marlowemuses | My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

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My Boyfriend (Who Lives in Canada)

Satoru loved his friends. He loved college, the freedom and connection of it, the knowledge and collaboration. He loved sitting around a lunch table with his friends, chattering on about nonsense and teasing each other.

And he was a little bit in love with his roommate, Suguru, who was seated beside him at the table. The six of them were crammed in to a booth that was only designed for four, so Satoru was basically mashed up against Suguru's side, their thighs sealed together and their shoulders brushing every time one of them moved. It felt electric, and Satoru was trying to ignore the little zings of desire that shot through him every time Suguru moved, or how his arm stretched out along the back of the booth, so close to being draped over Satoru's shoulders.

At the moment, Satoru was regaling them all with the story of some girl who had asked him out, and he hadn't realized that she was asking him out until the fourth(?) attempt when she'd finally gotten exasperated and just demanded are you gay or something?

"What'd you say?" Shoko asked, idly curious but not super invested, spinning her spoon against the bottom of her empty bowl.

"Oh. Just, like, no, I'm just not interested."

"Yeah, same as you've said every time someone has asked you out," Utahime contributed, with a little snort. "More likely you're just ace."

Silence descended around the table, somewhere between shocked and awkward. Satoru stared at her, lips parted, and for a moment he genuinely considered it. Am I asexual?

But then Suguru shifted very slightly, either out of awkwardness or intent to say something, and his arm brushed against the back of Satoru's neck. The bolt of lust that went through him shot straight to his cock. Right. Not asexual.

"I'm not," Satoru insisted, the words spilling indignantly from his mouth before he could think about them. "I have a boyfriend."

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Satoru felt himself calm down once he was alone with Suguru, with no other attention or expectation from anyone else. Suguru's company was always soothing to him, safe and fun, his favorite person in the world. Even though they'd only known each other for a few months, he felt like he'd known Suguru for years. His nerves settled and the conversation started to drift away, unimportant.

Only for Suguru to start talking about it again.

Heat crawled up Satoru's neck to set his cheeks blazing again.

"He's," Satoru said, voice cracking so that it came out as a croak. What's he like? Fictional. At least Suguru helps by narrowing the question a little and giving him somewhere to start. Satoru's brain goes blank, forgetting every major he's ever encountered. "Literature," he says, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind. Only after it's out of his mouth does it occur to him that that's Suguru's major.

"Oh. That's nice." A literature major. Not a fellow astrophysics major, or even another science type. No, a literature major. Probably some pretentious idiot who thinks literature is romantic and meaningful and waxes poetic over the cherry blossoms in Satoru's hair when they sit beneath the cherry trees—

Or maybe he's just one of those losers who think literature is easy and doesn't see the poetry in the brush of Satoru's eyelashes against his cheek and would never think to take him out for a picnic, or think about a trip somewhere remote so they can go stargazing—

Suguru needs to stop thinking about this. Which is why the next words out of his mouth are: "I hope he writes you deeply romantic letters proclaiming how much he misses you."

No he doesn't. Although he does— Satoru deserves a good boyfriend, someone who knows how to treat him well.

Satoru's eyes widen at this suggestion, head turning to Suguru in complete bewilderment. He can't imagine any boyfriend doing that for him. "I ... does that actually happen outside of movies?"

He wonders if Suguru does things like that, but it doesn't seem likely. Incredible though Suguru is, he's never seemed like that much of a romantic. His encounters with others have always been ... brief. Even when he's seen someone more than once, it's never seemed like anything Satoru would call romance.

"No, we just ... we mostly just chat online. A few times a week, to keep in touch." This, Satoru knows, is a good excuse. He spends lots of time on his laptop, and it will be difficult for any of them to disprove.

"Yes." Suguru sounds offended, and he makes a face at Satoru. "I might not date for long, and none of my relationships are all that serious, so I'm not proclaiming my love for them in letters, but a few notes and gifts make a difference. Even for the guys, though most of them are reluctant to admit that, or try to make jokes about it." It's not like Suguru is buying flowers for the guys he dates, but he'll get them gifts and write notes. "You can't just date someone and not try. People want to see signs of your affection. Even with casual relationships, you shouldn't treat someone as if they're disposable or don't matter. Even if I have a strictly friends-with-benefits situation going on with someone, I'll still buy them dinner and compliment them and see them to their door or something. I should be doing that with my friends. I'm sorry I haven't left you any notes, although I guess since we live together, I didn't think too much about it."

