marlowemuses | My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

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My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

Satoru loved his friends. He loved college, the freedom and connection of it, the knowledge and collaboration. He loved sitting around a lunch table with his friends, chattering on about nonsense and teasing each other.

And he was a little bit in love with his roommate, Suguru, who was seated beside him at the table. The six of them were crammed in to a booth that was only designed for four, so Satoru was basically mashed up against Suguru's side, their thighs sealed together and their shoulders brushing every time one of them moved. It felt electric, and Satoru was trying to ignore the little zings of desire that shot through him every time Suguru moved, or how his arm stretched out along the back of the booth, so close to being draped over Satoru's shoulders.

At the moment, Satoru was regaling them all with the story of some girl who had asked him out, and he hadn't realized that she was asking him out until the fourth(?) attempt when she'd finally gotten exasperated and just demanded are you gay or something?

"What'd you say?" Shoko asked, idly curious but not super invested, spinning her spoon against the bottom of her empty bowl.

"Oh. Just, like, no, I'm just not interested."

"Yeah, same as you've said every time someone has asked you out," Utahime contributed, with a little snort. "More likely you're just ace."

Silence descended around the table, somewhere between shocked and awkward. Satoru stared at her, lips parted, and for a moment he genuinely considered it. Am I asexual?

But then Suguru shifted very slightly, either out of awkwardness or intent to say something, and his arm brushed against the back of Satoru's neck. The bolt of lust that went through him shot straight to his cock. Right. Not asexual.

"I'm not," Satoru insisted, the words spilling indignantly from his mouth before he could think about them. "I have a boyfriend."

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Satoru jumps on this new excuse, something to focus on that isn't the imaginary boyfriend or his feelings for Suguru.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect, let's do it." He retracts his legs then nudges at Suguru to move, following him out of the booth and then stumbling because one of his feet fell asleep. Crashing into Suguru and laughing, Satoru catches him around the middle, continuing to lean on him as he hops and shakes his foot. "My foot fell asleep. Do we already have popcorn? What movie do you wanna watch?"

When Satoru crashes into him, Suguru wraps an arm around his shoulders, holding him close. He shouldn't let himself get too close, he knows, since Satoru has a boyfriend, and he should behave. But, well, the boyfriend isn't around, and Suguru is. And Suguru isn't going to let his best friend stumble and fall.

Even once Satoru stops hopping and shaking his foot, Suguru doesn't let go.

"We have popcorn. I stocked up the other day. We have some candy too, I hid it from you so you wouldn't go through all of it immediately." He's wise to Satoru's habits. "How about a horror movie?"

"Yeah, that sounds perfect," Satoru says, continuing to lean on him as they make their way out of the restaurant, heading across the street and back to campus toward their dorm. "Can't believe you're hiding candy from me. But I can't even be mad, because you got me candy." He really is the perfect boyfriend. Satoru's so unbearably jealous of everyone who gets to date him. None of them are good enough for him.

Not that Satoru's good enough for him, either, Satoru's definitely probably even more disappointing than all those losers Suguru dates, but ... but still. Suguru deserves the world. Satoru wishes he could figure out a way to give it to him.

"There was a reason why I hid it. You're going to have to close your eyes or wait in the hall while I dig it out. I can't have you finding my stash and remembering where it is and going snooping later; my magic would be lost." He is serious about that, although it's not so much the magic touch that he's worried about. It's useful to have snacks on hand for Satoru, for situations like this, or when he gets too focused and forgets to eat.

Which clearly his boyfriend is terrible about remembering. Probably doesn't think about that.

"Did your boyfriend ever make you lunch or anything?" he asks, blurting it out suddenly, unable to stop himself.

"What?" Satoru asks, startled by this new suggestion, one more thing that he didn't realize was normal for relationships. He's never dated anyone before, and this is just rubbing in the certainty that he isn't fit for it. Satoru wouldn't even know how to make lunch for someone. Cute bentos? Impossible. "No. I--"

It's difficult to try and imagine how this fake relationship had unfolded, to try and rewrite his own history to have someone at his side. Even though he'd often fantasized about having someone with him, laughing at his jokes and touching him, holding him, kissing him, he'd never had to think about how that would be coordinated. When had they hung out? Had he gone over to this boyfriend's house? ... What was the boyfriend's name? Uh.

