marlowemuses | Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown

Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown

Alec had known that after the wedding disaster, he wouldn't be in his parents good graces. Robert had stuttered some attempts at either trying to be supportive or questions about how Alec had suddenly become gay. Those encounters were awkward, but they were tolerable most of the time. He hated how relieved Robert seemed now that Magnus was gone. He probably thought without the 'corrupting influence' of Magnus, Alec would become the good son again.

Maryse was more difficult to deal with. There was no attempts at understanding. She was furious at him for humiliating the family in front of the most important Shadowhunters. The ones that she was trying to manipulate for favors. As usual, her anger spilled out in harsh critiques of her older children. Whenever he could, Alec took the worst of it to save Izzy. This time the lecture covered a wide range of subjects.
His inability to control his siblings or Clary. The wedding. Magnus. He took it all silently, letting her question all of his decisions, his talents, his ability to lead. It was all things Alec had heard before but they still cut deeply.

Standing at parade rest, he silently waited for the lecture to end, clenching his jaw to keep himself from arguing with her or trying to defend himself. It wasn't until she mentioned being assigned to Adam that he finally spoke. "The Clave thinks that I'm capable of protecting him and so does he."

"What does a Mundane know?" she snapped. "You couldn't even keep the Fairchild girl safe. You did your best and it almost got her killed, Alexander. Do you believe we should take that risk with someone who can restore the Institute to its proper glory?" He continued arguing, but he knew it was a losing battle. Mayrse was planning on having him replaced. Probably with Jace and there was nothing he could say to prevent her from going to the Clave to request someone else be Adam's bodyguard.

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“Yes and maybe,” Adam said, moving in front of Alec to put his hand into the cabinet again. “It feels like it’s right there. I’ve never tracked something like this before. I’ve never been in a ley line structure before.” It didn’t look like there was anything behind the cabinet but the plain stone wall, but Adam wasn’t sure whether it was the wall itself or something in, on, or behind it. “Let’s move the cabinet so I can see the wall. Then figure out what to do from there.”

"Or we could look behind the cabinet without moving it." That solution was the easiest, for now at least. And one that made Alec actually feel useful. Pulling his stele and witchlight from his pocket, he opened the cabinet. Grasping the light so that it would illuminate the inside of the small space, he began drawing a rune with his stele.

As the lights flowed together, the wood of the back panel faded away until it was as transparent as glass. Scooting out of the way, he held the witchlight so that it would allow Adam could see inside. "Does this help?"

Adam stared in awed surprise at the cabinet, then at Alec, then he refocused on what they were doing. Behind the cabinet was an alcove cut into the wall, but it looked empty. Adam climbed back onto the counter to get a better look, but he didn’t see anything that made sense for what he felt.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he focused on it and boosted the power to that spot. When he opened his eyes, something glittered in the alcove. It looked like a three dimensional rune, roughly spherical, and it glowed gold, flickering like a dying lightbulb. Adam reached for it, but his hand hit the back of the cabinet. Annoyed by that, Adam looked to Alec for more information about this. “What is that? How do I get to it?”

Edited 2018-12-31 06:33 (UTC)

The rune was something most Shadowhunters could do before they were teenagers but he couldn't help feeling proud that he'd done something that surprised Adam. Smiling at Adam, he sat back while the magician studied the problem from different angles.

"What's what?" He leaned against the counter, trying to see whatever it was that Adam was trying to reach. There was an alcove behind the cabinet but he couldn't see what Adam was trying to reach. "We can move the cabinet, but I don't know what you're trying to get."

“You can’t see that? It’s like one of your runes, but 3D. It’s flickering badly. It’s tied to the ley line in some way, but it’s not supporting the ley line. It’s part of the Institute’s systems.” Adam laid his hand flat over the back of the cabinet, closing his eyes again as he felt out the edges and weaknesses of it. “Do you want to get someone who knows what this is, or do you want me to go with my gut?”

"I see an alcove but -." Trying to get a better angle, he saw a faint shimmer, but nothing more. "Whatever you see, looks fuzzy to me. Shadowhunters can see through glamours but we can't see magic unless it's obvious. We don't have that gift."