And Satoru deserves a much better relationship than that. Although any hope of convincing Satoru of that disappears when he mentions chatting online. Satoru spends an incredible amount of time on his computer, which makes sense if he's talking to his boyfriend.

"Well, if you ever need time to do something like video chat without me around, you can let me know. I'll stay out of your hair." Or maybe try to get a glimpse of this guy so he can size him up. (He hopes Satoru never asks.)

Edited 2025-07-27 02:24 (UTC)

Satoru starts to feel like he isn't a very good boyfriend to this imaginary guy, because he hadn't realized that these sorts of things were required. He feels even less suitable to be dating anyone.

"No, it's okay," Satoru says dismissively, wanting to quickly get rid of the idea of video chatting.

"But why would you write me notes?" That doesn't make any sense at all.

Satoru's so glad that Suguru hasn't moved. He likes being right here with him, tucked close. It is hard to talk to him when they're so close, not face to face, but he doesn't want to pull away, either. So he just turns, pretending like it's all totally normal, and hooks his legs over Suguru's lap, shameless about being in his space. If Suguru wanted out of his space, he would have moved, right? This is more comfortable, easier to talk facing each other, and saves either of them from having to move away. It's kind of cold in the restaurant, anyway, especially without Shoko on one side, so having his legs over Suguru's lap is just practical. "You can just tell me stuff. We see each other."

Should Satoru be writing notes??

Suguru turns slightly toward Satoru, hand dropping to Satoru's leg where it's hooked over his, and squeezing.

"Everyone likes little keepsakes, right? Or needs some bright encouragement to get through the day. Messages are fine, and we can say those things to each other, but sometimes a text message feels ephemeral, doesn't it? And it's easy to forget what someone has said. But a note tucked into your pocket will surprise you, and it's easy just to unfold it and read it over and over. Haven't you had fortune cookies? It's like the little fortunes inside, even when they're dumb, they can be fun to read. I keep all of mine. I have a journal page where I've pasted my favorites, and the rest go into a little pocket in the back of the journal.

"I passed notes back and forth with my friends in high school, which are different, but it's still something meaningful. And if I made a bento for someone I was seeing, I'd put notes in there. Little things, but it adds a personalized touch. I've lost the knack for that, since I'm not making bentos."

He glances at Satoru again.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you and your boyfriend have a way to show you care about each other."

Satoru tries to imagine Suguru making him a bento, putting a note inside to remind him that he's loved.

His heart clenches so hard that he can't breathe for a moment, throat closing. He shoves those thoughts away quickly. None of that is for him.

Instead, he teases, because it's safe. He pinches Suguru's cheek, tugging it playfully. "You're such a good boyfriend, Suguru. That's so sappy. Your partners are lucky."

Feeling a little better because he can be happy for Suguru even if he's so jealous he feels like he's dying, Satoru lets go and gives his cheek one last poke before dropping his hands into his lap. "I don't know what I'll write in the notes but I'll try, if that's the kind of thing that makes you happy."

Even if Satoru would be a disappointing boyfriend, at least he can try to be a not-terrible friend.

"It's not sappy, it's romantic."

Suguru swats Satoru's hand away, blushing slightly. There's a reason why he hasn't been doing things like that recently, and it's because he keeps getting caught up in Satoru, and doesn't think about doing it for everyone else. Everyone he's slept with since the start of the term has only been a casual thing, and he treats them properly, but there are none of the romantic overtures that were present in his last relationships. And even with his friends....

He can't think about that now. Not with Satoru right there, offering to write him notes?? What—

"You don't have to do anything," he says quickly. "I don't need notes like that, I just like doing that for people. We do talk all the time. Do you want help writing a love letter to your boyfriend? I know it seems old-fashioned, but it's meaningful."