Satoru leans his weight a little more heavily against Suguru, still hugging an arm around his waist. The loneliness of his life weighs on him, and he's so touch-starved. Only Suguru ever touches him, and Satoru's addicted to it. "The estate always arranged for my meals. There wouldn't have been any point."

"Oh, right. Rich kid." And his boyfriend was probably another rich boy, who wouldn't cook either. Which is kind of sad, if Suguru thinks about it, because there is something wonderful about being able to cook for the people he loves.

Suguru doesn't comment about how Satoru leans into him, used to that by now. He is glad that having a boyfriend hasn't stopped Satoru from being clingy. He used to think of it as Satoru being touch-starved, and it likely is, but it has a different weight now. He must miss his boyfriend.

Belatedly, it hits him that Satoru must be fretting about not doing that for his boyfriend.

"I was just curious. It doesn't mean anything if you didn't. You show you care in other ways, so don't stress about it. Your boyfriend probably shows he cares in other ways, too."

Terrible ways, obviously. Not visiting, not calling, not sending letters, leaving other people to take care of Satoru. But he can't think about that, if Satoru really likes the guy; maybe there's something else appealing.

Satoru can't decide if his imaginary boyfriend should be a good boyfriend. He keeps going back and forth on it. On the one hand, he wants to invent a good boyfriend for himself so that he can have the fantasy. He wants to pretend that he's worth having someone who cares about him like that. Desires him.

On the other hand, he should probably 'break up' with his fake boyfriend as soon as possible, and then he'll have at least a few months of 'getting over him' where no one will bother him about dating, so it's ... fine. It's all fine.

(Nothing is fine. Satoru's so lonely that he feels like he's choking on it.)

He has no idea how to respond to Suguru's comment, and can't possibly imagine how his fake boyfriend would show that he cares, so he just stays quiet until they're back at the dorm. Only once they reach their own room does he detach from Suguru, leaning back against the wall beside their door. "All right, go on, raid your super secret candy stash."

Satoru can't help the grin that overtakes his cheeks. Suguru really is the best.

When Satoru goes quiet, Suguru chews on his lower lip, fretting a little. He must have been pushing too hard, too much, and thrown Satoru into thinking about him. That's not great.

Part of him wants to offer to postpone their movie, so Satoru can talk to his boyfriend, but the larger part of Suguru is too determined to keep Satoru all to himself. His boyfriend can wait, and Suguru can make him feel better with candy and a dumb horror movie and cuddles.

Suguru grins at him, and steps inside their dorm room to fish out the candy, setting it on Satoru's bed before sticking his head out the door. "You can come in now, I've pulled it out."

He holds the door open so Satoru can come inside, and then sets about getting ready to watch a movie, which they have to do from one of their beds.

Satoru grins back, bright and happy, bouncing onto his bed to inspect the gifts he's been given, immediately opening the package and tossing a gummy into his mouth. "You're the best, Suguru." He scoots back against the wall, fluffing the pillows, then gets up to get the pillows from Suguru's bed, too, setting them beside himself to make a place for his friend.

Once they're settled, Satoru snuggles under Suguru's arm, feeling cozy and safe tucked against Suguru's side like this. He loves how their bodies fit together, and Suguru is so warm. Even though Suguru's not his boyfriend, Satoru can ... pretend. While they're like this.

It occurs to him to wonder if they'll have to stop cuddling like this if Suguru starts dating someone seriously. If they'd be jealous of Satoru being constantly in Suguru's space. Satoru constantly greedy for his attention. Suguru spoils him with it, most of the time. More now that they've become closer friends--or maybe just because Suguru hasn't been interested in dating anyone more seriously in the past month or so, and that will change when he does.

Popping another piece of candy in his mouth, Satoru offers the next bite to Suguru's lips, if he wants it.

