marlowemuses | The lonely become either thoughtful or empty

Looking away briefly, Alec tried to hide his flush. Of course it would be polite. He knew that... kind of. It seemed right but he didn't really know how to deal with someone being in his space. It was a relief to finally not be alone but it was also strange. He felt almost jittery around Adam, something that he couldn't remember feeling before. "Do you want to go straight to the library or do you want to see the rest of the temple?"

He hoped that Adam would want a real tour of the temple, but he had the feeling that Adam wanted to finish his task as soon as possible. "There's some areas that I can't go into, but you might be able to."

"I want to see everything you'll allow," Adam said. He kept his arms folded over his chest, feeling wary and unwelcome. Supposedly he belonged here, but he didn't feel that yet, and it was hard to believe that he ever would belong in a place like this. "Don't say that the temple chooses. If it decides not to let me in somewhere, fine. You choose what to show me."

Persephone kept winding around his legs and it was soothing, though Adam didn't know what to do about it. He squatted, patting at her carefully. When she seemed amenable to touch and kept pressing closer to him, he picked her up. The two of them squirmed for a moment, figuring out legs and arms and distribution of weight, but Adam caught on quickly enough to how she wanted to be held, and cradled her somewhat like Alec had done with the other cat. She head-butted him and Adam shyly laid his cheek against her forehead. Affection like this was alien to him, and he didn't have any experience handling cats.

"I don't understand." He was trying but he wasn't certain what the temple would allow. Doorways that he could normally use might disappear when Adam was with him. Or Adam might be allowed to visit places that Alec hadn't known existed. He knew that things appeared in the temple that hadn't been there when he'd first arrived. Time moved forward even if it seemed static in this part of reality and sometimes the Angel allowed let Alec pieces of the mortal world. "Why wouldn't I want to show you the areas that I'm allowed into? In some ways this place is more yours than mine."

Shifting from one foot to the other, he was careful not to step on soft paws or lashing tails. The cats seemed to be unfazed by whatever was going on. Alec wished he had that could be that calm. Emily separated from the pride and sat on his boot, forcing him to be still. Which centered him enough that he could watch Adam struggle with how to hold a cat instead of worrying over what he'd done wrong to annoy the temple priestess. Smiling when Persephone demanded attention, Alec rubbed the back of his neck, struggling for something to say that wouldn't sound rude. "I'm almost jealous. It took me weeks to convince her to let me hold her."

Adam smiled a little bit, because he kind of liked Alec jealous. It was better than the temple automaton who just reiterated that the temple would decide what it decided. Whatever that meant.

"Do you have a separate will from the temple or are you just its avatar?" Adam asked.

He didn't know how massive the temple was, and since he only had a couple of hours, he didn't know how much of the temple he would get to see. He glanced at his watch, but it was spinning pointlessly, which was what he'd come to expect for things related to the ley line. He'd just have to hope that his own judgement of time and the flow of time in this place would be enough to get him to work promptly. "Let's go," he said, starting to walk in a direction in order to prompt Alec to start this tour.

Did he have a separate will? Did Adam think he was... "I'm a person." He couldn't quite keep the offense out of his tone. No one remembered him but that didn't mean that he hadn't existed before he'd accepted his duty. It was tempting to use his 'separate will' to let Adam wander the temple on his own, but Alec couldn't quite deny himself the opportunity to be around someone who didn't have paws.

Gently removing Emily from his boot, he followed behind Adam, trying to ignore the strange emotions that had caught him off guard. He wasn't supposed to be offended by the priestess. Or hurt by the idea that he hadn't been been someone before he'd accepted the Angel's request. He was simply the guardian of the temple. Alec was like the cats, not someone important. The priestess chose what happened next. "You're heading toward the orchards."

"People can choose things," Adam pointed out, somewhere between a reprimand and a request. "I only have a couple of hours. Are you going to choose what I should see, or should I just wander?"