What the fuck was he offering? Mentally, Suguru wanted to strangle himself. He doesn't want to help Satoru write to some awful literature major with no respect, who couldn't even call Satoru. Truly, he sounded awful.

"You literally just went on about how much you like it, dumbass, so I'm gonna write you notes now, you can't go back on this now. They're gonna be really stupid. Extra stupid, just for you. You're gonna get these notes and regret so much that you suggested this, but you're still gonna like it because that's the kind of weird sappy loser you are." Even as his hands are swatted away, Satoru just starts poking him in the side instead, finding a different angle to poke every time Suguru swats his hand away. Until Suguru suggests writing a love letter together and he freezes in shock, cheeks flushing pink once again. "What? No."

He doesn't even have a reason for his refusal, and his brain goes blank as he tries to think of one. Because it's weird? Don't even ask him why it's weird: is the weird part Suguru helping or is the weird part writing to his imaginary boyfriend? He's just frozen in confused panic.

"I said I like doing that!" Did he say he liked them in return? Suguru has gotten letters and notes, and he does like them, and collects them, so his protest is mostly in vain: he can't really deny that. He sticks his tongue out at Satoru. "Fine, write me the stupidest notes you can think of. I'll get a corkboard to display them, and you'll have to live with seeing what what you wrote."

He freezes when Satoru does, eyes going wide, and he captures Satoru's hand, squeezing. "You don't have to share details with me, okay? And I won't press, but if you ever do want help...." He trails off, then grins at Satoru. "I'm here, okay?"

He glances around the restaurant, peering over the booth. "Maybe we should get out of here. Want to go watch a movie? In the room, not a theater, but we can make an evening of it. Have some popcorn, all that."

Satoru jumps on this new excuse, something to focus on that isn't the imaginary boyfriend or his feelings for Suguru.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect, let's do it." He retracts his legs then nudges at Suguru to move, following him out of the booth and then stumbling because one of his feet fell asleep. Crashing into Suguru and laughing, Satoru catches him around the middle, continuing to lean on him as he hops and shakes his foot. "My foot fell asleep. Do we already have popcorn? What movie do you wanna watch?"

When Satoru crashes into him, Suguru wraps an arm around his shoulders, holding him close. He shouldn't let himself get too close, he knows, since Satoru has a boyfriend, and he should behave. But, well, the boyfriend isn't around, and Suguru is. And Suguru isn't going to let his best friend stumble and fall.

Even once Satoru stops hopping and shaking his foot, Suguru doesn't let go.

"We have popcorn. I stocked up the other day. We have some candy too, I hid it from you so you wouldn't go through all of it immediately." He's wise to Satoru's habits. "How about a horror movie?"

"Yeah, that sounds perfect," Satoru says, continuing to lean on him as they make their way out of the restaurant, heading across the street and back to campus toward their dorm. "Can't believe you're hiding candy from me. But I can't even be mad, because you got me candy." He really is the perfect boyfriend. Satoru's so unbearably jealous of everyone who gets to date him. None of them are good enough for him.

Not that Satoru's good enough for him, either, Satoru's definitely probably even more disappointing than all those losers Suguru dates, but ... but still. Suguru deserves the world. Satoru wishes he could figure out a way to give it to him.

"There was a reason why I hid it. You're going to have to close your eyes or wait in the hall while I dig it out. I can't have you finding my stash and remembering where it is and going snooping later; my magic would be lost." He is serious about that, although it's not so much the magic touch that he's worried about. It's useful to have snacks on hand for Satoru, for situations like this, or when he gets too focused and forgets to eat.

Which clearly his boyfriend is terrible about remembering. Probably doesn't think about that.

"Did your boyfriend ever make you lunch or anything?" he asks, blurting it out suddenly, unable to stop himself.

"What?" Satoru asks, startled by this new suggestion, one more thing that he didn't realize was normal for relationships. He's never dated anyone before, and this is just rubbing in the certainty that he isn't fit for it. Satoru wouldn't even know how to make lunch for someone. Cute bentos? Impossible. "No. I--"

It's difficult to try and imagine how this fake relationship had unfolded, to try and rewrite his own history to have someone at his side. Even though he'd often fantasized about having someone with him, laughing at his jokes and touching him, holding him, kissing him, he'd never had to think about how that would be coordinated. When had they hung out? Had he gone over to this boyfriend's house? ... What was the boyfriend's name? Uh.