While Suguru doesn't have the same sweet tooth as Satoru, he doesn't mind candy and accepts the next gummy from Satoru's fingers. He makes sure to deliberately brush his lips against Satoru's fingers, completely shamelessly, considering that he knows Satoru is a taken man.

Which, now that Suguru thinks about it, explains so much of why Satoru ignored his overtures when they first met. He's thankful Satoru didn't immediately run for the hills, and they've settled into this friendship.

That they can cuddle and do this at all is nice. He values Satoru's friendship.

Satoru's cheeks flame bright red as Suguru's lips close around his fingertips like that, and he can feel blood surging into his cock. Shifting to spread his legs a tiny bit to give his erection some space, Satoru hopes desperately that Suguru won't notice how that immediately got him hard. He's fed Suguru things before, but that somehow felt so much more ... intentional. Suguru's lips closing around his fingers, warm and wet, tongue catching the candy that Satoru had offered.

Fuck, he needed to stop thinking about it. What was happening in the movie? He had no idea. He didn't care. All he cared about was the thought of turning his head, dragging his tongue up the side of Suguru's throat--fuck, stop thinking about it. Satoru couldn't bear how horny he was. He felt dizzy with it. He tipped his head back against Suguru's arm, closing his eyes to savor the warmth of him, the smell of Suguru in his nostrils, Suguru surrounding him, the two of them in each other's space where they belonged.

Suguru does his best not to look at the crotches of his friends, but when Satoru shifts, he can't help but glance down, and notices the strain of his pants.

It doesn't mean anything, he tells himself. Satoru hasn't seen his boyfriend in months, and doesn't request time to himself nearly as often as Suguru does, so he must just be horny. Getting hard is an entirely normal reaction to a slightly intimate thing Suguru did.

He returns his attention to the screen, watching the movie playing out on it, although he really is lost in what's going on. A girl is running through a house but that's not anything particularly original.

When Satoru tips his head back, Suguru glances down at him. "Tired?" he asks softly, reaching up to ruffle his white hair. "We can pause the movie if you want to take a nap."

Satoru makes a sound of acknowledgement but shakes his head, eyes closing as Suguru ruffles his hair.

"No. I wanna stay here." Even if he doesn't care about the movie, he does care about having Suguru close.

Shifting again, Satoru bends his legs up and lets them tip against Suguru's thigh, his whole body curled in Suguru's direction, head nestled against his shoulder. He wonders if Suguru would ever consider just letting Satoru suck his cock. They wouldn't have to do anything else, and he knows that Suguru is attracted to guys sometimes. Would that be weird? It sounded wonderful, being filled up with Suguru like that. Tasting him. Feeling the weight of Suguru on his tongue.

He desperately needed to stop. He should go take a cold shower. Or a hot shower, and get himself off, get some relief. And yet either option sounded terrible if it meant leaving the warmth of Suguru's embrace.

Suguur's arm slides down from his hair to settle around Satoru's shoulder, pulling him in closer. What does it matter that they're sitting curled up nearly as close as he sits with his dates? They're just friends, and Suguru can curl up with his friends like this without it being weird. And if Satoru's boyfriend has a problem with that, then he should be making more of an effort. It's evident to everyone that Satoru needs more affection and attention than he got as a teenager, and his boyfriend doesn't even bother to visit during long weekends to see him. It's not like Kyoto is that far away.

He can provide that comfort, at least. It's not anything weird; Satoru is just a friend, and Suguru can be friends with people he finds attractive without making it sexual.

"If you fall asleep, I promise not to say anything." Suguru teases him instead of saying anything on his mind, and squeezes Satoru briefly before relaxing his arm. "This movie is pretty boring."

"Yeah, it's not even dumb enough to be funny," Satoru says, slipping his arms around Suguru's waist and playfully leaning more heavily into him. Teasing Suguru is much more interesting than the kind of boring movie, and Satoru loves the physical element to it, how readily they can play and laugh and cuddle. He's unbelievably lucky to have found his best friend, and he's determined that they're going to be best friends forever. "And if I do fall asleep on you, then what? You'll be trapped. Poor Suguru, reduced to being just my pillow. Might be stuck for hours."