It was frustrating sometimes. They were meant to protect the Down World but they were only given a few gifts to assist them. It was probably why some Nephilim had listened to Valentine. It could be easy to resent not being given more by the Angel, but Alec had always accepted his limitations. "Later I'll tell you what we can and can't do.

"I think you're probably the only one who might know what it is. No one's been in this room for years and I know that that warlocks who maintain the systems haven't been here in over five years."

“Looks like I’m maintaining your systems now,” Adam said. Eyes closed as he felt it out, Adam aligned the edges and rerouted power through the weak points, the same way he would repair a flaw in the ley line. When he took his hand away, it glowed steadily. “I don’t think this room is much of a strategic center, which might be why it was forgotten, but I think it’s fixed now.”

Adam reached for Alec to help him down without thinking, since he was close behind Adam. Bracing his hand on Alec’s shoulder, he hopped down, blushing and pulling his hand back once he realized what he’d done. “I’ve got to write an essay before tomorrow. It’ll take me a couple of hours. I can come find you after and we can do research or ... talk.”

Alec didn't comment on Adam's assumption about the Institute's system. He knew that they'd still have the warlock come by to check in on things. Not because Alec didn't trust Adam's work, but because he didn't want anyone realizing something else was working on the ley lines. The less obvious that was, the safer Adam would be.

Focusing on the spot that Adam had been interested in, Alec tried to see some sign of the rune he'd mentioned. The shimmer was still there but he could feel something different. It was faint, but it was something he hadn't noticed when they first entered the room. "It seems different now."

Before he realized what he was doing, reached out to steady Adam as he moved off the counter. Why... he didn't touch people. Not unless they were his siblings. Suddenly feeling too warm, he stepped away, hoping he didn't look as awkward as he felt. "I'll probably be in my office or in the training room." Jace had been wanting to train to help deal with everything with Valentine. "Check the training room first. Jace is going to want to beat me up for a couple hours. You can rescue me and then we can do whatever you want."

Adam’s sides tingled where Alec had helped him down, and his heart flip-flopped. He stepped back as Alec did, just as awkward. His blood was racing and his sides felt warm with the memory of Alec’s touch. Touch-starved, he told himself, hating that he had a vulnerable and human need like that, though it made sense. He had so rarely been touched with kindness. It was possible that he needed kind touches more than he realized.

“Okay,” Adam said, ducking his head and heading for the door. He glanced back once, but Alec just looked gentle and protective and confused, maybe, and Adam went quickly down the hall to his room.

He finished his essay quickly, with time to spare. Glad to be done, he went to find Alec. He only dimly remembered the training room as part of the tour, but he heard the sounds of what sounded like sparring, and he followed that.

Something was going on that Alec wasn't used to. Or he was used to it in relation to two other people. If the absentminded touches and the odd way he kept focusing on Adam had been in the context of Jace, he would understand what he was feeling. Even if it was Magnus, he might have an idea. Adam wasn't... He was aware of Adam because he was supposed to guard him.

That reasoning didn't quite seem right, but neither did the other options. He'd just had his chance with Magnus taken from him. He was still dealing with the complicated, tangled up emotions that involved his parabatai and the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He wanted to protect and help Adam. That's all.

It had to be.

When Adam left the room, Alec waited a few minutes before following, forcing his emotions under control as he headed toward his quarters to change. Jace would keep him distracted from whatever was going on in his head.

He'd almost forgotten about Adam after having Jace chase him around the training room and Alec finally beating him a few times. With blades, he kept winning, which proved that his parabatai was distracted. It wasn't until they put aside their weapons and began wrestling, playing more than training, that Jace found his focus again. Unfortunately, Alec's attention wavered when he heard someone enter the room and realized it was Adam.

Suddenly he was on the floor, wheezing for breath with Jace on his back. Alec struggled to get free, hissing out a curse when his shoulder grated painfully in its socket. "Yield," Jace ordered in an obnoxiously cheerful voice. Alec tried to reach for him, but that put more pressure on his abused shoulder. Cursing again, he tapped the floor, growling when Jace continued sitting on his back. "Get off me! I'm not a pillow!"