Satoru leans his weight a little more heavily against Suguru, still hugging an arm around his waist. The loneliness of his life weighs on him, and he's so touch-starved. Only Suguru ever touches him, and Satoru's addicted to it. "The estate always arranged for my meals. There wouldn't have been any point."

"Oh, right. Rich kid." And his boyfriend was probably another rich boy, who wouldn't cook either. Which is kind of sad, if Suguru thinks about it, because there is something wonderful about being able to cook for the people he loves.

Suguru doesn't comment about how Satoru leans into him, used to that by now. He is glad that having a boyfriend hasn't stopped Satoru from being clingy. He used to think of it as Satoru being touch-starved, and it likely is, but it has a different weight now. He must miss his boyfriend.

Belatedly, it hits him that Satoru must be fretting about not doing that for his boyfriend.

"I was just curious. It doesn't mean anything if you didn't. You show you care in other ways, so don't stress about it. Your boyfriend probably shows he cares in other ways, too."

Terrible ways, obviously. Not visiting, not calling, not sending letters, leaving other people to take care of Satoru. But he can't think about that, if Satoru really likes the guy; maybe there's something else appealing.

Satoru can't decide if his imaginary boyfriend should be a good boyfriend. He keeps going back and forth on it. On the one hand, he wants to invent a good boyfriend for himself so that he can have the fantasy. He wants to pretend that he's worth having someone who cares about him like that. Desires him.

On the other hand, he should probably 'break up' with his fake boyfriend as soon as possible, and then he'll have at least a few months of 'getting over him' where no one will bother him about dating, so it's ... fine. It's all fine.

(Nothing is fine. Satoru's so lonely that he feels like he's choking on it.)

He has no idea how to respond to Suguru's comment, and can't possibly imagine how his fake boyfriend would show that he cares, so he just stays quiet until they're back at the dorm. Only once they reach their own room does he detach from Suguru, leaning back against the wall beside their door. "All right, go on, raid your super secret candy stash."

Satoru can't help the grin that overtakes his cheeks. Suguru really is the best.

When Satoru goes quiet, Suguru chews on his lower lip, fretting a little. He must have been pushing too hard, too much, and thrown Satoru into thinking about him. That's not great.

Part of him wants to offer to postpone their movie, so Satoru can talk to his boyfriend, but the larger part of Suguru is too determined to keep Satoru all to himself. His boyfriend can wait, and Suguru can make him feel better with candy and a dumb horror movie and cuddles.

Suguru grins at him, and steps inside their dorm room to fish out the candy, setting it on Satoru's bed before sticking his head out the door. "You can come in now, I've pulled it out."

He holds the door open so Satoru can come inside, and then sets about getting ready to watch a movie, which they have to do from one of their beds.

Satoru grins back, bright and happy, bouncing onto his bed to inspect the gifts he's been given, immediately opening the package and tossing a gummy into his mouth. "You're the best, Suguru." He scoots back against the wall, fluffing the pillows, then gets up to get the pillows from Suguru's bed, too, setting them beside himself to make a place for his friend.

Once they're settled, Satoru snuggles under Suguru's arm, feeling cozy and safe tucked against Suguru's side like this. He loves how their bodies fit together, and Suguru is so warm. Even though Suguru's not his boyfriend, Satoru can ... pretend. While they're like this.

It occurs to him to wonder if they'll have to stop cuddling like this if Suguru starts dating someone seriously. If they'd be jealous of Satoru being constantly in Suguru's space. Satoru constantly greedy for his attention. Suguru spoils him with it, most of the time. More now that they've become closer friends--or maybe just because Suguru hasn't been interested in dating anyone more seriously in the past month or so, and that will change when he does.

Popping another piece of candy in his mouth, Satoru offers the next bite to Suguru's lips, if he wants it.