As Alec came along with him, Adam slowed his pace a little to fall into step beside him, looking over at Alec to see if the guardian wanted to show him anything in particular, or if he'd have to explore the temple at his own choosing.

"A choice is how I ended up here," he snapped, forgetting that he was supposed to defer to the priestess. The cats seemed to pause, waiting for Alec's reaction to see if Adam had turned into a threat. He didn't want them to attack, but he knew that if he didn't at least act civil, they would decide to run Adam off and through the gates.

Squaring his shoulders, he pushed aside all thoughts but those that were related to the temple and the priestess' work. It had been foolish to think that he was anything except a guard dog - or cat - to the priestess. "Follow me." After a beat, he added, "please" to at least seem civil. Turning away from the orchards, he headed toward the steps that would lead to the temple. "I'll show you the library and then you can decide what your duties will be."

Adam went with him, though it hurt a little that Alec seemed to want to be rid of him as quickly as possible. He supposed it made sense. He was an intruder here, and they'd established that Adam belonged here and had a right to be here. Alec wouldn't want to share what had been his alone for so long, and Adam wasn't particularly likeable.

He stayed quiet as they went, petting idly at Persephone and staring around at their surroundings. He'd never seen anything as magnificent as the temple, and every hallway seemed to open onto new wonders of towering columns and shining marble floors. Adam ached to belong here, though he still didn't believe it. Neither of them knew what it meant for Adam to be the priestess, and it seemed impossible that he could belong in this beautiful place.

Once Adam figured out what his duties were, he'd leave. Alec would be alone. He should be pleased by that but instead he kept dwelling on the things Adam had said. That he wasn't really a person, or the priestess didn't see him as one. Maybe after so long, Alec wasn't really human anymore. It wasn't something he'd really thought of before except in the context of his immortality.

He knew his family was gone. Maybe there were descendants somewhere of the family Alec had grown up with but he had no real connection to the world. Maybe the priestess could have been that link but it was obvious that Adam wanted to do his job and leave. Alec would help him complete his duties and then Adam could return to the mortal world and never think of the temple again.

Something dragged him from that expected future, catching his gaze when there shouldn't have been anything there but marble. His steps slowed when he reached an alcove that he didn't remember. Staring at the statue that he didn't recognize from the thousands of times he'd walked by this particular spot, he swallowed hard. Moving closer, he momentarily forgot that Adam was beside him, staring at the image of the goddess that he knew he would have recognized before. Athena. The goddess that Izzy always wanted him to tell her stories about.

Was the temple making things appear like it somehow did whenever Alec needed something or was this because of something else? "I - the temple likes you too. It's showing you its treasures."

“I wasn’t ever in any doubt about whether the temple liked me. I was invited.” Whether the temple guardian liked him was a much more dubious possibility. The temple had opened to Adam at a touch. The guardian had very nearly skewered him. And Adam was pretty sure he wasn’t making any progress at winning that guardian over. At this rate the knives were going to come out again.

He reached out to the statue, drawn to it, hesitated, and then remembered what Alec had said about permission. The temple wouldn’t let him see anything he wasn’t allowed to touch. Laying his palm on it, he felt a sense of serenity and power thrumming through the stone. “Αθήνα γλαυκῶπις,” he murmured, using the Homeric epithet because it was the one he knew.

“Is she real?” he asked, turning back to Alec. “Like your angel?”

Almost flinching at Adam's comment, Alec kept his head up, refusing to let his shoulders hunch the way they had whenever his parents had lectured him. By the Angel it'd been centuries since he'd thought of that. Time had softened his memories so he usually only remembered the kinder moments with his family.

He almost told Adam not to touch the artwork in front of them. The statue was too beautiful to be sullied by mortal or immortal hands, and then he reminded himself that he was no longer the caretaker of this place. He was the guard, nothing more. There were only two items that were his true responsibility.

"I hope she is, but I don't know. I haven't met her." His sister had believed Athena was real, but he couldn't mention her to Adam. Not to someone who reminded him of everything he'd given up and could never have. "I only met the Angel."