"Who says I wouldn't roll you off me and shove you to the floor?" Suguru wouldn't shove him out if Satoru were napping, but he isn't above teasing him about it. And he isn't above wrestling or roughhousing. "Lure you in, make you think you're safe, and then I just shove you out of bed and claim yours, and all of your pillows. I've got some strength."

"I can take you, pretty boy," Satoru challenges, laughing. He wiggles playfully against Suguru, movie and all other topics completely forgotten in favor of bantering and maybe wrestling. "And why wouldn't I just steal your bed in return? Is there something wrong with your bed? Too lumpy? The pillows are a problem, though, I'm not letting you steal my pillows. Gotta fight you for that."

Laughter spilling out of him as they keep teasing, he gives Suguru several teasing pokes in the side, prodding playfully at him. He's not yet outright tickling, but it's getting closer.

"Oh yeah?" Suguru wriggles away just enough that he can poke Satoru in return, jabbing his finger into his side. "Bet you can't. I'd have you crying uncle in thirty seconds flat. And I am not letting you steal my comfortable bed. I'd give you a pillow if I kicked you out of bed, like a gracious victor."

It's fun to just tease and banter like this, a little play fighting. He doesn't have siblings close in age, but he did have friends he'd do this with, and he's missed it.

Satoru laughs and squirms at the poking, wiggling back a little and then reaching out to clap the laptop shut and move it to the desk within reach so they're ... slightly less likely to knock it over or kick it.

"You can't steal my bed and deny me the use of yours. How exactly do you intend to maintain your possession of both beds? You can't use both at once." Satoru grabs one of his pillows to smack Suguru with it.

"Says you. I could find a way. Scoot them close together so I can sprawl out. Though if I kicked you to the floor, you'd be—"

The smack is unexpected and makes him topple over, but Suguru straightens, reaching for one of his pillows and holding it up as a guard against further torment. His eyes narrow as he looks at Satoru. "I haven't even pushed you off the bed and here you are, hitting me!"

Satoru laughs at his friend's indignation, giggling happily for a minute and letting down his guard a little. "You threatened to! Unjust bed thievery! Unjust bed monopolization. Can't believe you'd be so cruel as to make me sleep on the floor. Thought we were friends."

Satoru pouts dramatically at him, giving his best puppy eyes in retaliation for this bullying.

"Sleeping on the floor is not going to hurt you, baby," Suguru says, and then, since Satoru is trying to plead for mercy with those puppy eyes, swings his pillow, lightly smacking him in the face. "In fact, it might do you some good to sleep on the floor for a night."

Satoru blinks in surprise when Suguru calls him 'baby', cheeks turning pink, and then he realizes that Suguru probably meant it as in you're being a baby rather than as a term of endearment.

Flustering further at his own stupid reaction, Satoru hugs his pillow and buries his face in it for a few seconds, willing his cheeks to stop flaming.

When he lifts his head again, it's with the determination to pretend like nothing happened, chin lifted and expression stubborn. "I don't even remember what we were arguing about originally. Wanna finish the movie?"

The sudden shift, Satoru hiding his face in his pillow and then acting like nothing happened, leaves Suguru feeling thrown off balance, and his brow furrows, concern in his eyes for a second. He wavers, wondering if he should ask what happened, and then decides against it.

"You falling asleep on me," Suguru provides, straightening up and wriggling back into place. "I wouldn't push you out of bed, you know." He pauses for a moment, then nods to the laptop. "We'll need to rewind it."

Satoru quickly restores their original positions, rewinding the video an appropriate amount and settling in again. His arms hook around Suguru's waist, resuming from the highest amount of clinginess he'd reached rather than the level they'd started at when they'd begun the movie.

"I know," he mumbles against Suguru's shoulder, only three-fourths watching the movie from the way that he's turned toward Suguru. "You'd just wake me up."

Of course he'd wake him up, right? There was no reason Suguru would just let him sleep. Once the movie was over, Suguru would get bored of having Satoru sleeping on him.

It didn't matter anyway. Satoru wasn't that tired. He just wanted to be close.

He just wanted Suguru.

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