Adam stepped into the room and stopped short, staring at the sight of Alec shirtless and wrestling with another boy their age—Jace? Adam barely noticed him. He hadn’t seen Alec in action since he’d been first rescued by the Shadowhunters, but at the time Adam had been distracted and Alec had been clothed. Alec looked over at him for a moment, and then he was on the floor and pinned, with Jace looking entirely too satisfied.

Adam didn’t like seeing Alec pinned like that, and Jace looked like he needed to be taught a lesson. His heart thudded at the sight of the two of them, with a confusing mixture of irritation and longing. With a breath and a thought, Adam let some of the ley line’s power pour into Alec.

"The Mundie's watching," Jace whispered, causing Alec to freeze. The words weren't condemning or in that tone of voice that his parabatai used when he discussed his 'book club'. Jace almost sounded...supportive? What was going on?

Twisting his head so he could look at his parabatai, he was about to tell Jace to move, but the words caught in his throat as Adam sent power from the line into him. His senses seemed sharper and he was sure that he could get away from Jace. But he knew that he'd end up wrenching his shoulder out of place no matter what the ley line power promised.

"Let's give him a show." Before he could answer his parabatai Jace had moved, picking up his favored axes again. Moving slowly toward his blades, Alec grinned. He could usually hold his own with Jace with weapons, but now with the boost Adam had given him, he could win.

The next fight was faster than Alec could normally manage, the two of them spinning around each other, almost playing instead of fighting. They taunted each other, but Jace seemed to become more and more surprised as he had to work toward a victory. Which made it a complete shock when Alec stepped in close, knocking the axes away and lightly tapping his seraph blade against his parabatai's ribs. "I win."

Jace didn't seem bothered by the loss, teasing Alec quietly about the Mundane before grabbing his shirt and heading out of the room to check on Clary. When he was sure that Jace wouldn't come back, he turned toward Adam. "You did come rescue me."

They started another round, and even Adam could tell that they were showing off for him, displaying their skill. Alec’s runes covered his arms and torso, and Adam’s eyes mapped them, tracing the way they clung to his muscles.

Adam’s belly felt hot and his heart was pounding, but it wasn’t until he started getting hard that Adam realized what was happening. He was getting aroused by the sight of Alec like this. Dropping his eyes, Adam quickly thought about something unpleasant—his father, and a memory that had led to a scar—until the erection faded. Then he carefully glanced up, immediately feeling the spike of arousal in his gut as Alec won.

What was this? Was he gay? He knew he’d been a little bit in love with Gansey, but that didn’t mean anything. They were all a little bit in love with Gansey. And there was Ronan, sharp and dangerous in a way that Adam had come to find familiar and cozy. Thinking about it again, Adam thought that he might have had feelings for Ronan, and if their life paths hadn’t been so different, something might have come of it.

But he’d definitely found girls attractive, too, and was pretty sure that he still would. Izzy was beautiful and dangerous and fascinating in a way that made his pulse quicken, but she didn’t hold his attention the way Alec did.

Bisexual. He was bisexual then, maybe, probably, and he was very attracted to Alec.

When Alec turned toward him, shirtless and sweaty, with a faint dusting of dark hair on his muscled torso, Adam felt dizzy. It took active effort to pull his eyes up to Alec’s face, and once he’d done so he couldn’t remember how to form words.

“You’re good,” he said, slightly choked and deeply awkward.

Edited 2019-01-01 06:08 (UTC)

By the Angel, what was Jace doing? It was like he was trying to set Alec up. Looking over at his parabatai, he mentally winced when Jace smirked at him. Usually that look had Alec trying to hide all those feelings he'd been trying to deny since he was fourteen but now it almost caused him to panic.

He was being an idiot. He'd been around attractive... when had he started thinking of Adam like that? He'd been around attractive guys for years and had never acted like an idiot until Magnus had crashed into his life. Maybe it was the magic? Maybe his 'thing' was magical guys and that's what Izzy had meant when she'd talked to him about pretty, magical boys?