Adam noticed the way Alec seemed to get even tighter when Adam pointed out that Alec didn't like him. He didn't know how to make Alec like him, and everything he did only seemed to make it worse.

"I've only ever met a ley line," Adam joked weakly, giving Alec a faint smile.

Dropping his hand away from the statue, he continued along the way they were going. He admired his surroundings but also kept his attention half on Alec, wary of him. "You don't think I'm worthy," he said. He expected it would make Alec uncomfortable the way it made Aglionby boys uncomfortable that he'd earned his place at the school. The way he consistently proved he was smarter than them. Boys of privilege never took it well that a poor boy was smarter than they were.

"Hopefully ley lines are easier to be around than Angels." Alec relaxed slightly as he spoke, knowing that he had to try to keep some kind of politeness between them. He wasn't exactly sure what would happen if the priestess decided that Alec wasn't necessary for his work. So little of the situation had been explained to him. He had to protect the Cup and the Sword, but the temple had evolved over the centuries without Alec's role in those changes being explained.

As they headed toward the library, he stumbled to a stop when Adam mentioned his assumption about Alec's perception of the situation. Turning to the priestess, he tried to understand why Adam would say that after making it obvious that he knew that he was supposed to be at the temple.

"The gates let you in. The Angel chose you. You have to be worthy or you wouldn't be here." Adam might have been able to force his way to the temple, but the cats wouldn't have accepted him and Alec would have fulfilled his duty whether he wanted to take a life or not.

Emily trilled softly at him, sensing his mood. Picking her up again, he almost smiled as she settled on his shoulder. After he was sure she was stable, he began walking again, quicker than before so that he could avoid whatever Adam was going to say that would make the situation worse.

When he reached the tall double doors leading to the library, he looked up at the carving of the Angel near the top of the panels. There had to be a reason this was happening after so long. Alec just needed to be patient. Pulling open one of the doors, he held it open so Adam could step inside. "The library."

Adam's eyes flicked up toward Alec, almost shy, when Alec held the door for him. It meant a surprising amount to him. Adam was used to being either overlooked or disdained. People didn't hold doors for him.

"Thank you," he murmured, stepping into the library. He half stumbled at the sight of it. Shelves upon shelves of books, stretching up to a second level and spilling into side rooms, all of it as ornate and lofty as a cathedral. It felt sacred, more than anything else Adam had seen so far, and his heart clenched.

For a minute he couldn't do anything but stare, choked with awe and longing. He wanted to ask if he was really allowed here, if he could really come whenever he wanted, but his pride wouldn't permit the question. He'd been invited.

When he could finally manage to compose his thoughts again, he looked over at Alec, hesitant to ask for anything when it was clear that Alec didn't like him. "Any ideas on where to start?"

"You're welcome?" That shouldn't have sounded like a question, but Alec was so surprised that Adam thanked him that he wasn't sure how he should react. Adam acted like he belonged in the temple more than Alec did but he acted shy about Alec holding a door for him. Even with his centuries away from the mortal world, Alec knew basic manners. He hoped.

No matter how often Alec entered the library, he still felt awed by the beauty of the space and the knowledge that he had been placed in his care. Glancing over at Adam, he was surprised that the temple's priestess was reacting in a similar way. He remained silent, letting Adam get used to the grandeur around them and the gift that they had been given.

"Not really. I can tell you what books helped me when I first arrived here. There may be things in them that I missed or that I couldn't read." He flushed slightly as he admitted that, knowing that Adam would think that he was ignorant. "If something is beyond what I'm able to accept as reality, it's a blank page. Sometimes the words appear after I've learned enough to understand the subject." Looking away to focus on the elegant curves that decorated one of the shelves, he waited for Adam to comment on his inability to read some of the books or to dismiss him from the library.

Adam glanced over, startled by the way Alec was staring fixedly at a bit of carving on a shelf. It was uncomfortably familiar to him, the stance of awaiting criticism, though Adam wasn't used to seeing it outside of himself.

