coming from you," he teases, his gaze a little curious as he studies Satoru. He's seen Satoru fidget like that before, but not so openly emotional, and he wonders what's going on in his head.

"The movie was just an excuse to get away from her quicker. We don't have to watch nothing, if you don't want to." He pauses, tilting his head, thinking about what Satoru said. He's tempted to push at some of that, although maybe not right away. "You don't have anyone to talk to?" he asks, as they walk back to their room. "I know you're usually head down in your computer by now, or close to it."

Satoru brightens and relaxes at hearing that Suguru had wanted to get rid of her enough that he'd been willing to lie. Relief easing his tension at once, Satoru smiles gratefully, then blinks in surprise when he finds Suguru already looking at him, watching him. Blushing, he looks away, fumbling to find his keys so that he can open the door.

Anyone to talk to. This damn fake boyfriend again. He doesn't want to have to think about what he should or shouldn't be pretending to do, and so he just shrugs. Maybe Suguru's tired of entertaining him for the afternoon. Satoru doesn't usually demand quite so much of his attention.

"Nothing urgent. I do stuff on my computer a lot because I usually get bored if I'm not multitasking. But I don't usually get bored talking to you. I liked the movie talk. We can talk more, if you want. But it's okay if you'd rather do something else for a while." Satoru shrugs again, avoiding Suguru's eyes and going to sit down on his bed. He wishes he didn't feel so needy.

"I don't have anything in mind, no plans for the evening, and I don't even need to catch up on my reading." There are things he could be reading, of course, because his classes are a unending stream of books he has to read. "As long as you don't mind watching a movie, or chatting, we should do that. We've got momentum going, shouldn't waste it."

Suguru knows he should let Satoru go, because he's probably just being nice to Suguru, but he wants to enjoy his time with Satoru while he has it. And Satoru has been acting weird at dinner, especially with that girl, so he wants to keep an eye on him.

"You sure you don't want to talk to your boyfriend?" he asks, even as he sits down next to Satoru on his bed. He gets up after a moment, grabbing more pillows from his bed, as well as a throw blanket, and settles down on the bed once again.

Grinning gratefully as Suguru sits by him, Satoru's nearly panicked when Suguru stands right back up, but when he comes back with more pillows Satoru's practically ecstatic, bouncing in place a couple of times. He settles close with his knees bent up and leaning against Suguru's thigh again, then fluffs the pillows and twists around to arrange them properly.

Suguru rephrases the question, more explicitly about the boyfriend this time, and Satoru's incapable of even attempting a response this time. These pillows just really need his entire focus right now. He has to get them exactly right. It's very important.

"Satoru?" Suguru asks, frowning at the silence and the focus on the pillows. He knows sometimes Satoru gets focused on certain things, or gets overstimulated and shuts down, but he didn't think pillows were something to focus on, nor was a simple question about his boyfriend worth shutting down over.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," he begins, "but you know you can tell me anything, right? If there's an issue or something."

Satoru's hands slow on his arranging the pillows, then stop entirely, but his gaze stays on them even once he's stilled. He can feel Suguru watching him.

Thinking up another lie feels exhausting, and he knows that if he does, Suguru will just keep asking. Not because he doesn't believe Satoru or doesn't trust Satoru, but because he wants Satoru to be able to tell him anything.

His best friend, who is trying so hard to be caring and supportive.

And Satoru has done nothing but lie to him all afternoon.

"I ..."

His voice comes out hoarse. Throat dry. Satoru's hand curls tight around one of the pillows. His eyes stay down.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

He pulls one of the meticulously over-arranged pillows free, hugging it tight to his chest, head hanging as his brow furrows with sorrow and guilt.

"I made it up."

"Huh?" Suguru stares at Satoru, lips slightly parted in bewilderment and surprise. He made it up? Which explains... a lot, considering that Suguru had never heard of this boyfriend before that day, nor had Satoru given any indication that he was dating.

(So maybe Suguru wasn't his type, after all. Which is a shameful thought, and he shakes it out of his head. It's not the thing to focus on now.)

"Okay..." Suguru says, eventually. He nibbles at his lower lip, considering what to say next. "Why did you make up a fake boyfriend?"

Satoru shrugs, keeping his eyes down because he feels guilty and apologetic. "Because I was on the spot. Because I'm not asexual but I didn't want to have to talk about that. Because I want a boyfriend, even though I know I complain every time someone asks me out because I get flustered and uncomfortable and I'm so exhausted of people being interested in me because I'm pretty only to immediately regret it as soon as they get a glimpse of my personality."

His shoulders lift, then sag heavily, and Satoru gives a miserably unhappy whimper, weighed down by his own loneliness on top of the guilt. "I'm sorry I've been lying to you all afternoon, Suguru. I don't think anyone else at the table even believed me. Well, probably Haibara did. He's too good and trusting."

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