Trying to distract himself from the voice in the back of his head that sounded too much like his sister, he grabbed a towel and began wiping the sweat from his face. Maybe that would help him hide his blush until he could stop acting like he was sixteen.

Slowly he lowered the towel when Adam spoke, smiling at the words, feeling more pride than he should over them since he'd had help. Adam had thought he'd done well. When was the last time someone other than Jace or Izzy had complimented him on his fighting? "Thanks. Next time watch me with my bow." His voice dropped to a quieter tone so that only Adam would hear. "I don't even need a boost to be the best at the Institute."

“I’d like that,” Adam said, knees going weak when Alec smiled at him. So he had a crush. This was a crush. He’d never had much time or energy for them before, when every scrap of his attention went to school and work and Gansey.

But it was still a pointless, wasteful thing, because Alec had his warlock, and even though Alec was gay, it was unlikely that he was interested in scrawny, stubborn magicians.

“We were going to talk,” Adam said, though he was struggling even to think about anything but how the muscles moved along Alec’s sides as he scrubbed his face with a towel. Adam wanted to know how his skin tasted with a yearning that felt absurd.

"I would too. Usually I don't get a chance to show off." If Jace found out about this, he'd probably show up just so Adam could see how terrible someone could be at archery to make Alec look better. He was never going to live this down since he was sure that his parabatai was looking for Izzy so they could gossip about Alec and his crush.

"We were. Do you want to talk about the ley line or the Downworld." Setting down the towel, he rubbed the back of his neck, pausing when he realized that Adam was watching him. Which should not make him want to stand around shirtless to see how long Adam would stare.

It really was like he was sixteen again... Except now someone was actually looking.

But wasn't Adam straight? No. He'd been supportive when Alec had mentioned the reaction to coming out. Adam had acted like his family hadn't approved either.

Pulling on his hoodie, he began zipping it up, looking up at Adam through his lashes. Gay? Bi? Fixated on his runes? Alec really needed to quit over-analyzing everything or he needed to ask Izzy how to know if a guy was interested in him. "There's a book that Shadowhunters read. It'd help you with the basics. I could lend you my copy."

Adam’s eyes locked on the zipper, fixated by the sight of Alec’s bare skin disappearing behind it. Realizing that he was staring, he pulled his eyes up with effort, only to find Alec gazing at him through those long lashes in a way that was deeply unfair. Adam’s heart stuttered, cheeks flaming as he held Alec’s eyes. He was pretty sure he was caught, because there was really no innocent way to explain why he was staring. He’d been caught staring before, but not often, and never inches away from that much bare skin.

He’d delayed too long answering the question, and it took substantial effort to remember what the question had been. “I’d like that,” he stammered, helpless and exposed.

He should have better control over his blushing. He'd spent years hiding every reaction to Jace and then struggling not to be too obvious about his interest in Magnus. His attempts had never been perfect, but they were better than this. He'd never blushed because a guy was looking at him. Not until now.

Adam was looking at him the way Magnus had. Not with the same confidence but with the same interest that had left Alec out of sorts, unsure of how to deal with someone noticing him and possibly being attracted to him.

Or how to deal with wanting to be noticed in a way that he'd been hiding from for years.

"I - uh - I can go get cleaned up and get the book." At least he finished the sentence with only minimal stuttering.

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, dropping his eyes. His mind immediately supplied an image of Alec showering, naked, water streaming down his body, wreathed with steam, and Adam banished it with effort. “Okay. I’ll be in my room.” He wanted to be alone, terrified of anyone seeing him like this, flustered and aroused. At least in his room he could find something to put over his lap.

Stealing one last glance at Alec, Adam retreated quickly, returning to his room and curling up on the bed in a sort of ecstatic agony. He’d never been so attracted to anyone. He’d never ached like this with a crush, yearning for Alec’s attention. It hurt, but he didn’t want it to stop.

He wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours that he was like that, curled up and longing. When a knock came on the door, he sat up fast, grabbing the book from his nightstand to put over his lap just in case he needed it there. “Come in.”

Finally managing to control his blush, Alec began picking up his weapons and the rest of his gear. He was already planning a route through the Institute that would make it difficult for his siblings to track him down so they wouldn't tease him about Adam. "I'll meet you there."

As he put the seraph blades back on their rack, he looked over his shoulder, forcing himself not to smile when he realized that Adam was watching him. He really needed to quit acting like a silly teenager whenever Adam was around or there'd be another lecture about his duties and how coming out had changed him.

When everything was back in place, he took the less used route to his quarters, showering quickly and pulling on his less ragged clothes. Yep, Izzy was going to tease him constantly when she began to notice that he was acting differently. Or she was going to give him advice on how to talk to guys. He wasn't quite sure which situation would be worse. After finding the Codex among his old textbooks, he went to Adam's room, knocking tentatively on the door. When Adam said that he could come inside, he entered the room, making sure the door closed behind him.

Holding up the book, he smiled nervously before he noticed the book Adam was holding. "Am I interrupting? Do you have another assignment?"

“I always have another assignment,” Adam said, with a rueful smile. It was a relief to have Alec clothed again, and Adam felt a little more capable of coherent thought. He pulled his knees up a little, making space on the bed for Alec to sit. “This is important, too. Are you comfortable with us talking freely here?”

He’d noticed how careful Alec was with what they say and where, and he trusted Alec’s lead on this, but he didn’t know if simple walls provided privacy around Shadowhunters.

"College doesn't sound that much different from my training or all the paperwork I have to do." That was one thing he disliked about being in charge. The paperwork never seemed to end and it was a struggle to get time outside the Institute. That was a benefit to being Adam's guard. He could actually leave without feeling guilty about it.

Sitting down on the bed, he looked around the room, but he already knew that it was safe to talk in Adam's quarters. Before choosing the room, Alec had gone through it to make sure there were no cameras. "We record everything in the main areas, but bedrooms are off limits." Even Shadowhunters were allowed some privacy no matter how much the Clave liked to meddle. "It's rare, but Institutes are attacked so we have surveillance set up within the buildings and on the grounds. I didn't think you'd want certain things to become public knowledge."

“I appreciate that,” Adam said, eyes lingering on Alec. He set his book aside and crossed his legs, sitting forward, though he put the Codex on his lap instead, not trusting his body to behave itself while sitting on his bed next to his crush. “Do you want to ask questions, or do you want me to just talk?” he asked, then immediately thought of something Alec should know that Adam hadn’t yet had a chance to tell him. “I should tell you—I’m completely deaf in my left ear.”

"Your secrets are yours, Adam. I'll try not to push or ask you for information that you don't want to share." He hadn't liked having his own secrets thrown in his face so he'd try not to do the same to Adam. Alec knew he'd probably make mistakes, but he'd be trying to keep that promise.

"You're probably the one that has questions. You should ask first." Until they'd come crashing into Adam's life, he probably hadn't known about the Down World except from his work with the ley lines. Half the things that Alec mentioned probably went over his head.

It was probably polite to say 'I'm sorry' or something trite that really wouldn't help, but that didn't seem right. It would sound like pity, something that Alec was sure that Adam wouldn't appreciate. "That's why you're more careful of that side and move so that you're right side is closer when someone's speaking." Adam might not have even noticed that he did it, but Alec had caught the subtle shifts during their conversations. "I thought you were favoring an old injury. I'm sorry I didn't realize it before."

Adam was impressed by his attention to detail, and surprised how little it bothered him that Alec could read him so easily. “I should have mentioned it. It’s tactically important.”

His fingers traced over the book, thinking about what he wanted to know. “This will answer most of my questions.” The things he wanted to know were all more intangible. Do you still think about your warlock? Do you keep in touch? “Why is it,” he asked, voice quiet as he secured the question that he wanted to know, “that you’ve encouraged me to work for your organization, even though you’ve made clear that you don’t trust them?”

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