"I'd appreciate that," Adam said, studying Alec in profile, curious about the tension and defensiveness, impressed by his strength and power. "Does the temple do that to you, or is it because of ... what you are?"

Alec had mentioned a choice, so Adam assumed that there had been a time before the temple where he'd had an opportunity to read other books. He did not assume that Alec was human, not after their conversation about angels, gods, and time.

When the comment that he expected didn't come, Alec started to relax. Risking a glance over at Adam, he was surprised that there wasn't a look of disdain aimed at him. His mother would have criticized him for not being more clever even if she never would have understood electricity or the internet. "Because I'm human? Or was." Maybe Adam hadn't realized that Alec wasn't the avatar that he'd assumed. "I don't know what I am now."

Maybe Adam might eventually have an answer for that, but Alec wasn't sure that he wanted one. He preferred to think of himself as human even if he was immortal. "I think it's because of that." As he spoke he relaxed more, slowly moving toward the shelf that held the books he'd read the first few years he'd been at the temple. "I assumed that the mind can only take so much information and so much change before it causes harm. Or the information on those pages were things that humans weren't meant to know yet."

He pulled one of the older books from the shelf, realizing that it was probably in a long dead language. Maybe Adam would be able to read it because he was the priestess. "Even without the books I can't read, there's lifetimes' worth of knowledge here."

"How does it decide what humans are 'meant' to know?" Adam asked. He didn't expect or really want an answer, rhetorically chafing against the idea of having knowledge withheld from him for his own good. He'd spent his life resisting the roles that people said were meant for him or things that were for his own good.

Accepting the book gratefully, Adam cradled it in his arms, leafing through the pages. He was glad to find it was in Latin, which he could understand, though it was an older form than the standardized Classical Latin they were studying at Aglionby. Carrying it over to a nearby table, Adam set it down, taking a seat and pulling out his tarot cards. He laid out three, hoping for guidance, and made a tiny huff of frustration at the results. The Star, the Wheel of Fortune, Three of Pentacles.

"Thanks," he remarked to the cards, or to Cabeswater, or to the temple, or to the Angel, whichever of the forces was currently helping to guide his cards. He felt all of them thrumming under his skin in this place. The ley line flowed through the temple as though they were one and the same, bound together like braided strands. Adam could feel them as distinct, but also as married parts of the same continuum. "I already knew that."

"Probably based on what I knew before I opened the book," he answered with a shrug. He hadn't thought much about it since fighting against the rules of the temple wouldn't accomplish anything. "I wouldn't have been able to understand most of the languages when I first arrived here." Maybe Adam didn't realize how long Alec had been at the temple. "Some of them may not have even existed then. We probably can't read about the future." At least that was what Alec had told himself every time a history book had abruptly ended in hundreds of blank pages. "I doubt the Angel would want me to read anything that would drive me mad or He'd have to find another guard."

Watching Adam take the book and sit down, he had the feeling that he'd been dismissed. Unsure of what to do, he considered leaving but he didn't want to leave a stranger, even the priestess, alone in the library. Turning away from the oldest section of books, he went to the shelf that he'd cleared away for his favorite. Selecting a novel that he'd read so often that he'd memorized it, he sat down in one of the more comfortable chairs that he'd found in the temple. Opening the book, he tried to lose himself in the story, but he kept glancing up at Adam, trying to figure out why he was talking to himself.

It made more sense when Alec explained it like that, and Adam thought it over for a few minutes. A history book from outside of time, only revealing its secrets at the rate that its reader experienced history. That made it seem less like censorship and more like a law of reality. Time moving in one direction, not because it must, but because it was how human brains processed and experienced it.

He turned another card. This one was the Knight of Pentacles, and Adam glanced up at Alec to assess. He found Alec looking back at him, both of them caught in the middle of a stolen glance. Returning his eyes to his cards, Adam turned over a couple more, still trying to find some insight on what he was supposed to do here, as the priestess. Four of wands; harmony, union, partnership, romantic engagement. The Magician.