While Suguru doesn't have the same sweet tooth as Satoru, he doesn't mind candy and accepts the next gummy from Satoru's fingers. He makes sure to deliberately brush his lips against Satoru's fingers, completely shamelessly, considering that he knows Satoru is a taken man.

Which, now that Suguru thinks about it, explains so much of why Satoru ignored his overtures when they first met. He's thankful Satoru didn't immediately run for the hills, and they've settled into this friendship.

That they can cuddle and do this at all is nice. He values Satoru's friendship.

Satoru's cheeks flame bright red as Suguru's lips close around his fingertips like that, and he can feel blood surging into his cock. Shifting to spread his legs a tiny bit to give his erection some space, Satoru hopes desperately that Suguru won't notice how that immediately got him hard. He's fed Suguru things before, but that somehow felt so much more ... intentional. Suguru's lips closing around his fingers, warm and wet, tongue catching the candy that Satoru had offered.

Fuck, he needed to stop thinking about it. What was happening in the movie? He had no idea. He didn't care. All he cared about was the thought of turning his head, dragging his tongue up the side of Suguru's throat--fuck, stop thinking about it. Satoru couldn't bear how horny he was. He felt dizzy with it. He tipped his head back against Suguru's arm, closing his eyes to savor the warmth of him, the smell of Suguru in his nostrils, Suguru surrounding him, the two of them in each other's space where they belonged.

Suguru does his best not to look at the crotches of his friends, but when Satoru shifts, he can't help but glance down, and notices the strain of his pants.

It doesn't mean anything, he tells himself. Satoru hasn't seen his boyfriend in months, and doesn't request time to himself nearly as often as Suguru does, so he must just be horny. Getting hard is an entirely normal reaction to a slightly intimate thing Suguru did.

He returns his attention to the screen, watching the movie playing out on it, although he really is lost in what's going on. A girl is running through a house but that's not anything particularly original.

When Satoru tips his head back, Suguru glances down at him. "Tired?" he asks softly, reaching up to ruffle his white hair. "We can pause the movie if you want to take a nap."

Satoru makes a sound of acknowledgement but shakes his head, eyes closing as Suguru ruffles his hair.

"No. I wanna stay here." Even if he doesn't care about the movie, he does care about having Suguru close.

Shifting again, Satoru bends his legs up and lets them tip against Suguru's thigh, his whole body curled in Suguru's direction, head nestled against his shoulder. He wonders if Suguru would ever consider just letting Satoru suck his cock. They wouldn't have to do anything else, and he knows that Suguru is attracted to guys sometimes. Would that be weird? It sounded wonderful, being filled up with Suguru like that. Tasting him. Feeling the weight of Suguru on his tongue.

He desperately needed to stop. He should go take a cold shower. Or a hot shower, and get himself off, get some relief. And yet either option sounded terrible if it meant leaving the warmth of Suguru's embrace.

Suguur's arm slides down from his hair to settle around Satoru's shoulder, pulling him in closer. What does it matter that they're sitting curled up nearly as close as he sits with his dates? They're just friends, and Suguru can curl up with his friends like this without it being weird. And if Satoru's boyfriend has a problem with that, then he should be making more of an effort. It's evident to everyone that Satoru needs more affection and attention than he got as a teenager, and his boyfriend doesn't even bother to visit during long weekends to see him. It's not like Kyoto is that far away.

He can provide that comfort, at least. It's not anything weird; Satoru is just a friend, and Suguru can be friends with people he finds attractive without making it sexual.

"If you fall asleep, I promise not to say anything." Suguru teases him instead of saying anything on his mind, and squeezes Satoru briefly before relaxing his arm. "This movie is pretty boring."

"Yeah, it's not even dumb enough to be funny," Satoru says, slipping his arms around Suguru's waist and playfully leaning more heavily into him. Teasing Suguru is much more interesting than the kind of boring movie, and Satoru loves the physical element to it, how readily they can play and laugh and cuddle. He's unbelievably lucky to have found his best friend, and he's determined that they're going to be best friends forever. "And if I do fall asleep on you, then what? You'll be trapped. Poor Suguru, reduced to being just my pillow. Might be stuck for hours."

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