The cards clearly didn't understand that Alec didn't like him. Adam flushed to the tips of his ears, turned the cards over, and shoved the whole deck away from him on the table. Then he did his best to focus on the book, even though making sense of the Latin was a headache. "Is there a dictionary here to translate Old Latin into English?"

While Alec tried to focus on Hobbits, he couldn't stop himself from watching Adam and the tarot cards. He knew about them, reading about them in one of the many books he'd skimmed through to try to gain a better understanding of magic, but he knew that he had no gift for prophecy or magic.

Realizing that he'd been caught staring, Alec jerked his attention back to the book. Maybe he should have chosen one that he hadn't memorized decades ago. Trying to settle more in his chair and actually read the story, he couldn't help wondering what the cards had suggested that had Adam looking uncomfortable.

When Adam spoke, Alec gave up on the novel, setting it carefully aside before moving to the table. "There are. There's whole sections of dictionaries for translations." Looking at the book, he tipped his head to one side, trying to read the passage upside down. "But I know both." Maybe Adam would want him to help. Or he could dismiss him and go find a dictionary. Alec wasn't quite sure which option would be best.

Adam's first instinct was to insist that he could make do with the dictionary, since there was no reason to waste Alec's time with something he could do himself. But he took an extra moment to think before he spoke, and it occurred to him that Alec probably didn't have a better use of his time. Alec had been here alone for some unknown stretch of time, and the evidence Adam had suggested decades or centuries. He couldn't leave the temple, and aside from the history books filling themselves in, he probably didn't have any connection or knowledge regarding the outside world. It was no wonder he kept staring at Adam.

"Be much obliged," Adam mumbled, since it was difficult to solicit or accept help. Politeness always drew out the more self-effacing side of his nature, and thickened his drawl.

Alec expected Adam to order him to find a dictionary and to leave. He looked from the book to the priestess, trying and failing to hide his surprise when Adam agreed to accept his help. "I - uh - " He tried to focus on the words on the page, then realized he'd have to move to sit beside Adam.

Alec almost asked permission but told himself that he could sit wherever he wanted. Trying not to take up too much space beside Adam, he began reading over the passage, grateful that the book was one of the ones he'd read numerous times. Slowly, he began to speak, giving Adam time to think about each line in the book, pausing and giving multiple choices for certain words if he wasn't sure of which might be correct in terms of magic.

When he reached the end of the passage, he briefly looked up, curiosity getting the better of him. "Where is your home? I've never - your accent - " Flushing when he realized how foolish he sounded, he continued on. "American? It sounds like something I've heard before but I didn't know where that person was from."

Adam had expected to ask translations for specific words, but as Alec began to speak, Adam didn't want to interrupt him. He waited for the pauses between lines before asking clarifications, and never more than one per line, even if he had more questions about the words or the conjugations.

Alec read well, and his voice was soothing. It was nice, also, to have someone sitting close beside him like this, and Adam was surprised that he didn't feel more skittish about the proximity, especially after Alec had threatened violence against him before.

"Virginia," Adam answered, glad that Alec didn't know the things that his accent signified. "Do you want me to show you on a map? Who did you hear before?"

Whenever Adam asked him questions, Alec became more confident. This was something that he could do that was more than just being a guard and potentially having to harm someone when he hated the idea of hurting anyone. It helped that the book was familiar, but Latin was one of the first languages that he'd learned. Even if he didn't understand magic, he could understand the words in front of him. He could offer those to Adam.

"I'd like that. I have a basic idea of where it is but that's not the same as having you show me." Maybe if Adam pointed it out, Alec would have an idea of where Adam had been before he found the gate. "I don't know who it was. I was given a window - " No that wasn't quite right even if he'd thought of it that way in the past. "A mirror? That lets me see the outside world. I don't watch often. It - " Hurt too much if he saw the world beyond the temple too often. "It can become a distraction."

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